Living with parents is ruining my marraige! Advice?

Rachel - posted on 02/10/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Me and my husband are young (20,21) yet we own a house already however we rent it out and live in a shed at my parents (not as bad as it sounds) people are constantly in our room, there is no privacy if we want to talk about ANYTHING we have to take a drive. my mum puts her 2 cents into everything i do. if i ask my husband to change a bum or get a bottle she says' YOUR THE STAY AT HOME MUM DO IT YOURSELF' she wont let me work and im one of those people who cant stand being at home 24/7 and its been 2 years now. she thinks its wrong that i put my 10 month old in a playpen when im cooking dinner but i dont have any bench space so its too dangerous having him run around. My husband hates it but everytime i say we want to move home they just have a go at me saying if i lived there i couldnt look after my own kid. Honestly im sick to death of this but theres nothing i can do. its alot of complaining but its been over 6 months of this. What do i do? Im sick of living at my parents to keep them happy but is it really worth losing my husband?

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Lisa - posted on 03/07/2011

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Is there a reason you don't live in your house and live with your parents instead? Because if there is no reason why you can't be living in your house, go live there. You're a grown woman with a husband and a family. The decisions that need to be made for your family need to be made between you and your husband, without your mother's opinion. And as a grown woman with a husband and family, your mother needs to respect your family's decisions. She doesn't have to agree with them or even like them, but she does need to respect them.

Penelope - posted on 02/11/2010

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It sounds like you are your mom's punching bag. I don't have the best relationship with my mom by any stretch, but when I had my daughter she was really there for me. She felt the need and wanted to help.

Here's a totally different situation, but there's a point to it. When I was 18, I got my own apartment with someone I knew a little. She turned out to be a nightmare. Drugs, ex-cons for boyfriends, physical threats, kicking in doors, etc. I stayed for the entire year because I didn't want to lose the $700 deposit. Looking back on it now I should have left immediately, the money wasn't worth it. I would never do something like that again. You are questioning your judgment because you are so young. I still think it was wrong for my mother not to encourage me to leave when she knew everything that was going on. I was looking to her to give me that push, to say "You need to leave." The truth is she liked living alone with her new husband and she wasn't going to say anything that would risk me needing to move back in. I needed to be more independent of my mother.

How are you keeping your parents happy by living with them? You say that there is nothing that you can do, but that's not true. Your mother isn't letting you grow up by having you home and criticizing your every move. All that criticism is a sign of resentment. You are an adult now, you don't have to live in your parent's world anymore. Why are they saying you couldn't look after your child when you were in your own place? Read a couple of good books about raising babies/children and how to stay happily married. Your husband and your child come first. No one wants to be married to someone who lets there parents dictate their life in a direction that they aren't happy with. You'll feel better when you're independent.

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16 Comments

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Cindy Marie - posted on 07/20/2013

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Rachel...MOVE! The longer you stay the worse she will get! 2 women cannot live in those close quarters...and technically it's her house. Give those other people notice to get out of your house and start packing! It doesn't matter whether she gives you approval or not! As long as you live with her she will never let you grow up...you'll always be her little girl. MOVE OUT while you are still sane girl!!!!!!!!

Mandeep - posted on 08/29/2012

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Hi... m having d same situation bt bit more complicated bcs my husband dosn't wants to stay with my parents any more due not having privacy and more interfarence n not having much help from my parents side in rutine work due to they are in their 60s n feels old enough.. m d one who handles everything since morning till night n we are working couple as well. Not have enough time to sit with n having romantic time or play with our kid. This thing almost ruining my married life n now we wants to move from my parents house but they don't want us to do this. They feels alone bcs they dnt have any other to lookafter except my elder sister who is married also n lives with her own family. They are trying to putting me down n make me guilty that i am leaving them but they dnt understands that now i am having my own family too which is my first priority..n now we are moving from there with in few days... so i think you should decide what you want first n then go ahead

Danielle - posted on 03/07/2011

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Here's my advice. RUN as fast as you can (and take your husband & bby of course) Your marriage is more important than your parent's happiness IMO

Erin - posted on 03/07/2011

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I would sit them down and tell them how you really feel and tell them that its your marraige and your family and and that you need your own space and your are more than fit enought to be the mother of a child all i can say is that they might not want to loose you are they ready to let go if not they need to so you are able to live your life best of luck i found with my parents the best thing for me to do was to talk to them

Ashley - posted on 03/06/2011

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Honestly you need to move out and do your own thing before your marrige becomes a circus. I know how it feels i went through the samething with my husband. His dad wanted to have ll the say so with my daughter saying oh you cant take her there and dont feed her that. I finally moved away and things could not get better, and you will feel so much better and free.

