If your a mom that spanks, would you be willing to do it in public?

Jo - posted on 11/28/2010

Hilary, saying spanking is wrong and saying that it is ignorant to choose to dismiss relevant information is not name calling nor is it an insult - it's my opinion and it's truth.



Ignorant:



–adjective

1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned.

2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact.

3. uninformed; unaware.

4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training.



As for people looking stupid, I think that falls on the shoulders of those people who are choosing to be ignorant. But again, AGAIN, that would again be MY opinion.

Chatty - posted on 11/28/2010

It's a public forum and despite the title, anyone can post in any forum or community they choose, unless that communities mods or admin kick them out!

Hilary - posted on 11/28/2010

The conversation here is titled, "if you're a mom that spanks", which means there is actually no place in it for the anti spank brigade. You don't do it, therefore in this discussion you have no voice.

I've read it all, and I see none of the pro spanking mums name calling or insulting the parenting skills of others. We really don't care how you do it, we're not getting in your faces telling you its great and you should try it, in fact the opposite is true, we're the ones saying "hey you've found another way that works for you, great!"

So possibly now is a time to close this thread, its now not helping anyone and is making the name callers, and others throwing insults around, look stupid. For their sakes close it down.

Jo - posted on 11/28/2010

Erica, I'm allowed to be in any discussion I want to be in. This discussion is about spanking and why parents feel it should be hidden from the world. I'm not willing to spank, period. There fore the discussion DOES include me.



The only people who are getting "those vibes" from me are the people who are wanting to argue. I'm not arguing, I'm honestly responding to the things that are said. Which then seems to aggrivate the people that are feeling attacked by my "opinion." It is not ME who is arguing, it is yourself. You're adding an argumentative context to everything I am saying because you're butt hurt that I think the method you're choosing is wrong. That is your problem and not mine.



I'm not pushing anyone around, I don't control anyone. I am just stating my honest opinion without candy coating it because I WILL NOT coddle and pat parents on the back for hitting their children.



I'm talking to (maybe I'm taking this part for granted) adults here on this forum, so I don't feel the need to sweeten my opinions for the sake of your (in general) feelings. More so, I feel absolutely zero empathy or desire to consider how my opinion will hurt your feelings, considering the actions you find perfectly acceptable to force upon your small, defenseless children.



My son is 2 and he knows it's wrong to hit ANYONE, which is more than I can say about any "pro-spanking" parent.

Charlie - posted on 11/28/2010

It is amusing how many mothers are so up in arms about getting their feelings hurt when others challenge their " disciplinary " actions and yet have very little respect for the basic rights their children should have as fellow human beings .

Erica - posted on 11/28/2010

Dana:
"PS: Just an FYI for future reference - marking posts as funny, just because you disagree with what they say is actually against the COM rules. There have been people banned from the site for abusing the "funny" markings by using it in a harassing way. I have no qualms reporting your behavior to the appropriate people. Please try to contain yourself."

Do it again and I will report you. Grow up.

Erica - posted on 11/28/2010

Yeah because this is what a conversation is, us trying to have a conversation about spanking in public and you coming in here trying to convert us. The conversation had nothing to do with you but yet here you are. I'm not adding my own skewed context to your words. I'm not the only person getting these vibes from you. You are a bully, which doesn't suprise me. I'm just tired of hearing you time after time attack other moms for stating their opinions but we are suppose to nod and smile when we read your insulting comments. My panties are not in a bunch, I'm getting tired of being talked down to in a conversation that really shouldn't be including you. You tell me you talk to your children with respect. Well all I can tell from you is that you like to push people around, I hope you talk to these children of your with a little more respect.

Tasha - posted on 11/28/2010

i fully believe in spanking, at home, in public or at a friends house. My girls know if they have been warned 2 times the third time i say it they are gonna get spanked. It didnt take long for either of them to get to the point of being told once. I run on i'd rather go to court for spanking in public then my child go to court because I didnt know how to raise them. Children are given to much freedom these days and they dont respect partents because they dont fear them or God. I dont believe in beating or making a big scene but I do believe there should be a healthy respect and fear.

