Is being a SAHM really a 24/7 job for all of you?

Christina - posted on 05/28/2010 ( 964 moms have responded )

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Ok so I'm trying to get feedback from all you sahm. I'm a sahm as well, and I understand how hard this job is. However, I read a lot of the posts on here and a lot of you say the same things about your husbands/fiance/boyfriend about how they don't help. Really? Am I in the minority when I say that when my husband has his days off and even when he comes home from work that he helps with dinner/chores/baths etc? I keep reading that "when dad comes home he gets to relax and I'm cooking dinner, and doing homework etc" Am I one of the few lucky ones whos husband helps and gives me a break sometimes?

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Elena - posted on 05/28/2010

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You are not lucky. Just smart in choosing the right man. Being a stay at home mom should not mean you do it all your self. I have been a sahm for 10 yrs now. When my daughters were young my husband always helped and even encouraged me to get out on my own some days. Now that my daughters are in school all day, I have more time to myself and NOW I do it all, but I don't mind, because I know that when I needed him he was there and he has my back. I think that being expected to do it all while he gets to chill can lead to feelings of resentment, and this is a topic that needs to be discussed before the decision is made to be a sahm. To be a happy sahm you need a partner who values the hard work that goes in to it, and if you happen to have that then I think you have the right person by your side,

Tana - posted on 06/09/2010

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my husband works very physically demanding job and i feel bad when he comes home and the house is a mess, the laundry is piled high, and the kids and i look like we've been through the ringer, but I do need a break!!!! Not only is being a sahm 24/7 thing, it is so mentally and emotionally straining. Yes, it is rewarding, but anyone out there that says they don't get mentally or emotionally drained from the 24/7 is full of crap!!! Yes, i want my hubby to be able to relax and whatever, but its just not realistic. His job ends at some point in the day, mine doesn't. He may not like to help me when he's busted his butt at work all day, but if he doesn't the whole family suffers because I can't do it all alone. Thankfully he helps out alot compared to some dads/husbands I know!!!!

Rebecca - posted on 10/12/2010

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I know I'm totally late on this post, but H to the E-L-L no I don't get help that I need!!!! I'm not a B***H either or a HOE....Would you talk to your mother like that????? My hubby talks to me like that, so it's no wonder why I'm angry and I slapped him. He's acted more foolish if you really want to know.... What about his mom spanking him w/a wooden spoon when he was young.? I don't understand how anyone can say sorry stuff about their wife, but their mom was royalty to them. No wonder some women feel you should marry your mom...literally. I'm sorry, but I feel I probably should have listened sometimes, when my parents or others told me marriage was probably not good for me at the time. How do the women that have hubby's that help do it? Do you ASK for every single thing you need help with or does your hubby take initiative? I feel this is the difference between a man and a child. I'm sorry, but I'm not and do not want to be his mother! I should not feel that he is my child either. I have 2 already and honestly it feels so hopeless and I really feel like throwing in the towel. I don't because I know Jesus doesn't give up on me. I'm not appreciated and more importantly....I feel like my MIL is ALL up in my grill (my life) and I'm suffocating! For any happily married couples out there....was there any times you felt like divorce may be best? Or has your marriages always been so blissful? I just wonder, if this is really what a marriage feels like. It's only 2 1/2 years for me. Thanks. I'm happy for those of you that do have the help and none of the intensity that myself or any other mom on here does.



Rebecca

Krystine - posted on 06/08/2010

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During the weekdays, if my boyfriend gets home and looks beat, I don't expect anything of him. He works long hours, and I understand that he is tired.
But on the week-ends, he does help me.
He lets me sleep in, and he tends to our son while I catch up on some sleep.
He tends to our son more, plays with him more and helps out alot more too.
And I think that's the way it should be.
Weekdays, a little less help.
Week-ends, more help.

Am I wrong?

Giuseppina - posted on 06/08/2010

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I guess I'm in the sae boat you are. My husband is very involved with our children. They are very young, and he's a wonderful daddy. I'm not the best of cooks out there, and for the longest time, he did all the cooking in the house. But, to my credit, I'm trying my best and have been able to follow some recipes quite well as of late. He works hard, and I started to feel bad about being at home. But in the end, I look at my children. I see how smart and talented they both are, and I know that I had a hand in that with everything I do for them at home.

