My daughter is in 2nd grade and she is getting bullied my a little girl. My daughter who cant say anything mean back, or wont stand up for herself, I have talked with the mom and the teacher. It doesnt do any good. Do any of you have any suggestions for me?

Tonya - posted on 01/24/2009

Just found an e-mail with good information on bully trends: what to do etc. on iVillage.com.  I am not sure how to link it here but it was nice to see. 

Tonya - posted on 01/24/2009

I agree to your thoughts, too.  My daughter would sometimes just want to talk about it and sometimes would ask me what to do... She too did not want things to get worse by my intervention... but, I was able to find discrete ways to help here.

Angie - posted on 01/24/2009

My son was physically bullied for YEARS. I found that I was more bothered by it than he was. I also found that going to the teacher, parents and principal just made the bullying worse. Bullys are very smart and have a way of being mean when no one is around to protect the child. Somehow the bully's parents never believe that their child is a bully. Since teachers and school staff cannot be everywhere to protect our children the bullied child is often picked on even more. Suggest to your daughter that she never be in a situation where she is alone with the bully - it makes the bully's job harder. As hard as it is, this is a situation that your daughter is going to have to resolve for herself. Give her the tools she needs to protect herself. Let her tell you what she wants you to do. My son just wanted me to listen to him and give him support because he knew my intervention made things worse. It's heartbreaking that your daughter is going through this. I hope it gets better quickly.

Danielle - posted on 01/24/2009

My three little guys haven't run into any bullying problems yet, but I do have a 9 year old brother who has been bullied since pre-school because he had a slight speech impediment. This bullying from a young age caused him to lash out, because he couldn't be understood verbally, he got physical. Being 9 now, he's gotten over the physical part of things (although just barely last year). He is still picked on but he has developed a mouth on him so he's a little better at sticking up for himself and tattling!

In order to correct a bullying problem in the classroom you need a specific set of things happening at once. The parent of the bully needs to take things seriously and help to teach their own child. The teachers and principals need to be on the same page as you, throughout all of these years, few teachers have been willing to stick their neck out, do the extra work, and monitor the classroom behaviors. We had one teacher who stood him in front of the class, told everyone that he wasn't a good kid and that they shouldn't be his friend. (Again, I would've done a little more about ti than what my mom had done but what can you do...) We even had bus problems, resulting in a need to talk with the bus driver about keeping a closer eye on things, and setting stringent rules on bus behavior.

Of course your little girl is only in grade 2. This of course was my little brother, I'm a much more strong minded person than my mother, and would cause a bigger fuss (like Sharon noted, a meeting with all of the adults, then the children themselves might be in order.) The biggest problem I've ever seen in this situation is that the child who is being bullied doesn't want to look like a wuss, and doesn't want their parent to do anything that will make them look bad in front of their friends.

I feel as though I'm rambling now, but bullying is such a big deal in my family that it kind of strikes a chord. But in the end, all you can do is what YOU can do, what you feel emotionally able to handle dealing with. Some mothers can only sit by helplessly and watch, others (those squeaky wheels!) find themselves involved down to the very last moment. Good luck with your little girl, I hope things work out, bullying can become a lifelong self-esteem issue.

Tonya - posted on 01/24/2009

I am glad to hear that the teacher has acknowledged the situation and is trying to work on this issue....  Sounds like this little one is a holly terror!  In most cases, it is the parent who has been permissive in their discipline... allowing the child to rule the roost... it can translate into the classroom because the child doesn't have boundaries and thinks it is possibly acceptable...or I wander how the parent treats the child?  It is a wander that the child has any friends, unless she has a bully posse.

Yesterday, my daughter got in the car and stated that a friend in her classroom invited a former bully to the lunch table to eat with them.  She said that he is still mean and continues to act ugly to her.... I am so glad that I requested seperate classrooms for the next year... I asked the principal to please not place her in the same room for the following year....  I have also trained her to give it back or just ignore him...  She says that he is a jealous boy... Ha! 