Michelle - posted on 03/06/2011

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If it's going to ruin your marriage you need to find other living arrangements. Your husband and child come before your parents in this situation. It sounds like it would save your relationship with your parents too.

Jessica - posted on 03/06/2011

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i live at home with my parents to yes its really hard but if its going to make you loose your husban its not worth it im 20 and my husband is 21 so i know were your coming from if you want to talk im here

Christi - posted on 03/06/2011

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No way is it worth losing your husband! It's important that when you get married you are a new family together. That means it's about how you and your husband want to do things and not about your parents.

Sarah - posted on 02/13/2010

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Hope this helps I to lived with my mother and like some of the mothers have said
if you have your on place but rent it out you need to consider what is right for you
and your husband. I know its not easy bur it will be the best thing you have ever done
remember that your husband and child come first and your parents are second
I have been married for 21 years and have had to deal with things that were not good
but in the end i think it will all work out. keep your head up and make a decision that
is right for your family I will also keep you in my prayers

Tiffany - posted on 02/12/2010

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You are a grown woman. If you have a home to move into, do it. It is none of your parents business. No, it's not worth you losing your husband. Can I ask why you are renting your home out and not living there?

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been there got the tshirt listen honey you have to be strong and put your foot down you need to tell your mother to back off in a nices way you can sheaint gonna like it but tuff love is never nice you and your husband need to move out you need your own space and just cause you stay at home dosent mean your husband cant do thinks for your baby when he does things for your baby his bonding with him your parents need to back off and your the only one that can make them see this its not that your being ungrateful to them but there making you so unhappy and your husband need to sort out you moving and getting your own place time you cut the apron strings and make the move

Arielle - posted on 02/10/2010

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me and my husband live at home at his house with his parents to. but my husband is deployed right now, so its just me and our 5 month old daughter. my MIL likes to give me advice too, but not all the time and not as bad as your mom sounds. i listen but i dont always take her advice. if your mom is really that big of a problem and is really tearing you and your husband away from each other, ya'll need to leave. if it was me in your place i would leave. and you say your staying there to keep your parents happy, WELL YOU DIDN'T MARRY YOUR PARENTS, YOU MARRIED YOUR HUSBAND. and after you get married your husabd comes first (other than your child). i think you already know you need to leave but your hesitant about it. but look at it as you and your husbands happiness, freedom and privacy. and i dont think you were wrong for putting your son in the playpin either, what else are you suppose to do? and your mom might be mad at you for moving out but she will come around. but thats bad if she makes you feel like your a bad mother and you wont be able to take of your child on your own.

Jessica Marie - posted on 02/10/2010

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i understand your pain. my husband and i live with my parents as well. if you really feel like your marriage is being ruined over your living situation, then you should really try to change it. your marriage is the most important thing. i would normally say your being a mother is, but they both go hand in hand. if your marriage falls apart, then so will you and so will your child. i would try to sit down with your husband and have a good talk with him about how you feel and why you think its best if you move. sense you have the option to move because you have your own home already.. take advantage of that. have your own life with your family. i wish i could right now. i love my mother so much but living with her is not the easiest. its not bad but i totally understand what you mean about your mother putting her 2 cents into everything and you not having any privacy. not only is your living situation causing friction between you and your spouse but it is also ruining any relationship between you and your mother.. i know. being a mother and a wife is hard enough without any added stress. if you can find a way to decrease your stress.. i say go for it. i would also try to have a heart to heart with your mom. maybe she will back off if she knows how much she is upsetting you. dont be affriad to be direct when it comes to what you need and want and what your child needs and wants. good luck on everything.



ps. i do not think you are wrong for putting your 10 month old in a play pen while you cook. do what you think is best and do what you need to to make your child safe.

Sheree - posted on 02/10/2010

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I think you already know the answer to this question. You own a property yet rent it out. When their lease expires give them the required notice and you move in there. If your tennants still have a long time on their lease to go, rent another home on a short term lease until you can move into your own house. I personally cant comprehend why you would not already be living there, but thats me. I like my own space.

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