Is being a SAHM really a 24/7 job for all of you?

Christina - posted on 05/28/2010 ( 964 moms have responded )

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Ok so I'm trying to get feedback from all you sahm. I'm a sahm as well, and I understand how hard this job is. However, I read a lot of the posts on here and a lot of you say the same things about your husbands/fiance/boyfriend about how they don't help. Really? Am I in the minority when I say that when my husband has his days off and even when he comes home from work that he helps with dinner/chores/baths etc? I keep reading that "when dad comes home he gets to relax and I'm cooking dinner, and doing homework etc" Am I one of the few lucky ones whos husband helps and gives me a break sometimes?

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Tiffany - posted on 05/31/2010

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I agree that it takes 2 to have a baby and all of that, but my husband has a demanding job that includes lots of manual labor. I do not expect him to come home and help with housework. He helps me out by doing the little things.

Tiffany - posted on 05/31/2010

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My Husband helps when he is home. He works 6 days a week and on his day off, all he is focused on is making sure we do something as a family and he helps a lot. When he gets home during the week, he will play with our son while I make dinner and that is just what I need! He will also do bathtime and whatever else I need help with. I really don't expect my husband to do laundry, cook, clean etc. that's my job! I take care of this household and that's how it's supposed to be. But yes, my husband helps a lot! He is a great dad.

Mandy - posted on 05/31/2010

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during the week my husband doesn't help all that much....sometimes he will tidy up the kitchen after dinner and thats about it.....but on the weekends he is AWESOME....he will wash and dry all the laundry and then I fold and put it away....he cleans the kitchen, vaccuums, even goes grocery shopping occassionally. This morning he had gone to the store and started bacon and eggs before I was even out of bed. :) So he definitely makes up for it on the weekends that's for sure. It actually makes me feel a little bit guilty....like he's picking up my slack or something.

Alicia - posted on 05/31/2010

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my husband helps all the time. he will come home from work give baths feed her change her play with her, and clean some things i didnt get around to. hes awesome though. he deploys quite frequently so i do it mostly. its nice. :)

Nicole - posted on 05/31/2010

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I just have one question for all you lucky/picked-the-right-man women: do your husbands have brothers? Cuz sadly it is kind of a man-disease that many men do treat women the way we are posting about being treated. Mine gets three days off a week and can't be bothered to help at all. I do everything and then he tells me I need to get a job because he has no spending money to use on video games. I love him dearly, but his parents raised him in a manner that I find appauling, I don't care who you are or what you do, as a parent whether you work or not you have an obligation to your kids at least, that means sharing in child rearing which means cooking and cleaning it is not a one-sided show. So I envy all of you who have partners who take part, I really do, and yes my mother is one of those lucky women. I wish I had a way of breaking my man into seeing that it's time to worry about other things than why the xbox live won't work.

Amber - posted on 05/31/2010

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I agree with Elena, you picked the right man.
I did the same thing. I wanted to be with somebody who wouldn't put all the burden on me, and that's exactly what I got.
I get to go out every other weekend with the girls if I want to. I can take a day to go shopping and get out of the house. He'll clean up, do laundry, dishes, the floors...bsically whatever needs done. He also took a "night shift" one or two times a week with our son when he was an infant. I still get to sleep in one or two times a week, depending on his days off.
I can't imagine having to do it all by myself. And quite frankly, I wouldn't. We both live here, it's both of our child, and he needs to put it the time too, and thank goodness he feels the same.

I never understood how the man could just "opt out" of doing it. Because I would never allow it to happen, and I'd be out the door before he knew what hit him. But you can't help who you love I guess....

Kate - posted on 05/31/2010

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l get a lot of help from my husband. l kept telling him before we had our first child it's every minute of every day taking care of a child. After we had Bryce, he said "wow, you said it was every minute of every day, but l didn't realize it would be so hard." The 4 days we were in the hospital from my c-section, he changed every diaper. When our twins were born last year, he took a month off work to help me. Now at least once a week l get to go shopping alone or out to dinner with my friends. At least once a week, there is no food ready for him when he comes after work or on his lunch break. About once a month he has to quick wash work clothes because l forgot to get it done.

David usually works afternoon shift but sometimes he works days on weekends. There's been times when he's come home and l'm putting on my shoes getting ready to leave for a few hours. When l reach the end of my rope, l need to get away whether he's had time to destress after work or not. On those days, l need to destress more after working all day taking care of the kids than he needs to destress after his day at work.

Dads need to spend time alone with the kids or they just don't know how hard it is. They love the kids as much as we do. They'll do their best to take care of them when we aren't there. The kids can survive a few hours with him.

Oh, there is a group on here called Moms with wonderful husbands. l'm part of that group, too. There are some us who very helpful partners.

Amy - posted on 05/28/2010

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my husband works 12 hours only sleeps 5 and then helps me with my son which is his step son then goes back to work at five in the evening he trys to give me an hour or two a day where i can have some free and then on the week ends he does the bed time routine while im cleaning up after dinner or doing what ever us supermoms do when its bed time lol so i do consider my self lucky

Elena - posted on 05/28/2010

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You are not lucky. Just smart in choosing the right man. Being a stay at home mom should not mean you do it all your self. I have been a sahm for 10 yrs now. When my daughters were young my husband always helped and even encouraged me to get out on my own some days. Now that my daughters are in school all day, I have more time to myself and NOW I do it all, but I don't mind, because I know that when I needed him he was there and he has my back. I think that being expected to do it all while he gets to chill can lead to feelings of resentment, and this is a topic that needs to be discussed before the decision is made to be a sahm. To be a happy sahm you need a partner who values the hard work that goes in to it, and if you happen to have that then I think you have the right person by your side,

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I just want to say God Bless You to all the woman who do not get the support & help they deserve from their partners! It takes 2 to have a baby & I am sorry, but men can be so naive & stupid when it comes to knowing everything we do for our children!!! Now I realize just how blessed I am for having a husband that shares the work when he gets home from a long day on the job. I wish there was a way to make them understand how much we do, not just for our kids, but for them too!

Kim - posted on 05/28/2010

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yeah. my bf barely helps. he works alot so when he gets home he does what he wants. hell play with our daughter but as far as giving me a break, not often. hell hold her so i can shower but thats it. lol. your a lucky duck

ELIZABETH - posted on 05/28/2010

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ya i my man wont do it auless i aske him and then he acts like a kid given a chore

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