Jo - posted on 11/28/2010

Yes, Erica, I'm definitely insecure in my parenting *sarcasm* Stop being ridiculous. I am NOT trying to argue, I am just responding to what is being said. There is this thing called a conversation - I would really appreciate it if you would STOP adding your own skewed context to my words. I have stated multiple times now that I'm not fighting or trying to argue I am just stating my views and thoughts on the things people are saying. If you can't do the same without getting your panties in a bunch then don't bother posting. It's called conversation, most adults are able to have one without getting wound up about being confronted with different views.

Jo - posted on 11/28/2010

You're absolutely right, Kristi! Words and phrases can be hurtful! That's why I am careful in how I word things so that I don't inflict fear on him. I am careful to word things so that he knows he has to have control over his actions and behavior, because if he doesn't his actions will lead him to not being allowed to play with his toy.

The only thing I take away from my son are his toys if he's mistreating them. If he throws his toy, I will ask him if he wants to play with it nicely. If he throws it again, I ask him if he will play with it nicely. If he throws it again, I tell him he can have it back when he will play with it nicely. He usually has a lil grump about it, cause he does want to play with that toy, it's never lasted longer than 45 seconds and he's off happily playing again before I can even give it any mind. I can count on one hand the amount of times he's thrown his toys - since he's been old enough to understand what is going on (give or take about a years time).

I never say "don't do that or I'll take your toy away!" The context of words can be hurtful, you're right. My son knows boundaries and he knows the rules of the house and what is expected of him - but he's still learning and growing and he's going to test those boundaries - I'd be worried if he didn't!!!!! I choose to not raise my hand to him, ever, because I know there are better, more positive ways to handle the situation.

You're definitely reaching at straws with your last post and I understand it's frustrating to hear people disagreeing with the methods you use to parent your children but I can't condone the hitting of a child for any reason. You can say that the statistics have increased and they have - because they're actually reported now. There were learning disabilities and crime and run aways and all of those other things way back when too - they just weren't diagnosable, they weren't nationally or internationally tallied and run aways weren't reported because it was considered a shame to the family to have failed so brutally as a parent that your child felt the need to run away from you and asking for help was NOT an option.

There are so many different factors in todays troubled youth and the unreported / undiagnosed / unknown of yesterday does not make todays youth any different from yesterdays youth. As much as you would like to believe in your heart - the reality is that those things have ALWAYS been there. The difference is that today, asking for help and getting help isn't as hard as it was then, and those troubled youth and those dysfunctional families actually have a chance to be stable.

Erica - posted on 11/28/2010

Jodi and Dana you are 2 people who just want to fight. Believe what you want, it's obvious that you want to convert us keep trying this is one mom that know's her child and will do what is necessary to handle it. If you didn't agree with time out you'd find a way to turn that into abuse. Get off your high horses and just accept that we are different. And that's what makes life interesting. I respect that you don't agree with my style of parenting. I don't care that you think I'm ignorant. Maybe you need to fight with us because you are lacking confidence in your own parenting and are trying to make us see your way that way you can know your right. especially you Jodi, since you've stated more than once that other moms have come to you asking for your help. Good for you and good for them. We only needed to hear it once!

Kristi - posted on 11/28/2010

An evasion of space and privacy is an evasion of space and privacy no matter how you put it. Taking the things your child loves is emotionally cruel. It makes them feel that they are not worthy of the toys you are taking. Any kind of discipline is going to invade the child's rights. I am NOT comparing material things to a child's body, it's the emotions and feelings that I am talking about. It hurts any child's feelings to have something taken from them, no matter how big or small. It instills the same amount of fear as a spanking does. To say, "don't do that or you'll have no TV" and to say, "don't do that or you'll get a spanking", either phrase causes the child to either fear losing something he loves, or fear of getting a spanking. Either way you are invading his personal rights. The TV is his, a gift from perhaps the parents maybe but a gift is a gift, and that makes it his property. Taking something that is his is a violation of his rights, the same as spanking is. I don't need an "expert" or anyone else for that matter telling me what is or is not right for my child, I have read the history books and statistics, and have drawn my own conclusion. Since the "experts" and the government have been against spanking, children diagnosed with learning disabilities have increased, children involved in crime has increased, children running away from home has increased. Children used to respect their families and themselves back when no one had to worry about someone calling child services over them spanking their own child. Calls like that, talks of abuse, it all needs to be saved and used where needed. What about the children that really are being beat down every day? What about the children who go to bed hungry because their parents feel that taking dinner is a better form of discipline than spanking? What about the kids who only get to bathe once a week if that? Abuse should be classified as real abuse, children who are neglected or otherwise emotionally and/or physically put in danger; not a parent giving a pat on a child's rear. There is such a big difference in spanking and abusing, and it surprises me that a woman of your knowledge is blind to that.
I've stated my opinion and let it be known that I don't agree with yours. I'm not going to post on here any longer because I refuse to fight a losing battle. And that's not to say that I am wrong, it's just saying you are never going to budge from your standpoint and I am never going to budge from mine. Let's just agree to disagree and be done with it.

