Is being a SAHM a Luxury?

Robyn - posted on 06/15/2010 ( 104 moms have responded )

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I am a SAHM of two awesome children, my daughter is 3 years and my son is 7 mos. My husband is in the construction field was laid off of work for 10 months. We got way behind on all of our bills as you can imagine. When we did our taxes we got caught up on everything but we are still barely making it. He did get a job about 6 weeks ago but he is getting paid less then what we were used to. We are very frugal about spending $ and are living paycheck to paycheck. No I do not go out and spend $ when I feel like it. There is nothing to spend and I don't believe in putting it on credit cards unless it is a absolute need!!! So my question is do you believe staying at home is a luxury? I know I could go and get a job and we could live more "comfortably" but I don't want to leave my children just for the money. I also don't want to feel like I can't enjoy my life because we can't pay our bills. I feel like a spend half the day worrying about money and the lack of it! What is your take?

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Soleil - posted on 06/15/2010

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I do think that staying at home is a luxury, one that I wouldn't give up for anything. My husband is our sole provider, and he does well, but we are certainly not swimming in extra cash. We are very frugal, and there is nothing wrong with that. I get it from friends all the time that we should go out more, or I should get new jeans, but you know what, nothing is more important to me than being home with my kids. We pay all our bills, and though we have some debt due to medical bills, we just live within our means. If you are really having a hard time, you should look into programs like WIC which is government funded and they help with groceries and infant formula (if you need it) this program totally made it possible for me to stay home. There are also usually community outreach programs that help with things from diapers and milk, to overdue electric and gas bills. I also belonged to a temple who helped monthly and also provided holiday gifts to my children. I know many people feel uncomfortable taking advantage of these programs, but that is why they are there. Now that my husband and I don't need the help anymore, we always make sure to give back to the programs that helped us. I fully believe kids need nothing more than they need their mommies home with them. Keep toughing it out, and remember, finances will come and go, but you will never get the years back!!

Lisa - posted on 06/20/2010

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stop worrying about money! it just gives you unnecessary gray hairs. You either have it or you don't, you pay your bills and move on. work when your children are older and in school--that's when you'll need the extra money for after school stuff. but right now they need you more than any luxury, not to mention the guilt you will suffer for missing your baby's daily life.
I am stay at home because we have four children and we couldn't afford day care and we don't want strangers raising our children. I went to work when one was 8mo old and I missed her terribly, I quit a year later but I am still regretting that year of her life I missed out on. she's almost 3 now. enjoy your children, leave the dishes for another day. when you are old and gray you will not regret spending time with your family, but you will regret working to have things, when things don't last.

[deleted account]

I think being a stay at home mom is definitely a luxury. It is one of many luxuries and it comes down to what luxuries are most important to you.

If you had a job, you would be buying yourself the luxury of "peace of mind". So you just need to decide how much you need the peace of mind. If worrying about finances has you so frazzled and upset that you cannot be a happy, focused mommy when you are with your children, then I think you would be better off finding, at least, a part time job. You would still have lots of time with them, and the time would be a much higher quality because your mind will not be half focused on how the power bill is going to be paid this month.



BUT, getting a job is not the only way to get that peace of mind. You could downsize your home (this not only lowers your mortgage & utility bills, but you get an influx of cash from the equity of your current home), try using coupons, take old clothes and baby equipment to consignment shops rather than charity, grow a garden to help with food bills (also great learning time for the kids). Also, look at ways to cut your utility bills--did you know that electricity cost more than twice as much during the day as at night? Run the dishwasher and laundry machines over night rather than in the daytime. Set your thermostat higher during the day and use ceiling fans rather than air conditioning. Keep doors and windows closed during the day and put UV film on the glass. Also, keep the TV turned off & opt for a radio or ipod & speakers instead, they use a fraction of the power. Also shut computers down when not in use.

Tiffany - posted on 06/20/2010

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I am a SAHM as well who lives paycheck to paycheck with my husband's job. He is a truck driver for a big company around here. Kinda hard to answer this question because I consider my life luxiourous just because I am at home with my daugter and get to experiance everything she does for the first time and provide a clean home and home cooked meals for my husband. This makes me happy. I agree that the more money is nice. We used to live off two very good checks but I feel that all the pedicures, extra cars, going out to eat and extras in life are not worth not getting to experiance all the wonderful things with my daughter. She is going to grow up so fast and then I will miss all our park days, pj days, and movie days. Because she won't be my little girl who wants to be with mommy for long. So yes I believe it is a luxury but I don't think it is worth giving up just for extra money for extras that many do without on a regular basis anyways. I hope this was helpful and kinda what you were lookign for.

