Im pregnant again, but thinking abt weaning my son is making me cry. I feel so guilty!Am i crazy?

Farzanah - posted on 12/10/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 14MO son is still wakes thru the night, we co-slp and recently(2wks) wants the breast for atleast an hour before he wakes in the morning and does not sleep/nap without it(ever!)... i realise that he has a sleep association with the breast and I've been ok with this, I am a stay at home mom and have decided attachment parenting is the method for me, dispite it being very high demand. I figured I would wean him around age 2 and hopefully by then he would be sleeping thru the night and weaning wouldn't be so hard. BUT now Im 2months pregnant and his frequent waking and has me worried!! How will I cope with 2 waking children!! I am getting comments about weaning him...just the thought of it makes me tearful. I loved B/F and feel very guilty about weaning him as it seems he still very much needs the breast. I have read about tandem B/F and although it seems tempting & daunting, Im thinking of just weaning him. I dont feel ready though but i have no family or support as my husband and I have moved from abroad so i guess i ahve to start thinking logically instead of emotionally. Am i weird for taking this so seriously? and how do i even begin to wean him if its just the two of us all day long?!!

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Nicole - posted on 12/11/2010

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I am the friend Katherine was talking about. My DS was 14 mo when I found out I was pregnant with my DD. I nursed him through out the pregnancy, and still am. My DD is now 4 mo.

Definitely look into the book mentioned. Night weaning helps a lot, allows you all to get the sleep needed.

When we brought baby girl home, we got a bassinet. She starts the nights there, I nurse DS before bedtime, and make it part of a nighttime routine.

In a non-high risk pregnancy, there is no issue when it comes to breastfeeding. You may feel a contraction here or there, and they will go away as quickly as they came on. The only day that didn't happen with me was the night I went into labor with my DD at 41w3d. Nursing DS before DD got here was a wonderful way to celebrate our relationship before the dynamic changed in our family.

There is no talking milk from the baby, I work with DS, DD gets first dibs, but both get plenty of milk. When DS nurses, let him know he gets to nurse for X amount of time, and give him a countdown.

I will say the true tandum nursing has come about once DD is a little older, and I have found a position where I can comfortably nurse both of them.

If you have questions, please ask:D

Katherine - posted on 12/11/2010

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You may want to work on night weaning, but leaving the during the day feedings in. Night weaning means you can get more sleep, and possibly transition him over to a toddler bed, or a mattress next to yours at some point before the baby gets here. If you're not looking to move him to his own bed, that's okay too. My friends have a king sized bed, and the toddler sleeps in the middle, and the baby sleeps by momma. They have plenty of room, and because her son is in the middle, he never rolls on the baby. She's tandem nursing them both now. (I asked her to comment here.)

If you're looking to night wean, I would suggest checking out Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. I loved it. My son has been gradually worked down to no or one nursing session a night, depending on the day. He's 27 months old. He has never been a "good" sleeper, but it does get better.

To address Erin's concern about toddlers taking the colostrum, let me say that colostrum production is actually triggered when the placenta detaches from the uterine wall, so whether or not you choose to nurse through pregnancy, your newborn will have plenty of colostrum. http://blog.birthingyourbaby.com/2008/07...

Honestly, you may find that as your milk changes, your child will wean naturally. Many kids don't like the taste of the changing milk. If he does nurse straight through, it has the possibility to be a wonderful bonding experience for your children. It can also cut down on the jealousy felt by the older one, because they have this thing you can all do together, you don't get engorged as much, and the author of the blog post I linked said she stopped leaking much sooner.

Whatever you decide, it sounds like you're an amazing mother, and you'll make this work for the two of you. You may also want to try posting this on the Attachment Parenting and Cosleeping board, or the Breastfeeding board. You'll find a lot of people who have been in the same situation. *hugs* Good luck, momma!

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Erin - posted on 12/11/2010

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You are in a difficult position. Not only is it emotional for you it's emotional for him too. The only thing that worries me is that when there's stimulation to the breast while pregnancy sometimes it causes the uterus to contract. I was very high risk though, so I needed to be very careful. And the other thing would be that nearing the end of your pregnancy he may start taking milk that's meant for the baby. I only think this since I've met people who've started lactating up to a couple months before they had their babies and I wouldn't want them to miss out on that precious colostrum.
My daughter was kind of the same. We had co slept and she nursed whenever she wanted. Then when we moved her into her own crib she didn't nurse as much. Over the past few months she's slowy gone down to just nursing right before bed (only really since we started her on a nighttime routine.) and she doesn't nurse anyother time. She gets so distracted at 16 mo that she just can't keep still. Every time she comes off I just put "it" away, she always gets it back, but after a couple times she just forgets about it and we carry on with the Over the past week she's actually only nursed a few times. There is hope for a good way to transition, but wether it's good or bad, it still won't be easy, as when you're a mother, nothing ever really is.It's a big decision. Talk about it with your partner. WHen your babe does want the breast, try distracting him, I know for some of us it seems mean and tricky, but it could just be a habit for him now. Children littereally get addicted to bm. As infants the bm releases "feel good" endorphins and sends messages to the nb's brain. This is actually survival based so that they continue to eat. ANother thing I did with my daughter is when I was trying to just wean down the amount of feeds in a day I would offer her some juice or milk when she asked for the breast. Half the time she was just thirsty.
I'm not saying it's the right way, but it's definitely helping! Good luck!

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