Just thought I would say...

Chelle - posted on 03/29/2010

wow there is so much i want to say about your post. firstly, the reason why so many women on here feel like you are acting all superior is because of the way you chose to word everything- although you may have been speaking about YOUR experience and YOUR relationship, you chose to write it as "your husband goes to work etc". Your post did not come across in any shape or form as just you telling us how things are with you, regardless of whether that was your intent. You really need to re-read your initial post.



Your post raised a number of feelings in me- one the one hand i admired how ballsy you were and how you spoke directly but i think it is naive to paint things so black and white.



You also imply that people in happy marriages don't vent about their husbands- by saying this post was not meant for ppl who are happily married.



I cringe when i imagine you standing at the door with slippers and what not in hand to great him and yes that does take me back into history. Now if this works for you, great, power to you, but don't dictate it as being what everyone SHOULD do. Your word "should" in your post implies it is the norm for EVERYONE not just you.



I do however like the conversation that this post has sparked and although i definitely see the healthiness in venting i agree that when it comes down to it, it is your husband that is the best person to communicate these feelings with. I also agree that people are in charge of their own situations and if they are not happy they need to take some responsibility for that, but it is not necessarily as easy as being joan cleaver!



It takes two to create a child it takes two to raise a child. And you also imply that all mothers who are stay at home mothers are this by choice. Yes as a stay home mother i did see the housework as part and parcel of my role, but i did not see that i should be in a role 24/7 when his ended at 5:30pm. And i think other mothers might feel the same. Yes i see it is reasonable that after a long day at work, your husband wants some wind down time, but i also see that as a stay home mum i have been working too, and it is just as important that i get some wind down time. Too often stay home mums are not seen as working.



unfortunately i am not able to comment any more at the moment as i am pressed for time, but i will definitely be keeping my eye on this post.

Elisabeth - posted on 03/29/2010

Thank you Laura and everyone who has written nice posts. You all make me smile and I hope you get many happy returns!

Elisabeth - posted on 03/29/2010

BTW. The part I wrote about being unfaithful. I don't mean if the house is spotless he won't cheat, like that will ever work, haha. What I meant is if we keep them happy and don't nag at them all the time or make coming home a horrible experiance for them (which nagging does) then he's less likely to want to find someone who makes him happy and doesn't nag or complain. And when they go out looking they will find. If you make coming home a fun and relaxing time then they will be happy to come home and won't find the need to go looking. I'm not saying this is a 100% sure fire way to make your husband stay faithful, but it's a lot more likely to work then if you didn't do it.

Laura - posted on 03/29/2010

I'm glad that you have this opinion...and looking back at it...it really gives me INSITE and encouragement to change the way I do things around my house! I have really bad insomnia, so my nights are my cleaning sessions...or doing exactly what I'm doing now...reflecting and having ME time! I at first found your post offensive; however, thinking about it and the way I was raised seeing my mommy do exactly what you do daily makes me realize...I need to be more like the OLDER women in my life! Thanks for your uplifting post Elisabeth!

Elizabeth - posted on 03/29/2010

i think a man wrote this with all the spelling errors and the part were your ready with slippers you just left out the part with the news paper in your mouth lol

Linda - posted on 03/29/2010

you make it like the woman has to do every thing that is not true no matter what you do for your husband if he is going to cheat it doesn't matter he is going to do it . i have been there and now apart from my husband and we did not have kids .i cooked for him cleaned for him washed the clothes you name it i did it but i was not going to be his slave any ways all i am saying is that you can not put the all the blame on the wife there are men that are going to do it no matter what. it sounds like you wait on your husband hand and foot an that may make you happy but you should not judge other people you are not in there homes and they are not in yours .

Vanessa - posted on 03/29/2010

I understand to get respect you need to show respect hence why I don't bag my husband and prefer to talk to him or my sister about my problems rather than post them on the internet but I am a very private person when it comes to my emotions. In saying this again I think this rule stands for both parties. All I have to say is men are human not gods therefore can make just as many mistakes in a relationship as women (intentionally or unintentionally). I don't think a wife lazy for telling their husbands that they have upset them (I don't mean it is ok to nag by the way). How can a marriage be happy or last if either one keeps upsetting the other and how can this be rectified if we are not prepared to talk to one another about it? I also don't think a women lazy because they may need help from their husbands to cope with everything, women are not gods either ya know?