Tiffany - posted on 06/17/2010

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Being a wife/mother is a very important vocation in life and raising your children (if you can) at home is the most important thing you will ever do in your lifetime. Money is like anything else, it's cyclical and it may be tough now and for a while, but it will improve. Keep you head straight about what's important, take care of you husband and your kids and let your husband be your provider. Always make him feel like a man and never criticize or emasculate him (not that you do). If you have faith in God and Jesus Christ, look to Him for your strength and ask for His help and He will provide. I speak from great experience on this matter and I know you will persevere. Best wishes to you and your family.

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Chairettie - posted on 03/28/2011

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I think these days being at SAHM - a taxing luxary but I enjoy it - I am so glad I get to be with my kids :o) as long as you are making due and you are happy then that is what is right for you family!

Michelle - posted on 03/28/2011

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Honestly you may not be better off with a job. Daycare etc cost a lot of money. You may not be any better off and you'll hardly get to see your kids. I know people that really can't get along on one income (my sister in law tried it for a year). I don't think it's a luxury, I think it's our responsibility to raise our kids. But I do know that there are situations when you have to work just to survive.

Jennifer - posted on 03/28/2011

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I think it's a little bit of both. But look at this way..if you get a job will you have to put your children in daycare? And if you do, can you make enough for it to be worthwhile then? It really sucks to be in that situation..I would hate to have to make a choice between work and my child. I hope everything works out for you!
And for the record..if you are physically and mentally able to support your children it is your responsibility to get a job NOT live off welfare or govt assistance as someone else said!! Taxpayers work VERY hard for their money AND support their own families..Govt assistance is for people who can't work NOT for people who don't want to! I can't believe someone would even suggest this as an option and I sincerely hope you don't consider it

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 03/28/2011

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It is and its not. I feel lucky to be able to stay home, but i also worry about money sometimes (well alot!).

Stifler's - posted on 03/28/2011

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I consider it a luxury since I only have one kid. We both sleep in til 8, go shopping when we want, playgroup, lunch dates. Stuff working outside the home.

Ashley - posted on 07/12/2010

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It's not a luxury. It's a responsibility. It's far better than dumping your kids in the hands of a hired service worker to be raised. If you are in that bad of a financial situation, get welfare.. get other govt help. And don't have more kids unless things have stabilized.

We are not in a place I would call "comfortable" but we are renting a nice single family home and we have enough money to pay all of our bills. The kids have every toy in the toy store. We can buy groceries with no problem. But we can't eat out all the time or go on weekend excursions to amusement parks and such things. It all depends on what your lifestyle is and what you consider comfortable and what "not enough money" means. Not enough to eat out? Or not enough to buy food at all?

Stephanie - posted on 07/12/2010

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No, I don't believe it should be considered a luxary. I believe that it is the best situation for children, especially very young children. My sister and I are in the exact same boat financially as you are in. So we totally understand the struggle that your family is going through. I also have struggled with this issue, but I have come to the conclusion that even though to live this way is hard financially, I believe it is the BEST for the children out of all other choices. Also as a Christian, I am trusting in God to provide our family with all that we need...and He has! So, don't feel guilty. Remind yourself that you are doing what is best for you family, even though it is not easy. Trust God to give you wisdom and provide whatever you need to raise your children.

Mary - posted on 06/29/2010

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I don't think it's a luxury. I think it's a mater of choice and depends on your prespective and what's most important to you. My husband works and I stay home with our daughter. I'm on S.S.I. so that helps some but there are months I get nothing. It all depends on how much he makes from month to month. I feel that my daughter and the time I spend with her now while she's young is more important than having everything nice and new etc. We are not rich but we are not poor either. We are blessed more than many people and for that I'm grateful but we don't always get to have everything we want. There are a lot of things I want but either have to wait for them or not get them or look somewhere else to see if I can get them free or at a reduced cost. My daughter wears hand me downs and so do I . I rarealy get a new outfit. We do go nice places when we can afford to do so and we have some luxuries like a pool out in our yard. It's a blow up kind but need the PH levels fixed and to be strained out too because there are bugs and leaves in it. We got it at the end of the summer last year on layaway. Anyway, I think spending time with my daughter is more important than always having everything in the line of things. To a child LOVE is spelled TIME.

