Is it selfish to want more for my life?

Synquis - posted on 08/21/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm kinda at a cross roads with my life. I'm a young mom and I love my family like no other. I stay at home and tend to them all day every day and i never get a break (literaly). I want me time. I want to be able to tend to myself and do things that make me happy. and because it seems like everyone else is important and i'm just here to do the work. I'm starting to hate the choices i made. Which at first I thought the choices was great. I don't get to do as I please even on the weekends. My husband is not much help.Trying to get him to mainly tend to the kids is crazy hard.and when he finaly dose he acts as if he's being punished.
I don't talk to anyone about how I feel cause they treat me as if i'm being selfish and should just suck it up. I'm on the break of hating my life. Now I understand why some women leave their familys and not go back. Not saying that is what i'm going or want to do. I'm just not happy. I'm not even to sure if this is a post prego thing. Any advice would be great thanks :)

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You NEED time for yourself. I hate that society has so ingrained in us that becoming a sahm means we must dedicate every aspect of our lives to our families. We cannot do that!!!

Take a night a week for yourself. If your husband sulks, tell him to deal with it and "suck it up"
He gets time in the evenings to relax, you need time to relax too. Leave the children at home and LEAVE THE HOUSE. Unfortunately, if you stay home, and he is being negative and the kids are giving him a hard time, you cannot relax. Get a pedi, go to your favorite coffee spot and read a book, go for an evening walk in the park or brows the book store, see a movie by yourself (incredibly relaxing, on of my faves) or anything you feel like doing.

He'll get used to it.

Of course, going out once a week means you'll have to let him do the same, but I PROMISE it's worth it.

Also, declare weekends your "days off" Yes, you still have to tend the kids, but forget the housekeeping (except the kitchen)--it will be there for you Monday, and it doesn't take any longer to vacuum a floor that hasn't seen a vacuum for 3 days, than it does to vacuum it every day.
Also, Spend the weekends OUT OF THE HOUSE. Not only will this help alleviate cabin fever, but the house can't get as messy if you're not in it.

Nicole - posted on 08/21/2011

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Well I feel like this sometimes, too! I think all stay at home moms get this feeling from time to time, Synquis!
What I do, is that I will either go for a walk with my son. He's usually quiet in the stroller, & I just take some deep breaths, listen to nature or my ipod, & just relax my mind.
If you want to do something without the kids, maybe ask your husband if he can watch the kids for 30 minutes & treat yourself to a nice pedicure.
If your husband is being a 'negative nancy' about it, then maybe ask one of your girlfriends to watch them for an hour or so.
Even an hour away once a week will help you!
Usually when I can't find the time to get away, before bed I usually read. I like to lose myself in a good book. I LOVE my family with all of my heart, but I think it's good to get away sometimes. Don't you ever feel selfish about this. If you work hard, you deserve some time off.
& if you always feel the need to clean, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, instead, just take 10 minutes for yourself. Read a magazine while sipping on a cup of coffee or call one of your girlfriends. You can also set up play dates! This helps me A LOT, as well. Because you still have your kids, but you can also have girl talk. :)
Just keep your chin up, girl! You're doing a great job!

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2012

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I thought i was the only SAHM that felt this way i love my kids and my husband but im over the daily routine same shit different day its like i eat live and breath the kids, i also never make time for myself and if by chance i do get some time i feel guily i feel i am missing out on time with my husband, i joined the gym which has a creche so im exercising and its kid free time but i must say that is also wearing thin. I dont have many friends and i dont make friends easily, its easy for people to say go to play group or parenting groups but noboby talks to u unless u talk to them and i find that hard. My husband use to help out around the house but since he has a new job its like he is married to the job he cos he puts in the hours at work and earns the money its my place to do all at home and wit the kids. I would give anything to wake up one day and be one of those people that love their life and smile an go about the day on cloud 9.

Stifler's - posted on 08/21/2011

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I don't think it's selfish to want a break from doing everything at all! I take weekends off doing excessive house work too Kelly hahaha unless it's the dishes or cooking I don't do it. He really needs to start helping out especially all the hours he's home from work.

Laura - posted on 08/21/2011

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Hi Synquis, I'm new here and a new mom but your post caught my attention because I'm beginning to feel the same way (already!). I do not think you are selfish at all. Your husband on the other hand... it's just my opinion, but I think he should be happy to take the kids at least once in a while to let you have some "you" time. But since he is not, maybe you have a friend who could watch them? A family member or a teenager down the block? Even if it is just for an hour or two a couple times a week, I bet it would help if you got dressed and ready to go out, dropped the kids off somewhere and went for a walk or shopping or just treated yourself to some coffee - all alone! I think more moms feel the same way, most of us just feel so guilty saying it out loud.

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Karen - posted on 02/20/2012

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I get down sometimes too. There are days when I feel like I have the greatest life in the world, and then days when I feel like "is this it?"



I have made comments like the one you made about women who run away. Sometimes a good listening friend is all I need to cure it, but I still have to be careful not to unload too much.



I have days where it seems like every breathing creature in my home has puked something up onto the carpet, followed by some other horrible mess that I know will take eons to clean up. When I see my husband throw his banana peel onto the coffee table and walk away, I wonder if this is all I am worth to the world.



I don't get breaks either. I had to put on my dead serious face this past Saturday, just to get my husband to take our toddler daughter to the store with him. I was so excited when I won that battle of wills, because I finally got an hour break. Guess what I did? I cleaned. Its kind of sad that I was so excited about the ability to clean without stepping over a toddler. That was the highlight of my weekend. This is what I have become.



Its annoying that it looks like punishment to us when our husbands are forced to hang out with the kid. Its not like we are asking them to completely take over our job, we just want a dang break now and then. If they are exhausted after 10 minutes with the kid, could they possibly try to imagine how WE feel at the end of the day?



You can talk to me Syn. I know...

Alisha - posted on 08/21/2011

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i feel you on that. my husband acts the same way. i try to explain to him how he gets time where i stay home constantly. i dont have lots of friends or support from family either. we have came to thje point of seperation but have taked and with two of the 3 boys now in school we have time together and he has seen that if i get at leaast an hour alone im not so bitchy. just keep talking to him and have him try to see how he would feel in your shoes. just dont give up things do get better and always remember that you did make a good descion to stay home and if you feel its post partom depression talk to your doc about it. believe it or not therapy is a great help. not sure if helpful but just want you to know your not alone

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