Is it really that much hard work?

[deleted account] ( 243 moms have responded )

I hear lots of moms moaning about how much hard work being a stay at home mother is, how hard it is to do housework and look after the kids but come on people is it really that hard?

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[deleted account]

I don't think it's ALWAYS hard...but it GETS hard sometimes. I have hairy moments. Take the diaper off the kid, he pees on the floor. Turn to grab a towel to throw on the floor and the baby is pulling wipes out of the box and flinging them in the air. throw the towel down, pick up handfulls of wipes and stuff them back in the top of the box. The dog grabs the towel and runs for the doggie door. Then the phone rings, I run for the phone, then the dog..then the phone. Baby's still naked! grab a diaper. grab the phone. go beat the dog with the phone. bring muddy towel inside and throw it on the pee puddle anyway. Husband walks in the door...looks around and declares, "Wow this place is trashed! What have you done all day?" Beat husband to death with the dog...wrap him in the muddy towel and bury his body in the back yard.
It's not that it's so HARD....we are home all day...but our days are non STOP. We are the one who sits bolt upright in bed at 3am when the baby wimpers. We are the one who gets looked at when there is a month of fast food trash in the floor of the truck. We are the only ones who understand how many scoops of formula go in a bottle...and we are the only ones who can diagnose a diaper rash.
There are some days that are smooth as silk without a hitch. We wake up lazy, he crawls in my bed and we lay there smooching for a while watching The Today Show. We wander downstairs together and have a waffle feast. He climbs on the potty like a big boy and the dog minds his own business. Hubby walks in the door smiling and scoops up the baby.
I think it CAN be that hard....because we are doing this non stop. We don't get to leave the house for 10 hours a day and go be around other adults. I don't get adult interaction as much as my husband does. I don't have the freedom of sitting in the bathroom for 45 minutes because my tummy is upset. So yeah.... It's hard. It's not hard constantly...but even a drop of water can drive you insane.

[deleted account]

Honestly, I've considered asking the same thing lately. It seems every time I look at this board, the conversations page is filled with several posts lamenting about how hard life is as a sahm and how their partners do not do any chores. I have been both a working mom and a sahm, and honestly, I find staying home a good bit easier, and I had a housekeeper, nanny, and landscaper when I worked!

As a sahm, I don't think that the partner that works should do chores. My husband is expected to play with and HELP take care of our son when he gets home from work. This frees me up to make dinner, clean the kitchen, and such. I play with our son all day while my husband works. My husband only gets to see him in the evening, why would I want him doing chores instead of spending time with our son? I think it is more important for him to have some quality time with our son than with the dishes.

My husband works outside the home, I take care of our home, and we both share responsibility for our son. I hate the argument that my husband lives here and shares the house so he should share the responsibility of cleaning it. Well, I share the money he makes, I live in the house he pays for, enjoy the heating and air conditioning he pays for, drive the car he pays for, wear the clothes he pays for, and eat the food he pays for. I think if the stay at home parent wants the working parent to share in the responsibility for caring for the house, then that parent should be willing to share in the responsibility of paying for the house and all of the other things that are used by all but paid for by the working parent.

Basically, I think a lot of people are ungrateful lately.

[deleted account]

Yes Suzanne...I got that you are a housewife and a mother. that's exactly the point. You've been there, done that , going from sunup to sundown and keeping it all together. Bravo (seriously). You are the one who could be giving these other women some guidance and encouragement. They are looking at you and thinking, "if she can do it, why am I struggling so much? how does she make it look so easy?" You have to look past the "grumbling" and see the compliment. Just because it is easy for you, doesn't mean it is for everyone.....and I think that takes a lot of women by surprise. Then the guilt kicks in because we are supposed to be "naturals." We are told that our instincts will kick in, but that isn't true for each mother. Some really struggle and don't understand why. It's up to the ones like you to help them find their groove. You are probably so amazing.....pass that gift on! Otherwise, it seems like there is some little part that likes watching others fail? Makes you look all the better? Gosh, I hope not. Do you really think all the complaining is really about housework and lazy spouses? maybe a little, but I think it is the isolation and mundane aspects of being home all day that really gets to some of them. they just feel so alone.....otherwise, why would they reach out on an internet message board? So congrats to any mom, SAHM or otherwise, who judges and criticizes and sends them even further into isolation. nice. We are called as women to be above that. we should be helping one another..........or has motherhood just become another nasty competition in this glory seeking world?
As for spouses. Sorry.....burden?? the day my husband sees taking care of his home and his children as a burden........he can pack his own bag, or find the locks changed. Pretty sure he was standing right by my side and repeated the same words I did ------ "for better, or for worse, in sickness and in health". And excuse me, what kind of man sees his wife, the mother of his children, completely overwhelmed, lost and hurting, and instead of finding a way to make it better, instead of acting out in love, argues about whose job it is to do the dishes? or who works harder? resorts to finger pointing? Seriously....is that what marriages are like? Good Lord......no wonder the divorce rate is so high. Not only is it not a partner, it's not much of a man in my opinion. A man who loves his wife and wants the best for her, makes her happiness his #1 priority (not making money!!). He does what needs to be done; with none of that "it's not my job" crap. And no woman should be lorded over because she Doesn't make the money. I love, love, love that my husband works hard so that I can stay home. it is so wonderful and I am grateful. but I am NOT going to get down on my knees and kiss the ground he walks on because of it. (I do that because he still brings me my cup of coffee in the morning after 7 years of marriage.) that's gloried slavery....not equality. How can your marriage have any balance if that is the way? All this grumbling about helping with housework and kids....again, missing the forest for the trees. They are not the real issues..... in most cases the man has completely checked out. He's left his wife alone to struggle......indeed, watches her struggle, maybe even cry. and does nothing. in fact, some may even make her feel worse. well, ain't that a pretty picture. If that was my home..... you bet your a$$ SAHM would seem like the hardest, loneliest, isolating job in the world. But, most of you have the luxury of not knowing what that kind of home is like. And that is what you should be truly grateful for. Any man worth his salt knows that the best thing you can do for your children........is to love their mother.