Helen Grace - posted on 06/28/2010

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i think being a stay at home mom is never a luxury. many do not know how hard it is to be a home manager. i mean you got to do the same routine everyday. our job as a stay home mom is more stressful. why? because this is the only job where in we are not paid and there is no day off.

Chasity - posted on 06/27/2010

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I am the mother of 4 children. When we had our first, I told my husband that I wanted to be the one raising my children. I don't want to pay someone to teach my child their religion, political view, or anything else, that was my job. Because of our 4 children, it doesn't make sense money wise for me to take an outside job. The cost of daycare would take all of the paycheck, then we would use my husband's paycheck to pay for my gas and lunch. I have taken babysitting jobs and nanny jobs and daycare worker jobs to be able to stay at home with my children!
However, when my husband gets laid off every winter, I start my job as a tax preparer. Because of our many children, we can not afford to have no income coming in either. We don't have the 'luxuries' in life. When we plan our outings, we have to plan the free ones. We don't go to the pool very often, however we love the lakes and rivers in our area. When we go someplace, we have to check out the 'free admission' activities ahead of time. I love the time at work too, cause I feel like I have an identity of my own. I am more than solely a mom. I have started on something that, when my children get bigger, I will have a job waiting and experience. Not just a 4 year blank. If you go to work for 2 days a week or 3 hours a day(examples) I do believe that you will rest easier about money, you will appreciate your children more, and you will have that history for when your childen are in school and you can go back to work.

Deborah - posted on 06/27/2010

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I think it's very important for one parent to be home with the child. This doesn't have to mean that one parent stays at home while the other works. It means that you work your schedules around each other and your children. If the money your husband pulls in pays the bills, then don't worry about it. However, if your bills aren't consistently being paid, then it would be prudent to consider a part time job on your husband's days off. After all, you do what you have to do to support your kids.

Alessandra - posted on 06/27/2010

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I'm a SAHM too and if I spent most most of the time worrying about the lack of money and my husband was stressed out, I would get a job. At least for a while to get caught up and save a little money for the families security. It's important for the families stability and you don't want your children to pick up on how stressed and worried you both are. It's not healthy for them. Bite the bullet and get a job for a year and that will probably help out a lot. Hopefully you have family and/or friends near by that can help out with the kid's for a little while. My brother's wife didn't want to work either despite the fact that they were not making enough money to pay the bills and they ended up losing everything. Good luck.

T - posted on 06/26/2010

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Being a stay at home mom is taking responsibility for your own children. There are so many things that we sacrafice and change in our lfestyles in order to be home with our children who need us. Perhaps you could get a part time job like 3 evenings a week or even do some childcare in your home. Every little bit helps. We will never get this time back so cherish it, and pat yourself on the back for being there for your kids.

Mary - posted on 06/26/2010

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Being a stay at home Mom was my job for 37 years raised 4 daughters and never had to worry ,he earned the money he saved and spent the money.

Latisha - posted on 06/26/2010

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I really believe that every family is different. For some it makes sense for both parents to work and for others it doesnt. It would cost my family more money then I would bring in for me to go back to work.
If you cant pay your bills, then you need to find a way to get an extra income, if it just so you can have the "extra" then you need to sit down and talk with your husband and find out if those extras are really important or not.
Ultimately it comes down to what you and your husband think will work for your family.

[deleted account]

My husband chose to get a couple of part-time jobs because he wanted to avoid social programs. He sees his children every day and gets to play with them. We have no regrets.

[deleted account]

It is a nutrition program that everyone, except the user, pays for! I do know what I am talking about. I did not say it meant failure. I just think that too many people rely on instead of sacrificing or making changes that could allow them to be self-sufficient.

