Issues! Not about kids but please i need some kind of advice or help.

Bethany - posted on 06/04/2010 ( 105 moms have responded )

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Ever since i got pregnant i have like no need or want for sex. Its driving my fiance' crazy because my son is now almost 8 months old and i could still care less about it. I cant even bring myself to give it to him just to shut him up. I love him with all my heart, but i just dont need or want it at all. Is there something wrong with me? Is it normal ? Am i just screwy? Its seriously taking a toll on our relationship and he threatens to leave all the time.

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Christel - posted on 06/04/2010

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Is your man helping you with the baby? Most women who don't feel a desire for sex is more about not feeling valued as a woman. If all you do all day is take care of a child and he isn't part of that, you might be subconsciously turning it into a punishment for him. If he is a great, helpful guy, then it might be hormonal, or you could just be exhausted.

Sarah - posted on 06/05/2010

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i forgot to mention that birth control a lot of times can really kill your sex drive...just a thought

Kelly - posted on 06/04/2010

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Honey you definately are not alone. I went through the same thing and my son is now 10 months old and still on occasion have some issues with this. Here is how I explained it to my husband: I am called mama all day long and do nothing but mommy duties from sunrise to sunset so to suddenly have to magically switch from mommy mode to lover mode is difficult. Especially when I'm constantly keeping an ear open listening for the baby if he cries out. I asked him to bear with me for awhile until I figure out how to deal with it. It's gotten a bit better but now when we do have sex I'm having a hard time getting to orgasm. I think most of the time it's because I feel like I'm retraining my husband to the things I like. He needs to focus more on me as opposed to the action of sex. I actually realized there are things we did before I don't like so much now and things I never thought I would like before I want. So, my advice don't stress, let things run their course and explain to him how you are feeling and ask him to bear with you. It won't last forever.

Elisabeth - posted on 06/04/2010

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Personally I don't have that problem, but I know a lot of women do and I was warned about it by some. You really need to work on it, I know you don't feel like it but you need to get yourself out of that frame of mind. I know this is going to sound harsh but you better be careful with your fiance. A man needs sexual attention to help him relax and release tension. Women don't need sex to feel loved and valued or to feel womenly, men do. It's a real blow for a mans self esteem to be knocked back once, let alone every time. If he doesn't get it form you he will look somewhere else and it can be very easily found unfortunatly. I mean of course if a man loves you he will not do this but at the same time there has to be a limit to how much he can endure. If you love him don't let him do this and there's only one to do stop him and thats to have sex with him and enjoy it to. I'm sorry but I'm just saying it how it is.

Kristin - posted on 06/04/2010

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I go through this each time. It will get better but you have to work at it. It wouldn't hurt to talk to your doc about it though. Your hormones could be out of whack.

As for your fiance, there is more to a marriage and relationship than sex. There is more to being intimate with someone than sex. Personally, it's hard to work up any desire for someone who is threatening to leave not just yourself, but his own child too. His comments, pestering, nagging, and harrassing are not going to boost your libido either.

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Chesnie - posted on 06/22/2010

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I am in the same boat..i could careless about sex. I do not wake up like men do thinking "wow lets have sex"..I would be fine never having sex again in my life, well except once more to have another baby..lol..My husband always says there is no reason I cant give him 15 min out of my week to make love to him and I do it because it makes him feel good but then go on a weeks hiatus and he hates it...

Andrea - posted on 06/22/2010

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Wow, I am completely surprised by the amount of women out there who feel this way, I thought I was the only one. I feel comforted that I am not alone. My husband and I used to be intimate a lot before we had our daughter, now 2 1/2 yrs old. It seems like after she was born, I did not want to have sex at all, I could care less if I ever had it again, honestly. But I do love my husband and he needs and wants it and sometimes I just have to to make him feel loved. I don't even like him touching my breasts anymore or my other "lady parts". It's like they changed b/c of pregnancy and feel different when touched. I'm very insecure about my breasts even though he reassures me all the time that he thinks I'm beautiful, all of me. It seems like over the last few months it's gotten better. I feel like having sex more, I just don't like my boobs touched. Anyone else feel like that?

Wendy - posted on 06/19/2010

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I think it is sad to see that so many women in this thread are admitting to being pressured into having sex even though they really don't want to be doing it or are not completely comfortable with it. Ladies, are you reading these other comments and seeing a pattern here? You should not have to do anything that you are not comfortable with. Ultimately you have authority over your own body and your own actions.