Jo - posted on 11/28/2010

Lena, God & Jesus are both teachers of love, understanding, patience, compassion and TEACHING with those qualities as well. Jesus held children on a high pedastal, Jesus would NEVER hit a child, he would take them in his arms and teach them and guide them - at least the Jesus I've learned about would.



The Bible was written by MAN... by quoting the Bible as some sort of 'know all' about how to raise your child, you are no different than the people who read all the current "parenting guide writers started making a fortune out of gullible parents who take their word as gospel truth." As Hilary said.



People who use the Bible as an excuse to strike their child, are ignorant to their own God and they're betraying the true love of Jesus.



I'm not religious. I seem to know more about the teachings of your religious leaders and have more respect for their teachings than most religious people do, but then again - I don't read parenting books - I'm not the one quoting some guy who wrote a book with a reason to smack my kid for being a kid.

Jo - posted on 11/28/2010

Kristi, it's quite simple. Toys are a luxury, toys are a priviledge, toys are not even remotely equal in value to my sons own personal BODY.

Taking away his toys because he isn't taking care of them doesn't even come close to the same category, equivilency or level as smacking his body for any reason what so ever.

The whole question is ridiculous - you're comparing material objects; toys - to his space, his body and his rights to never be put in a position to feel inferior someone, feel afraid of someone or feel pain caused by someone for any reason what so ever.

Spanking is illegal under the age of 2 and above the age of 12 and in the middle, there are actually strict guidelines (which I'm sure all of you pro-spankers are VERY aware of right?) as to what is acceptable and what isn't. Children under the age of 2 thrive on positive encouragement - children, teenagers and young adults thrive on positive encouragement, not mention the fact that they will probably smack you back - in between though, they just need a good spankin to set them in the right direction! Right? *rolls eyes* That makes so much sense. I don't understand the "pro-spanking" stance... it's so illogical.

Lena - posted on 11/28/2010

It is necessary to do it. "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14) And I don't mean beat your child senseless, bc that is abuse.

Chatty - posted on 11/28/2010

Meghan, stop whining -- it's irritating. If you don't like our posts don't read them. Or read them and flag them.....I don't really care but I'm allowed to state my opinion and IN MY OPINION, spanking is wrong, whether it's done in private or in public. If you feel that I'm judging you, that's your problem.

Nikki, did you just call me ignorant? Perhaps you should look up the meaning of ignorance!

Meghan - posted on 11/28/2010

exactly thank you... like i've been saying you do not have to agree, but it is not your place to judge us based on any factor regardless of what it is. Save that for whatever higher power you believe in, if any

Kristi - posted on 11/28/2010

Jodi, you keep saying that spanking is an abuse of power. I can't help but respectively ask you how you see spanking as an abuse of power, but not taking their things from them or putting them in a corner for time out isn't the same "mis use of power". I understand that is your opinion and in the opinion of some other so called experts spanking is bad and there are "better" forms of punishment. That's not everyone's opinion. These forms that you mention are in fact different, but not necessarily "better". They are only better methods in your eyes and a few others. It's not your opinion that made me post on this argument that will never end, but your wording. The way that you word things in your posts gives me the vibe that you are a very close minded person, and us pro spanking mom's are never going to get you to see our point of view. I understand your position thoroughly and believe that you make some valid points, however I do not agree with you and think some of your points are contradicting. Any punishment can be abuse, it's all in how it is done. If you punish out of anger, whether you're taking a toy or spanking, that's when it may become abuse rather than discipline. As long as you keep a cool head and your child understands why he or she is in trouble, then there shouldn't be any problems with discipline. And people are quick to call child services on people who spank their children, which is ridiculous and tells me that they're doing it out of their own guilty conscience of falling short as a parent in some areas. I am a very, very good mommy. My son is a very, very good child. I am confident in the way I am raising my son, in all aspects including discipline. I am NOT a bad mother just because I give his rear a smack when he deserves it, and I am by no means abusing him or putting him in danger. I love him with every breath I draw, he is the beat in my heart and the breath in my lungs and I would never do anything to put him in danger. I also want him to grow up to be a respectful, responsible adult that makes good decisions. I feel like I am doing everything I can to make sure that happens, and yes, that includes spanking him when he deserves it.