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2010

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Why should the Dads always sacrifice and get two and three jobs. They are very important in their childrens lives. Have him do some research on that subject and maybe government programs may not be so bad after all. We may be on assistance but my kids see their Dad and they spend good Quality time with him

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2010

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Welfare/Foodstamps/WIC do not equal faliure. Do you realize that the cut off for a family of four to be on WIC is $40000 a year. Not everyone realizes it is that much it is not a welfare program it is a nutrition program so Know what you are talking about before you criticize those who may have no other options.

[deleted account]

I worked part time for the first year of my oldest daughter's life and it was the hardest thing I have done. I missed her so much. My husband was/is a student and we knew it would be very difficult financially, but we both knew that raising our children is the most important thing and I wanted to be the one to do that. So I left my job. We also don't believe that government programs are the answer. So he got a couple of part-time jobs in addition to his full-time research job (he is a PhD student) and we have been fine. We also just had our second baby and I can't imagine being anywhere other than with my 2 girls. But you definitely have to do what is right for your family. Although, I think people should explore every possible option before going on welfare/food stamps/wic/etc.

Lacie - posted on 06/26/2010

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oh hun i want to tell you that if u can try to get on food stamps it will help alot and their is even gov funded daycare or you could do a part time job that way you still have time with your babies i am a sahm and i am going to school but i plan to work part time when i am donebut for right now my husband and myself also live paycheck to paycheck so i got on food stamps and it made a great diff. in our life b/c a little is better than nothing and for your 3 year old you can get her on wic and that will give you milk and fruit and bread and all kind of stuff. and if you hubby makes to much for that then i think a part time job would be ok b/c the time you spend worrying you could just work a little than that way you will still have time for your kids but also not be so drepressed i hope what i said helped you a little well good luck

Suzannev - posted on 06/26/2010

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I don't believe being a SAHM is a luxury. I think it is a need. If you go back to work then you would have to pay for daycare. You then would have someone else raising your children. At least being with them you know they are ok with you. Maybe you could try to do something for work at home. I do know that is hard to find something at home to do. My husband is in home remodeling and we have our own business. It is tough for us too. I don't spend money on anything either. I cut coupons and shop where there are sales. Just clipping coupons, searching for good deals is a job in itself. Yes it is nice to be able to stay at home with you kids while your spouse is working. But you are working to taking care of the kids, house etc. I hope things get better for you. We have our struggles to. I do my husband's books for the business but that still is not a lot of extra money. Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 06/26/2010

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For the average mom, being an SAHM is not a luxury. Whether you work (full-time or part-time) or stay at home, there are pros and cons. In some ways it can be easier to bring in a second income but at the same time you will have to pay for child care and you sacrifice that valuable time with your children. At the same time, without that second income you are entirely dependent on that one income and its benefits (i.e. health insurance). And like others mentioned, your SAHM job gets no vacation or sick days, 24-7 and you are most likely the spouse/parent responsible for running the household. SAHM = highly underpaid! The best benefit being a SAHM is raising your own children your way, not worrying about who they are with and what they are doing. If they are sick, you can keep them home without worrying about who is going to stay with them. As moms we balance a lot on our plate. No matter what decision you make, make the one that's right for you! The is no wrong or right answer. For right now for me I stay at home with 3 kids (ages 2, 4, 6). With only 2 kids I worked part-time. I think both decisions worked although I still spend a lot of time stressing about not enough money. Especially with my husband's work sometimes being off and on. But if I go back to work, I have to have steady child care which I would have to pay for even if he is home.

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2010

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For us it is not a luxury. I have twin three year olds and if I were to work(even at the center where the kids were to go so 1 kid full price and one kid half) I would only walk away with $30 a week so for us it is noe feasible for me to work. I wish I could contribute more financially but with the cost of daycare we just can not. I did however go back to school where I recieve a full pell and we took a little of the loans which helps me to be in a better place when I do enter the workforce again and also give us some money to help pay the mortgage

[deleted account]

Hi Robyn! I am a mostly stay-at-home mom of a 3 1/2-year old and a 20-month-old. I teach part-time (at night when my husband is home) and one of my courses is "Essentials of Personal Finance."

With that in mind, here are some thoughts. First, being a SAHM mom is not a luxury, but it is a financial decision. Before you make the decision to do stay at home or work, you would need to weigh the potential expenses of going back to work (child care, dry cleaning, travel costs) against the benefits (ability to live more comfortably, save for retirement, save for college, etc.)