Terri - posted on 06/19/2010

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hiya im 23 and my children are now 2 & 3 and i still dont want sex i 2 love my partner more than anything but sex i couldn't less about so it is normal if ya wanna say that but i true think a vist to the doc's wouldn't be a bad thing

Gretchen - posted on 06/18/2010

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I'm having the same problem with our second child. I've found that talking it out and spending some time without the kids just to be us helps. A little romance and cuddling to build up to it helps too. He is being a jerk for threatening to leave you. He has a good right or left hand to take care of it. It's hard for women to feel wanted and in the mood if he's acting that way. Have him help you with the child and let you have a break sometimes and it will probably help. I do agree with the counseling thing. It would help you and him. *hugs* I know it's rough.

Sabrina - posted on 06/18/2010

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Definetly can relate... Difference being only that I would always still put out. We had to go to marital counseling prior to getting married & the advice that was given I have always stuck to.

1) Never deny your husband
2) Never sleep seperately (couch & bed)... No matter how mad you may be.

The only time I have ever turned him down was when I was in pain or sick & he understood.... There are too many loosey gooseys out there for me to leave my man unsatisfied. LOL. Not to be crued, but even if I was sooo not in the mood, I would roll over & fake it... I have learned that if I go w/ his favorite position it helps to speed things up. LOL

Wendy - posted on 06/18/2010

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1) Any man who threatens to leave before you are married will inevitably continue to make similar threats after you're married. Consider carefully if you really want a husband who makes serious threats whenever things are not going his way. Women change but men do not. 2) The only way that you'll get in the mood again is if a man seduces you. There are a lot of men around these days who thrive on seduction, they absolutely love turning women on and getting them hot and bothered. I think that if you put yourself out there, you will encounter these men and it will raise your self-esteem and put you in a sexy mood in a jiffy. You may even find that maybe it's your boyfriend that's causing the problem and needs to go. Be strong, be smart, and find a man who seduces you til you can't take it anymore :)

Debbie - posted on 06/18/2010

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I don't think that there is anything wrong with you, changes in your sex drive are perfectly normal in the months after childbirth. And as with anything else, when in doubt...ask your doctor. Your pcp or ob/gyn could rule out rather or not it is a hormonal thing, which is not uncommon either. I know and understand that men have needs and theirs are different then women's, but that does not give them the right to treaten you with them. If your fiancee really loves and cares for you he would try to work with you, not threaten to leave you. That type of pressure is definatly not going to boost your libido. And there is more to a realtionship then sex and physical touch, if that is what is most important then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your fiancee. If the priorites of your relationship are not in sync, it will never work.

Latisha - posted on 06/18/2010

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I have went thru this with most of my babies, and have noticed it is worse when I am on birth control. Talk to your doctor just to make sure there isnt another problem going on. It is also really hard on your partner. I know my husband had issues thinking I didnt want him any more. Guys.... what can you say. One thing that really helped us thru that is I made sure I spent plenty of time cuddling and loving on my husband. Sometimes a really nice massage or just the little touches help them a lot. I know when I am not in the mood for sex I usually dont want to be touched at all in any way, but I would go and hug my husband for no reason at all and it would help him so much. I know this really doesnt make sense but a lot of men ( I dont want to stereotype here) equate service with love. Such as let him come home from work to a nice dinner, the baby in bed or the sitters and candles lit. Sometimes planning a romantic "get away" for the two of you will help boost your libido and will let him know you still care.

Angela - posted on 06/18/2010

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I agree with getting a check up. I too went through this with all 3 of my children. It helps to talk it out with your partner and work your way through together. In time it will pass, but to be safe do get a check up if nothing shows to be wrong it still proves you are actively trying to find a solution. It's obvious you love him or you wouldn't be seeking answers.

Kylie - posted on 06/18/2010

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I know where you're at. Same for me & my little girl is now 1. I think it has alot to do with being the mummy all day & half the night that I find it really hard to get into it. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me, the kids, the husband, the house etc that when sex is brought up its just another thing that someone wants from me. What about me?? I think its about finding the balance between kids & hubby & its hard to switch from mummy mode into loving wife mode. Keep your chin up I'm sure that sometime soon it will work itself out & remember you're not alone in feeling like that.