Terri-lee - posted on 11/28/2010

the reason a mum cannot spank in public is for two reasons.
1. you could get arrested for disciplining your child in a way that the government deems abuse. pfft.

2. its actually humiliating for your child. especially as they get a bit older. the point is not to abuse, let out anger, or humilliate your child. it is to discipline them. teach them.

thats why in my eyes anyways.

Nikki - posted on 11/28/2010

And also to all of the ignorant parents out there spanking is not abusive when used in a disciplinary manner. also anyone ever heard the saying "spare the rod and spoil the child" it was meant literally

Nikki - posted on 11/28/2010

Absolutely, and my daughter is two. I refuse to let her think she is in charge though. I have been both critisized and commended for it and really don't care what anyone else thinks about it.

Hilary - posted on 11/28/2010

At the same time as all the parenting guide writers started making a fortune out of gullible parents who take their word as gospel truth, children who would previously been given a spank for a misdemenour were "spoken to, discussed with, and given time out". What this is giving us all in general terms and not in every case, is a generation of kids who are running out of control, without respect for authority figures of any sort, parents, teachers, police. I for one will not be a part of that. My children are disciplined the old fashioned way when it is called for, we talk about their behaviour. We have a huge range of tools available to us, and for the majority spanking of a rear end is a quick effective method we use when its called for, not every day and probably not every week, but it works.

Jennifer - posted on 11/28/2010

I personally think if any parents feel it is ok to spank their child then they should be fine with their child hitting back! I disagree with spanking fullstop!

Frankie - posted on 11/27/2010

I have read this entire thread and I understand where all of you are coming from but I have to say that you are all getting a little overexcited and defensive...

I have four kids, a son-11, a daughter-13, a step-son-11, and a step-daughter-13, and all four live with my husband and myself. I can say that when my kids were little we did spank them...For example, if they tried to touch the stove, we would smack their hand and say "No, hot!" sternly..Or if they tried to run or did run into the street, we would smack their butt and tell them no...However, we would also explain why they were being smacked and what the appropriate behaviour was..

Obviously, now that they are all older, they don't get smacked, we have other ways of punishing them for their behaviour...But I see no signs of any bad effects from them being smacked...They are all on the honor roll at school...They are polite and respectful to all adults...I mean, they have their moments like all kids, but they are all really good kids. They are told many times throughout the day that we love them and we talk to them constantly about anything and everything...

So, if smacking or spanking, your kids is so wrong, where are the horrible effects in my kids??

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

wow, loose the attitude Loureen...I've been nothing but professional in my responses and you're acting like a kid who just spilled her juice, in my opinion. :)



I know each individual way I have with each of my individual children works for me and them and they still know they are safe and loved and that I will always protect them no matter what. Don't assume that I've never tried any other ways with my children, I don't tell you how to raise yours, don't tell me how to raise mine.



I also to not feel spanking is supposed to be an aggressive behavior. it is supposed to be disciplinary action born out of a misbehavior, not out of a parent's anger.