Nikki - posted on 03/29/2010

Treva that is the worst thing I have read so far,the divorce rates have not just gone up because most women refuse to wait on their husbands every whim, so you would rather women stay in abusive relationships rather than up the divorce rate? or children to become molested because the mothers are too scared and not capable of leaving! For all women to be stepford wives and have no personality or voice of their own? You can't generalise crap like that without taking everything into consideration. Women have fought hard for choices, to better their and their children's lives. Good for you if you want to look after your husband like a 1950's house wife but don't disrespect the oppression so many women have fought to over come in the past few decades!

Amanda - posted on 03/29/2010

Can you block people? LOL

Nikki - posted on 03/29/2010

wow! didn't our grandmothers burn their bras for this???lol!i just think it's funny! i would tell my bf to get bent if he tried to make me do all that by myself!!!hahaha! all i can do is laugh! but if that's what works for you whatever! my bf works everyday and he comes home and makes dinner! i also work so we share the house work! and if he wants satisfied EVERY night... he can do it by hisself!!!!lmao!!!

Nikkole - posted on 03/29/2010

i hate to tell you but its not the 1950's. into days world man do help out around the house. my watch are lill girl, cooks, and clean. i dont think you should be telling us that if we dont like are job we shouldnt have kids. just bc we are women it is not are job to keep the marrige toghter. it takes two people. im glad that you think if you are the perfect house wife that your man will be faithful,but if your man or any men wants to be unfaithful they will be. just bc we vent about are men dosent mean we dont love them or we dont respect them. if you are so sick about hearing women one here vent about they hubbys then dont come on here its that easy!

Angie - posted on 03/29/2010

BTW - I'm all for the idea that doing for the ones we love creates more love. Being the dense man that my honey is, though, I usually have to tell him what that is, like mama-don't-cook night or putting the dishes in the dishwasher while I'm giving DD a bath. It works for us. I also think it is easy to get sucked into the feeling of never being able to get anything done when you're a S@HM constantly interrupted. Some of us make the active decision that the floors can go another day without being vaccumed..it is play time or book time or color time! Your original post made it sound like clean house and man comes before that.

Jessica - posted on 03/29/2010

wow. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM... thats all i can say! why does your husband not do the same and feel the same way you do?? we are not cave men & women, we need to support each other!

Jessica - posted on 03/29/2010

wow. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM... thats all i can say! why does your husband not do the same and feel the same way you do?? we are not cave men & women, we need to support each other!

Jessica - posted on 03/29/2010

wow. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM... thats all i can say! why does your husband not do the same and feel the same way you do?? we are not cave men & women, we need to support each other!

Treva - posted on 03/29/2010

Thank you Elisabeth for posting this. Its nice to know that their are still women out there that believe the "old way" so to speak. I try very hard to treat my husband like this but I fall short more than I would like and your post has given me encouragement. So I wanted to say thank you. I truly believe that God intended marriage and motherhood to be like you said. And Shannon was right on the money by posting Proverbs 31. You know divorce was alot less before women started getting the ideas that they needed to be in control and as they call it "equal," I'm not saying we arent equal but its gotten to the point that alot of women(including myself at times) really disrespect our husbands and God tells us that we wives are to respect our husbands.I think we women have gotten lazy and then we tend to blame our husbands.I'm guilty of doing this too so I'm no better but your post has given me encouragement that I can do better and want to do better. So anyways thank you again for having the guts to post this. God Bless!

Jessi - posted on 03/29/2010

oh yah... anyone read this joke article?? this thread kinda made me think of it ;-)

"Housekeeping Monthly 13 May 1955

The good wife’s guide

· Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

· Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

· Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

· Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

· Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

· Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

· Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

· Be happy to see him.

· Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

· Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

· Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

· Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

· Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

· Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

· Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

· Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

· Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

· A good wife always knows her place. "

Jessi - posted on 03/29/2010

Cummon ladies. This woman just wants validation and someone to tell her she’s doing a good job! some people do like to be “the example others should follow" and tell others they are doing it wrong and innocently describe their home life, but at the same time say they aren’t telling YOU how to be. Lets not all get excited about it. If it works for you Elisabeth, then GREAT! But if you’re going to post something on here basically judging and telling other people how to act. At least OWN IT! Don’t come back on and try saying you’re not being judgemental and say you’re not telling anyone how to be. I agree with some of the things you said and I do think a lot of people have taken this the wrong way so I say...to each their own!

Lacey - posted on 03/29/2010

ok i very offended by this post as well as alot of other moms..and sweetie this isn't 1855 anymore..ok men can help their wife's around the house if they want..my husband does i cook and clean and take care of my two year old all day while my husband works.when he comes home he takes over with our son b/c he knows how hard it is..i have his supper cooked and ready for him but i do NOT take him a plate..he knows how to fix it himself..he is not a baby and i will not serve him like he is one nor will i cater to him like i am his slave..he gets to relax and he feels that he gets to then so should i..i don't know what kind of world your living in but its time for you to wake up..i mean if you can handle doing everything and all thats great but don't come on here and tell all of us we need to do the same i am one of those wifes that vents about my hubby at times but i don't degrade him its my way of getting everything off my chest that is bothering me not to belittle him and thats all..alot of other wifes/moms do it for the same reasons..its not your place to pass judgement on anyone b/c we don't do what you do or because we vent on a website..we are all human and instead of us getting so frustrated and pissed and starting a fight with our hubby's that is really not necessary we vent about it on here to get it off our chest..why would i want to fight about something that is so stupid when i can write it down on here and reread it and laugh at myself b/c its dumb..i don't need you are anyone else for that matter telling me how to live my life or how to treat my husband we are happy and its sad that someone like you would try and tell us all to change that and be more like you..i think you need to lay off the stepford wife thing and live your life and stop trying to be our mother and let us be and if you don't like what we have to say about our hubby's then stay off this site or over look our post..no one is forcing you to read them

Angie - posted on 03/29/2010

I think the main problem is you addressed two different topics. (1) People bashing on their hubands. (2) S@HMs not realizing that their men already worked all day and should be done when they get home. (1) Women are typically verbal creatures...we gab, we vent and then we go our separate ways or bond. Don't like what someone is saying, make a comment or ignore it. Your broad approach was OBVIOUSLY not the best way to go about it. YOU VENTED about the women on this site for bashing their husbands and then expect them to be nice to you? (2) You were insulting and arrogant in your first post. Your second post wasn't much better. Than the third post you VENT again about not having family nearby, he works all the time, etc. So I guess you aren't happily in bed at 10 every night? Then your last post you brag how wonderful he is. Honey, I don't think YOU know what is going on, because the story keeps changing. So I suppose it really throws a wrench in your ideaology that I married a city-boy, and I change the oil in the vehicles, I took out the broken steps and built new ones, I put in our hardwood flooring. He wouldn't have a successful business without me doing the paperwork every night after DD is in bed. He can't cook anything, but hot dogs and mac'n'cheese or frozen pizza, so 1-2 nights a week we do mama-don't-cook-night and get takeout. He does that with his hard-earned money to ease my burden, because he eats at home two meals a day. He watches DD while I go to the grocery story or comes with, because feeding him 2 meals/day=a lot of food. One last thing I could suggest - Instead of doing the dishes while he plays with the kids at night (which I'm assuming since you didn't actually say this), leave the dishes until the kids are in bed and play together as a family. I don't see a lot of family time in your multiple posts. I also see that because he isn't there very much why you would be more willing to let him relax. You just told 1/10th of the story initally and expected everyone to just understand.

Chatty - posted on 03/29/2010

Elisabeth: I gotta give you props for handling all the pretty harsh words and criticism like a CHAMP......I would have got my back up and barked back even harder! I also want to say that ur hubby sounds like a great guy and you're a very lucky lady! I genuinely hope you're happy! This has been fun.....take care!