Darlene - posted on 06/18/2010

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Hi Bethany,
I thought I was the only one who experience things like this. We were on the same boat lol!! I think one of the reasons why we feel that way is because we've been busy taking care of our baby and at the same time doing the household chores the whole day. So we get tired and all we want is to rest and have time for ourselves. But I'm pretty sure it will pass. You just have to let him know what you are going through.You must not let him to blackmail you emotionally for saying that he'll leave you. If he really loves you then he'll respect you and wait until you are physically and emotionally ready to do it.

Melanie - posted on 06/17/2010

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it doesnt usually help that men tend to be jealous of the attention the baby gets from you and then theres also that they make it feel like a chore youre obligated to do. but the truth is sometimes we feel "touched out" because weve been holding the baby all day. if he took the baby here and there while you shower or pick up the house etc. then you might need more from him physically.

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2010

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It is not unusual and you are not alone. Your fiance needs to get over it and be a little more patient. Your mind is otherwise occupied most of the time and when it finally stops thinking about your baby... all you want is sleep. But, you might have to find a way to work with him as well. I had to majorly focus and try and think sexy thoughts... and sometimes that doesn't work either. But if he is threatening to leave... then maybe he needs to. I will say... even though you may not want it... the release for you is rejuvenating as well. You may not know it now, but you have a lot of penned up emotion and sex is an amazing release for your stress. it is a really good stress reliever. think of it that way if you have to.

Shanna - posted on 06/17/2010

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ditto. we have 5 kids and i haven't wanted sex since the first one was born. i find that when my husband is helpful with the kids or everyday running of the house, that my desire is stronger. he is a trooper though and has just accepted that when i want it, he will get it. now if you man is threatening to leave you over this, i don't know what to tell you. i think its ridiculous. your hormones are insane first of all for being pregnant, but you also just had a baby and they were just getting back to normal! my advice is talk to your doctor and then take your man with you to your next appointment so that your doctor can tell you that this is normal.

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Of course you have no sex drive. You have a young baby, his father is not comitted to your relationship. Outside of marriage, sex isn't so good anyway. Staying with him for the 'sake of your baby' isn't the answer. It's messed up that he didn't marry you before your baby was born.

Andrea - posted on 06/17/2010

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I guess from the number of replies that you now realise how very common this is!! My youngest (of 5 children ) is 5 1/2 months. I find for me that breastfeeding really zaps my libido away completely and I get it back a bit more after I've finished breastfeeding.

Now I'm talking to myself here as much as you - guys do NEED sex, not just physically, but emotionally - it makes them feel loved and wanted in a way that any amount of non-sexual love just won't do for them. I find, if I'm able to put aside the fact that I don't need it myself (and don't get anything out of it), but just do it to bless him and show him that he is loved, that somehow, I end up enjoying myself anyway. I know it's not easy to do something that seems like another chore, but if you value your relationship, it is important. Do it to bless him, and forget yourself (at least sometimes!). Keeping your man happy and fulfilled (even at your own inconvenience) is far preferable to being a single mom - now that's HARD!

All the best!
Ang

Stacy - posted on 06/17/2010

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i am married and have two kids one 4 yr and one 2 yr and since i was pregnant with my first i still to this day have the same problem... i think our minds are just somewhere else but i did find if you try to make it a goal, in the beginning,to have sex at least every other day your desire will soon come back a little more(and in the beginning it will seem like more effort but in time it will get better)(and dont make a sex date! keep it to yourself that your trying to have sex every other day or whatever you decide)... its very normal what your feeling i think every woman goes through it.....and you will realize once you start having sex more your stress levels will go down as well( and being a mom that is a plus:))

Crystal - posted on 06/16/2010

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okay, here it goes.. when i was pregnant, i had sex 1 time. then my husband had to wait six weeks and finally we had sex again, then my libido dropped again. its been up and down ever since. the doctor says there is only meds for men right now, not woman so she suggested i break out the romance and try new things and it helps if the man doesnt make you feel like he is going through the motions just with the hopes of getting laid. he should make you feel wanted again. take a bath, relax,eat some strawberries with chocolate. light the romance.let him do some NICE( you know what im talking about) things to you. im telling you it works for me, it can work for you, but he has to be a big part of this,let him know how hard this is for you.

