Just thought I would say...

Elisabeth - posted on 03/26/2010 ( 361 moms have responded )

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I'm so sick of hearing everyone on here complaining about their husbands, especially when they don't do enough around the house. They shouldn't have to do ANYTHING! They should be able to come home after a hard day work, relax, have dinner ready for them , be able to spend time with the children and be able to sit in front of the TV (or whatever they like to do) without being nagged or asked to do something. Yes it is hard for us full time mums to do so much and we do often work longer hours then our husbands, but we are stay at home mothers - it's our job. We wouldn't like it if they were always nagging us to do something when all we wanted was a few minutes rest. If you don't like it then you shouldn't of had kids, simple. Or put the kids in child care and go get a job and pay for a cleaner. Your husband works hard everyday to provide for his family and you still want more, just be happy with what you have. I get up at 5.00 every morning to make my husband breakfast and lunch, and spend time cleaning, looking after my children, looking after myself and making sure that when my husband returns from work he comes home to a clean house, a prepared meal, well mannered children and a well maintained wife greeting him at the door with a smile, cold bear and comfy pair of shoes. After we have eaten and I have cleaned we have some personal time together when I always make sure that he is satisfied, then by 10 we are happily asleep. It is a long and exhuasting day but it is well worth it because it keeps him happy and I could not ask for a happier marriage and family. Maybe if you tried doing something differant you would see an instant improvement to your marriage, because as women it is our job to keep our marriage together by keeping our husbands happy. They will adore you in return and are a lot less likley to be unfaithful. It's so simple and I don't know why everyone wants to blame thier husbands for everything that goes wrong instead of just taking some of the blame and putting some effort in themselves. Stop being so disrespectful to your husbands and they will show some respect back. And another thing how would you feel if your husband was on the internet bad mouthing you like you are doing to him everytime you write something bad.

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Nicole - posted on 03/27/2010

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I find your post increadibly funny and sad at the same time! Do u realise you are insulting most of the women on this board? I do agree that the blabbering on about husbands can get a bit much at times but we are here to support each other not to be critisized and belittled. Perhaps it is you that needs to update your mindset instead of expecting the majority to fall in line with your old ways?



By the way my house is never perfect since I had John, after a long day of running around after my son, tidying the house, iorning and washing, bathing my boy and putting him to bed.... The last thing I have time for is cooking and sexually pleaseing my husband. But that probably why he cooks dinner and makes love to me till I'm satisfied -that inturn makes him feel satisfied.



Everyones marriage works differently and each and every one if us have different opinions of what roles are to be played in our marriages. But there is no need to consider yourself better than anyone else. My marriage for example works wonderfully. My husband didn't like it when I did what you do everyday, he actually told me that it makes him feel uncomfortable and makes him want to have a shower before he walks in the door so that he doesn't dirty anything I've spent all day cleaning.



I'm not one if those who badmouth my hubby, although we do argue from time to time! Sometime we just get so frustrated we need to vent!



I wonder;y husband came home last night and told me he feels that I should focus my attention on our son and have more time to visit my friend and have fun during the day do he has organists a house cleaning service. What is your opinion about that?

Do you feel I must be a lazy person and a bad mother if I agree to this (which I have) or do you think I might have a great hubby who takes pleasure in pleasing me as much as I please him?

Katie - posted on 03/27/2010

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having a child is both parents responsibilities not just the mothers to keep the house clean and have dinner ready and to look after the children. you both had a part in making the child and you both have a part to clean ,look after the children and prepare dinner. if your a stay at home mom and your husband or boyfriend is at work he can relax when he gets home yes but he should also help out as well . he doesn't need to relax all day while you dont get to and you haven't. its that simple . its a 2 parent job not just one and its not just the wife's or girlfriends job to keep the marriage or relationship going its both your jobs. and if people are nagging about it they obviously have a reason to. your marriage might be great in your way of doing it but it might not be for everyone else.

Valerie - posted on 03/27/2010

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I am a Wife, Stay at Home Mom and Caretaker to a dying father in law (as well as a full time college student). I am not a maid, nanny, or sexual relief provider. My husband and I are partners in the life that we're created together. If I am occasionally annoyed by his actions (or lack of action) and want to vent to other Moms in the same boat, he's ok with it. I know he vents to guys at work about my determination to get him to clean the litter box on occasion and eat tofu. Every Mom, no matter how happy their marriage is, needs other Moms to vent to. That is why these sites exist. Why are you here if not for support or a laugh or to help another Mom get through her day?

Medic - posted on 03/27/2010

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Holy Shit it's Joan Cleaver!!!!!! You are flat out rediculous for trying to tell everyone else that we should be doormats and our marriages would be better. Yes my husband works all day and I work just as hard and if my day don't stop at five you can sure as hell bet his doesn't either. Your right it takes two to make a baby so his 50 percent ass can clean the 50 percent of the house and take care of his 50 percent of the kids. He showers, uses the toilets, eats off the dishes and walks on the floors and shit don't get dirty without his help and shit don't clean itself either.