Lisa - posted on 09/21/2010

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Is being a SAHM hard work? Yes. Is being a working mom hard work? Yes. Being a parent in general is hard work although the most fun, interesting and rewarding work most parents will ever get to do.

Most moms on here aren't saying that the work is hard, they're saying that they're tired/frustrated of being put down, belittled, or thought to be lazy by people who do not understand what SAHMs do.

I often equate being a SAHM to having a daycare. At no point when my kids went to daycare did I expect that they sat around all day, entertained themselves, changed their own diapers, feed themselves, etc. Being a SAHM means planning activities, educational learning, physical activities, social activities, etc. for children.

So is being a stay at home mom involve work? Yes, if you care about your children's emotional, mental, and physical health, it is work, rewarding work, but still work. I'm sure there are many SAHMs who do sit around all day and "look after the kids" but in my opinion it has never been my job as a SAHM to "babysit" my own children.

Jenn - posted on 09/25/2010

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OK - one thing I'd like to point out about the comment of Moms who work outside the house - when they're not at home with kids all day they don't have the house getting messed up all day either - so they get to come home to the same tidiness that was there when they left. Sure they still have laundry etc., but not the other messes that SAHM have to deal with. Also, Moms that I know that work outside of the home tend to get more help from their SO because the men tend to feel like they are more equal vs. SAHM they think all that stuff is our job.

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243 Comments

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Elizabeth - posted on 04/06/2011

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LOL ....why don't you try Susanne and let me know how much easier it was to sit on your ass for 8 hours at a job taking calls and having conversations with people that consist of more than poop, pee and snack time.

Donna - posted on 04/06/2011

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If you as a person are very suited to the role then probably not. But unlike most jobs, suitability is not a pre-requisite of being a stay at home mom.
If like me, you find that many aspects of the role are very unnatural, then it is the hardest thing you will have ever done.
Oh if all I had to do was play a bit with the kids and do some housework, then it would be relatively straightforward, and totally unfulfilling for all concerned. My job is just a little bit more involved than that......isn't yours?

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 04/06/2011

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Somedays are easier then others. With 3 under 5 its hectic somedays. Routine does help.

[deleted account]

Kimberley I have no help what makes you think i do? Theres just me and my husband who works all day, no grandparents they are all deceased and no other help.

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2011

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Yeah it is pretty hard. I am currently potty training my 2 and 3 year olds, nursing my 4 month old, and the 3 year old is in pre school for 2 hours 3 days a week. I get to deal with all of that plus all the housework and errands. On top of that my husband works 60+ hours a week and is out of town between 1 and 2 weeks out of the month. I very rarely get 5 minutes to myself. So as much as I love my kids and husband, it is very hard. I guess in a different situation it might be easy. I don't know , but I can tell you I work harder now then I did in the 10 years before I was a SAHM.

Kimberly - posted on 04/05/2011

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um for me yes my child has yet to sleep thru the night at seven months old i have a mandating reporter next door who calls the cops on me if my kid is fussy i let my husband sleep threw the night and sleep in the mornings and i get up with him i clean make sure super is on the table when he walks in the door and its just me and landon hearing him scream fuss and what have you hearing alone draines me especially when he is up four times a night and up at seven in the morning obviously you have help dont ever judge or tell some one how easy it is

Sara - posted on 11/01/2010

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I say that it depends on the age of the kids and how many.I am a stay at home mom and I find some of my days to be unliveable.I have 5 kids with one on the way and at times it can be real hard.We have got 5 kids one on the way and 3 dogs so my day gets pretty hetic at time but other times I do agree with you its not all that hard,but like I said it depends on the age of the kids and how many you have and what else is going on with your life.

Amylouise 'Lou' - posted on 10/31/2010

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Housework is tedious, unending and unappreciated - THAT is what is hard. If I could just hang out with the kids all day and read books, do plays, run in the park, bake (with someone else cleaning up) then I would have happy children and happy me. Instead, the housework calls and I find myself fending them off while I work and THAT is hard.