"PS: Just an FYI for future reference - marking posts as funny, just because you disagree with what they say is actually against the COM rules. There have been people banned from the site for abusing the "funny" markings by using it in a harassing way. I have no qualms reporting your behavior to the appropriate people. Please try to contain yourself." Just reposting this since most of the other anti-spanking mom's didn't seem to know that either since my self a a couple other friends have had ours marked as funny for OUR opinions on the matter

Lisa - posted on 11/27/2010

Whoa, it's getting very hot in here. I think different mums have different methods that work. And this boils down to the different kids they have. My friend's son is just docile and sweet in nature from really young and all it takes for his dad or mum to prevent him from doing anything wrong or harmful is an intense glare and a really slow shake of the head. Another friend's child is just all adrenalin and spirit. She did the whole 21-st century style of disciplining at first - i.e explain, distract, take away privileges, send to the corner, eg - but until he turned 4, he was still bashing her up when he was frustrated or displeased or halted from doing something crazy like running up the escalator on his own. Bear in mind, this boy was an early talker. On top of the mummy abuse, there'd be "talking back" and screams of "I hate you". She finally sucked in her breath and decided that he needed a different method of disciplining so she started smacking him and/or raising her voice in situations when he was just out-of-hand. That really got him because he didn't expect it from her. I think we can state our opinions but we should also realise that we don't know other mums' kids to be able to strongly say "smacking is a no-no, whatever the circumstances" because we are not experiencing other mums' circumstances. I don't think most mums choose spanking for the fun of it unless they have anger management issues and lose it and as a result, resort to uncontrolled physical punishment. Having said that, while I WILL spank if my kid needs it, I have not done it yet. I can foresee myself doing it if he get out of hand.

SONJA - posted on 11/27/2010

I take a look at today's youth and I think to myself- man! they need a spankin! Parents these days are so afraid of being charged with child abuse- they dont spank their children anymore- and try and find other ways to discipline their children- but the fact is--parents have been doing that for years and children used to listen. in todays society the youth seems to be revolting and acting as if they have no sense because their parents are losing control. I believe in spankings but the child needs to know WHY they are getting one. Also- I dont do it in public- I take them to the restroom. bc somethings just belong in prtivate. Such as arguments between husband and wife. I mean- you wouldn't argue with eachother at a dinner party- so y would u do it with your child in public?

I also believe there is a line that should NOT be crossed with spankings- and that is there is a difference between spanking your child for bad behavior and spanking them out of anger. you should NEVER spank out of anger. Only out of discipline and the child should know what they did- otherwise spankings are pointless.

Charlie - posted on 11/27/2010

by telling me and other mom's that we are "wrong" to do things the way we do them. By telling us that we ARE making bad decisions, by telling us that we REFUSE to learn and grow and be "better" than that etc etc etc. Instead of wording it in a way that makes it 100% clear that it is merely your opinion.


MY OPINION is that spanking IS WRONG , it is a violation of the basic human right to bodily integrity , I THINK it is a "bad decision" to spank or to act aggressively towards a CHILD much smaller than yourselves , way to be a bully , way to lead by example , IN MY OPINION if you KNOW there are better ways to treat your fellow human being regardless of relationship but still choose to treat them like second class citizens with no rights and with no show of mutual respect for their only real property ( that being their body ) than I believe it is ignorance at best .

Just my opinion .

There do you feel better .

Jo - posted on 11/27/2010

"To say something absolute like that means you do not respect the fact that others see things differently."



That is exactly right, I do not respect the "pro-spanking opinion." I have completely and totally made it clear, repeatedly, that this is MY opinion. Again, Meghan you are adding your own skewed context onto everything I am saying in an attempt to make it personal.



If you're secure in your decisions, if you do not want to learn other ways, then what I say really shouldn't matter to you.



What I have said in this thread alone has mattered to a few people, because they have messaged me and asked me to elaborate more on my parenting and my "lovey dovey crap" as Christi put it.



Again, I haven't said that anyone is an inadequate parent - I have even said I don't think anyone is a bad parent. I have said though that I believe everyone CAN be better. Again, that is MY opinion.



And in the end, I really couldn't care less if my opinion and my stubbornness on this topic comes off as rude. I have been VERY polite, just VERY honest as well. I have no reason to shy away from honestly expressing my opinion, and my distaste for parents that brag about it. I certainly have no reason to hide my sincere disapproval of abusive methods if the opposite side of the spectrum are so bluntly proud of hitting their small defenseless children.



You can call me judgmental all you like, I'm not judging your parenting ABILITY. I am judging your parenting methods.



PS: Just an FYI for future reference - marking posts as funny, just because you disagree with what they say is actually against the COM rules. There have been people banned from the site for abusing the "funny" markings by using it in a harassing way. I have no qualms reporting your behavior to the appropriate people. Please try to contain yourself.