Are there jobs that you could do that would allow you to be home with your children during the day, preventing the need for child care (a major expense)? Could you pick up some babysitting jobs from friends, for example? Could you teach a class at night? How about working at a retail store a couple of hours a day after your kids are in bed? How do you feel about work at home jobs?

Once you've thought about what kind of job you could get, put together a sample budget with the additional income and expenses. Then you could make a final decision.

Just remember, it's not all or nothing.

Good luck,

Kirsten

Beth - posted on 06/26/2010

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First off when it comes to getting a job and putting the kids into day care you have to weigh out if your paycheck will not only be enough to cover their care BUT to give you a significant source of residual income to pay for all those "extras".

If you are living okay, covering the essentials with a few inexpensive splurges, and you like staying home than stay home. Your kids and family will ultimate be better served.

However, if you are really struggling, can get free care, maybe a part time position would work well.

As far as being a SAH (parent). It is a luxury for some while for others they turn it into a very fun and flexible job. Those that have the "luxury" aspect are the ones that have a maid service and little involvement with the kids day to day activities because they have Mommy Helpers, and other such aids. For those of us, like me, that see it as a gift and use this time to enrich myself as well as my children it is anything but a "luxury".

My husband works very hard for me to stay home. And I appreciate his willingness to work so hard for this cause. In return I pay him, my children, and myself the respect of being very active in their lives. I volunteer every year at the kids school, I volunteer coach their sports activities, I am a Cub Scout leader, and when I am not in a volunteer position I am still signing them up and carting them to things they want to do such as resident camp, music lessons, etc.

I also try very hard to make our house warm and welcoming to all their friends. We have kids here nearly all the time.

I try to keep on the housework and not bother my DH. I like to cook and do so often. I tend the laundry, the allowance, the grocery shopping, and help with other various projects. Though DH is involved when he is around and able, I really try to keep the child rearing as my main responsibility so he can have more fun than work with the kids.

Fiona - posted on 06/26/2010

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Hi Robyn, I am sorry your husband has not had a lot of work and I hope that he can get consistent work soon. I do not think being a 'stay at home mum' is a luxury at all - you have a very demanding 24/7 job - your job does not stop. I have 2 children 10 and 8 and I have only just got back into work this year. I only do 3 days a week and at the moment I work every day of the week - when I am not at work I am shopping and cleaning and on the weekend - I do my mountain of ironing!!!! It is very hard work. If you can manage financially I think it would be more beneficial for your children to be there for them - as apposed to putting them in childcare. Do not feel like you are living a life of luxury as a SAHM because you aren't.

Kamiel - posted on 06/26/2010

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so I have been in your exact situation, my husband is an electrician and gets laid off sometimes and money gets tight, and we do not want other people raising our kids just for a little extra $$$. We have 2 kids our son is 4 and our daughter will be 1 in just over a week. For some extra $$$ and a little sanity for me I went and got a part time job at a coffee shop and I only work a couple evenings a week and 1 day a weekend, that way I still get some time with family and my hubby is home to take care of kids while I work and we still have sometime for family.
It's been a couple months and so far so good. I still feel like a SAHM and we have some extra $$$$ and still get quality family time. Yes we could have more $$$ if i di full time but then how much would we pay to childcare and we are uncomfortable leaving our kids with people that aren't family, so this is what works for us.

Melissa - posted on 06/25/2010

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I don't think that staying at home is a luxury at all, it is a hard job with no pay. I think it all depends on your situation, if you can afford to stay at home with your kids then that is great but if you can't then you have to do what you have to do. Weigh up the pros and cons of your situation. You might find that after childcare fees, extra petrol etc are taken out of what you would make, that going back to work might not make a huge difference.

Nadine - posted on 06/25/2010

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We find that being a SAHM is a necessity. I have 4 children (2, 10,10,12) and barely make ends meet. My husband is working 2 jobs to get debt paid off and I have recently gone back to work part-time. Part-time is 2 hours a day with all of my kids with me as I coach the local swim team. I would suggest getting a part time job at home. I miss my husband as I don't see him and am starting an at home job that I can do as much or as little as I choose. If you are interested shoot me an email on FB.
Nadine Gerbracht

Andrea - posted on 06/25/2010

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I also am a sahm, my husband work for a pipe line here in WY and we are always worried about the next layoffs! Hang in there girl, yes a second job might be nice but you are going to have to pay for childcare unless you have family or something to watch the kiddos, maybe try getting a job where you can take the kids? We are living in the managers quartes of a hotel right now and the own has me help out here and there for a lil bit of spending cash, I only work about 10 hours a week and I just started, but she pays 15 an hour.