Amanda - posted on 03/29/2010

Wow; threads like this really get people going. BUT I don't agree, I think that man and woman should stay side by side. Caring for children and a house and appointments and events all day is the same if not more work than a man sometimes does. And personally, my fiance enjoys playing with his daughter and cooking the family dinner after work and before work. And I think that venting is needed to have a happy relationship, whether you vent to your significant other or about him...if makes a person feel better and it brings out what's wrong so others can help make it right or provide support. :) Because face it, sometimes we don't know what to do or how to help ourselves, but our friends online may be able to light a spark in our minds. ♥

Chatty - posted on 03/29/2010

August: I had NO idea that Dr. Phil's middle name was FUCKING?!! LMAO! Hahaha....all the way home!

Ladies! I think ur all G-R-E-A-T! Like Tony the Tiger ......GRRRREAT! Keep the posts comin!

April - posted on 03/29/2010

I would not mind doing all that you say but my husband goes to work and makes NO money! NONE! And I do EVERYTHING! He is lazy, lazy, LAZY! I have been sick of it since day one! Dear lord-who knows how long this union will last!

Jacqueline - posted on 03/29/2010

I seriously thought this was a joke!

Vanessa - posted on 03/29/2010

Just a quick question, do you think all the mums on here that aren't living the subserviant lifestyle that you are, aren't making thier families happy or aren't being good wives to thier husbands and don't won't to just because they choose not to be a slave in the relationship?

I make my husband & child as happy as I can without causing unhappiness in myself. After all i may be someones wife & mother but I am also still me!

Elisabeth I showed my husband your post and his first statement to me was my god she is a robot from the Movie/Book Stepford Wives! He then proceeded to say that he would rather his house be a bit messy, eat take away every other night & have a happy real wife then be married to a machine! So you see not all husbands appreciate your way of thinking. lol

So good on you for changing your ways to make your marriage work and to be a happier environment but your lifestyle is not for everyone. I think those people in bad relationships should look at the way they live and change it accordingly but I think it should be both parties to do so and I definately don't think your way is the only way to get a relationship back on track and working happily again.

Elisabeth - posted on 03/29/2010

For all those that have asked.
Yes my husband does show me respect and gives me compliments. He makes me feel so good about myself and what I do which is part of the reason I do it. I swear with some of the things he says to me he must be a scriptwriter for all those romantic movies, he is so sweet and makes me laugh to. He is a very good husband, and as I said previously he doens't expect this from me. I'm not 100% sure but I think the only thing he expects of me is to keep my children happy, safe and healthy (and mysef too). I just choose to do it because I want to and enjoy it too. And yes we do spend lots of time together, not as much as I would like but thats because he works such long hours, but thats what he needs to do so we can eat and have a home and and my girls can have clothes ect and I love him for it. Of course my husband does some things around the house just because there is no way in hell I would ever know how to do it, haha like servicing the car for example. He is a very good handy man and I swear he can do anything, it seems like it anyway. He even helps out the elderly lady next door when she has a problem, because her husband has gone on to rest in peace and sorry to offend all the feminests out there but yes, some women do need help from a man. I don't nag and nag at him to do it though. I nicley let him know if something needs doing (if he hasn't figured it out by himself which is ussally the case) and then whenever he feels like doing it then he'll do it. If he doesn't feel like doing it then it doesn't get done and I'm fine with that. On his days off he may do something but he perfers to spend time with me and the girls, playing around or going out somewhere, and I will never stop him from doing that just because I want him to do housework. I love spending time with him and the girls too, it's my favorite time by far.
And for those who asked.
I have two wonderful little girls. Oldest is two years and two months and other is 5 months old, both lots of fun. And I will not teach them any "rules" when it comes to how they run their household or relationships when they are old enough. When they are old enough they will clean their own rooms and I will teach them (including boys when I have them) how to look after themselves by cooking and cleaning. My mother was not one of the "Men must do this and Women must do this" sort of women, she probably wouldn't entirley agree with me either. I chose to be my own person. I wouldm't force my idealology (sorry if spelt wrong) on them just like I wouldn't force religion on them.