Debbie - posted on 10/21/2010

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Wow Susanne, you certainly stirred up a hornets nest here! So here's my 2 cents!!! It's all about the way you approach it, some women are born Mum's others have to work at it harder. I am one of the latter and after my first child I breezed through being a SAHM but my son was an angel, really didn't get into anything and it was him and I, then came my delightful twin daughters... or as we affectionately call them the wrecking crew! They have challenged every ounce of me and still continue to do so at 3 1/2 years old. I have had to rearrange my priorities and way of thinking having more than one child. Yes I have my days when I feel like nothing gets done and my life is boring and mundane but they are few and far between. I have a blessed life with three beautiful children and a loving hubby who provides amply for my family. We all pitch in as a family, yes I take care of the house but when he sees I need help he gets stuck right in. A family is a partnership not a divided entity, enjoy your kids and your hubby and don't sweat the small stuff!

Merry - posted on 10/21/2010

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Jennifer mercado,
You read my mind! I thought it was just my son, does every toddler hate it when we are in the kitchen? It's like he can be playing happily but I get to the kitchen and he's whiny and grabbing me and getting in the way!
I can't get to the dishes often because he gets so upset and even getting food ready is a struggle. I hope he grows out of it soon.
Yours too :)

[deleted account]

no its not as long as you have a routine and balance around the house then you get use it everyday

Ramona - posted on 10/20/2010

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I think the hard part of staying home is never ending monotony of the chores. You never really finish the laundry, because the family is wearing the clothes that need to washed. You cook, clean up and then wonder what will you make for the next meal. It just never ends. I was a sahm and now work 3 days a week. With kids in sports, scouts, church stuff, band and more, I like being able to sit at work for a bit and hear a geniuine "thank you" for a job well done. Not that the family does not appreciate what I do at home, but the are just used to it.

Trenna - posted on 10/15/2010

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I have easy days and hard days. I think it all depends on the mood you wake in and how much sleep you got the night before.

I left the corporate world to stay at home. We are a family with 6 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats BUT we now only have 2 left living with us :). I have 4 jobs which are: Homemaker, Mother, Teacher and Direct Sales Business Professional. My jobs include maintaining the house and its schedule, being a nuturing mother to all my children, I homeschool and so I teach for at least 4 hours a day and run a direct sales business. Busy, yes! Would I complain. Never! I don't like people judging me if I am having an off day and there are cereal bowls in the sink or the laundry is folded and put away. The world does not revolve around how clean our homes are. Like I said at the beginning even though my days are filled, some days really do seem easy to me. I guess those are the days I have reflected how lucky a family we are and how my stress levels influence my children and don't want them stressing over things that they don't need to.

To all SAHM...take a deep breath, reflect and realize that there are a lot of envious people out there.

To all working moms....try not to be too jealous and also take the time to reflect and your family and all the blessing that you have as well.

Cara - posted on 10/15/2010

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I can be hard work, it can be nerve wracking at times. Just like any other job. It's not just housework and looking after kids. There is MUCH more to it than that. It has it's good days and bad days. That's just how parenting and jobs are in general. The older the baby gets the harder it becomes. When they are little they sleep a lot so there is lots of time to do things. But when they get a little older they are awake a lot more and want to be entertained. Then they start crawling and getting in trouble, then they start walking and getting into even more trouble. Like I said, it has it's good and bad days just like everything else. And if every SAHM listed off all the things they do in a day, there's a large portion of other people that would go "wow, you do all that? I never realized". It does have it's hard times but I love being a SAHM. But people do need to realize that things are different for everyone. You may find it to be super easy, and others may find it to be very hard. Each person is entitled to their opinion on the subject. But no one should be put down for how easy or hard they think it is. Unless of course it's someone that thinks a SAHM does nothing all day or that a working mom isn't really a good mom or some crap like that. You can't judge someone who's shoes you aren't in and shouldn't judge someone PERIOD.

Sandy - posted on 10/13/2010

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When I had my first child I thought it was all fun and games. It wasn't so hard. Now I have a 7 months old baby girl and My son is now 25 month and I find it a little harder especially that my son is in his terrible twos. And I’m trying to get him potty trained. You feel like you don't have a sec to breath at times. If you like your house clean then thiers cleaning every single day and it’s none stop I wash my floors three time a day four to five sets of dishes and three meals freshly cooked and all the baby food I make and ect... It is hard work but I would not trade it for the world. I love my kids and I’m sure most parents would say the same!!!!

Pamela - posted on 10/13/2010

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As someone who's worked her whole life and now finds herself a SAHM due to homeschooling, I have to say that I would choose to go back to work. Don't get me wrong, I love homeschooling my children. I love that I can choose our schedule. Even though I'm a gestapo (according to my mother) my kids enjoy being at home and having the one on one that they need right now. But what is it about being a SAHM that people think you sit on the couch all day and do nothing? Even when I explain that I'm homeschooling, I'm asked to babysit or 'mend this for me' or 'run this errand for me'. What is that? Is it my personality? Is it their perception of SAHMs? I have been blunt to the point of rudeness and the thing is . . . it might turn one away, but someone else shows up to ask a 'favor'. Its never ending. And I gotta tell ya INK ETTE, you nailed it. On a good day, I can tactfully decline the 'favor' I can't take on, but on a bad day I consider where to hide the body. Or screaming until I appear crazy. Neither of which I will do (sigh) because then they will take my kids from me. I think I could enjoy being a SAHM more once these people get the idea I'm not open for business. As for the hubby, God bless him, he's a saint sometimes. He can come in and the house is driving me nuts with the 'need to dos' and he doesn't bat an eye. He tells me he'll grill up something for dinner. Gotta love that man!