I don't think its a luxury! Many people who do not do it thinks so, but you essentially work 24 hours a day 7 days a week! That's a big job, and if your man is anythink like mine you don't get a break every unless its nap time. For me its spent cleaning lol, that's a hard job but it still benifits the family.

Where there is a will there's a way :) and everything happens for a reason! As the saying goes what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Keep your chin up honey, you'll do what's best for you and what you know in you heart is right for your family

Carol - posted on 06/25/2010

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it is not a luxury!!!!! it's the hardest job i've ever had and sometimes, i wonder if i should go back to work. mind you, i wonder this whenever i'm exhausted/frustrated/stressed! so i KNOW i am not in my right mind. i know it is worth it and i think you do too. if you go back to work, your entire paycheck will go into childcare, transportation, food for work, clothes for work, etc and you will still have nothing left but children who miss their parents. my husband is a teacher [you know how much they make!] and i have a 3.5 yo and 13 month old. we live in new york, a suburb 20 minutes outside nyc. we eat 90% organic and use organic products at home for most things. we eat only pastured meat. we have money to pay off my grad school debt AND put into college savings for the girls, AND have our own savings. IT IS HARD. we are wise about the way we spend money and have almost no waste of anything. it is hard to find more ways for us to be green but we do it. in doing so, we continue to save money and the planet and still live a high quality of life without all the material things that wear us down. it can be done! i encourage you not to give up!

Sheryl - posted on 06/25/2010

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If staying at home is a luxury, no one bothered telling me! My husband and I were in the same position as you for a very long time. He has just started working again (full time) and the money just isn't enough. I used to be able to take the kids to a movie or to the mall, etc during the week. Now there is hardly enough gas in the car to get my husband to and from work. Thank God the grocery store is walking distance! I've tried finding a job, but here's the problem. As tight as money is right now, where would I get the money for child care? I can't tell them to wait until I get paid, and even if I could I would have to give up more than my first pay check to pay late and current charges. So this means the money needs to come from my husband's check. So which bill can we put off? Power... no. Rent? I think not. Food is out of the question.

I know exactly how you're feeling, though. So do this. Look for job openings you're qualified for. Figure out the pay, and then subtract day care, gas, wardrobe and lunches. How much would you really be making after all is said and done? If that amount seems like a blessing, then go for it. Staying at home was a choice you made and you are free to change your mind. The idea of staying at home is based on the fact that your children come first. Well, if you're sitting around worrying about money all the time, how are they coming first now? You would be putting them first by removing the stress of not having money.

My husband tried to be the stay at home parent for about a month once. Our power got shut off and the kids were eating whatever sugary snacks they felt like all day long, but the credit card was paid! Being a stay at home parent means you need to juggle all the bills and take care of home and children. The IRS estimates that someone doing all the work a stay at home parent does would make over $200k a year. Divide that by 2 because you're 1/2 responsible for those things and you still make over $100k a year! No one working hard enough to make that kind of cash is enjoying a luxury by doing so!!!

Anja - posted on 06/24/2010

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well not everybody can afford to stay at home with the kids so in a way i guess it is ..the other side is though...how much money could you make and would you have to spend most of it on childcare?i worked for years before i was married and in between my children but coming from germany my `` skills` here wouldnt be worth much so i think there is a bigger benefit in me being there for my kids ..we had times when money was tight and i offered to work but my husband always told me that while i could make maybe $5 an hour and pay just as much or not more for childcare(we have no relatives here)he rather has me stay home..realize i am spoiled with him..he had up to three jobs at a time but we had money for bills....certain things like eating out etc just were not doable at that time

Charleen - posted on 06/24/2010

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I don't think its' a luxury. I think it's a necessity for a lot of families. I know in our family there's no way I could work. I would spend all my income on daycare. Plus I would never see my husband with his weird work schedule. We are the same way as you, my husband works full time as a manager at a theater, he also goes to school full time to get his RN license. We live paycheck to paycheck and only spend our money on necessities and pray nothing unexpected and expensive comes up.