Jessica - posted on 03/27/2010

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I agree with Katie L! Parenting and housework is a TWO-PERSON JOB! His children and his house too. I agree with your post to an extent; I haven't read many of the other posts about women complaining about their husbands but if you are nagging him all the time then there are probably issues you need to work on. I do feel that yes, most of the housework should fall to me, since I AM home all day and he works full time. It just makes sense. However I don't think its right at all to assume husbands shouldn't be expected to help ever, and we as women should be expected to wait on them beck and call and have everything perfect all the time. Its his house and children too, its absolutely fair to expect him to help out a bit. To assume everyone should be this perfect, textbook cookie-cutter family is absurd, and maybe you need a reality check.

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Elisabeth - posted on 04/02/2010

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Ok as I said I will be locking this thread if people asked me and a few of you have. Thank you all who have written in and I hope you all have a good day. 8-)

Sara - posted on 04/02/2010

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ARGH!!!! Can't we just get off this subject now.. please... everyone not only has different views on relationships, but also, different views of how to read a message with no punctuation in it. Is it angry? sad? happy? . lets just say that some women are allowed to complain about their husbands/boyfriends/partners and other people praise their husbands/boyfriends/partners. I think that every women at somepoint during their moment/day/life is allowed as is vicaversa.

Amanda - posted on 04/02/2010

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Im sorry but in my opinion, we are no longer in the 1800's and have ancesters that fought for our equality. Not all of us have chosen to be stay at home moms but have no other choice with the economy as it is. Also, not all of us are on here all day busting our husbands balls. Sure that lifestyle may work for you and many other women, even today, but for me it doesn't. I am looking forward to the day that I am no longer labeled because I can not work and am at home all day doing the household work but there was a time when my husband felt the same way because he did not have a job. And, I do ask him to do things when he comes home because I am pregnant and not able to do everything needed without assistance. Thank you and sorry to bitch.

Holly - posted on 04/02/2010

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Every relationship is different. If you are lucky enough to be a full time S.A.H.M. then that is your full time job. You accept the responsibilities of the house upkeep, the children, the shopping...etc. If you are an equal "working" couple with kids, and he isn't helping out then you have the right to bitch and moan about it. But as a S.A.H.M. I have to constantly remind myself of what kind of 12 hour day my hubby is having or just had and realize that he just needs to come home and take a load off. I don't work in the "business world", so my job is to clean, cook and take care of the kids. HOWEVER!!! we are all here for each other, so when we are having "one of those days" we should be allowed to bitch and moan about whatever we want without judgment and discrimination.

Cristin - posted on 04/02/2010

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Husbands get to come home from work and take time off...moms are always at work and don't get a sick day! Having a husband help out around the house or mange the kiddos is not a bad thing. It's a way for him to stay involved. If he comes home, eats dinner, sits in front of the t.v and then heads to bed, he is not involved.

I told my husband, who works 60 hours a week climbing trees in the south carolina sun, about this post. He wondered what kinda guy comes home and expects that all his contributions to the family were made prior to coming home? I take care of the cleaning, cooking and kiddos while my husband is at work. When he comes home, guess what? He helps me, his wife, and his children because he thinks that a husbands day doesn't end at 4pm...just like moms, they have to keep going.

I

Julie - posted on 04/02/2010

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My opinion? I'm a stay at home MOM not a slave. I love my husband and my daughter but I was not put here to do every single thing in this house. A loving husband should want to do things around the house and with their child. There is a balance. We are a team.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but don't try to make others feel bad because your thinking doesn't fall in line with yours.

Sarah - posted on 04/02/2010

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HAHA this is ridiculous i know i didnt hope on top of myself and make a baby both parents are EQUALLY responsible for the growth of their child yes my husband goes out to work but i stay at home and take care of our daughter but when he comes home we are both responsible for taking care of her and our relationship is just fine get over it and get out of the 60s

[deleted account]

I agree with you to a point. I do think the majority of the everyday chores should fall on the wife(especially if her husband is working), but I don't think he should be let off the hook. Yes, works hard all day, but so do I, not only for 8 hours 5 days a week but 24/7. My husband does his share of the cooking and some babysitting too. I do most of the housework(if I expected him to clean bathrooms, my bathrooms would always be dirty), but he does his share and I think that's fair. If you and your husband are completely happy with this arrangement keep it up, but don't forget yourself in taking care of everyone else, because if you do you will end up resenting your husband and your kids. Your his wife not his personal maid

[deleted account]

Though...I kind of forgot to address one point, that I remembered upon catching eye of another post - telling another woman that she shouldn't have had kids if she didn't want the responsibility of doing every chore under the sun, taking care of children, and making sure her spouse is nothing short of satisfied in every way...it's not just disrespectful, it's plain mean, honestly. I'm sure you didn't intend it that way, you probably got caught up in the heat of what you were talking about...but dissing a woman's ability to parent because she doesn't want to cater to her spouse's every need is not the way to go. Down on the girls dissing their spouses every chance they get all you want - I agree with you. But don't disrespect a woman for wanting a child.