Kelly - posted on 10/06/2010

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I agree with Laura H I am the same way It can be harder if you let it but why I do what absolutely has to be done then I spend the rest of the time with my kids they wont be lil forever but I will always have a house to clean

Merry - posted on 10/06/2010

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Say anything you want to me at least susanne! I'm not the vindictive type and I'm not the type to blow up :) lazy.....yes I say I am, schedules....no can't say I do, I'm an open book. For me it's priorities and how I feel. Yes I could be doing my laundry now, or dishes, etc but I don't feel like it! I'm not ashamed about it but I don't think it will be like this forever. There will come a time when my house stays clean, someday:)

Julie - posted on 10/06/2010

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Some days it is really hard, some days not so much. I also think it depends on the how many kids you have, their ages, etc. I remember thinking that I didn't know what the big deal was...why was everyone complaining. Life was easy back in the day. For me it didn't really get "hard" frequently until my oldest started school. Now with 2 in school full time, 1 pre schooler, a 3 year old and my niece (21 months) that I watch Mon-Fri it is hard. The daytime still is pretty good, but from 3-8:30 it is mad chaos, between dinner, showers, activities, homework, reading the list goes on and on. This stage of life is proving to be much harder then when I had all toddlers and babies and could stay at home all day and evening long.

[deleted account]

Its only hard if you make it hard, if you think your life has to look perfect for everyone, your house has to be spotless all the time and your kids have to behave perfectly all the time, than you will be in constant stress, but if you take life day by day doing only what is important each day than life at home can be a blessing not a chore.

[deleted account]

Its not that i dont want a debate but more that what i want to say will upset people so as my mum said if you aint got nothing nice to say dont say nothing at all.

[deleted account]

and thanks Laura! hero? no, no, no....too much pressure. LOL. All us moms are heroes....those of us who struggle, and those of us who seem to just breeze through it all, because either way.... We Are All Doing it the best we can. And for goodness sakes....you're pregnant - have a rest and don't feel sorry for it. As for me, daddy is giving the night bottle and for now she is sleeping. let's hope for the best!

[deleted account]

I don't mind tough questions. debate is good; even healthy. In some ways maybe we should hold one another accountable. Afterall, we are responsible for sending our children out into the world to not be.....well, jerks, for lack of a more polite word. So I am not bothered by the fact that Suzanne asked the question....it just didn't seem like a question at all in my view. I believe in walking the walk if you are going to talk the talk. I did say the proof was in what your children thought of you as a mother, so I decided to do a little experiment. I got the idea from "Bring your Kids to Work Day." My own were too little to experience this when I was a working mom. But why can't they do it with me as SAHM? Yes, they are there everyday, but do they really see all that you do? So I had them shadow me today. They had to do what I did (within reason obviously). Now before anyone thinks I worked my kids to the bone.......given their young ages, it was a "light" day. They had to help get their own breakfast, put the dishes in the dishwasher, sweep the floor, etc. Then they decided to do their bedroom floors (it was still a fun little game at this point.) They did such a great job I gave them each a quarter for their banks. they helped with laundry, preparing their snacks, lunch, vacuum, change the baby's diaper, etc. etc. They couldn't play until a task was completed. By lunch the "little game" was definitely getting old. The "moaning" began. Don't get me wrong, they still had some playtime.....I mean, I do play with them everyday. But they were already beginning to see how much mommy did in a day......specifically how much I did for them. and why I can't always just stop to answer a demand. But this was not really what I was interested in. I'd do it all for them everyday anyway. But I wanted to see if they made any direct comments about the work itself. when we were doing supper and the baby was wailing (remember, non sleeping baby), and I wouldn't let them go play, because supper has to be made, and someone has to comfort the baby. out of the mouths of babes....specifically my son when I wouldn't let him leave the room - because I can't just leave the room all the time. "but mom, she's screaming and I can't think.....and...it's just too hard!" Yeah, yeah.....he's 6, granted. of course he wouldn't be able to handle all that. but an adult should. Yes, an adult should.......but that doesn't mean they always can. when you are tired, overwhelmed, lonely, disappointed with your spouse, disenchanted.... I think most of us can feel 6 years old awful quick. And if my 6 year old son and 3 year old daughter can see how much work it is in a day, and that it can be hard.......well, case closed I think. Of course I didn't leave them stranded, I sent them to play and continued supper, reminding them that mommy goes through all this everyday -- even when it is hard. And what do you think my son said? Gee mom.....you sure must love us! So let's all try to remember that is why we do this amazing job. It shouldn't be about being better than the mom next door, or pats on the back. I love the quote, "it takes a village to raise a child." and that is how we should think of ourselves. All working together to raise our children to be loved and loving people.

Merry - posted on 10/05/2010

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Leslie botchar, you are my hero!!!!!!!! I'm glad you put into words just how I feel, I'm sorry to say I'm overwhelmed with one 1 1/2 yr old and a 10 week pregnancy but I bet you'd understand how! Sleep is a luxury that I hope to have in about 8 years :/ I hope for 4 kids, two years in between and I'm quite ap in my style so I'm not using CIO or sleep training so I'm planning on night wakings for years to come. It's ok, I can sleep in my nursing home and my wonderful kind loving appreciative kids will bring me all the joy I need :) I'm glad Ken is recuperating nicely, here's hoping for a good nights rest, meaning only two wakings :)
Thanks Leslie!!!

