Mental abuse

Billiejokeers8 - posted on 08/27/2017 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I've been with my partner for 7 years and for first year he used to say to me his ex was better than me he'd go on and on and I'd react with violence over the years I've learnt to ignor him abit he calls me names says I'm a slut I have 4 kids from 3 previous relationships he says he does everything for these kids which he does we have two of our own but now and again jst something will set him off he thinks I may of slept with his friends he says he doesn't know me at all calling me my daughters 15 she doesn't have many friends he likes her in he is good and she does listen to him so she'd been with two lads last night at the cinema I picked them up I didn't tell my partner because I it would of been hell but it was anyway he found out I had to tell him the truth she's grounded she doesn't know what she's done wrong i think he's been to over protective or is he being controlling now my daughters on edge like me.

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JoAnne - posted on 08/30/2017

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Another mom suggested counseling and I agree that could be helpful for you. These forums are great for venting, but the conversation is static. We can pray for you, we can tell you our opinions, we can support you in your struggle, and that is encouraging but a face-to-face conversation has the potential to really help you work through these issues so you can make productive changes in your life. I encourage you to find a counselor with strong family values and experience with situations like yours. I'm not sure if you are in the US (you used the word "lads" so maybe the UK?) but if you are here's a good counselor database if you need a place to start looking http://bit.ly/2bYaQqv and
Focus on the Family also provides counselor referrals 855-382-5433.

I pray you find whatever help you need to make your situation better. You are strong, girlfriend, I can see it in the way you have carried this burden for so long. I am confidant you are strong enough to go out and find help.

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2017

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That's where forums like this helpful. Getting another person's advice who has been there can help you make the move you need.
The OP is already reaching out so I'd say she already knows she needs to leave but hearing about others that have come through the other side can give you strength.

Brittany - posted on 08/29/2017

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Michelle: I wasn't trying to come off like you couldn't relate or hadn't been there yourself. my apologies. I was trying to point out that we don't realize how bad of a situation we stay in until after the fact, or that's how that was in my case. i knew the things he said and did wernt right and i stayed anyways. And it takes stepping away from the situation for it to hit you. my famiily had told me multiple times and even said it myself, that i should get out of the situation. but i had to do it on my own. I'm just saying regardless, its going to take her getting fed up herself to do something about whats going on. because she knows just like we do that is what she needs to do. My thoughts: you either keep taking this verbal abuse and unhappiness or do something about it. easier said than done i know.

Elaine - posted on 08/29/2017

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I am sorry, you sound like you are in a lot of pain. You might want to consider talking to a counselor. It sounds like your situation is difficult on you and the children. The children are old enough to see what is happening. It's not OK for your partner to call you names or put you down. You are the mother of two of his children and children need to see their dad love their mom and their mom love their dad. If you belong to a church, you might want to speak to your pastor and get his/her thoughts. Reach out to those who can love you and help you with your situation. You need love and support. You have a lot of responsibility and your children need you. I wish you the best.

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2017

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Brittany: I have also been a very verbally abusive relationship and stayed longer than I should have. I know exactly where this lady is coming from. He also made sure I didn't have a cent to my name so I couldn't leave.

Brittany - posted on 08/29/2017

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I myself was in a physical and mental abusive relationship. So until you experience that you can't judge someone for being with a person like that. You think they can change or maybe they tell you, but it stays the same. And until the day comes when u realize how nasty they have been to you, you will feel bad about urself. I myself didn't sleep with my boyfriend's friends either....but didn't stop him from accusing me jus because I was polite to them because they were HIS friends. And as for your children....you have to ask yourself, is this how u want ur daughters to be treated? Would u want them to be in the same situation as u when they're older? And you are not a whore or slut. I have 2 kids by two different men and with neither of them...and they are dead beat dad's... but things happen. I made wring decisions in the men I chose to care about when they didn't care about me. But let me tell you when u find a man who treats u like a princess and cares for ur kids like their own. It's beyond happiness! And that's what u deserve... happiness.

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2017

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Why would you stay with someone who even at the beginning of your relationship was nasty to you?
You need to leave as he isn't going to change and your children don't need to be around such a nasty man. Do you want your children to grow up thinking it's normal for a man to be abusive to his partner? Do you want your daughter/s to think that if a man is abusive he loves her?

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