Rebecca - posted on 11/27/2010

Well, my father didn't have to spank us in public, all he had to do is look at us sternly in public and we would cover our asses from the eyeball lashing he gave us. This is because he did spank but only in combination with explaining why and giving us a chance (the look, warnings) to get our of it by behaving. It worked on all of us because you only wanted to get spanked by my father once.

My child is too young to be spanked. However, my fiance and I have talked about it a lot. We agree that it will be one of the many tactics we will use to discipline. I sometimes very lightly give her a tap on the hand if she is very hard on the dog or something. I've even done it in public.

Unless, someone is hauling off on a child and making them bleed or something...it's not anyone's business but that families. Abuse like that, the kind of abuse my mother grew up with, is very often more likely to happen in private.

I mean there are a lot of things I think are way more abusive than a slap in the ass, like smoking in front of your kid. Still, I catch my tongue and remember you are not the boss of that family.

Christi - posted on 11/27/2010

I agree 100% with Meghan. Jodi and Dana you are wasting your breathe. You do what you do and don't concern yourself with me and how I handle my business. When I was a child, you didn't walk into a store without seeing a mom pop their kid on the butt to keep them in line. Now people like freak out and call it child abuse. Just cause your mama and daddy didn't spank you doesn't mean they were right and my mama and daddy were wrong. But I can tell you this. Children I know that were spanked for severe things instead of this lovey dovey time out explaining shit are way better kids. Tell me how I am supposed to explain what my son did wrong when he doesn't even understand the basics of things. Every child is different. If your kids respond to that lovey dovey crap, good for them. If you kid responds to a pop on the ass when they are misbehaving and have been told several times to stop, good for them. Stop concerning yourself with other people's parenting and instead focus on yourself and your family.

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

by telling me and other mom's that we are "wrong" to do things the way we do them. By telling us that we ARE making bad decisions, by telling us that we REFUSE to learn and grow and be "better" than that etc etc etc. Instead of wording it in a way that makes it 100% clear that it is merely your opinion, you are wording it in a way that is making it clear (whether that's your intention or not) that you are "preaching" to us pro-spanking moms about the wrongs we are apparently committing on our children. By saying that we ARE wrong for doing things out way and not YOUR way, you are changing your view from an opinion to a judgment. You are fully entitled to your belief that spanking is an abuse of power and is an unnecessary form of control over a child. However that's not how everyone believes and we don't deserve to be told we are inadequate as parents b/c we don't believe YOUR way. It's unprofessional, lacks tact, and is frankly rather rude.



"I do expect intelligent people to think about what they're doing when they're offered and equally effective option" So does that mean that we're ignorant, unintelligent fools because we are pro-spanking? Cause that's what is sounds like, and that's a judgment, not an opinion. Don't assume that none of us pro-spankers have never thought of alternatives. (As I've said with mine, I have an alternative for my daughter who doesn't respond to spanking) If we do not believe in the WRONG of spanking, and we have other ways to deal with discipline issues as well, then there is no reason to keep saying the SAME thing over and over.

All I've heard from you (and I'm summarizing) is that we are ignorant for not "choosing to do better" and that we are horrible parents for our "abuse of power" and that all of us have obviously failed b/c we have no ability to "grow and learn" in the way that you have stated. Which, and it may be just me, but is sounds like you are trying to "convert" us to your method since you keep repeating it over and over and over. How can you possibly know what we are or are not capable of learning and/or not learning and how we are or are not capable of "growing" with any kind of certainty?

"...you can't expect people who disagree with spanking to pat you on the back and say it's okay. That just won't happen, because it's not okay."

I'm not asking for a pat on the back, I'm asking for the removal of judgment. To say something absolute like that means you do not respect the fact that others see things differently. can you not just put your responses in the form "I don't agree because i feel this way etc... however everyone is entitled to their own opinion" ? is that really so difficult?

Chrystal - posted on 11/27/2010

I feel that it is ok to spank. I believe that there is a diffence between spanking and hitting. I believe that spanking is discipline and hitting is abuse. Spanking is not hitting it is showing discipline. I do not believe that it is ok to do it in a public store, but I would take my kid into the bathroom and spank if need be. KIds need discipline and structure. I would do it in private b/c I don't want to embarass my kid I just want to show my kid that I'm serious and I don't play around. If I don't show my kid that, then they will walk all over me.