Elisabeth - posted on 03/29/2010

I RELISE I HAVE ALREADY POSTED THIS ONCE BUT IT WAS CLOSE TO THE START OF THIS THREAD AND A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE NOT READ THAT FAR BACK.



Thank you to everyone who has replied to my post, I have found them all very interesting. However there is one thing I must be very clear on and I am sorry I was not clearer from the beginning. I do understand that some of us have exceptional situations that involve having a special needs child, and illness, disability, or similar, this post in NO Way is directed at you and I do apoligise if your feel it is. Also this post is not directed at those who are happy in their relationship; I hope your have many more happy times. This post is directed at those that complain about how bad they have it and they have every ability to change this but just decide not too. It seems that everyone on this site is allowed to have an opinion except for myself, I find it very unfortunate. I need to be very clear about some things as most of you have seemed to of misread it.

1. I never stated that I was better then everybody else, I believe we are all equal.

2. I never said you must all do this or the world will come to an end, or something. All I said is that if your having trouble in your relationship (which you obviously are if you find the need to slander your partner all over the net) then try doing something about it.

3. I have just given you an example of how things can be done, not how things MUST be done. People have been doing this for many years so it can be done.

4. I never said that I spend ALL my time cleaning. I spend much more time with my children. Children always come first to me. I just like to have a clean house, it’s more hygienic and comfortable for everyone (and less embarrassing if you have unexpected visitors). I’m sorry if you find it offensive that I like a clean house.

5. I never said that a husband shouldn’t spend time with his children. A father must always spend time with his kids. That is why a wife should do the cleaning up when a husband gets home because she has been able to enjoy them all day while he has been away and missed them so he should get to spend time with them instead of washing dishes.

6. I said it is not right to badmouth your husband. That doesn’t mean it’s OK to badmouth mine, you do not know him so you should not assume that he is inadequate. We have a wonderful time together and he exceeds my every expectation I have on his abilities.

7. I understand that we all need to vent, including me. I just think it is wrong to slander your husband online, once it is written it is here forever. Keep it in private, talk to a close friend perhaps. How would you feel if you went online and saw something written by your husband saying, “My wife is so fat and lazy”, it would be very hurtful. I love my husband and could never say something like that. He loves me and showers me with compliments and I appreciate him working so hard to support me and our children and I show it by doing these wonderful things for him. That doesn’t mean I am his slave or doormat, I love to keep him happy. I love to do everything I can to help him and my family. If you don’t then I guess it’s fair enough.

8. I understand that this post may have made a few of you upset but there is no need to be racist. The women in Afghanistan are in a terrible situation and I do not like to hear that some people think it is funny what these women are going through. It is a shame you think you are superior to these people when they were born as a human being just like you.

Thank you to all those that show your support and I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Lol - posted on 03/29/2010

Dana... you guys are all on a different time zone from Elisabeth and myself... so here is my very late reply LOL... I realise that Elisabeth could have worded her post more tactfully and fully... but I took her age into account when I posted (me abt 10yrs older)... so was mostly showing her some support for her choices. and hey... your s*** might stink... but mine smells like roses!! HEHEHEH
Elisabeth... pls don't be offended too much by what I just said to Dana... age does have it's benefits... most of us older posters have worked for quite a long time before having children and that doesn't make us better (or worse) than you. We have just learnt already that having a close female friend or family that you can just blurt whatever you want with little repercussions is soooo great. Your mining town (yes i know where it is... I have family in WA) can be very isolated and dusty... so i really do understand wanting the house clean as much as possible. Just realise that doing the old housewife standard for the next twenty years may wear you out or become boring... and then what happens?