Stifler's - posted on 10/05/2010

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I'm sorry but yes some people expect that every post be supportive to their ego and nothing can be debatable when it comes to their mommyhood. It's getting a bit old. Susanne asked a simple question and got all these defensive responses... so hmmmmm. That is all.

Sheryl - posted on 10/05/2010

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it's not that staying at home is hard work so much as it is never ending work. most jobs you get at least 1-2 days off a week. you can't do that as a stay at home mom. if i decided to take a day off, the house would be a mess in that short amount of time!!! so, it is hard to feel like you are always working and not necessarily appreciated. on the other hand, though, i know my husband works hard for us so i can stay home and the stress he feels must be so much more than mine.

Heather - posted on 10/05/2010

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really it is all relative to you, the individual. All of us find our own problems and hardships or victories and happiness in our own places.Not to be determined by anyone elses successes or failures

[deleted account]

can't believe you're sitting back and having a chuckle over the heated exchange you've caused.......although I have noticed that you are not responding to some very valid points myself and other ladies (thank YOU Kharli) have made. High road? Or is this just all for shits and giggles? Well like Jennifer has mentioned.....your spur has found its' mark in some of us. If you were truly curious about an answer to your inquiry, and interested in some kind of intellectual exchange, I would expect some kind of direct response to the points we've made. not comments on the number of posts. If you didn't want to learn something......why'd ya ask? And for anyone who might actually be reading the posts.......Ken is doing just fine and having tea with Sleeping Beauty.

Shannon - posted on 10/05/2010

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Hi all, I say that it all it depends on how or what you consider hard work. I am a mother of 5 boys and things can get tough when you have a couple with ADHD & ODD and picky eaters as well don't get me wrong i'm not complaining I love being a mum first and formost but some days are tougher then other and some are amazing and fun like last night, the kids were suppose to bed but insted we had them up and we got out the little amp we have and the microphone and the kids were singing to the music on the computer it was funny to see.

Jennifer - posted on 10/05/2010

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Suzanne this is the one topic that you will get a lot of responses to because it is the one topic that SAHM are very sensitive about. Although generally it is our husbands not understanding/questioning what we do everyday not another mom. Being a SAHM is very hard but yet it is very rewarding at the same time. Being a working mom I'm sure it find it disturbing to watch the news and hear about yet another child care provider accused of beating a child. We are fortunate to not have to worry about that. You chose to work and put your child in the hands of someone else. It is very brave of you. We do need people to work and I feel better knowing there are woman in the work force and we are not just leaving it up to men. I'm sure you are exhausted during the day same as us. But we ARE working. We are raising our societies future doctors and presidents,etc... What we do it important. Just like what you do is important. If you would have just posted a question like " Is being a stay at home mom hard" then you would have gotten a lot of responses but it probably wouldn't have gotten so heated. The fact you wrote the question like we have NO right to complain is why you have so many women pissed off at you. A simple answer to your question........Yes it really is that hard.

Kharli - posted on 10/05/2010

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I'd like to draw attention to Leslie Botchar's post.
Not only is this woman absolutely hilarious, she has hit the nail on the proverbial head!
Thank you, Leslie. Thank you for being a real woman, and for making me laugh out loud, much appreciated!
To the person who thinks I'm "pissed off", I'd like to inform you that my posts were made with logic, not emotion. That is what debates are about, logical discussion, not being negative to women who are having a hard time as a SAHM.
Regardless of how many children you have or how many years you've been doing this, your original post had no statement along the lines of "we are the lucky ones who get to stay at home and should appreciate it ". In fact, if you had worded your first post positively (or even neutrally) then all of these insults could have been avoided.

Kharli - posted on 10/05/2010

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Well, my point is made, when certain ladies respond so rudely. Emma Newnham seems to be projecting when she mentions "ego".
I know how to post rationally, but some women seem to get quite emotional. Try to stick to the facts, not power stuggles of opinion.
Yes, anyone has the right to post whatever they choose, but should they? This is the problem with blog sites, and the world in general. So many people think they are being "curious/honest" but they are really just trying to validate a negative opinion.
In my first post, I state that it is insensitive to start this conversation. I should have explained, which I did when I was asked to.
My overall point is that this is, presumably, a site to help and uplift each other. And yet, there are quite nasty responses.
C'mon Sisters, can we stop getting down each others' throats and start banding together?
Anthropologically speaking, it is in our best interests to support each other, not question how hard we are working to raise our progeny.
Dominator/patriarchal society has turned women against each other, due to the fact that women in groups tend to hold power (through knowledge), and this instills fear in men who are trying to control. In other words, we are stronger on the same side, instead of second guessing each other.
ps I will not be surprised if there are negative remarks to my post, as society teaches the masses that women should compete with each other.

