MIL questions everything I do

Andrea - posted on 08/18/2010

I know how you feel! My MIL does me the same way. It has gotten so bad lately that I just ignore most of what she says! Just know that its not YOU! Some people don't know how to keep their thoughts to themselves!

Lisa - posted on 08/18/2010

I always say "kill them with kindness." When she questions you, smile brightly and say how much you appreciate the guidance and experience of the older generation and you will take her concerns into consideration with your husband and then add but for right now, this is the decision that dad and I have made and we're both very happy with how we've choosen to raise our child together.

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2010

Talk to your hubby and then tell her to back off! It is your child NOT hers. As long as you are not abusing your child then you are not doing anything wrong! Raise the child the way you want and leave her out of it completely. Ignore her if you can, if you can't then (if it was me) tell her to shut up! You husband needs to be backing YOU up not your MIL! He married you and you all are a team, that DOES NOT include her.
I have even told my own mom that my child is just that, my child and I will raise him how I think is best. I do ask for her advise and she gives it but she knows how I feel. Good luck!

Racqueline - posted on 08/17/2010

LOL....I just posted on this same situation myself, two days ago. I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing. As of now my focus is on my CORE family (my husband and my 2 boys) everything else comes 2nd-dairy. And it's not like we can just stop talking to them. So I have decided to make my conversation short and sweet. And when she makes a rude comment, I just say that was hurtful and walk away. Or when she ?'s me on something I'm doing (in a kind voice) I just tell her "this is how I do it" (with a smile) So far so good. I pray that it continues to work. B/c being a mom is tough enough without someone over your sholder questioning everything you do. Good luck :-)

Melissa - posted on 08/17/2010

This sounds A LOT like something I deal with on a regular basis. I will say that it is true, if at all possible have your hubby talk to her. However, my husband doesn't think it is a big deal and that I should just ignore her!!! (RIGHT!!) Anyway, we have been together for 10 years and have 3 kids and I have finally come to the point where I just don't care what she says or thinks. I think it is best if you don't try to explain yourself, you are the mom you get to decide. If she questions you just ignore her and then do it how you want. If she calls your hubby don't let it get to you. I know it is easier said than done, but it is your child and you have to do things your way.

I know it is hard, but if I can handle it for 10 years, you can too :)

Sarah - posted on 08/17/2010

I'm a believer that "blood deals with blood" - your husband needs to deal with his mother, not you. I would suggest talking with your husband first about your concerns and make sure he understands it from YOUR point of view. Goodness knows what his mum is saying to him about you, but it's really important that your husband is on side with you. He needs to stand up to his mum on your behalf and let her know that what she is doing is NOT okay.



It's always a tricky one when it comes to issues with your MIL - I've had my fair share and I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. Aside from getting your husband to talk to his mum, maybe have a simple phrase or something up your sleeve for times when she questions your parenting skills - something like, "well I'm sure that worked well for you, but I'm going to do it my way". You can be polite. It's best to be! But don't let her make you feel you're doing it wrong - there is no right or wrong when it comes to parenting, just different things that work for different people.



Good luck =)

Sheryl - posted on 08/15/2010

i would just till her when she start till her i am mom to her so pleace have some confendance in me. i love her to and only want the best for her. thats what i would say. i have to mine. my youngest is sensory processing and my be austic. an for a while they kept saying oh your just trying to lable him and keep him from being the best that he can be. but i keep saying i understand what you are saying but i am mom and just want the best for him. finaly they let up and read up on it and know are finaly see what i was talking about. so just be nice to about it. and if she don't like that answer then i was call your husbend your self and ask him to talk to her. and till him you said it to. cause sometime they may understand or think you just don't care about what they have to say at all. its a fine line but can be done.

Lisa Marie - posted on 08/15/2010

Darla,
This sure sounds like a tough situation. It must be very difficult to have your MIL constantly criticizing your parenting choices. It is both childish and divisive for her to call your husband. She is treading on dangerous territory. What is a bit more concerning is that this has become a pattern which indicates that your husband has not yet stood up to her as other members have suggested. Perhaps a good heart to heart is in order. Are you certain that you and your hub are on the same page and united in your parenting choices? If you are, then what is keeping your hub from expressing that to MIL? Is this just a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship with unhealthy ties that need to be broken? If so, no worries! Your husband has the power to break them simply by stating it into being. He can lovingly and firmly let mom know that he loves her as his mom and he is committed to you as his wife. Set the boundaries and maintain them!
Blessings

Candy - posted on 08/15/2010

I know the feeling except it is my mother. She even went so far as to send me an email about what a horrable parent I was and bad wife. It is hard but you have to remind yourself You are the mother now. God gave her to you and you to her. He knows you are a good mother so you have to believe it. Your hubby should really stand up to her and stand up for you. I wouldnt talk to her unless I have too. God bless. Remember there are no perfect mothers. You are good enough mother. God picked you for your daughter. He feels you are a good enough mother.

Jenna - posted on 08/15/2010

My hubby started screening his calls for the same reason. It's gotten to the point now where he will step in, even face to face, in front of the mother-in-law and makes a point to say that "we" choose to do this or "we" do not approve of that. Just talk to the hubby, as nice as possible, and try to get him to stand toe to toe for you. If not, defelct all feedback from your MIL to your man and let him see what you really get. Anymore, I just tell her to ask her son if she has a problem because she feels that they are all my decisions and none reflect on him. She is dead wrong and he tells her where to stick her nose for presuming that as husband and wife, we don not share each other's wishes.

Good luck!

Katie - posted on 08/15/2010

your the mother you know whats best for YOUR child dont let other people exspecially mother inlaws tell you different times have changed big time not everything is the same as it used to be. just keep your chin up and do wjat you think is best for your child and dont let her constant rudeness ruin your day. good luck :)

Joan - posted on 08/15/2010

i'm sorry but i think this one is in his court. she is his mother and he should speak to her about trusting your decisions with your child (yours and his),if she won't back down he may have to tell her to mind her business when she calls him.
good luck