My 18 year old daughter wants to take a plane to see her boyfriend?!

Mayri - posted on 10/08/2015 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My 18 year old daughter has been dating her boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He recently went to college for baseball. They are both in state. He sees her every weekend even with a three hour distance and I let her stay over one night here and there due to the time delay. They've seen each other everyday since they were 15. Recently, my daughter has been getting a lot hours at work. She then approaches me to ask if she can see her boyfriend on his birthday. I told her no. She wasn't able to drive her car. She then suggested a bus. I told her no again. She found a flight, and is ready to book it! It's after her classes but am I doing something wrong by telling her no?! She lives under my house but is paying the fee. I have not let her go up their by herself yet. I don't know what to do she's driving me crazy!!

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Jodi - posted on 10/09/2015

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She is 18. Be thankful she is having this conversation with you - she legally doesn't have to get your permission, but she is trying to be respectful of your wishes. I don't quite understand why you are so against her going. It's time to let your little girl grow up a little. If you don't start being less controlling of her movements, you will lose her altogether.

[deleted account]

I'm surprised at most of your responses here. Yes, legally she can buy a plane ticket. But just letting her go is a tad reckless.

If she's concerned, she may be concerned for a reason. Her mother has the best vantage point to tell whether or not her daughter is mature enough to do this.

Maryi, think about why you're concerned, and then sit down with your daughter and discuss your thoughts and pose questions about any concerns you have and get her to think things through. Her answers may surprise you and make you feel better

If you consent to her going, it's ok to also come to an agreement on things like how often you expect to hear from her while she's there, etc.

As mom, I think you're right to be concerned and you can guide her through this.

Jesss072211 - posted on 10/15/2015

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your lucky she even ran it by you. I lived with my mom at 18 and had a completely separate life from her starting around age 16! i worked , made my own money, had my own car, and we hardly spoke. Honestly its not up to you if she can see her boyfriend. at 18 she can vote, and enter the military if the spirit moved her so. be thankful she is talking to you about this, and stop being so insanely controlling of an adult. .

Ev - posted on 10/08/2015

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Is she in high school or college? Also she is a legal adult so she can go see him if she wishes. WHy are you not wanting her to go?

Lisa - posted on 01/20/2016

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Happy 18th Birthday to my daughter Treasure Pashlen Berry. Her birthdate is tomorrow !!!πŸ˜‡πŸ’πŸ‘πŸΎπŸ™πŸΏπŸ˜˜πŸ˜‰πŸŒ»πŸŒŸπŸ’…πŸΎπŸ‘©πŸ½

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Angalique - posted on 11/05/2016

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In my opinion you're being too harsh. She's 18, an adult. Parents need to understand, that you have to let go. And just because she lives under your roof doesn't mean that she can't go see her boyfriend. She's an adult, nd u need to treat her as such. So yes that is wrong. It's on a weekend too. So just let her. Legally she can go where she pleases. And there's no curfew for people of her age. So calling the cops if she leaves anyway won't help. They won't do anything about it. So just let her go see him.

Chris - posted on 10/01/2016

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Parenting is leading your children in a series of steps towards independence. If she is not ready to make this decision now, then when? She is 18, has a job and saved money for a ticket. That seems pretty independent and responsible to me. You have to let go step by step. I have seen parents hold on too tightly and the kids rebelled or ran to them when they got into trouble because they didn't know how to handle it as adults. If there is something that worries you about this guy, talk to your daughter about it, not in a nagging way but in a common sense way. She will appreciate your respect and might listen more closely than if you just put him down or say she is too young. I have 4 of my own age 14 to 24. 2 are adults and are pretty independent and have jobs, 1 finished college and just got married to a great guy. It's hard to let go but it should not happen all at once but rather little by little.

[deleted account]

Yes - she's 18 and can 'legally' do it. However she isn't on her own. And until then, she must abide by your rules. If she doesn't want to that's OK. She can live somewhere else. But, here is part of the problem. Are the home rules clearly defined? I would sit down and write out the home rules (chores, curfew, rent, ect). and then both sign it. The agreement should clearly state the expectations and consequences. You mentioned telling her she wasn't able to drive her car. Why? Do you own it? Pay for insurance? Gas? This is part of what you can use as the consequences for not following the house rules. If she doesn't like it then...well... she can live elsewhere. Just be sure you follow through otherwise the agreement is meaningless. This isn't to punish her but rather to teach her to be responsible. How can she act like an adult and go fly off somewhere and yet not be an adult and pay her own way? Seems to me that is a bit 'selective' on her part. I don't think there is much you can do about this trip. However, I would let her know that an agreement will be drawn up so everyone is on the same page.

Jodi - posted on 04/27/2016

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Except she is 18....and can do it if she chooses to, whether mum agrees or not.

Natalie - posted on 01/30/2016

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You sound like my mom (and that's not a bad thing), but eventually you have to learn to let her make her own decisions. Sometimes they won't be the best ones, but everybody has to learn. As a mother to only a 3-year-old, I can already envision me telling him not to take a plane away from home to see his SO. Because, I'm super protective. It sounds like you really care about her and just want what's best for her. I wouldn't say you're wrong for being that way at all

Good - posted on 10/25/2015

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First you get a information that is that boy good are bad.because that boy is good you will do marrie with your daughter.ones a control in your daughter she will be drop with you

Suzi - posted on 10/17/2015

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You can't stop her. Because depending on where you live she either is an an adult or has reached the school-leaving age (which amounts to the same thing).
And even if she was four years younger, trying to control her relationships is absolutely Not OK.

Sarah - posted on 10/11/2015

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It is a tough spot when you have a child that become an adult under your roof. My now 19 yo son, just this summer started his first serious relationship. He does not have is own car but pays the gas and part of the insurance on my husbands old truck (which is a 2003) and handed down to him to use. James came to me and said he'd like to drive to see Blake for the weekend, she had sleeping arrangements made for him as she lives in a dorm that does not allow male guests. It's hard to say yes, just because I worry and I guess i just don't want him to grow up. We worked out an agreement of he can drive down once a month, she can drive back once a month and the rest of the time they can pine for each other.....BTW she goes to a college that is about 3 hours away too. My son is in college but lives at home right now.

Dove - posted on 10/09/2015

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She is 18... if she can pay for it then it really isn't your call to make. If she is living in your house then it is respectful of her to tell you when she is leaving and when she will return... but this isn't the kind of decision you should be making for your adult child.

Michelle - posted on 10/09/2015

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She's 18! She's legally allowed to go anywhere on her own without telling you. At least she ran it by you first.
Yes, I understand she lives under your roof, but you have to let go of the apron strings. You can't keep her a baby forever.
You have to trust that you have raised her well enough that she won't do the wrong thing.

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