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Abigail - posted on 03/12/2011

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My husband helps out as best as he can. Some people have trouble handing over control. And feel that they still have to do everything in order for it to be done and done right. There are times that I realize my hubby isnt doing what is need, right when needed...but heck I zone out and watch tv for 10 min myself when I have backup. I think its just harder for us because if you have a A type personality you just cant shut your self off. Crap I check in with my hubby and tell him to watch the kids so I can shower and sometimes I don't even feel I can do that. But that is more my personality problem/trait. I am controling and need to be active all the time.

Saraya - posted on 01/22/2011

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Girl, you're lucky! LOL. My fiance will only help if i ask and ask! Otherwise, it's all me! 9 times out of 10 he doesn't even consider it a "real job"!

Natalie Rose - posted on 01/19/2011

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My husband is beyond wonderful and understanding when it comes to helping out around the house. He realizes that my role as a SAHM is a vital and challenging one, as is his role as the provider, we try to help each other out as much as possible and the end result is a very happy, symbiotic relationship! I really can't imagine having it any other way!

Amy - posted on 01/19/2011

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Well, it is an on-call job for sure. Up in the middle of hte night, all hours of the night. I think it's my job to do dishes, laundry, cleaning, and running kids around to school and stuff. But...He helps me. If he sees laundry basket full, he'll take it to the laundry room. He doesn't fold. lol. Just me. He'll do dishes if he ends up with random fridays off. He always gets kids bath and tucks them in. He likes to cook, but I usually have it done when he's working. Sunday mornings or other mornings, he makes kids breakfast while I get a leisurely shower or just get to drink my coffee warm for once. :) I have a very good husband. Quite lucky.

Gina - posted on 01/19/2011

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I think you and I and all the other moms whose husbands help them are blessed. My husband is working two jobs so that I can be a sahm and he still helps around the house. He understands how hard I work to take care of our son and keep up the house. He can't do everything I'd like, but he does a lot to help and give me a break when I need it.

Aime - posted on 01/19/2011

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My hubby helps out all the time. He's great about it and never complains. And on the days when I've had a really bad day here at home, he pretty much takes complete control. It's very nice, and I wish all moms could be so lucky.

Gillian - posted on 01/19/2011

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I think I am with you. I have a great husband who takes the kids as soon as he is home and takes ALL 3 of them downstairs and they play hockey or trains. I often have weekends when its just me and my daughter when he takes the two boys fishing and to the cabin. I think he just inherited his dad's amazingness with kids. *Was a big attraction when we met*

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2011

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My husban is great too! He works 50-60 hours a week but when he is home he is all about Nathan (our 8 month old). On his days off he gets up with the baby and me. I tell him to sleep in but he thinks he is going to miss something lol. He helps with dishes and cleaning . I have to ask him to relax that some of the stuff is my job and I dont mind doing it. He just adores our little one so whatever free time he has goes on him :) Im a very lucky women. He makes my job easy and at the end of the day it helps him out :) I have more energy to do other things (wink wink)

Caroline - posted on 01/19/2011

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Mu husband is a help too but there is only so much he will do. I am in charge of bathing the kids and cleaning and laundry, but he does alot if the cooking when he can, as he is working full time and going to school. I would say you are not alone my husband definietly helps when i need a break too!

Crystal - posted on 01/19/2011

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My husband comes home and helps. He would help more if i just asked him to. Most days I get up before him and make his breakfast and dinner, then see him off to work then get the kids ready for school fallowed by house work. Then the kids come home and we start homework and dinner.

When he comes in he cleans out his lunch box takd out the garbage and the helps with homework. Then he takes a shower and helps with dinner when i need it. If I dont feel good he will cook and clean up for me. I'm lucky and I love him

Rebecca - posted on 01/17/2011

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My husband does both- once a week he wakes up early and cleans the house as a surprise for me. He isn't home for any of the evening routine (dinner, bathtime etc) so on his days off he either cooks while I bath them or vice versa. My hubby and I both agree that although I am at home everyday with the kids, they are still 50% his responsibility. I show him my love through making his work lunch, doing his uniforms etc, and he shows me his love by helping me in the little things.