Chatty - posted on 11/27/2010

Yah, Meghan -- I'm not sure how we're trying to force anything on you?

Jo - posted on 11/27/2010

In response to your question Hilary, about emotional damage, its no different to me. Yelling, calling names, spanking it all fits in the same category to me. It's all abusive. It's all unnecessary control tactics that don't belong in any sort of parenting technique category.



I already stated, I agree that spanking in essence is not abuse in the traditional sense of the word. It IS still abuse though, it's abuse of power, abuse of authority, abuse of control. It's a completely unnecessary form of force that can be replaced by many other equally effective methods that don't involve striking a child.



My only real problem with the 'pro-spanking' view is that we all know better. We have the resources and the ability to make better decisions for our children. We all have the choice to be better than that, so I can't, don't and won't ever understand why parents continue to choose to use methods that are so unnecessary. No parent is perfect, but we can always try to be better than what we are.



I don't judge people on spanking alone but I do judge character on the inability to learn, grow and make good decisions. People that admit that "it's my child and I'll do what I want to them" or "it's my kid so I'll hit them if they don't do what I say" are people who are making bad decisions.



I don't expect anyone to "conform" to my way of thinking and I sure as hell don't want to control anyone (what a silly thing to even say Meghan, considering the entire base of my view is that I don't control anyone, that comment alone just shows you're incapable of comprehending what I'm saying without adding your own skewed context) but I do expect intelligent people to think about what they're doing when they're offered an equally effective option. If you don't want to think about it, that's your perogative but you can't expect people who disagree with spanking to pat you on the back and say it's okay. That just won't happen, because it's not okay.

Rachel - posted on 11/27/2010

i dont think spanking will get u any where. my mom used spanking on me and my siblings but it never work but in time when i was 3 she introduce to me a new way to spank me its call the bad step lol im gonna use it for my daughter instead of spanking her

Deanna - posted on 11/27/2010

I am with Nikkole and Erica, why do people let other people scare them? If one of my daughters are putting themselves in serious danger then I have no problem swatting them even in public. I don't do it hard enough to leave marks but just hard enough to grab their attention to the severity of the situation.
You know the ones I am more concerned about are the parents that let their kids run around no matter the child's age and the parent or parents are no where to be found. THAT is illegal and yes I do call the cops when I see that. However, spanking is not illegal and I don't care if someone wants to call CPS or the cops they are free to.

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

Why don't you guys start your own discussion then with a title relevant to what you are discussing then? I came on here to share my view of spanking in public and it has turning into a fight where everyone is trying to force the pro-spanking mom's to see things YOUR way. You guys are no better than the "christians" who tell people they're going to go to hell if they don't do EXACTLY what they say... go try to control someone else

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

And just like you said to me before Jodi, I'm not speaking to JUST you. YOU are not specifically the focus of this at all

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

Dress it up, call it whatever, In public, in private, as a last resort, not when mommy is mad...who the frick cares?? I personally don't understand it. My kid has never been tapped, spanked, popped, beat, slapped...and he is a very polite sensitive little boy. I don't consider it abuse but like Dana said, it is DEFIANTLY an abuse of power. I chose to raise my son with respect (after all he IS a human being) and while I try not to judge and I try to see ANY reason for spanking and how it makes any sense, I just can't find one.

Kimberly - posted on 11/27/2010

The way I feel about it is this, My children are plenty smart enough to figure out ways to get in trouble without hitting. If I can't figure out how to keep them out of trouble without hitting, then I'm outsmarted from the get-go.



That being said, I have and would spank, if it made sense in the context of the misbehavior. If my kids think that brute physical strength makes them top dog, I'm happy to prove to them otherwise.

Chatty - posted on 11/27/2010

Meghan, this is a international adult PUBLIC forum and I don't care if the original post was directed at pro-spanking moms. I think you're the one who needs to move on....