Nikki - posted on 03/29/2010

I actually feel sorry for you believing that it is your job to hold your marriage together, one person cannot hold that responsibility, otherwise it is not a partnership. Do you every worry that you will wake up in 20 years time and realise what you have missed out on in life? Also in your post I don't hear you mention your children very much, only that they are well mannered when your husband comes home and that you look after them during the day, my whole purpose for being a SAHM is to spend quality time with my daughter, I truly believe that your kids will not remember how clean your house was, they will however remember how much time you spent with them. Another thing, before we had a child I probably did a lot more for my husband even though I had the more stressful job with longer hours, after giving birth, one of my thoughts is that part of being a providing mother is to ensure that god forbid anything happen to me but to prepare my family for the worst, not just with life insurance, but with life experience as well. I am comforted in knowing that if something happened to me my family would be able to cope with how to run a house hold, my husband would be confident in his ability to raise our child like we have planned. I just really hope that you don't burn yourself out, you are only still young and while you may feel one way now, things could possibly change, life is about being flexible and open to new challenges. I look at my mum, who is a career woman and certainly wears the pants in the relationship with my father, but after 30 years of marriage, they are still happy, they have their own interests and look after each other and I know that they will continue to do so until until they pass, then I look at a couple of my parents friends, a few of them have split after 30 years, and the one thing they have in common is that after the kids moved on with their lives the women wanted more out of life, they didn't have an identity, they were a wife and mum and it wasn't enough. I hope that this doesn't happen to you, but I really think you need to think about yourself a little more, it's not going to hurt your husband to have to get his own beer while you read a good book!

Medic - posted on 03/29/2010

OH WAIT!!!!! You better do it all with a big freakin smile.

Medic - posted on 03/29/2010

Come on ladies....when your husbands get home tonight be sure to be dressed to the nines have your hair done, makeup on, and make sure you have the heeled pumps to go with it....while your at it wear your apron and be holding his slippers and a cold beer. Make sure you say 'yes, sir' and be sure that he is comfy. While your at it just bow down kiss his feet and let him wipe the mud off on your back.......thank god my man is gone on training because I am kind of tempted to do it just to see the 'have you lost your effin mind" look that I would get.....then he would probably tell me that there is a nice padded room somewhere for me.

Natalie - posted on 03/29/2010

i have 4 kids, yes i call my boyfriends kids from his previous relationship i'm raising them and ya know what i expect him to help with it, theres no damn reason why he shouldnt change diapers, do bath time, help clear up from supper, pick up toys(our kids are all under 3), make bottles(i'm sure you breast feed since it would be the way to do it right according to you), change the laundry, clean the litter box. sure when he comes threw the door after work he gets cleaned up and plays with the kids while i cook supper(the only reason i do all the cooking is because he cannot cook, and i plan to teach our boys to cook very young so they can help out their future wives), i am not and will never fit your little stepford wife lifestyle and its ridiculous that you think people should be doing that in this day and age, it takes 2 adults to make a child they should sure as hell share in taking care of the everyday(and i can say something about that because i have 2 sons with a dead beat that wont even provide a pack of diapers to my sons)

Kyle - posted on 03/29/2010

I personally find this post extremely judgmental and disrespectful. So you are implying that if a stay at home mother can not do all the things YOU can do then they are not good enough to have kids? Well, miss perfect, not all people are capable to do EVERYTHING. Some women deal with disabled children, some women are disabled themselves. You do NOT know every womens situation. and who in the heck are you to judge someone and say that they shouldn't have had kids if they can't do it all. I think this post is completely disgusting. I will keep it at that. There is absolutly NOTHING wrong with a TWO WAY relationship. Your life seems more like a SERVANTS life to me. Maybe next time you should think of the complications other people may have in their lives before you start judging people you DON't know and open your trap and start flapping your gums on how we are not good enough to have kids because we don't do everything.

Karen - posted on 03/29/2010

Well I for one don't complain about my husband online. But if you consider staying at home with your kids a job...and your husbnad working all day a job...then who is on duty at night? Just you? You really think that is fair for every other mother? If I am working all day with kids then why shouldn't we BOTH be on duty at night? I do expect my husband to do stuff at night. Would he like it if I just sat on my butt after he walks in the door at night? No but that is what you are saying you expect the women to let the men do.

Anyways what works for you doesn't work for everyone. I am not just a mother, maid, cook...I am a person too and I would like to relax sometimes too and let daddy take over sometimes when I am having a bad day.