[deleted account]

Wow - I can't believe this debate is still going on. I can't believe how mean some of you have been to one another. How accusatory. Taking some to task because of the # of their posts? For taking time to themselves on the internet. Lying about cleaning. Have we gotten off topic just a bit? Shameful. I really can't believe that Suzanne is surprised some have taken offense. I absolutely believe in encouraging one another.....but I also believe in being a straight-shooter. So since some have already let go with both barrells; if you can't beat them........well, you're just not hitting hard enough.
it's really not obvious to you how you worded your question ("moaning") immediately placed some SAHM in a position of having to defend themselves and their honest feelings. Generally speaking, people don't like to have to defend themselves or their feelings. Well, actually, you've completely dismissed their feelings. According to you, they don't have the right to any feelings. And I thought just some jerk I dated years ago could make me feel that way. We should just shut up and remain eternally thankful. In theory, I guess that would make a rather peaceful world....but me, well, I say sh#t if my mouth is full of it. I won't hang my head in shame for having a bad day, or just throw in the towel and go back to work if I can't live up to someone else's standards. And don't get me wrong, they are probably excellent standards, can't find any fault there.......it's just I, and a lot of other moms, WE have faults. We're like people that way. I have 2 very active kids and a baby that doesn't hardly sleep. I have walked the floor, rocked the chair, sung till I am hoarse, and finally CIO. 2 1/2 hours of crying later.....still no sleeping baby. And NO - I am not exaggerating for those of you who just rolled your damn eyes. So, if I have a baby who won't nap for more than 20 minutes and doesn't sleep thru the night......and 2 other older kids.....when am I supposed to get all this cleaning, cooking and shopping done? How can life not be all sunshine and rainbows. Because tired babies are such a joy, aren't they? Besides the fact that I am existing on less than 5 hours of sleep (and not necessarily all in a row!) a night for 11 months now. These are real problems......I am not just a-moaning here. My doc is even concerned about my sleep deprivation......I thought I saw a cat on my back deck the other day. I don't have a frackin cat. Hallucinations.....life ain't too easy these days. And what kind of bubbleheaded domestic Barbie would I be if I did not admit that? Incredible non-sleeping baby: ah, no problem. Errands all day? No problem, these cars practically drive themselves these days, don't they? I am not plastering a smile on my face.....being fake requires more energy. I am not trying to get sympathy......it's just like a working mom venting about the girl in her office who is always chatting on the phone, or the Fed Ex who lost the package. Hello, some might consider it sharing. So I really resent it when I am at the bus stop bleary-eyed and happen to make the comment, "I'm so tired, the baby was up 4 times last night." and the working mom retorts, "well, at least you don't have to go to work." Yes, your Honor, that's when I threw her under the bus. I mean, I'd only been standing outside watching her kids as well as my own, while she was inside getting ready for work. Must be nice to shower, do your hair and make-up and enjoy a cup of coffee before leaving for work because the SAHM is outside at the bus stop watching your kids. So since I deal with that from working moms, I really don't need a rebuke from another SAHM. Even if it was intended as a "gentle" reminder of how lucky I am to be at home. There is nothing remotely positive or encouraging in the tone of your question. You absolutely intended it as a smack-down to those you assume are ungrateful. You know what happens when you a-s-s-u-m-e, right? But mostly.....and this is what I just can't get my head around........Why Do You Care So Much? What is it to you that some SAHM groan and moan? Clearly you are so upset, you felt the need to bring it up in a public forum. Was it not to illicit some kind of response? Your question doesn't read as being simply curious. I just don't understand.........Why such a big bee in your bonnet? If not to just put us in our place. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go. The baby just pulled Ken's head off her sisters' doll......and that sucker is ssoooooo HARD to put back on.

Candice - posted on 10/05/2010

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So I think we would all agree it's a job. Whether or not a person likes his/her job is up to them. The problem with being a SAHM is that if you don't like your job everyone looks at you with so much Shame! Ilke you aren't allowed to not like your job. Second, being a job, everyone bitches about their job. EVERYONE. My husband comes home and bitches to me. I know when I worked we use to talk abut work problems at work amongst my coworkers. Now..I have no coworkers...but some women feel they have this message boar and I can respect that. I understand the need to let off some steam about ANY job. As women, if we sit in judgement of each other over not liking our job..or even sometimes just being fed up with it...then we don't have a support system. There is a whole world out there ready to shame women for not being good enough mothers..should we really be doing it to one another?

[deleted account]

Kharli ive got 4 kids i know what being a stay at home mom is like ive been doing it for 12 years and im sorry if you took offence at my question but it wasnt compulsory for you to read it or comment on it if it pisses you off that much lol. Im just trying to put the point across that we are the lucky ones who get to stay at home and should appreciate it and stop moaning.

Kell - posted on 10/05/2010

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Being a SAHM is as easy or hard as you make it. If yo let yourself get harrassed and feel rushed, then you're going to find it hard. If you prioritise and take things at an even pace without worrying about it all, yo'll find it a lot easier.

For me, the hard part is feeling like I have to justify being a SAHM because so many people assume you sit at home all day doing nothing and watching daytime television. I find myself very busy and actually have to use a diary to keep track of what we're doing every day so I don't schedule an outing at the same time as a doctors' appointment or when someone is coming to visit. Xan is now of an age where he finds it fun to join in with some of the housework, so I let him run round the livingroom waving a feather duster or sweeping the kitchen floor while I do a little cleaning, and he loves to help with the laundry - so much so that he actually shouts "Washing time!" when he thinks we should do it!