DAWN - posted on 06/16/2010

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I still go through times where it just doesn't matter to me if we have it very little or all the time. Are you still sexually attracted to him or just comfortable with the relationship??? That is a good question to ask yourself!!!

Angelina - posted on 06/16/2010

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no sex is totallly normal. it could just be the hormones. i know mine are still a little out of wack. im just barely begining to feel like myself again. him threatening to leave is wrong he should be supportive of you. if hes really jonsing buy him some porn lol i know it sucks . but trust me it works i got so jelous that my boyfriend was watching porn that i got into it more lol

Christie - posted on 06/15/2010

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no, it happened to me too and i thought the same thing but it will pass i promise--i have 6 kids everytime i got passed it i got pregnant lol so be careful

Marissa - posted on 06/15/2010

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It's ok... everyone is different... it is not uncommen for a pregnant woman to not want sex, it's not mental, it's your body protecting you and your baby, bing your first can be a scary experience, I know, I felt unsure myself through mine... At first, I was unsure if sex was ok...so I substitued physical to oral and foreplay with my husband, we spoke about how he could help me... comfort and curessing, all the things he would do, without the physical, until I felt ready. By my 4th month I was ready for the next step...My son is now a year old... after he was born, I too didn't feel like sex, It was from physical, mental lack of sleep, my husband works 12hr shifts and needed HIS sleep, so he went with out HIS attention, it was driving him shitty too. It made me depressed (Caused Depression) We went through a rough patch. We did the first date thing (Got a family member to babysit) Went out, talked about the situation, compromised (Sexually, household wise, parental)...I got time outs away from baby and partner for 2hrs everyday, to relax, my sex drive can back after a month of this, try it It can help.

Samantha - posted on 06/12/2010

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I feel for you. I am due to have my 3rd baby in a couple of weeks & will have 3 littlies under the age of 4. I lost my libido almost as soon as I fell pregnant with my first, & it hasn't really come back yet. I'm sure it will one of these days after I stop having children lol. But it is very hard, especially when you have a little one (or little ones) wanting your constant attention, you're probably not getting a lot of sleep, & the pressure your fiance is putting on you certainly isn't going to help either. I am very fortunate my husband is understanding & doesn't try to pressure me. He did a little with my first, & then realised what toll it was taking on me. Now he understands & instead he waits until I'm ready. I was even in my doctor's office one day bawling my eyes out because I felt so guilty about not giving him any. I have heard that your body doesn't really get back to normal until about a year after giving birth, & I found that to be true after my last child. Right around her 1st birthday, I started getting my energy back.... not long after we decided to try for a 3rd & it went into hiding again! But talk to your doctor, or even a naturopath? It may be hormonal, or it may just be a normal thing that many women go through.

Brandy - posted on 06/12/2010

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It is completely normal. You may want to talk to your GYNO to see if there is something that they recomend you try, but for us we just tried some of the KT Intense from the store and things started to "perk" back up. Everyone is diffrent, but if you feel there is something really wrong, you should call your doctor. Beleave it or not, but there is a very high % of women who have libido problems after having children.

Sandy - posted on 06/12/2010

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I recommend that you talk to your doctor, if you're seriously concerned. You could have a hormone imbalance. I had a similar problem, still do some weeks. I'm lucky to have an understanding husband with whom I talked openly about my significantly lowered libido.

I wasn't able to breastfeed after the first month. However, I was using Depo Provera for birth control. A year later, I stopped using birth control. A year after that, my libido started to return.

Danita - posted on 06/11/2010

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I've been like this for 5 years now! My oldest is 5, and I have a 21 month old. are you by any chance breastfeeding? If so, this could be why. I am still breastfeeding, and it does a number on the hormones in your body. I talked to my Dr. about it, and he said that when I wien the baby, I can take the birth-control pill that he prescribed for me. It has the highest amount of testosterone in it, which will put my sex-drive back to normal hopefully. I haven't tried it yet, because I'm still breastfeeding, I can't tke the pill while breastfeeding, because this particular one will diminish my milk supply. I can tellyou that my dr. said that he does not like to do hormone replacement because there are some irreversible effects, so he said to start this way, and hopefully I won't have to go that route. (Also, the Over te cOunter stuff sold in drug stores, is not FDA approved, the inredients, or hormones in them do work, but it is not an exact description of what you are ingesting, so that could get dangerous) Hope this helps, you are not alone, and that is probably the first and foremost important thing to know.