But he still gets his 'chill out' time too. I have the kids asleep (and often I am asleep) by the time he gets home from work, so he gets to chill as much as he likes. On his days off we always watch a show while the kids have an afternoon nap and thats even more chill out time for us both. :)

Angela - posted on 01/16/2011

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Yes you are one of the lucky ones most will not do anything they think their days are more stressful and are too tired to help and their days are for them no one else. Mine used to be like that now his days off he will help by doing laundry and cleaning but it took a lot of years.

Deana M. - posted on 01/16/2011

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You are lucky! I think I am too. My husband does help...although it has taken til now when our daughter is 16 months old. I think it took a few times of him watching her all by himself to realize what it is i do all day long. Now he tells me how much he appreciates me and what I do haha, but I tell him that I appreciate him working so hard so that I can stay home and raise our daughter too. Its a nice balance. Its takes time but it works :)

Alexis - posted on 01/15/2011

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NO, your not alone, My hubby will help when he comes home. Usually I have to ask him but he doesnt throw a fit or anything about it, he just doenst always know what i need help with. He is awesome with our son all 7 days a week. He also gives my whole days and nights off to go hang out with friends or do something for myself. He also gets a day off for the same thing. I would have to say my hubby is pretty fair with the responsibilities and giving me off time too.

Stifler's - posted on 01/14/2011

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It shouldn't be so hard. Husbands should definitely help out!! I don't find it that hard since I put the foot down on him helping out with the kid.

Gina - posted on 11/24/2010

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yep...your lucky. Although my husband does come home and he chops the firewood, occasionally helps with homework and feeds all the animals on the ranch. could be worse.

Dawn - posted on 10/29/2010

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OMG yes being a SAHM is the hardest job out there . And you don't get money, but you get something better the unconditional love and piece of mind . I'm a SAHM and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Stephanie - posted on 10/24/2010

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I wish my bf helped me the way i feel like i need it. i stay at home with our son so he beings home the money and is tired at the end of the day but if i ask him to change a diaper i either get attitude or he says no. i just wish he seen how much work it is i truly do all day long. he thinks i sit around eating and watchin LMN all day long! Ugh

Kristi - posted on 10/23/2010

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I agree with the other moms who say you're smart in picking the right man; which is what I also did =). Don't get me wrong, though, I feel very lucky having found him =).
Either way, he doesn't put 100% of the burden on me. I am a SAHM, and my son is his step son (who he has raised for 2 of the 4 yrs my son has been alive), and he still helps me out with him 100%. He works evenings and nights, and on some mornings, he'll get up with our son and let me sleep in. On his days off, he helps me out with the housework, even down the vacuuming and dishes. He encourages me to take a break, to have some "me time". He always tells me how much he appreciates everything I do for him, even if it is just as small as making the bed or doing his laundry. Best of all, when my son sees him helping me out, it makes him want to pitch in, too. Sometimes cleaning my house becomes a family affair lol. But what I like the most about my relationship is that not only do we love each other, but we respect each other, too. And I think every relationship deserves that =).

Sarah - posted on 10/19/2010

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you are lucky i agree! but my husband is the same way...he comes home and does things around the house if i didnt get to them or makes dinner or helps with the baby when i want to do something!

Denise - posted on 10/14/2010

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you are lucky? you did pick a good guy. My husband is a hard worker 2 jobs. I just wish he could want and get to spend more time with our kids. So i could catch up on the house work and maybe some much needed sleep. But no he don't just dive right in to help after work. Wish i could get him to? Have any tips on how to get him to?

Bonnie - posted on 10/14/2010

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Yes, you are one of the lucky ones. From comments I read on COM and her in the general public, most say they don't get help. I don't get help everyday, but my husband does help sometimes with laundry, dishes, bathing the kids. Sometimes he takes them out just so everyone is out of my hair and I can get a few more things done or a little time alone.
Then there is days like today, where my husband is gone pretty much all day (during waking hours), between 7am and 9pm and everything is on me. It is trying sometimes, but wouldn't say it is a 24/7 job everyday. Especially since everyday I get to sleep a good 6 hours.

Jessica - posted on 10/13/2010

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My husband is great, when he isn't working or when he comes home he's 110% focused on helping, he makes dinner some nights, baths, reading, playing. he's on it. and Encourages me to go out as well.