I'm lucky in that my hubby does still pitch in with the housework, but that's just the kind of person he is. Yes, he works a full time job, but he appreciates that so do I - I just don't get paid for mine. His thing is to do the laundry with Xan because they have fun while they do it. Hubby gets playtime with Xan while I make the dinner and do the dishes - it's a fiar deal. :)

Anyway, after that rambling post, all I wanted to say is that it's other people's perceptions of being a SAHM that makes things most difficult because we are often made to feel what we do is worthles or pointless and are made to feel guilty that we're not out earning money. Not so very many years ago, it was the reverse - mothers who went out to work were frowned upon and the SAHMs were thought of as the norm and the expected thing to do.

Stifler's - posted on 10/04/2010

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Um Aged care workers do all those careers in one day. I used to clean houses, change bed, clean out people's fridges, do laundry, make cups of tea, organise appointment for podiatry and doctors, pick up scripts, take people to appointments, help old people choose books from the library, cook them lunches and dinners and then do it all at my own house when I got home. It was way harder than just doing my own stuff and looking after my kid. Whether you're a SAHM or a working mother someone still has to clean the house and cook dinner and wash clothes.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/04/2010

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I personally love being a stay at home mom. I have one child who is 3 and there are days that are soo easy but no it's not easy it never is especially for me my husband helps around the house when he can however he drives a truck so he is gone all the time he is home for roughly 34 hours a week so the rest of the time everything is left to me. If I'm up all night because my son or myself is sick I still have to get up the next morning to make sure that things are done as well as making sure all my homework for college is done and turned in on time. I do not get breaks when my husband is home yes he takes care of our son so that I can spend time writing whatever paper is due that week sometimes I have 2 and still have to help him when it comes to taking care of our son. Like I said I love being a stay at home mom but I am very tired of always hearing oh it must be so nice to be a stay at home mom. I don't get the option to take my kid to daycare when I don't feel good there is no extra money for a babysitter, I don't go out and do things without my son. If I want to go take a bath I have to wait until my son is in bed I don't get to just sit around all day I run the errands (ALL of them) I make sure the bills get paid on time, I make sure my son is fed, clean, has the appropriate clothes on clean house do schoolwork as well as take the time to teach my son everything he needs to learn like if he was going to preschool. My days never end I do not get 3 day weekends I don't even get 2 day weekends. If I get frustrated because my son is acting his age I have to deal with it I can't look it him and say oh I can't wait till monday when you go back to daycare. I am responsible for his life 24/7 no holidays no vacations not even a 10 minute break I do everything for my son but don't get me wrong yes it is very hard at times but it is the most rewarding job I will ever have I am underpaid and overworked but I know in the end it will all pay off because I will have a well adjusted, intelligent child who can fend for himself. I am a teacher, a nurse, a maid, a banker, a therapist, a taxi and many more all rolled into one but that is okay because when he is scared or happy or hurt or lonely who does he want he wants mommy and I would not trade him or my life for the easiest one on earth so those of you who think that being a stay at home mom to even just one child is easy you are soo wrong. We don't stay at home to be lazy we stay at home to make memories with our child/children, because it takes a special kind of woman to stay at home with her kids.

Debbie - posted on 10/04/2010

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Laura, I have had many SAHMS tell me when I first stopped working outside our home that a messy house is ok, just enjoy spending time with the kids. I am one of those who thought once I started staying at home I'd get all kinds of stuff accomplished. Well, I just don't. I do try, but my house is rarely neat. We have all kinds of clutter! My kids are both in school now and I still don't get everything done that I'd like. When they are home, its all about them. During the summer and on holidays we play! I have to say, time goes by way too fast not to play with them whenever we can. So while they are little, play,play, play!!

Merry - posted on 10/04/2010

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well from reading these posts I can honestly say, Im A VERY BAD HOUSEWIFE!!!!! I do so much less then all of you guys, my house is a mess alot, and I couldnt say Ive ever pulled out my fridge to clean underneath it. in fact I should probably just wipe the inside once and a while.
But Ive never doubted that Im a great mom, I see the proof every second of erics day, and all the nights too. I know that I need to be more clean and tidy, but his personality is shaping now, and how he feels about me is being determined these early years. and Im ok with a less then clean house as long as its safe for him, so call me lazy, i admit it, but id rather sit on the couch and tickle eric for an afternoon every day then clean. Maybe in a few years my house will look better, but for now im ok with a cluttered house, and a happy family :) I cant help it, all I want to do is be with eric, and when hes asleep, the internet draws me!!!!!! what can I say, I like learning new ways to be a better mom on this site, and i ffeel its time well spent. i have learned countless things that have changed my whole life 100% while posting on these sites. thats priceless :)

Merry - posted on 10/04/2010

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yup, for me it is :) I can give excuses and reasons till the cows come home but yes, unless you are motivated to do it, it does feel like its too much. But show me any home thats spotless.....
maybe if I enjoyed doing dishes, laundrey, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, garbage, etc then it might not seem like so much, but fact is I would rather play with my son, go for a walk, stop at the park, so yes for me, it is "that much"
:)

Roxane - posted on 10/04/2010

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Well i am a single stay at home mother of three, and i run a daycare. I have my hands full 24/7. I don't get mental breaks, bathroom breaks, or any kind of breaks through out my day. I don't have a husband who comes home in the evening to care for the kids while i clean or run errands... But i wouldnt have it any other way. For the person who asked if being a stay at home mom is really that hard... All i can say is that we stay at home mothers are teachers, nurses, dieticians, taxi drivers, coaches, maids, entertainment squad.... the list goes on and on. So you tell me what other person could handle a dozen careers in one day?