Karen - posted on 06/11/2010

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Maybe talk to your doctor about giving you some hormones, maybe you have a low level and need to have blood work to see if there is something that he can give to you. You might have a low level of hormones that you need to be "in the mood". I know that I never had an issue with sex ever until after my second child. Then all of a sudden I didn't want to have sex. There was nothing that I could do to make me in the mood. So I spoke to my doctor and turned out that my estrogen was low and that I needed to take estrogen each day to boost my system again. I don't know if estrogen is the right word or not but there was something that was not quite right, and he checked my blood levels and determined that I had low levels of whatever it is that causes the sex drive to be low. I want to say he said it was my estrogen - I just remember he put me on something and things went back to "normal" after about 3 months or so. But at the same time, you could be having stress of being pressured and pushed to have sex. I mean you can't enjoy having sex, or the thought of sex if you are being "bullied" into it. I have been through that too!! I ended up divorced because of him being that way with me about sex. But my current husband, after we had our baby, I was not in the mood for about two months after the baby and he DID not pressure me into anything and all of a sudden I had the urge to be with him because I knew he was willing to wait until I was ready...he is so wonderful. But sex, it is 95% mental in my opinion. so if you are being pressured or told he will leave, then to me that is not helping you to want to have sex. I am willing to bet that if he were more supportive and just relaxed about it and didn't ask you about often, you might get that back in no time. My opinion, you don't need to be with someone that is basing your whole relationship on sex. I mean I know guys need it to relax and I know that they need it more than women sometimes, but still if a man is a true man and loves his wife/fiance, he will never pressure you and he will wait until you are ready!! I know you just had a baby with this guy, but if he is doing this to you now, imagine what he will be putting on you once you are married, and I don't mean just the sex. He will be a controlling person about a lot of other things later on....good luck and I hope things work out for you!!!

Ali Marie - posted on 06/11/2010

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I agree that you should try spending some intimate time alone, relaxed, definately have a few glasses of wine! I'm 9 months pregnant right now and I am SO not in the mood for sex but I still try to give it up at least once a week (ok maybe once every 10days) because otherwise my husband turns into a real grouch!!!

Brittney - posted on 06/11/2010

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Hey there,
When i was about 5 months pregnant , till up to a few weeks ago , I couldnt even bother to think about sex , I was just not having it , My boyfriend like yours is all frustrated because its been sooo long since hes had it, Now I feel the erge to have it , but im still bleeding which gets him more frustrated becuase I want it but I dont feel comfortable , ANYWAYS it will past , right now the most important thing is your Son and he needs your attention more right now , then having sex with your mate , theres always the right time for it .

Jennifer - posted on 06/11/2010

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obviously you arent crazy..you need to go to the doctor. no, sex isnt everything in a relationship but its a huge part of it especially for the man. and despite what everyone else is saying, i dont care how much he is in love with you, if he dont get it from you, he will find someone else..even if its just one night stands. i see it all the time. im in an open marriage and have talked to plenty of guys who say they love their wife but she just wont have sex or not enough so they look for it on the side!

Sabrina - posted on 06/11/2010

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You didn't mention if you were nursing your son. If you are then your sex drive will be very low for a while. Counseling is a good route to take even if he is reluctant to go, go yourself and see what you can do to help the situation. We have had the same problem since we got married, different sex drives. His is over the top and mine has always been low. We work it out on a day by day basis. There are times I REALLY don't want to but we do anyway, It makes him happy and I feel pretty good afterwards too. One step at a time.
If sex is a deal breaker for him, he needs to think of why he asked you to marry him. Was it love or physical? A counselor will help you both to decide that.

Cindy - posted on 06/11/2010

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Seriously! This is not medical advice, but do know what works amazingly. It is very safe as I take it. I have MS and have been on anti-depressants and various meds that just eliminate that part of me. Well, there is a little drug out there that has changed my whole life. I am off all my pain meds and my libido couldn't be stronger. I actually ask now, which hasn't happened in nearly 12 years of marriage.

