Nadia - posted on 10/18/2012 ( 28 moms have responded )
My husband recently made the decision to move us from CA to MI to take care of his elderly grandmother who raised him. He has a very large extended family that lives in town, however no one wanted the responsibility of caring for her so they were going to put her in a home. That did not sit well with my husband which is why he made this decision to move.
Moving was not something I wanted to do and I was very much against it, however, his grandmother means the world to him and I felt that I had no right to say no to him taking care of her.
This move has been extremely hard for me, I was very close to my family and friends, not to mention I had a job that I loved. I had to leave everything to move across the country to a place where I dont know anyone. I have been battling depression for many years and after my 16 month old son was born it has became much much worse.
My husband works 12 hour days, 6 days a week and spends 3-4 nights a week at his grandmothers house because she needs round the clock care. I hardly ever see him and when I do he just wants to go to bed and sleep. We literally havent had an actual conversation other than "Hi honey, how was your day" in about 3 months. I rarely leave my house, really I only go out every couple of weeks to buy groceries. I've gotten to a point where I can barely muster up the energy and motivation to take care of my son and house. I feel like Im becoming a bad mother. Even the tiniest of things seem like a total chore. Im in bed all day and all I do is cry.
I feel stuck. Im extremely proud of my husband for taking care of his grandmother, I recognize that not many men would do something like that and his loyalty is very admirable but I feel like my depression is getting worse everyday.
I've tried talking to my husband about it in the past but he doesnt understand or try to understand what I am going through. He simply shrugs it off and says that I'm being dramatic and to just get over it and be happy with what I have. He says I'm being unfair to him and does not think that leaving my home, job and family was a sacrifice.
Ive been told to pick up hobbies, start working out, etc. but my motivation to do anything is virtually non-existant. I need friends and/or support but have no idea where to even begin to look.
I should also mention that I am of a different race than he is and because of that his family has shunned me and for a while his mother and aunts made it their mission to make my life difficult. My home has been vandalized by them, I was even assaulted by his uncle and 2 male cousins one night while my husband wasnt home, if it wasnt because both my dogs happen to be retired police dogs and protected my son and I, we would not have lived through that situation. Charges were pressed, they are now in prison and my husband has stopped communication with just about everyone in his family, so I know his loyalty is to me, however I cant help but feel like all of this is unnecesary.
I guess my real question is would it be unfair for me to ask that he put his grandmother in a home and move back to CA or do I stay and deal with this situation and make the best of it?