Alana - posted on 10/13/2010

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my fiance works, and cooks tea, i do the rest.
he plays with the little man everyday, n occupies him while im busy housewroking. x

Courtney - posted on 10/13/2010

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My husband helps as well. He generally takes care of a lot of the outside jobs, but helps indoors as well. Even with our Isaac; my husband gives him a bath nearly every night (also because this is a short bonding time for them). On the other hand, my husband is in the military and currently deployed... so I've taken on all jobs myself for the time being.

Erin - posted on 10/13/2010

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Mu husband absolutely helps me whenever he can. He does laundry, dishes, cooks dinner if I wasn't able to finish it, plays with the kids, anything really. He travels a TON for work... out of state and out of the country sometimes. He recently got back from a 3 week long trip to Germany. When he got home, he took a weeks vacation so I could relax and have a break for a little while (We have 2 children and 1 on the way). So, I'm right there with you in that I too have a husband who helps me out a ton! I think it shows appreciation for what we, as mom's, do.

Angela - posted on 07/30/2010

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My husband helps me clean on saturdays, mows the lawn, and makes dinner a few times a week. He'll even get the washing in, but folding it is too much to ask of him, lol! I need that act of love from him to lighten my load, to feel treasured. Mind you, I do work 3 afternoons a week.

Ayla - posted on 07/13/2010

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My partner is willing to help, but i have to ask him to do things, he doesnt take initiative to do it without being told to. Helps, but i can tell he just wants to relax after work. My job never stops, and he dont get it, but i just put up with it my lil boy needs someone to do things for him, and im more then happy to!

Lika - posted on 07/13/2010

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yes you are blessed hold on because some fight it every step of the way and its like having a grown child come home at the end of the day another mouth to feed lol

Donna - posted on 07/13/2010

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Christina, I am blessed also! My awesome hubby helps no matter what - he feels it is an honor and a privilege to be a father & husband. We are a team and if one does more than the other at some point - it doesn't matter, it will balance at some point and even if it doesn't, so what?! I can not imagine a partner that didn't help - those men (?) need a good talking to - therapist, pastor - or lessons in life with a child. Just sayin'...

Crystal - posted on 07/11/2010

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im a single mum so def a 24/7 job for me! i dont have any1 help me so im always exhausted n havent had any time out since i gave birth. a very tuff job but soo rewarding!!!

Julie - posted on 07/11/2010

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my husband is amazing he helps with everything and gives me time to myself. it is hard being a sahm but with a supportive husband/partner life is richer.

Kayla - posted on 07/07/2010

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this is my husbands second go at marriage and raising children, he learned from his mistakes the first time around and loves to make me happy... our son is his world. i think that the biggest thing that helped him realize that i do need help is that i was never afraid to be honest with him and express my feelings and thoughts! we have one rule in our house... HONESTY we promised to make share our life and that means that we help eachother reguardless of how tired we are or how frazzled we feel by the end of the day. its always easier to do it together because by the end of the night, the team work pays off and we have that time to just curl up on the couch or in bed and go back to "us" before the craziness of a new family started. we cherrish those moments and we look forward to them... it's kind of our reward for working as a team instead of individuals.

Shanon - posted on 07/07/2010

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yes my boyfriend tells me i bring home the bacon and u cook it. please let us how u get him do help

Kayla - posted on 07/07/2010

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that's awesome, my husband loves to help with our 22 month old when he is home... that mean diapers and all! my son is daddy little man, they do everything together! he has always been great about giving me a break when i need a few moments to myself after chasing the baby down allday and doing the house work. AND he always asks me what needs to be done so he can help me out! i love my husband, hes a great dad and a wonderful husband!

Laura - posted on 07/07/2010

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I like to use the term homemaker rather than SAHM because I fell it is my job to make a wonderful home life for my husband
when he works hard all day to let me be able to stay home and raise our son. He will help load the dishwasher if it needs to be done but I don't like when he does cause I tend to feel like I'm not doing my job good enough if he feels he has to do parts. With our son on the other hand, when my husband gets home from work first thing he does is scoop Drake up and give him hugs and kisses. He takes an almost equal part of watching, feeding, playing with, and bathing our son. I am the only real cleaner in our house but not a single parent so I feel very blessed!