Jeanell - posted on 06/24/2010

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I consider it one of the best luxuries ever! Believe me - I know $ would be considerably easier if I went back to work - but my husband and I decided long before the kids were home that if we could swing it at all - one of us would stay home! We don't take expensive vacations, I don't have expensive jewelry, both our cars are over 10 yrs old - but it is worth every sacrifice!!!! Just make sure you make time for you - you will burn out without it! Even if it is only 30 mins alone in the tub! I had to learn this lesson myself!!!!! Now - I get up at 4:30 to go to the gym for an hour every morning....do I get less sleep? Sure.....but it makes me a better Mom - and that is what is important.

This is not to say that working is bad!!!!! I know many Mom's who readily admit that they simply can't find the patience to be a SAHM - I admire the fact that they acknowlege that fact and are willing to do what is best for their family. I also know many Mom's that work because of $ - they would rather be home - but they are doing what they have to do for their family!

Nikki - posted on 06/24/2010

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Sounds like my current situation, except DH and I only have one child... 11 months. Since we started talking about marriage and children, it was BOTH of our choices for me to stay at home. It's important for me not to miss the big milestones, and I'm a little paranoid, too.... I don't like the idea of my child being in someone else's care until he's old enough to talk to me.

That being said, DH has been unemployed for 8 months now... also in the construction field. He's had a difficult time when it comes to looking for a new job, because he's a union carpenter apprentice. Which means they put him through school, and he's thisclose to being done! He's worked so hard over the last 3.5 years for his career, only for the industry to take a nose dive.

I've started a direct sales biz of my own, to help bring in a little cash. I'll watch friend's kids occasionally and pick up anything I can to make a little extra cash. We are really struggling.

Our biggest problem when it comes to the idea of me working is money! Childcare is outrageously expensive in my neck of the woods, and we don't qualify for state assistance. Therefore, I'd be working and handing over most of a paycheck to daycare. Um, no. Not for me.

Is being a SAHM a luxury? Yes and no. I know a lot of women who work because they can't handle being home all day every day with their child... understandably! There are days when my hubby gets home and I need to take a break. It's hard work, and for anyone that thinks we're lazy or we've got it easy should walk a week in our shoes. Yes, it's a luxury, but it's a luxury that, I think, most people wouldn't consider as such if they were doing it (for those who choose to work, that is.) I consider it a luxury because I have never imagined myself doing anything different for my kids but being at home with them!

TAMMY - posted on 06/24/2010

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absolutely NOT! It is a necessity, especially as young as your babies are. I have been a sahm mom for a very long time and though it is hard it is a better for you and your family in sooooooo many ways there is not enough room to share them all. Working is good as well but I have managed. Having things is not the same as having a close loving family.

Shawna - posted on 06/23/2010

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I have been a stay at home Mom since I had my 1st son. I also homeschool my kids. My 2 boys are 10yr. and 7yr. Now that they're a little older, it's nice to have a little break, so I enjoy my Sat. mornings that I work. I only work about 4hrs. on Sat.s, but it's enough of a break for me each week. I also have a few kids I babysit during the week. My husband has been laid off for 13mo. now. He hasn't been able to find work, but is still able to get unemployment and the extra money I make babysitting and working on Sat.s, makes up for what he's losing each month. If you don't want to leave your kids with a babysitter or day care, you could find a part-time job in the evening or on weekends, whenever your husband is home, so he can watch the kids. Maybe just finding a part-time job for a few months will help you save up some extra money, so you can stay at home with your kids again. That way you can still spend the day with them and not be away from them for too long!

Krystle - posted on 06/23/2010

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Good post!



My thoughts: when I actually consider how much I'll be earning, it isn't worth it. For example: If I make $15/h, minus expenses like childcare, I'd be left with maybe $4/h. If you NEED that money, you need it. But at the same time, I'd sacrifice a lot of things so that I can be the one to raise and be with my children. But of course, everyone has to make their own decisions based on their situation. Good Luck!