I take LDN (low dose naltresone.), 3 mg before bed each night. Drug addicts are given 50 mg to help get them off drugs. So it shows you how every little you need and how safe it is. The range for the low dosage is 1.5 - 4 mg a day before bed. You do need a script for it and for it to be filled by a compounder. While you sleep it shuts off your endorphin system for a very little while. Then your body compensates by creating more endorphin's naturally. Higher levels of endorphin's make everything feel and work better. Once you google it, you will see it is used for everything. Even helps prevent against cancer. Since I have a good understanding of the immune system, I get why it helps. If you do decide to ask your dr for a script, pm me and I will tell you more of the ins and outs. It is safe with no side effects. You will feel happier and wonder why everyone else doesn't. As far as the "high" people get after exercise, yeah it makes that better too as one who never ever experienced that. It costs me about $30 a month, but you can call around to find the best price in your area.

Molly - posted on 06/11/2010

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All you need is some REST! There's nothing wrong with you. You're just tired. I've been there....had 4 children in 5 years. I think it's very normal because we spend so much time caring for our children that we shut down that part of ourselves to preserve our sanity and survive. I found that, once I began getting more rest--sleep--- My body returned to normal. Hang in there :-)

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2010

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I think it's pretty common. After my first child, it took me a year after giving birth to be interested in sex again. My second son is now 14 months, and I still don't feel interested! If my husband mentions anything to do with sex, I just feel sick! I know, it sounds awful, and I love him very much, but I just don't want it!

You may start feeling better about it very soon, but it doesn't help if your partner isn't being understanding! Having babies is exhausting, and it can be a struggle sometimes. Try to talk to him about being more helpful, and stopping the threats, if he wants anything to change!

Good luck,
Rachel

Chelle - posted on 06/11/2010

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No what you describe seems to be quite common from the friends i know and also the ppl tht have responded here. There were times were i did feel more like sex during the pregnancy but a lot of people are too tired, feel nauseaus and just experience a very low libido. I agree, it would be a good idea to have your hormone levels checked, just in case there is a medical cause for this.



When you have had a baby, depending on how well the baby sleeps, you can feel soooo tired and value sleep over things like sex. I was lucky that when i was experiencing a decrease in libido my husband was too, so there was no pressure.



People are quick to jump down your throat and say that a sexless marriage is a sign that things are really in trouble but as someone else said, marriage is about so much more than that, and intimacy is about so much more than that.



On an emotional level, even though you love him with all your heart, is there anything about him or his behaviour that is making you feel negative towards him in some way- angry, disappointed, hurt. I ask this because for women sex is often seen as an extension of the communication in the relationship. And if communication is not happening in the rest of the relnship then the last thing women want to do is have sex. Whereas if a relationship is having problems men often seem to think sex is a good solution.



Perhaps it would be worth trying to be open to a little more intimacy with him, even if its just cuddling up on the couch. Is it possible that he feels left out since the baby has come along? I know its not nice for him to put pressure on you and i am not siding with him, but i think there is more to the way he is acting.



Good luck x

Jessica - posted on 06/11/2010

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hi

im the same way had my 1st baby this year i couldnt care if i never hav sex again some times i do let him hav it but lots of times i ened things befor thay start. If he really loves u he can live with out it and shouldnt make u do something if u dont want to thay will never understand thay didnt hav a baby thay didnt have to go throw what we did as that say things arnt the same after having kids things change. Once baby is asleep thats my time to do what i want and i normally want to be by my self

Charlotte - posted on 06/11/2010

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I had the same prob after my 2nd pregnancy. I gave in after 5 months despite not really wanting to and to be honnest I'm still waiting, 2 years later, for my libido to come back.

Jenelle - posted on 06/10/2010

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So far, I agree with everyone's comments. It is a normal thing, and not all guys understand that. I personally went to see a doctor about it, and I purposely made sure it was a male doctor. He put it very simply...whether men like it or not their bodies need to and will "release" every few days. And it is fair that you attempt to meet them half-way. Some nights you don't feel like macaroni, but your partner does, so sometimes you have to just buck up and eat Macaroni. But your partner also needs to see that sometimes you want salad, even if he doesn't and he still really wants Macaroni, he needs to give and let you have salad. Weird analogy I know, but that is what he said. He also said that quite a few women don't give men credit in their abilities to understand and be supportive. If you sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling, you might be shocked to realize that he had no idea that this is how you feel. And there are a lot of ways to be intimate without having sex. Talk, compromise, and work together!