Sarah - posted on 03/29/2010

i agree with you it is our jobs to take care of the kids and the husbands should not have to work after being at work all day.but i also think every once in awhile he can help he gets days off and we should get a day off to ever once in while.but every relationship is different and what works one couple may not work for another.and also sometimes you just need to vent out how u are feeling.you may not really feel that way but sometimes you are just over stressed and need to talk to someone and on here it is nice to have a chance to vent and get feed back.even ur husband vents abt work some times im sure.

Kayla - posted on 03/29/2010

I would have to agree, cuz I use to always think my husband was bad but he just left for the army and I am feeling it. I now see how much he did for me!!! I guess you really don't know what you have until its gone. I will be that wife that expects nothing from him when he gets back!!!

Keidy - posted on 03/29/2010

LMAO!!! This is soo funny...but I do agree we all have to respect everyones way of thinking and seeing things. Every relationship is different and what works for one might not work for all. You can give advice but I dont think its okay to tell people what or how to do something. Religion should be kept out of it...we all have different religions and different point of views about it and each should be respected.
With that being said....keep it fun!!! LMAO!

Janelle - posted on 03/29/2010

Wow....I am glad that that system works for you. I think that you are doing what you believe is right for your family, but like all situations, it is not best for everyone.

Thank you for your venting, I am sure that, at first, it made you feel better. :)

August - posted on 03/29/2010

"8. I understand that this post may have made a few of you upset but there is no need to be racist. The women in Afghanistan are in a terrible situation and I do not like to hear that some people think it is funny what these women are going through. It is a shame you think you are superior to these people when they were born as a human being just like you.

Thank you to all those that show your support and I hope you all have a wonderful day."



Obvioulsy you dont know how to read Elizabeth. My post was NOTHING racist what so ever. I SAID "If we didnt and did things your way we might as well life in Afghanistan. GET REAL" how the hell that is racist is beyond me. Y-O-U are the one that acts like you are superior giving out advice to people in marriages like your Dr. Fucking Phil. DONT EVER tell me that I am racist. My aint and uncle are half Japanese. I dated a guy that was half black, my HUSBAND is 1/4 Cherokee (weather you are intelligent enough to know that, that is a race). You are seriously disturbed.



I honestly bet that your husband is having an affair on you. That's the only way I could come home to you every night... that and be an alcoholic. Actually I would have never even dated you in the first place. Your a PSYCHO. You have set here and corrected everything you said by denying that you said it in the first place. Point in case:

"2. I never said you must all do this or the world will come to an end, or something. All I said is that if your having trouble in your relationship (which you obviously are if you find the need to slander your partner all over the net) then try doing something about it."



>>> "Maybe if you tried doing something differant you would see an instant improvement to your marriage, because as women it is our job to keep our marriage together by keeping our husbands happy."

Deja - posted on 03/29/2010

I am a very young mother of three girls. My fiance and I both know that it's both of our jobs to make sure the house is clean. We both chose to start a family and make our relationship work because we're both so very young with three kids. He knows what I do while he's gone to work all day and I know what he does at work all day. But when he comes home at night and I ask him to help me do something, he doesn't complain. He enjoys the things we do together. Even if it is cleaning the dishes. He doesn't expect me to do EVERYTHING all day by myself. He enjoys the time we spend together. Yes, I do a decent amount of things for him but yet, he does the same amount for me. We both work all day either I be home or he be at work. But it doesn't matter. We're in this together. We both carry this weight on our shoulders. Yes, he may bring home the check, but it's to help his family. He doesn't complain. If you expect your husband not to do anything when you come home, that's all fine and dandy for you. But some of us were raised that both parents share each and every responsibility.

Melissa - posted on 03/29/2010

I am amazed at all of this. Some women really took your post the wrong way. I can see how that happened, although I am sure you did not mean it to sound that way. I understand what you are trying to say. You are just trying to say that if we try and to the best we can at making a happy home, child, and husband our lifes would be so much better and Happier. I am a stay at home mom, although I do work(Baby goes with me) and go to school full time. I am not a perfect person and yes I barely have time to shower in a day. I do expect my husband to help out and he loves the fact that he can make my life a little easier as well. My house is a wreck and things are always crazy. In our situation things are perfect. We help each other out and love each other more than words could describe. Everyones situation is different and it seems like what you are doing is working for you and your family and that is all that matters. I know that you are not saying everyone should live by this, but if things are not working for someone else that maybe a change in what they normally do would help :)

Jennifer - posted on 03/29/2010

Oh! I didn't realize there were 2 PAGES of thread!!! LOL!!

