My 3 year old calls his step mom "mama":(

Karen - posted on 06/29/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Ok I need some advice. My three year old calls his step mom mama. His dad and I have been divorced since he was 4 weeks old. She has been part of his life since then(hence the reason for our divorce). I have asked my ex-husband about it and he denied it. Then one day while I was on the phone talking to my son at his dads, he called out mama and she in the background replied "yes baby". I had a
Stroke and couldn't literally speak. I talked to both my ex and her about this, and they found nothing wrong with it. I told my son that he only has one mommy and daddy and it makes me sad when he calls her mama. Well one visit he said that makes mama sad, your "Amy" not mama and her reply was "your mommy needs to grow up". What do I do in this situation? Being rationale and talking to them
Doesn't help, and I'm afraid my son is being confused as to who is real and actual mama is.

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Jodi - posted on 07/01/2011

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I think you should let the child call a step-parent whatever makes them comfortable. Your son obviously has chosen to call her mama, not because he is trying to hurt you, but because he is comfortable doing so. This is not his issue, but your issue. Unfortunately, by instructing him what he may or may not call his step-mother, and telling him how much it upsets you, you have made it his issue. I can understand that it hurts you, but this is incredibly unfair on your son.



My son was told by his father he was never allowed to call my husband 'dad'. Every now and then, he does slip up, and I watch him correct himself quickly and can see he feels like he has done the wrong thing. I feel it was very unfair of his dad to place that sort of guilt on him. It should have been his choice. Unfortunately I can't control what his dad tells him to do or not to do. I just wish his dad would grow up and realise that making his child feel guilty for what is essentially HIS issue is not fair.



Now, having said that, it was wrong of the SM to say what she did about it to your son. That also puts him smack bang in the middle of it.

Jodi - posted on 07/01/2011

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Karen, my friend has a 2 year old. When she brings her here for me to babysit on occasion, she calls me mama, and she calls my husband dada. My friend is not offended by this - she recognises her daughter's view on the world.



Absolutely a 3 year old is old enough to decide what to call someone. The chances are your son just started using these terms because it is what came naturally to him, and no-one corrected him. It is not a slight against you, it is just how he has naturally progressed. So yes, he has chosen to do this. It is how HE makes sense of HIS world.

Christy - posted on 06/30/2011

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I would suggest this, don't say anything to them anymore nor your son. When talking about his Step Mom, refer to her as Mama A (standing for AMY). Keep doing that every time you talk about her.

He won't be confused in the long run. It will take time for him to realize the situation but eventually he will know you are his mom!

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Karen - posted on 07/01/2011

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Well I'm glad you feel you know my son so well. It's wrong case and point. Thank you for your input.

Karen - posted on 07/01/2011

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He isn't old enough to decide what he wants to call her. If her was 12 ok, however he just turned 3 and has been doing this since her was 2. I don't believe he CHOOSES to do this.

Lilliana - posted on 06/30/2011

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Wow, that's a tough one. My heart would break. I'm so sorry, god that's tough. I'm not sure I could be selfless enough to be ok with that. I feel for you, just know in your heart no matter what he calls you or her, he does and always will love you most! Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 06/30/2011

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as hard as it is try not to take it to heart. she may be a bi@tch but she must be ok to your son for him to want to call her mama. instead of him calling her mama, you could try and find another word that mean's mum that your son could call her, or get him to call her mama amy. its hard when they're young for them to understand. we explained to my step kids that im their stepmum, and that i have that name because when their mum;s not around i step in and be the mum. i have a son with my partner and his step kids call me mum from time to time, (they're 10 n 12 so they are that bit older) but if his father isn't going to see how much it hurts you, or understand that he'll go off when your partner ever gets called dad then i suppose theres not really anything you can do until your son is older and understand better that you gave birth to him so your his mum, and that she's his step mum. maybe if you googled some names that he could call you and leave her have mama amy?? sorry i couldn't be much help, but i understand how you feel. i hate it when my stepkids call their stepfather dad and try to get my son to call their mother mum. when she has nothing to do with my boy. chin up hun, hopefully things will get better soon. :)

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