[deleted account]

I'm going to admit first and foremost that I haven't read all the posts on this thread. I've read a few, as well as the original post and two of the original poster's followups. So...here's my go. And this is strictly to Elisabeth, I am not directing my words to anyone else.



I can agree, first and foremost, with the idea of not dissing on your spouse online, or in other venues. It can only lead to misery - even if you talk to a close friend about it, there is ALWAYS the chance of it getting back to said spouse, and being misconstrued.



However...I've always found the 'woman does everything in the house, and man just works and then comes home to do nothing' idea very...chauvinistic. Housework and childcare is a full-time job in the most literal sense of the term. I love my fiance very, very much. Part of the reason I love him so much is because he understands that things at the house need to be two-partner. Yes, he goes and he works, and for that reason, the split for the chores is more heavily weighed to my side, but -he- takes it on himself to at least do some of it. He works rotating shifts, and so there are at least two weeks of every month that I am the only one getting up during the night with our two-month-old, because he either is getting up very early, or he's just not home at night at all. During these times, he does more around the house than normal - not so I can have personal time for myself, but so I can -rest-. I honestly can't remember the last time that I went to do anything that was just for me - my life is pretty much centered at home, around him, his two children from a previous marriage, and our son. But he has -never- expected me to have dinner ready at a certain time, keep the house up to an expected standard, or required me to do everything for our child's care - it took both of us to bring him into this world, therefore, it takes both of us to care for him properly. He respects me because I am an intelligent woman who has a mind of her own, who respects him and is not afraid to let him know what I think at any given time. In fact, he frequently asks my opinion, and can get irritated if I -don't- give him one. We are happiest having an equal, literal two-partner relationship where things are split as best as they can. We are friends as well as lovers. Neither of us is more deserving of 'time off' than the other. We take care of each other as equals, and we take care of OUR house, OUR children as equals.



Having known people who feel as you do - honestly, my fiance's family are such, and as we spend a good deal of time with them, I do respect it - I can say that I find your will and lifestyle honorable. It's just not for everyone. I think if my fiance, one day, came to me and said 'I expect a meal on the table when I get up and when I get home, I expect a spotless house every day, I expect you to feed and change and bathe our child whenever he needs it, and I expect to be able to sit around with a beer and do nothing with our child but play with him', it would be hard not to simply laugh at him and wonder who abducted him, but that's because our relationship and our methods have been so radically different that I'd think he were honestly joking. Seriously, girl, more power to you.



I think...your post may have been taken more positively if you'd simply said that you wished women wouldn't belittle their spouses so much, and left off details of your own relationship, being presented in such a manner as that other women didn't respect their spouses if they didn't behave as such. I'm not saying that's what you meant, but it is somewhat how it's come across.



Feel free to send me a response as a personal message, I'm willing to have a dialogue.



~Heather

[deleted account]

I'm going to admit first and foremost that I haven't read all the posts on this thread. I've read a few, as well as the original post and two of the original poster's followups. So...here's my go. And this is strictly to Elisabeth, I am not directing my words to anyone else.



I can agree, first and foremost, with the idea of not dissing on your spouse online, or in other venues. It can only lead to misery - even if you talk to a close friend about it, there is ALWAYS the chance of it getting back to said spouse, and being misconstrued.



However...I've always found the 'woman does everything in the house, and man just works and then comes home to do nothing' idea very...chauvinistic. Housework and childcare is a full-time job in the most literal sense of the term. I love my fiance very, very much. Part of the reason I love him so much is because he understands that things at the house need to be two-partner. Yes, he goes and he works, and for that reason, the split for the chores is more heavily weighed to my side, but -he- takes it on himself to at least do some of it. He works rotating shifts, and so there are at least two weeks of every month that I am the only one getting up during the night with our two-month-old, because he either is getting up very early, or he's just not home at night at all. During these times, he does more around the house than normal - not so I can have personal time for myself, but so I can -rest-. I honestly can't remember the last time that I went to do anything that was just for me - my life is pretty much centered at home, around him, his two children from a previous marriage, and our son. But he has -never- expected me to have dinner ready at a certain time, keep the house up to an expected standard, or required me to do everything for our child's care - it took both of us to bring him into this world, therefore, it takes both of us to care for him properly. He respects me because I am an intelligent woman who has a mind of her own, who respects him and is not afraid to let him know what I think at any given time. In fact, he frequently asks my opinion, and can get irritated if I -don't- give him one. We are happiest having an equal, literal two-partner relationship where things are split as best as they can. We are friends as well as lovers. Neither of us is more deserving of 'time off' than the other. We take care of each other as equals, and we take care of OUR house, OUR children as equals.