Hilary - posted on 11/27/2010

Yup, I'm a spanking Mum, I'll do it when and where its deserved, public or otherwise. But seeing as how this discussion has gone way down the line from the simple question of " would you do it in public", I also have a question. How much more emotional damage is done to a child who may have never been spanked, but who is shouted at on a daily basis, told they are stupid and abused in other, non "violent" ways? There are extremes in all areas of disciplining children, spanking is very different from beating, just as yelling is very different from talking. The sooner some of the people posting here realise that they are effectively attempting to bully others into their own way of thinking the better. Our children are not in danger by living with parents that spank, but in my experience those who provide tough love to their kids have the better relationship in the long term. Once a child realises that they will get a sharp one on the tail end if they behave a certain way, they don't do it. I have older kids and little ones, the older ones haven't been spanked in years, the younger ones in months. Its a learning process and mine have learned!

My little ones run out of school into my arms and my older ones hang out of their dormitory windows to greet me when I collect them from school. They are not damaged or abused, they are very much loved and cherished, and they understand that we have standards of behaviour that we will do what we have to in order to maintain. They don't fear us but they have a healthy respect for the rules of the family. The Mums that don't spank may have found ways that work for them and thats fantastic, we're not judging you for your choices, don't judge us for ours. We're not asking you to bring up our kids because we're doing just fine as we are.

Jo - posted on 11/27/2010

To be quite honest, I don't really care how the original question is worded. It comes down to *why spanking should be hidden from public view* and that reason quite simply is because it shouldn't be taking place in private or public.



What is productive, Meghan, is realizing that *I* am NOT fighting - I am however stating my honest view about spanking and I AM telling EVERYONE that there ARE other ways to discipline your children without resorting to abusing your position as the bigger (and by bigger I mean in size, not in importance) person.



If that isn't something you want to hear, that really is your own problem. I will not stop saying that you can be better than that if you want to be. I'm not saying you're a bad mom, I am saying you can be better.



I have gotten many marks of helpful and encouraging for my posts here and I have gotten PM's from a couple people asking me for advice on other methods to try.



Those mothers truly want what is best for their children. If you don't want to allow yourself that opportunity, that's your perogative but don't think that I am going to stop talking about how spanking is NOT, will NOT and will NEVER BE the best way.

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

that's your opinion and not the point to preach about. The question was IF you do it in private, WOULD you do it in public? That means the original question was directed to pro-spanking moms and the non-spankers really have no ground on this one at all. quit preaching about abuses of power etc etc GET OVER IT and STOP fighting. This really isn't all that productive at all. I'm sure you could find something I or another spanking mom does that you DO agree with so PLEASE stop judging everyone on ONE aspect alone

Chatty - posted on 11/27/2010

It's an abuse of POWER, whether it's done in private or not. If you think it's ok to spank in the confines of your own home, then you should think it's ok to do the same in public.

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

can we stop with the debate on spanking vs not spanking. This is not the question and therefore not the point. everyone needs to stop pointing fingers calling everyone else wrong b/c of how they do things. Everyone has an opinion and not all of them agree with one another, but this is crazy. I don't believe that anyone here is a "bad mom" whether they spank or not. If you don't believe in it, then don't do it. If you DO believe in it, then do within acceptable parameters (ie: not abuse). Stop fighting one another for having different views. I'm sure even though we all have different views we all want the same thing: safe, happy, respectful, obedient children. One way or the other, no matter what path you choose, I'm sure EVERYONE's kids know what is expected in their own house and I'm sure they feel safe and protected no matter what. chill out everyone

Jo - posted on 11/27/2010

You don't have to be talking about using objects or beating your child until they can't walk. Spanking a child - in my view - is abuse, as I explained earlier. It's an abuse of your authority. It's abuse of control, it's bullying. It's unacceptable behavior from someone who SHOULD and DOES know better.

Chatty - posted on 11/27/2010

I don't want to bug anyone else. I'm good here, thanks!

Erica - posted on 11/27/2010

Haha you women. Yeah because I beat my child until she can barely walk. Yep that's me. For god sakes... a quick swat on the ass to get their attention. We aren't talking about taking off our studded belts and beating their butts bare. So just stop. We get your point you don't agree with it. If you had read the original question this thread wouldn't even apply to you because you aren't a mom who spanks. So just chill. We hear you we don't care what you think but we hear you. Go bug some one else ok? Thanks.