Jennifer - posted on 03/29/2010

Where did my post go?

Amy - posted on 03/29/2010

well im glad your husband atleast gets to sleep in his own bed at night and have warm running water. my husband sleeps in a bed that isnt even wide enough to roll over in, he has to be strapped in so he doesnt fall out(lol), teir ship has no air conditioning/ventilation in the racks so they sleep where ever he can fit his blanket and pillow, the water has been out on the ship for almost a month. just think of it this way... 250 grown men, no running water means no flushing toilets, no water to brush teeth, no showers and no washing uniforms kinda gross correct? ot saying your husband doesnt get dirty at work but he has alot to be thankful for in that respect. and im glad you dont have to vent you must be extremly strong to handle it all. by the way if i may ask how old are your children? and dana i think your freakng hillarious this thread is kinda funny lol

Penny - posted on 03/29/2010

OMG do you realise we are in the 21st century, u r not put on this earth to just 'please men' lmao ive never read anything like this. you are very insulting to every woman, you dont know individuals personal circumstances, and some people just need to let of steam on here. now that i have calmed down after reading this- i really hope your husband appreciates all this constant hard work you do. and i hope it is not how u explain it every single day because i think you deserve some looking after even if just for a couple of hours a week. i do think your view is very narrow minded.

Chatty - posted on 03/29/2010

* giggle *

Lucy - posted on 03/29/2010

Gosh, what arrogance!



Every woman and every couple is different, and if the way you work it is okay for you and your guy, great. Personally, it sounds like hell on earth to me, but whatever floats your boat!



If I ran myself ragged, put out on demand because it's my duty and prevented my husband from being involved in the running of the household at all, he would not be happy. In fact, when I showed him your post his words were "is this for real? How sad! I want a partner, not a slave! And what example are those kids getting?"



If you and your guy are happy in the dark ages, fine, but don't try and drag the rest of us back there, thanks.

Emily - posted on 03/29/2010

This is not the 1950's anymore and you are genderizing the role of a woman's job. My husband is happy to help without being asked and I am VERY HELPFUL AND THANKFUL for it! I don't have to ask. I feel for the woman that do not get help and do it all alone. To be parents is a team effort and the man is just as responsible for bringing this life in to the world.

How old fashioned are you and what year are u living in?

Not everyone is suzy homemaker and nor should it be expected of us as women. IT IS NOT OUR JOB! THis kind of repressive attitude was the same kind of crap people believed in the old days when it was okay to rape your wife because she was your wife and it was HER JOB!

Not every mom can afford a cleaner or wants to get a job as the first years of life are the most vital.

It is not our job to keep our husbands happy, if they cannot do this as individuals themselves than too bad. We are our own individuals but work together as a family unit. And the chances of your husband being unfaithful does not rely on being a "GOOD HOUSEWIFE" Infidelity happens to what some believe to be "healthy marriages" and it happened in the 1950s too! lol

Lets have some respect for OURSELVES as women and take care of ourselves as much as we can. If that means by not doing the dishes and letting the laundry pile up so we can have a nap and letting the house be a bit messy sometimes then so be it! We will be better moms for it and most importantly our children will benefit and so will our relationships. After all, if we don't take care ourselves than how can we be part of a relationship or a sane mom?

Kandace - posted on 03/29/2010

ok ive checked into childcare and a decent child care here is 300 a week for under 2 and 150 a week for over 2 so that would be 450 a week and theres 4 weeks in a month so that 1800 a month and 12 months in a year so that would be 21600 a year. so you tell me were a job pays enough for that food gas and bills ooh and dont forget tires and wear and tear on the car plus clothing for work and the kids. so the me where to get a job that makes that much money. cause most jobs are minimin wage which where im at is 7.50 an hour full time is 40 hrs a week. 300 a week 1200 a month 14400 a year. tell me where that adds up?