Having known people who feel as you do - honestly, my fiance's family are such, and as we spend a good deal of time with them, I do respect it - I can say that I find your will and lifestyle honorable. It's just not for everyone. I think if my fiance, one day, came to me and said 'I expect a meal on the table when I get up and when I get home, I expect a spotless house every day, I expect you to feed and change and bathe our child whenever he needs it, and I expect to be able to sit around with a beer and do nothing with our child but play with him', it would be hard not to simply laugh at him and wonder who abducted him, but that's because our relationship and our methods have been so radically different that I'd think he were honestly joking. Seriously, girl, more power to you.



I think...your post may have been taken more positively if you'd simply said that you wished women wouldn't belittle their spouses so much, and left off details of your own relationship, being presented in such a manner as that other women didn't respect their spouses if they didn't behave as such. I'm not saying that's what you meant, but it is somewhat how it's come across.



Feel free to send me a response as a personal message, I'm willing to have a dialogue.



~Heather

Heather - posted on 04/02/2010

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I find this pretty offensive. I told my boyfriend that I'm not a 50's housewife, and if that's what he wants then he's with the wrong woman. We both work hard and he realizes that. He cooks dinner and walks the dog along with going to work. I take care of our daughter, the house, and this way we have more time for each other and our little girl. Yes some women go to the extreme when complaining about their partners and it's completely unnecessary. I've said to him that if he thinks I'll be going back to work and continuing everything I do, then he's lost his mind. I'm not going to work like a single mother when he's there, unless of course he plans on handing over his paycheck and letting me take care of everything ;]. I do think a lot of woman can't make complain because many have yet to really put their foot down. If it's too much say so or move on. You need to worry about you and your child, not taking care of your husband/boyfriend/partner if he's not willing to take care of you. Why couldn't it just be left at that?

Amy - posted on 04/02/2010

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A quick question - would the opposite of your post be true for a stay at home dad? Do you feel that in that situation the husband should greet the wife at the door with a clean house, happy kids, and whatever makes her happy? I'm just curious.



It's by no means an attack. I actually agree with you, but in reading the replies, it made me wonder. I'm not sure how I would answer my own question, so I thought I'd throw it out there for you.

Rachel - posted on 04/02/2010

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I like how you think you're a relationship counselor... if you're having problems the answer is for you to take action and tell your man how great he is in bed... not to mention make him feel manly by doing everything for him there by acting like he couldn't possibly do it himself. I am in shock that anyone would give you compliments for what you said, how you said it, and how you expect others to live their life. You obviously don't know how relationships work. You may be fine in yours, and I wish you the best... but you are just obsurd and hateful towards other women. Thank you so much for insulting everyone... oh thank you... haha.

[deleted account]

I'm gonna start a post complaining about women who complain about women complaining! LMAO! OMG! This post is hilarious! Please Elisabeth......do us ALL a favor and lock this thread?!! It's like a bad car crash......you just can't help urself from looking! LOL!

Have a great day ladies, servants.....maids.....whatever you wanna call urself?!! LOL!

Angelica - posted on 04/02/2010

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How is it totally okay for a full-time stay at home mother who's job is 24/7 to let her husband come home from a "hard day of work" and sit down with a beer. My mother was a full-time stay at home mother juggling 8 children, a house, animals and food. My father would come home from work, us kids would be quiet, there'd be food on the table, he'd eat and then go watch TV while my mother continued to clean and slave away. I can guarantee you, neither of them are happy. My mother has NEVER been happy one day of my life. But my father is happy almost every single day. In what way is that fair to her?

I don't know what's wrong with you, but I find it incredibly disrespectful. Marriage and parenting is a team effort. There's a reason why there are two people involved. My husband worked full time juggling two jobs while I was a stay at home mother. And he would still come home and help me. Instead of me cooking dinner, he'd do it. I'd already have the laundry and the rest of the house cleaned and our son bathed and fed. He was home for less than eight hours and he decided it wasn't fair to let me work all 24 hours. And we have an incredible marriage because we work as a team. Most women are more modernized and expect there to be equal effort in the marriage and parenting our children. I think it's offensive for you to say anything slamming the way they choose to live their lives. Not all stay at home mothers are as old fashioned as you are. In fact, many women, I know alot of women who are in their 60s, 70s and 80s, who were incredibly unhappy with their husbands because of this inequality.

Camille - posted on 04/02/2010

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Also, you don't have the right to tell us that if we complain we should not have decided to have kids. That's like saying 'if you don't have lots and lots of money, then you shouldn't have had kids b/c you can't give them everything they want'. We decided to have them and if something unfair happens we have the right to complain and ask for what is fair. We don't have to be doormats!!!

Camille - posted on 04/02/2010

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Janina, I agree with you completely!!!!! Does this woman know she deserves to be looked after, too????? Responsibilities must be shared. Also, I agree with Kimberly in that I feel really sorry for a woman who believes she should be her husband's servant.