Gricell - posted on 06/10/2010

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Wow! All these replies that you are not alone... Make an effort. Shower put on you best perfume and tell him to shower and put on cologne and shave. Do all the works to be clean to make you feel sexy. You can even put on an adult movie so you both get on the mood. Have some wine or beer. Make sure the baby is tucked in and asleep for a few hours or have someone baby sit. You have to make it work. You can also take the lead slowly and don't let him rush you. Hope it works. It works for me when I feel like he needs me to approach me.

Amber - posted on 06/10/2010

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I know what you are going through! After i had my son i had no intrest in sex at all. I went to my dr and found out that the hormones from being pregnant killed my thyroid. But your hormones are still trying to get back to normal and you are still getting used to being a mom!! Its hard to feel sexie when you are being called mommie all day and then are expected to be the sex kitten that your guy wants you to be at the end of the day!!! GUYS just dont get that WE cant turn the switch off and on like they can and that it sometimes takes us a lot to ever remotely get in to the MOOD!!! and i havent even figured out how to turn off the mommie switch yet. It will happen i promis and good luck!!!!

Veronique - posted on 06/10/2010

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I've been there! Hormones have a lot to do with it. Maybe talk to your doctor and see what he says. For me when i really didn't feel like it i still gave it to him because i figured once i start it might get into it, sometimes i do and sometimes i don't. It will get better. I don't want to sound grued but have you tried doing other stuff then intercourse? If you know what i mean!!!!
Good luck!

Jessica - posted on 06/10/2010

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I had the same issue and my fiance would get so mad at me cause I never felt like having sex, I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I'm not with my fiance anymore, but I've been with my boyfriend for a while now and I don't have that problem anymore..I was so relieved when I realized it wasnt me that was the problem it was my ex. Personally I don't think your fiance should threaten to leave you because of that, he should be understanding but thats just my opinion. Try things that used to work for you before your pregancy , maybe that will help...good luck!

Angie - posted on 06/10/2010

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OMG you have no idea how relieved i am to find out that i am not alone!! we have 3 kids, 3 years apart from each other 8, 5, and 2... and i am almost -never- in the mood for it.. but once it does happen, i sit there thinking to myself "wow, why don't we do this more often??" so i agree with the ladies that said the more they do it the more their drive comes back, and to me that is encouraging... also the line about "if i can change a poopy diaper, i can have sex with my husband." Best of luck hun! ♥

Jocelyn - posted on 06/10/2010

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Try a maca root supplement. It was originally marketed for increasing sexual energy in men, but it does the same thing in women! It is a whole food so there are no hormones, but it helps to regulate YOUR hormones. It increases your overall energy, and it is safe to take while breastfeeding/pregnant. It helps your quality of sleep and helps to reduce stress. Among many other things!
Here is a link.
http://www.macaroot.com/

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2010

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Sorry I can't help... 7+ years, 3 kids later... I don't want it either!! BUT.... I DO know he should NOT be threatening to LEAVE over it. He needs to be supportive, and maybe take some off of your plate so you can take care of yourself more, then maybe you'll have a chance to get in the mood. SHEESH.

Cheyenne - posted on 06/10/2010

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its happend to me . i just recently had my son and even during my pregnancy we didnt have sex alot. i couldnt have sex after delivery because i had a c-section. its been 4 months now and i still hardly wanna have sex. if ur fiance threatens to leave you then u have to ask him if he truly loves you because if he did he wouldnt do that to you and ur son

Jackie - posted on 06/10/2010

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he shouldnt threaten you about leaving thats just wrong!!!!your horomones are probably all jacked up it'll get better

Angie - posted on 06/10/2010

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This is a tough one. You two need to rekindle things. You also may be depressed which can cause lack of interest. You may want to go talk to your doctor. Also would it help if you guys had a date night wiht out the baby? I know that it helps us.

Kate - posted on 06/10/2010

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For a start, It is perfectly normal to be put off sex!!
I have four small children and there are times when I too 'dont want to know!!'
You should try and make some time for you and your partner; have a nice meal or a take-away, candles, movie; something you would both enjoy and once your little one is in bed asleep; just have fun. Get out some old photo albums and have a giggle, or play a game together; make something up!
I find that having fun like that can help you both remember what it's like to be two adults...not Mummy and Daddy; and you can both become closer to each other.........the Sex drive will return once you are comfortable and having just plain old fun:-)

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