Aisha - posted on 07/07/2010

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You are lucky no doubt and so am I my husband also helps me whenever he can and he is available on his days of he lets me sleep in and takes care of our son and breakfast and stuff....and still we go out to enjoy eating, entertaining, shopping and visiting friends and famliy!!!!!

Jacqueline - posted on 07/06/2010

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Yes u are one of the few whos husbands do help out, Mine only helps when he wants something in return or if certain people are around. Its not easy but you get used to it and the nagging finally ends when u just dont care anymore cause ur talking to a wall lol..I get told that its my job to take care of the kids 24/7 and clean the house and clean up after him kids etc...because he works all day and all week,my responce is usually..yeah well im not the only one who had part in making these children now do ur part /..but that usually leads to a fight anyway going to stop before i start venting ..lol but ya ur one of the lucky few congrats :P

Heather - posted on 07/05/2010

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i would not call it a 24/7 job! yes you have days you have to be there 24/7! kids get sick it happens. however no i never work 24/7 and i don't concider it work! i love my kids and value the time i get with them. my husband is active duty military and will help out when he is home from deployments. hubby helps cook on days my house has been over hectic.(and i have not gotten it done till he gets home form work) he helps with baths, bed time,diapers all of that stuff. i find it very sad men who do not help out with their kids! it took help making them(i know i could not make mine alone!..LOL) so if they have the maturity to want to make a family then they should have the maturity to help take care of them. i have my days i get to go out and do things on my own or with just 1 kid at a time. which i think all people should have their alone time it's what keeps a person sain(or at least out of hug me vests).

S - posted on 07/05/2010

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Well, my husband will help me out, but I have to ask. There are just some things that I wish he'd figure out for himself. He has a desk job and his company actually goes golfing or on other outings for a couple hours once a week. He knows darn well that I work harder than he does, but at least he is willing to help. He knows when my patience is running out and will pitch in by giving our daughter a bath, reading to her and putting her to sleep. With housework, he had a SAHM that did all the household chores alone. My hubby will do it if I ask. I sometimes feel as though I shouldn't have to ask....that is another can of worms though...

Ashley - posted on 07/05/2010

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You are super lucky. I am a 24/7 everything! I feel like I am ALWAYS doing everything. If I ask he'll do something, with or w/out an attitude, depends on his mood. He thinks I underestimate how hard he works and he thinks he knows how hard my job is. He doesn't clean anything anymore. Once I started to really get the hang of balancing the baby and other stuff he just kinda stopped doing anything. I clean the house, make the bed (even if I didn't sleep in it!!), I pick up his trail of crap, and take care of the animals. I do a lot and I kinda mind somedays when he tells me how TIRED he is. All I can think is WHAT ABOUT ME, nothing is ever about me and if I am tired. Be super grateful, I would! Don't get me wrong, I love my family I just wish I got a little more help....I am also breasfeeding so it makes her more my job

CHRISTINA - posted on 07/05/2010

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My hubby is a great help to me when he can. He works really long overnight hours and the best thing he does for me is gives our girls breakfast so I can go run. This keeps me sane! On his days off, he plays with the girls while tidy up. I don't mind this at all, since I spend lots of time playing with them and less on my house sometimes! I consider myself very fortunate to have such a hands on husband!

Amanda - posted on 07/04/2010

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Well, when the baby takes his long naps I have down time, and I have down time when he goes to bed at night. My boyfriend has an extremely demanding schedule and sacrifices a lot for me and our baby. I do feel it is my job to keep things clean, do laundry, etc. I don't believe he was ever raised to have to do chores, so you can't really expect someone to do a complete 360 and change their life long ways. When I need to go out or wanna go with my friends somewhere and he's not at work and available, he'll watch the baby for me. He's an exception to 99% of other guys his age so really I can't complain.

Kate Kathy - posted on 07/04/2010

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At times, but I feel like I need to rush to get anything done. I am thankful for Mothers Day out.

Kelly - posted on 06/30/2010

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If you ladies want your hubby to help out, just keep telling him your too tired to make love due to exhaustion. Now my husband will help out as much as possible so he can get his reward later. Cheers. Kelly

Celeste - posted on 06/30/2010

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But i do have to say one thing YESSSS it is a 24/7 job and i think it is for most of moms!!!

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