Camille - posted on 04/02/2010

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Your post is funny but, more than that, REALLY sad. As someone else posted earlier, you are insulting most women here. Being a stay at home moms is really difficult, 24/7 and we don't have days off. Oh, and let me add that we don't get paid.Giving it all to a husband is just selfish as well as asking him to do everything. There should be a balance!!!! He works outside home and that is hard too. But he keeps getting work experience, he socializes more, he gets a paycheck and even if he shares it with you that makes him feel more empowered. And he has a peaceful lunchtime. That peaceful lunchtime would be a treasure for us who are moms of toddlers and preschoolers. By what you say, you are a perfect wife doing everything perfectly. But that doesn't guarantee your marriage will work. What if after a few years he leaves you? What are you going to do???? Who are you going to greet at the door with a smile, cold beer, and comfy shoes??? I don't want to offend you, but you offended us first. Many of us don't want to be submissive like you!!! You have the right to give your opinion but by your post you were firing insults at us women who complain about the hardships of being home on duty 24/7. You are not on the moms, us women side. You are in the men's side and you feed that kind of oppression. The sense that men deserve better. Both genders deserve better!!!!!!

Janina - posted on 04/02/2010

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whoah.... this thread was probably as interesting as the one "is it ok to push my child..." ?!!?!?!? lol!!

elisabeth, if doing what you do makes you happy then good for yoU!! :) but omg, i couldnt do it, and i wouldnt be happy if i did do it!! my partner and i have such an amazing relationship, i am soo madly in love with him and i feel blessed to have him in my life and the father of our little baby girl. he works full time, but when he gets home, he will always come to me and give me a hug and a kiss, he will offer to cook the steaks while i prepare the salad (we have a ball in the kitchen together!!!), if i bathe our girl, he will dry and dress her, i do one feed, he does the next etc etc. i am also exhausted after a day of looking after our girl, as he is after a day at work, and so we believe our relationship works best taking turns and sharing the "load" when we are both at home together. (no one wants to be burnt out!!) im a little concerned that you are worked under...!!!??? as for "making sure he is pleased"... that sounds like its almost a chore??? me and my man make sure WE are both pleased.... does your man take time to bring a smile onto your face? walk to wherever you are and plant a kiss on your cheek? tell u that he loves you for who you are and "hey honey, how about you sit down and have a break? let me put the kids to bed?" i hope so... because you sound like you do a lot of work and deserve a little TLC as well!! :)

as for the religious comments that were thrown in, i understand that that is your opinion, but please understand that for the non religious people that kind of thing is so frustrating... it feels "false and forged". to me any ways!! no offence again!!

ladies, i think we all have a right to say what we wanna say! but! we need to be careful as to how we say it.

again elisabeth, i just hope ur looked after as well as your man is looked after...

oh and dana, you crack me up! ive seen your posts in other threads and they always make me laugh :P

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2010

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Oh and I noticed you are very young. You will find out, things are not that simple.

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2010

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I am so happy that you do your job well. Good for you. BUT in our situation we sat down and talked about who would stay home with our daughter. we did not want child care of any kind until she can comunicate. So with me still breast feeding and him haveing a better oppertunity then I to make more money, we agreed I would stay home. He would have had no problem staying home, we share chores and I get to have the afternon to work on my at home buisness. We agreed we would not say bad words and DRINK unless we are around adults only. So no beer in my household. I cook since he cant work a toaster to save his life, but he washes dishes after. You know your right about if it being to difficult some women should not have had children.

BUT I am not his momma, I am his partner and we work together. If he wanted to have someone clean up after him and hand him a beer to go play, then he could have just stayed home. works both ways.

Christy - posted on 04/01/2010

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Gee, you must have a time machine that goes back to the year 1950. I bet you aren't happy at all. Then you wouldn't have posted this crap.

Elisabeth - posted on 04/01/2010

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Just happened to stubble upon a qoute that I thought would be appropriate for this convo. "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." This isn't meant to be offensive, it's meant to inspire those that are unhappy with how things can be sometimes. For all those who chose to find offence in any of my posts maybe you can try to find the positive in things instead of the negative.

Elisabeth - posted on 04/01/2010

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Dear Lynn, thank you, I found and joined your group just yesterday. I'm glad that you have made it, we need more groups like yours. It made me feel so good to read all the posts on there. All the wonderful wives and husbands and families is very encouraging. I should of put this topic on there and I think they would of been a lot more understanding but at the same time I'm glad I put it here because some things need to be said. I hope to read many more positive and encouraging conversations and posts on your group.

Cindy - posted on 04/01/2010

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So what? You have an opinion, and you do your marriage the way YOU want to....AND so does everybody else. I mean maybe we dont want to hear anybody complaining about the chicks who complain about their husbands not doing anything. Who cares. Move on.