Teri - posted on 10/04/2010

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I think actually raising your own children is the hardest job. Many people let others raise their kids for them. We chose not to do this. and the job is hard (I have three kids under 5). Houscleaning is just a tiny aspect of it. Cooking for them, helping them through their rough patches and dealing with the unending stream of requests and needs is exhausting. I totally understand why parents would choose to move kids to daycare.



That said, I prefer to raise my kids and be very attentive to their needs -- in the long run this helps their self-esteem and ability to have strong emotional relationships with people. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but as a woman who worked in corporate sales for 15 years (and was very successful at it) I have never worked so hard and had to manage my own emotions and reactions so much as being at home iwth my kids.

Lexi - posted on 10/04/2010

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Being a parent, whether working or stay at home is hard. But honestly every woman (and man) is different.



My son is 15 months old. I have post partum depression on top of struggling with serious depression my entire life. I have ADD and OCD. I have carpal tunnel in both hands. So yeah, being a stay at home mom is hella hard!! And for some people, even if they don't have issues that add difficulty, things still might not be as easy for them as they seem to be for you. My step sister is Miss Perfect. She sews her own clothes, works full time and is going to college. Her house is spotless, she bakes and sews presents for other people, gives dinner parties and somehow she still has time to hang out and volunteer and have free time. I have no doubts that when she has a kid her house will still be spotless and she'll be saying exactly what you are "c'mon it's not that hard" But for me and lots of other moms out there it's a constant daily struggle just to function.



It's not that it's hard work persay, it's that it's 24/7 on demand. My day is dictated by his needs. Everything I do I do with him in tow, all the while trying to teach him things and give him what he needs. Whether it's mopping the floor and trying to make sure he doesn't play in the mop bucket or slip on the wet floor, scoop dog poop in the yard, run errands, do laundery, whatever, he is there and trying to "help". Even when he plays on his own, every five minutes he's needing help, coming to see me, wanting me to play with him, climbing something he shouldn't, etc.... and I have to interrupt what I'm doing to take care of him. No matter what I'm doing, he is constantly there needing me for something. I am at his beck and call every minute of every day. Even right now as I sit and type this I have had to stop 2 times because he said he was thirsty so I got him a glass of milk, then he tried to share his milk with the dog so I had to take the tippy cup away, wash it and give him more milk.



Like others have said sometimes we have easy days. Yesterday T started screaming as soon as his daddy left for work and the only thing that would settle him down was putting on his favorite music videos. We snuggled watching those for an hour and then he played contentedly by himself while I got a few chores done and he didn't even try to play in my dirt pile when I swept the floor! lol But even on the good days, I'm bored out of my mind just begging for some adult contact and a little me time uninterrupted! My husband got to go into work an hour late today and I took a shower by myself while he watched our son! That is the first time in 8 days. That is my life as a SAHM

Stifler's - posted on 10/04/2010

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People can post whatever they like in this forum. It doesn't have to be "Hi everyone, I don't know you but YOU'RE A GREAT MUM...". People are allowed to bring up topics for debate, they don't always have to cater to your ego.

Kharli - posted on 10/04/2010

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Well, for one, "moaning about" has such a negative conotation. Could you have not found a more neutral way of broaching the subject? It seems a hostile way of asking a question.
Two, it is insulting to suggest that stay-at-home-mom's are complaining unnecessarily about the all-consuming career of raising children.
SAHM's barely get breaks, if ever, and their work does not end when the children are asleep, or otherwise engaged.
Why are you asking SAHM's to explain themselves?
It is insensitive to imply that SAHM's are exaggerating their physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding jobs.
My understanding is that this is a forum to help each other, not to propose that hard-working Mom's are whiners.

Charlie - posted on 10/04/2010

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I think some people like to exagerate because some people are under the impression SAHM do nothing all day .
While i know personally i am busy with a toddler and a newborn i wouldnt say being a SAHM was hard , yes i clean once a day , i play with my kids , go to the park and beach , change loads of nappies , make breakfast , lunch and dinner , breastfeed , ( round the clock ) bath them ECT ECT BUT i also go the gym once a day , read a book or browse the web for an hour or two , have a hot shower , get dressed up , meet with friends ( with my kids )

I believe being a SAHM is a luxury that many cannot afford , literally , yes its frustarting at times but for me its totally worth it , i am also very lucky to have a very hands on partner who knows my job is never done day or night and helps around the house .

I agree with Susanne i am greatful for this opportunity but i dont complain i just enjoy .

Everyones situation differs whether its number of kids or the amount of support you recieve .

Ink Ette those of us who have high number of posts all have either been here for years or are a part of several fast paced debate communities its not uncommen for those that participate in those communities to rack up large numbers in a very short amount of time ,

If you are a SAHM who is at their wits end , frustrated , tired ASK FOR HELP there is no need to try and be supermum .

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