Robyn - posted on 06/23/2010

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Wow I didn't realize how much this post would generate I still have to read most of your posts but I just want to say how encouraged I am by your comments. Yes we were living comfortably for 3 years, we only had one child and I worked at home part time on eBay I was a Powerseller specializing in womens clothing lots. I loved doing what I did but when the economy went down I couldn't find the clothing I needed to sell, I was making just as much as him working from home 10-15 hours a week on Ebay.
I do have 4 year college degree in business and I guess you can say I am more motivated and determined then my husband. He has his G.E.D. and has no interest in going to school or taking any classes. I have been tossing around the idea of going back to school for nursing so I think this week I have come up with a compromise...I am going to take a 6 week class to become a certified nursing assistant then go back to school part time and work part time in health care to see if I really like it. Yes I will have to put the kids in day care but I need to do something since my husband won't and I don't blame him he is tired when he comes home he works hard all day it is not his fault he is paid less than what he is worth. He has no benefits with his job, we currently have state heath care for the kids, but I don't want to live like that forever. I can get state funded day care and shouldn't have to pay for it since he makes so little if I go and work full time or get job training. The point is I need to do what works for us and if I can do something now to better my kids future than I am going to. Do I believe being a SAHM is a luxury, yes, but I also believe it is a blessing and a priviledge and but you have to be able to afford it. If my husband made more than I would never have the desire to go work outside the home but he doesn't and I have to do what I can do to help as much as I can. Once I finish nursing school and get a job as an RN I will be making twice as much as he makes now so our plan is he can stay at home with the kids and home school and I can work 3 nights and still be home 4 days with all of them. Thanks for all your input and God Bless you all!

Bonnie - posted on 06/23/2010

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I stay at home with our two boys andlove it. Yes money is tight once in awhile but I think it is worth it. If I did work my paycheck would just go to pay the daycare, anyways. I sell Avon to help with some of the bills. I don't make a lot of money from selling it but it does help. That might be something you could look in to. When I have to deliver orders I take the boys with me, my customers enjoy seeing them, too.

Kathy - posted on 06/23/2010

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Have you thought of trying to find work from home that would fit you and your family and your goals? If you could find the right fit, then you could have a win win situation. You get to spend quality time with your children and be there for your husband while also being able to contribute to the household income. There are a lot of different things out there, but you do have to be careful and do your home work. I would love to talk to you more about what I have learned. Feel free to send me an email if you are interested in more information.
I know if you stay positive and work towards your happy ending, it will all be okay.

Cassandra - posted on 06/23/2010

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I'm a stay at home mom and there was no choice if I'd keep working or not. My old job didn't even pay enough to cover a month of daycare. For us it isn't a luxury.

[deleted account]

Staying home to raise your own children is a privilege and a sacrifice. I gave up my career to do it. Although I still work part-time (10 hours a week) it is not in my career field. It is more important to me to raise my own child than the pay someone else to do it. Many people are not willing to make the difficult choices and sacrifices it take to raise children, care for a family and run a household on one income. And many people who do try to do it don't do it in the black as you choose to do. There are many "things" I would like to have but not at the expense of my child's happiness and well-being. That is the sacrifice I am not willing to make.

Alison - posted on 06/23/2010

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My husband makes plenty of money for us to live on, so when we had the kids it was decided that it would be best for me to stay at home with them while they are little.

If my husband got laid off, I would most definitely take a job so that we could make ends meet. While he is looking for his next full time gig he can watch the kids.

[deleted account]

I have been a stay at home mom for over 8 years now and have lived paycheck to paycheck the entire time, we can't go to movies or go to dinner (at least not more than a couple times a year) but this time with your kids is time you can't get back so it's worth the sacrifices. If you truly can't pay your bills or feed your family then you have to do what you have to do (which is probably working nights while your husband works days cause otherwise daycare will eat your whole paycheck) but if you have the necessities covered then that's all that matters. Better times will come and your kids care way more about time with you than stuff you buy them or places you take them. I also know how stressful it can be when $ is really tight, my husband was laid off for 8 months last year and we had to eat a lot of the same (cheap) foods all the time, and I did consider getting a job, but God provided and we made it through. You may also want to consider canceling your cable & internet services for a while and maybe even your home phone provided you get cell reception in your home.

Alison - posted on 06/22/2010

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Hi.. I love being at home with my two and would do it again any time. We also live payday to payday,,, but we still love and have fun.... it is all I remember with my mom and dad. we always had someone at home and latter children will thank you for that. that is something i will never trade in.

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