Think of this saying: "Different strokes for different folks"

Kryss - posted on 04/01/2010

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I have not read any post yet ...so i would like to "interject" my own b4 I do. To my knowledge i have never complained...actually i had dinner cooked clothes put away and the house clean by the time my husb came home. I took care of my son always and "daddy" time was simply daddy time IF he so choose to change a diaper ..give a bath..or put hiim to sleep he did....but, he also realized he was aparent just the same if i was sick he helped me out...we both took the RESPONSIBILITY of parent hood when we had sex. we are adults her c'mon...and further more it isnt just up to the wife to keep the marriage happy ..if that were the case why would a man ask a woman to marry him...the woman could do it all herself and men only cheat when they arent happy and they are not satisfied. and when a marriage doesnt have HONESTY it wont wrk. Now with that said as a mom i would agree the "mothering" was my job even when i had a job and i wouldnt trust any woman to do it like me...and like i do it for my family. My husband wrks 12 hrs sometimes 13 and he has never heard me complain...he does well for himself and he enjoys doing the things PARENTS do but when i found out i was pregnant i knew no matter how many jobs i had this would be the best one. To all you moms....you are all great and when you are tired you do need help and YES daddy is a parent as well but moms are just special....enjoy being a stay at home mom one day they will be 10 going on 20 and dont seem to need you all that much.

Lynn - posted on 04/01/2010

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Elisabeth, There is no way I could do all of what you do. But I think it is absolutely amazing that you are such a wonderful wife to your husband. I find that people love to complain about their husband, and then they go into PMS mode if they ever hear anything negative their husband has said or hinted about them. I created the Community on here called Moms With Wonderful Husbands and to this day I delete message after message on there of people complaining about their husbands. It is awesome how great of a wife you are. Marriage shouldnt be 50/50 for a great marriage, it needs to be 100/100.

Lynn - posted on 04/01/2010

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Elisabeth, There is no way I could do all of what you do. But I think it is absolutely amazing that you are such a wonderful wife to your husband. I find that people love to complain about their husband, and then they go into PMS mode if they ever hear anything negative their husband has said or hinted about them. I created the Community on here called Moms With Wonderful Husbands and to this day I delete message after message on there of people complaining about their husbands. It is awesome how great of a wife you are. Marriage shouldnt be 50/50 for a great marriage, it needs to be 100/100.

Crystal - posted on 04/01/2010

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I read this to my hubby last night lmao he said that if I met him at the door like you do your hubby he would ask me who I was F$$$$$, and where he was at in the house, that he likes his wife to be in wearing sweat pant tank top flip flops and hair a mess with hr toddler playing and the 5 month old on her hip

Chelsea - posted on 04/01/2010

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i really do not appreciate this topic. yes, my husband works hard and i love him for it but he doesnt deserve me kissing his but either. yes i keep a clean house and cook for my husband but by no means is it my DUTY. i do it because i want it clean for my son and myself. and some of us moms out here have disrespectful husbands and im not going to show him busttkissing respect if he isnt willing to respect me. if he cant gelp me do little things then im not going to make his lunch he is a grown man and can do that his self we arent living in the old days.

Elisabeth - posted on 04/01/2010

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And to everyone that has asked to be part of my circle, I hope you all get to read this. I have accepted all requests, but when I went into "My Circle" some of you are not in there. Don't know what happened but must be a glitch in the system or something. Please ask again I would love to have you in my circle and I hope you get to read this so you don't think I'm a snob and didn't accept you. 8-)

Elisabeth - posted on 04/01/2010

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Ok the comments have started to slow down a bit so it sounds like this topic has done it's dash and it's time to bring it to a close. I will be locking this conversation in 24 hours, so everyone can get a last word in. Thank you to all that commented wether it was to agree, partily agree or disagree. I hope it has helped some people but at least I know that it has given us all something to think about. Thank you to all that showed support, I didn't think I was going to get any let alone how much I did get. And thank you to the majority of you that stayed polite and understanding even when you completly disagreed. Hope you all have a great day.

Deborah - posted on 04/01/2010

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"because as women it is our job to keep our marriage together by keeping our husbands happy. They will adore you in return and are a lot less likley to be unfaithful."

You have got to be kidding me! So it's MY job to make sure my husband stays faithful. He married me, he loves me, it's his job to stay faithful. If he no longer loves me and wants to be with someone else then I would much rather he stood up and admitted it and we could all move on but it is NOT my job to make him stay faithful! And why is it the womans job to make the marriage happy? It took two people to marry and those two people should be working towards a happy marriage - it isn't the sole responsibility of just the man or just the woman!

Jenna - posted on 04/01/2010

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I'm glad that you are happy being the Happy Housewife, and that i snot intended to be snarky in any means. Really, I mean it.



But I know at least a few of the women on this board would agree that they are Stay-At-Home-Moms, not Stay-At-Home-Housewife. I would love to get more done around the house but that just isn't in my day, I spend majority of my day centered around my son. I did not strive to be a stay at home wife, I worked more hours and made much more money than husband before I lost job. My son is the only reason I am stay at home Mom now. My husband does work hard and he does relax. But he also pitches in. I may nag, but I agree, I'm not one to come on here and bad mouth him. I sometimes vent over the frustrations, but this is the life we chose. But he in no way expects me to be everywhere, with everything done, and have his slippers there, too.