I told her to remember how that feels to be treated so ugly and to try not to do that to anyone else...  I reminded her of all the friends that she has and how natural it is for them to want to spend time together and play together.... Ultimately, she didn't need a friend like that in her life and maybe, someday he would learn to be a nice friend too.

Stacey - posted on 01/23/2009

Thanks for the comments and the helpful suggestions you have given me. I went to lunch with my daughter, and needless to say my presence being their didn't do that little girl any good she was mean and being very disrepectful. I went and talk to the teacher, supposedly they are working with the little girls behavior we will see, since her grandma is the the PE teacher. I did tell my daughter over and over again that she just needs to ignore her and that is just that little girls nature to be mean. But after today I can see why she cant I couldn't either lol! if all else fails I will go to the principle or maybe change classrooms. The Sad thing is she is not only mean to my daughter their are several girls that she bullys,I think she thinks she can get away with it due to her grandma being the PE teacher. I will keep you posted on how the situations goes and thank you for all the suggestions they helped bunch

Sharon - posted on 01/22/2009

Hi Stacey. I'm Sharon, and new to the group. You have quite a hard situation here. I am wondering, Is it that the teacher and mom aren't doing anything?, Or does the girl just not listen? I guess it doesn;t matter because either way, you're getting no results. You must be outraged!!

I definately agree that a trip to the principals office WITH the teacher, and mother would be appropriate, they both have some explanations to give. Then after everything is discussed, bring in the children.

My nephew is VERY timid as well, adn I have witnessed him taking a beating from another child, without defending or yelling - needless to say I went over to the mother very upset.

Maybe Karate or some other self disiplined extra activity would help boost your daughters self esteem, and help her speak up for herself. Good luck with you and your girl sweetie!!

Sharon

Maggie - posted on 01/22/2009

This is my biggest fear!  I'd definitely go the principal.  And you can also encourage your child to stand up for herself.  That will help her toughen up and buid her self esteem as well. 

Just a little side note: my son was about 8 months and I used to take him to Gymboree and this little boy who was probably 14 months old used to take every single toy that my son had and refuse to give it back.  The worse thing about that is that his mom didn't do anything about that.  One day, I guess my poor little guy get either fed up or scared; he saw the boy coming over to take a big red ball away from him; he went berserk and started to kick away and kicked the 14 month-old in the process.  I had to pull him back because my son had shoes on.  I didn't want him to hurt to boy, of course not.  But as bad as that was; I was glad that he stood up for himself if I may call it that; and the 14 month-old never took my son's toys anymore.  That's terrible what's happening to your little girl!  She must be terrified!  I agree wih the previous post that said to act as if it doesn't bother her.  When it comes to chldren, it's so hard to take extreme measure that you'd normally take with an adult.  Hopefully she and her parents get scared after a trip to the principal's office. I hope that it all works out for your little one. 

Tonya - posted on 01/22/2009

I have had that situation before...  I just tell her to stay away from her and notify the teacher so that she can intervene.  They need to be seperated in the classroom where they can't talk or see eachother.... Otherwise, your daughter needs to act as if it doesn't bother her and just give a little attitude back... I don't mean in a nasty way, but in a matter of fact way... Like who cares!  There are some websites in which you can enter a search regarding bullies such as parenting.com.  (Parenting Magazine)  I have also found a book by American Girl that talks about friendships and the ins and outs.... such as bullies and being left out.  It is written for the child to read... you may have to interpret some of it... give examples or clarify.. This may help you.  And, of course, A trip to the Principals office...especially if this is effecting her academically.... I do think they have to learn how to stand up for themselves though, even if it isn't a part of their personality/temperament.

Liz - posted on 01/22/2009

If you've tried everything you can think of then I say your only option is to go to the principal of the school!! If, the little girl obviously has no intention on stopping..Maybe a trip to the principals office for her will do it!!!