my best friend's baby...Ive got to talk to someone!

Amy - posted on 01/22/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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my best friends baby (her third) has got a chromosome problem that is incompatible with life. she's 35 weeks along now, and this morning she called me from the hospital in tears to tell me that her water broke. her baby may be stillborn, it may live a few hours, or even months. I am a complete wreck here without any information.



I wish I knew what was going on, and if she's born yet, how she's doing! it's like torture. my husband is a pharmacist at the hospital where she's giving birth and I feel like calling him and making him find out what's going on! (of course he would never do that, its totally illegal and unethical)



do you have any stories of waiting in horrible suspense for hours and hours? it was also like this when my sister gave birth, but at least in that case we knew the baby was going to be born healthy!

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Sharon - posted on 01/22/2009

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It seems like such a horrible term "INCOMPATIBLE WITH LIFE"



Most people have heard of Trisomy 21, more commonly called Down syndrome. With Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome) and Trisomy 13 (Patau Syndrome), the same problem occurs, but in a different location. I believe that is what is happening here... This is the chromosonal problem that is incompatable with life. I hope that it helps you understand a little better, and I pray for the best for your friend my dear.



There are five chromosomes that when tripled can produce a viable baby, although all these children would have impairments: X, Y, 21, 18, and 13. These chromosomes contain the least amount of genetic material and so have the best levels of survivability. From one perspective, these children genetically have a lot more going right than going wrong. In the late gestational period, something happens to the weaker Trisomy 18 babies: Fifty percent of babies carried to term will be stillborn. This is the same statistic for Down syndrome babies. On average, the stronger babies are the ones who are born alive. “However, most of the extant scientific literature about trisomy disorders is based on evidence taken from limited case studies, on just one baby or surviving child, or from tissue samples from babies who were stillborn or miscarried. The science of Trisomy 18 is based on looking biologically at samples taken from these weaker, less viable babies. Since the science is not based on larger samples from the entire range of Trisomy 18 babies, the medical world tends to emphasize only the lethality of the condition.

Sharon

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Sara - posted on 01/25/2009

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The only story I have at all is my own. Our 1st son was a hard pregnancy. But I had no idea what was normal, and what wasn't. But finally after several ER trips, and even a point of me blacking out, and falling down some stairs, they took me seriously, and realized I had preeclampsia. They called me the day my test came back, and told me to come in and be induced. I was stunned since I had 4 weeks left and all. After 30 hours of trying induction, they came back in, acting odd, and told me I needed to have a C-section. I later found out I was about to have seizures, and my kidneys were trying to shut down. Our son was born, and was so ill. He had RDS and pulminary hypertenson. He almost died. It was an agony I never would wish on my worst enemy. And then about 2 years later, we decided to get pregnant again. Since preeclampsia tends to lessen with more pregnancies. And at 28 weeks, they inform me my son has quit growing. I had preeclampsia again, and it caused whats called IUGR. So we did ultra sounds every week until one day his kick count was very low. They made me come in to have a stress test, and decided based on my protein count that I should stay, and have this baby. I was 32 weeks along. They gave me the round of shots to develope his lungs, something my older son didn't get, and ambulanced me to the best hospital in our state. After a few more days of suffering, and finding out my lungs were filling with fluid from lack of activity, they decided to take him. We were terrified he wouldn't survive. Being that we knew he'd be less than 3lbs, and he was just so early... Once they got him out, they realized he had a true knot in his cord as well, and had they waited any longer, he might not have made it at all. He was 2lbs 13oz. 13.5 inches long. My Mighty Mouse. He was only in the hospital for 6 weeks, and never had any issues. I was stunned since his brother couldn't have eatten him 3 times over, and was too sick to function. Children, life, and everything else in this world is unpredictable. Doctors dont know everything. But dont ignore them when they tell you something either. They told me at the age of 16 I'd never have children. And I've had 2 beautiful boys who are born fighters. I hope my story gave you a bit of hope that things can look bleak, and still turn out beautiful. Lucas Wayne-Nov 05 and Logan Michael-Sept 08

[deleted account]

When my 2nd child was born.  They told me he had Downs (he had a weird marking on his hands), they did a blood test and it took 2 weeks till I could get the results.  So for 2 weeks I was stressed out on my knees praying to God that he didn't have DS.  2 weeks later, I got the results and he was normal.  Doctors don't know everything.  The power of prayer is a power thing.  Our words are living.  Think positive and reassuring thoughts whatever the outcome is.  You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.

Angie - posted on 01/23/2009

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Both of my cousin's children died in utero so I know how hard it is to watch someone go through this is beyond difficult. She had to wait for a couple of days to deliver her son and it was a horrible time for her family. We prayed A LOT and gave her whatever support she needed. She had a funeral for her son and that seemed to help. We don't pretend that her son didn't exist. We talk about him and cry with her about him even now - 6 years after his birth.

User - posted on 01/23/2009

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I am so sorry for your friend and for you! Being in your position is not easy either. I, like Wendy, don't have any stories either, but we are here to pray and uplift your friend in prayer as well. Talk to us, we are here to listen. Rita

Ginny - posted on 01/23/2009

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No stories and nothing that will help you I'm afraid but I did want to say that you and your friend and all those close to you are in my thoughts. Love to you all. Ginny

Jackie - posted on 01/22/2009

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I'm thinking of you!  I hope your friend and her baby will be ok!!  If you need to talk I too will listen!



 



 

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I don't have any stories or have ever been in that situation. I do sympathize with you and for you. I will keep you and your friend and family in my thoughts and prayers. If it helps to vent, I can listen. ~Wendy

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