I think the expectations are quite different if you consider yourself a stay at home Mom or Housewife. My days/activities surround my son, not the house. I do the best I feel I can in a day and I don't worry about the rest because I know my husband will help when he is able.



I understand it is anyone's opinion to live they way they choose. For you to be so happy with your life is amazing, but just understand not everyone wants to live that way. I'm glad that your husband has found a mate such as yourself, because if my mate had those expectations of me he would be sorely diappointed! lol. I feel it is both the man and the wife's job to keep a marriage strong.



But again, good luck to you in your way living. Just understand it is not the way of everyone else.

Leatonya - posted on 04/01/2010

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your acting like your so sort of victim now! i have done all the things that you do during your mornig plus have made my oldest kids there breakfest and luch and drove them to school and i have 4 diffrent scheduels to work around because my kids are very active with after school programs. Yet when jesse comes home from working he jumps in and helps me because he know family works together .and yes your posts are so long and boring that who in there right mind would read all of them....i sure dont!!!

Veronique - posted on 04/01/2010

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Hey Elisabeth...... There's a post of a mom asking "if anybody else feels like a single mom sometimes" so are you going to go bitch to her about how she's bad mouthing her husband??????????? How she's fail as a mom and wife because she's not supermom like you??????? Just wondering because it seems like your not here to support or give advice to any of us you just seem to want to say how we are all bad moms and wives and that all our husband will cheat on us because we're not there slaves like you.................... GET A LIFE WOMEN

Leza - posted on 04/01/2010

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Good for you Elisabeth for living your life like it's the 1950's but unless you are asked for your opinion you should keep them to yourself. You are a doormat and i promise you that's not going to keep your husband from cheating on you. By the way, i have never bad mouthed my husband because he's the best husband and father in the world. He takes care of 300 soldiers in his company in the army then he comes home, gives the kids a bath, reads to them before bed and cleans the dinner dishes because he's a part of this family WE made and he wants to spend as much time with his kids as possible and give me a break... because he loves us and respects us.

Breanna - posted on 04/01/2010

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i really agree with you. i do say that he is a bit of an ass, being that he is rude to me as well as everyone around him. but i try my hardest to make sure he is comfortable well fed and rested. we work different schedules so spending time together is hard but the point is we have a good relationship because i understand he has a hard day just as i do and i only ask that he hold the baby while i do something really fast and he never says no to that lol

Angie - posted on 03/31/2010

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LOL...I'm sure thats what my father thinks to...LOL...Well, superwomen do what you got to do to. As Kimberly Pretty said THIS IS A SUPPORT FORUM. Just because you can't nag at your husband, does not mean you have to nag at other supermoms that are here for advise and support.

Nikkole - posted on 03/31/2010

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there is taking care of your man and being a slave!!!!!!!! If my men wants me to be a 1950's house wife, then he can find someone else to take care of him. Im not this mommy. I love how your husband thinks that there is sonething wrong with us bc we doing like you, and no we are not making EXCUSE!!!! like he thinks. Im not trying to be mean, but what do you think would happen when you post this? It never crossed your mind that you would piss! a lot of women off? You tell us if we dont like r jobs we shouldnt have kids, you have no right to tell us that! You tell us if we are more like you that are men will be faithful, and you did imply that. I do find it hard to belive that you or many body satisfis they man every night. That would get old and boring after a well.Im sorry but if you do every think for you man it dosent mean he wont cheat. If he is going to cheat he will, and it dosent matter if you wait on him hand and foot. Guys dont like every think perfect all the time it gets boring and old.

Kimberly - posted on 03/31/2010

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Wow! Well, I agree with you on 2 things. 1) Nobody should bad mouth their spouse/partner. 2) Some wives nag their husbands too much. Good for your husband that he has you trained to be his "mother" I guess. I'm a Stay at Home Mom & I do the housework, laundry, cooking & taking care of OUR child. Supper is ready when he comes home from work and most evenings HE cleans up. Those days he don't work HE changes diapers, HE cooks & HE cleans ( light cleaning). The way I see it, if I was also working outside the home to support the family I would still have to do all the household duties after work so to me we're even. We also do the grocery shopping together as a family. We're happy doing it that way & good for you if you like doing everything you think a "woman" is supposed to do but please don't come on a support forum & insult those woman who want their husbands or partners to help a little or at least want a little support from someone. Also, just because you do everything for your husband besides wipe his butt..doesn't mean he wouldn't stray, just so you know. Being a parent & a wife is a 2-way street. I feel bad for any woman who thinks that she's supposed to be her husbands servant!

Crystal - posted on 03/31/2010

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this is a load of hot monkey crap! Sweetheart I feel sorry for you not because your a stay at home mom but b/c if your husband wanted you to wipe his own ass you would lol even if he could do it, And If I wanna vent about my husband pissing me off on here I will I know that there are other women who feel the same way i do!



By the sound of your post your a toy for your husband, I didnt make own children by myself and I wasnt the only one that said vows when WE got merried and I except this to be 50/50... And by the way I keep my husband VERY HAPPY, MAKE UP sex is always the best sex!



So...Now what!

Nikki - posted on 03/31/2010

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Soleil, ridiculous sense of entitlement!! Pffttt! I'm worth every ounce of my ridiculous sense of entitlement and my hubby knows it! lol

Chelle - posted on 03/31/2010

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Rebecca, like Dana all i wanted to do was give you a big hug!! Bless you for laying your soul bare like you did and i sincerely hope that things are getting better for you. I also think its quite possible you have developed depression along the way, there is nothing to be ashamed of if this is the case. As mothers it is in the unwritten part of the contract that we must put our children ahead of ourselves, and with this being the case sometimes by way of survival, we just push how we feel right down til we dont know how we feel anymore. I came up with a quote based on my own experiences- "the biggest weakness humans have is thinking we have to be strong all the time" and its sooo true.



However in saying this, i also dont think that it is right for me or anyone to say that elizabeth can be blamed for "MAKING" us feel a certain way. No one can make us feel anything without our permission. So if the post hits a raw nerve with people i think it would be good for those people to ask themselves why exactly it has as in some cases it certainly has mirrored a vulnerability in the reader. I am not saying we dont have feelings about something, but at the end of the day we always have a choice- i read this and i choose to be angry or i read this and chose to let it be what it is.



I understand that the role of motherhood is a very passionate one for many and this is perhaps why people have taken some of the comments so personally.



In terms of what Elizabeth said re a man needs to be a man, i was told a similar thing by my mum not so long ago. Her dad, who was often unfaithful said to her one day- I will always love your mother but she doesnt need me. My nana has always been a fiercely independent woman. So although i don't agree with everything Elizabeth has mentioned in terms of what she does for her husband i definitely agree that men need to feel not only valued and appreciated in their relationships but also feel free to be masculine and be manly. And as a very independent and fiesty chickadee i have definitely learnt to find ways to do that. Just cos i can do most things, does not mean i have to. Coming from a very traditional (in terms of gender roles) family i wanted a partner that did not feel his masculinity was compromised by stepping into those typically feminine roles, just as i was not fussed to do the same with the masc. I wanted a male who was going to play an active role in my childs life, as i did not have that with my dad. But as much as i love the fact he is not limited by society's view of gender i also love it when he does things that are considered very masculine- building, DIY especially and am always praising him for the amazing job he does. Having a little man running around has given him a lot of opportunities to create and problem solve and his masculine energy is nice and strong.



Now i honestly hope that both elizabeth and her hubby are as genuinely happy as they come across but i also agree in part with what someone else said, and that not all men are going to find a wife fulfilling that kind of role satisfying. Its going to come down to the individuals involved. Some men- depending on their past experiences etc may perceive a woman such as the one that elizabeth has described as being too passive and therefore someone to take advantage of. Its all about what you intend for yourself. If elizabeth has made a conscious choice to fulfill this role in her marriage but intends that she will be valued and treated with respect, then great. The same roles and circumstances will not necessarily work with others.

Elisabeth - posted on 03/31/2010

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Dear Soleil Rigney. You said it, I love how you said "ladies, if you don't take care of your man, someone else will!!!" ( how come I didn't come up with that one) Haha thats exactly right. Good one. 8-)

Sheryl - posted on 03/31/2010

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Seriously? I thought this was 2010.... I thought we were allowed to run our homes in whatever way suits our needs best. Why on Earth is anyone trying to tell fellow mothers what they need to do? Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if a man typed this. Sounds just like a man... a single one at that!

Elisabeth - posted on 03/31/2010

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Dear Alison Symons, thank you for being so polite, my children are 2 years old and 5 months old. The oldest is a good sleeper and is very well behaved but does throw her fair share of tantrums. The youngest is not a good sleeper at all for her age, she wakes up every 2 -3 hours during the night. I guess once I got used to not having as much sleep as I once did my body adjusted and now it's a lot easier, but with saying that don't try to over do it, every women knows her own bodies limit, I guess I'm lucky to not need to much sleep. 8-)

Kylie - posted on 03/31/2010

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oh my god what a joke! If youre happy to be a cook, waitress, cleaner, carer of your husband than good on you but in my world we are equals and my husband helps me with our house and the children. He comes home from work with a smile on his face and plays with kids, sometimes he makes dinner, he vacuums the house, cleans out the fridge etc etc and he always puts the eldest to bed and reads to and teaches her. he is a definition of a real man. he wakes up everyday and tries to do what he can to make my life easier and happier..he knows how hard i work and i appreciate him so much more because hes sees me as an equal. i would never even want a marriage like yours. Please don't come on here putting other down for expecting tehir husbands pull their weight. this is not eth 1950's lady..get a grip. I will teach my son how to use a vacuum, do the shopping, wash and iron clothes etc. It's an important skill and will be a great gift to his future life partner.

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