My Fiance thinks his job is harder then mine

Kayla - posted on 12/07/2012

My husband and I have been married and 4 years and have a 21 month old son. We were in the military when my son was before, but until he came alone, I worked up until 2 weeks before he was born. I have been a stay at home mom since we have had him. Now that my husband isnt in the Air Force (we are trying to go back. Long story!), he works for the railroad and is on call 24/7. He can only works when they call him, and since he has very little senority, he doesnt work that often, but when he does, he works like a dog. But since he is low on the totem pole, he only gets to work on average, 2 days a week. As all you lovely ladies know, being a stay at home mom is a 24/7, 365 day job. No sick days. No holidays. No days off. But my husband thinks that it is my job to take care of our son, keep the house up and the laundry done, and cook dinner. I have no problem doing all of those things, but I hate that he thinks of it as my "job". It is okay for moms to call it a joke because it is kind of an inside joke between moms, but when husbands start calling it our job, it's not okay. But since he has a lot of days off, I think he should help me with my "job". Dont get me wrong, he is great with our son. He is always in the floor playing with him and helping me with him, but when I ask for some time to myself, just a few hours and go out alone to shop or whatever, I get the third degree when I get home, and getting told that he had to do my job and would probably get called into to work later that night, therefore having to do my job, and his. It drives me crazy and makes me feel...well, awful. I've tried bringing it up but it always turns into a fight. I've learn to just let it go because things are going to change.

Denise - posted on 12/07/2012

Wow! Just joined and am reading these posts. Are you kidding me! My husband doesn't have a choice but to work. It was our choice to have children. We talked about it and planned our pregnancy. I knew I would have the bulk of the responsibility raising our child and I am absolutely delighted with my decision. I love my child very much.



But to compare being a stay at home Mom with dealing with daily commutes and the work force - there is no comparison. My husband absolutely has it much tougher. I love him for how hard he works. Additionally, I don't consider my children work.



I can't believe the whining in these posts. It was a choice to have children ladies. Stop complaining about your choice. There are lots of Mom's that have to work and raise their children. We do not have to deal with both. Get over it!

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

Shay.. I hear ya!

One thing I have done to help that.. I set up a daily, weekly and monthly calendar to help with typical housework. Sort of like you would do at a full time "real" job. You have tasks that must get taken care of everyday, weekly and monthly. You can reassign a task to another day if you have a hard day.

I have basically made being a stay at home mom a full time job with tasks and assignments, much like I had when I was a working girl! I am much happier and the house is in a much better place!

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

This is a no win for anyone situation. Many people do not realize just how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. We never have a break, we never get sick days, we never get to play hookie! We are on call 24/7/365 and we can never say "no" to that.

Then again, a regular job is pretty consuming as well. Next time you have a hard day and he is like "what gives" gently remind him that he get a 1 hour break.. and you do not. Also, tell him you will have rough days at "work" just like he does and sometimes you need him to understand and acknowledge that it is hard whether you work full time or stay at home.

Lauren - posted on 01/29/2010

im not a stay at home mom yet, but i will be this summer...i had a totaly diffrent idea of what it was like, im in for a rude awakening i can see haha..i dont think people will ever understand how hard it is until they actually have done it, i dont think they realize the responcability

Rachel - posted on 01/29/2010

Thanks you guys. I'm glad to see that some of you have the same problem. I'm having a hard time having my man home. If he's not working he's doing something for his mom. It's like she's trying to keep him from his family or something but maybe one of these days I can show him what it's really like when I am home alone with our daughter.

Shay Young ~ Girl I have the same prob with the whole cleaning thing and My fiance nor his mom understands it. His mom acts like only his gens are in our daughter and totally forgets that she has half of mine as well.

Janelle - posted on 01/07/2010

My husband is the same way!! I feel ya girl!! I left him home once with my kids (hes a stepdad, no kids of his own) and I come home after an hour and hes frantically looking for my youngest he was 4 at the time..I freaked out on him telling him he needs to know where they were at all times, turns out he was at the neighbors house!! I couldnt believe it!! The house was also a wreck and they were doing things they knew werent allowed! He was stressed in an hour, could u imagine a whole day with them? ;)

Carol Ann - posted on 01/07/2010

I solved that dilemma with my dh....we had more babies (not necessarily a recommendation here!) When there was only one baby, the mom usually can manage all of those needs even though it takes a lot of work. Once we added baby #2 to the mix, there was overflow of work load which fell upon dh. After we had baby #3 there was overflow on top of our already full work load, forcing both of us to carry the weight of whatever needed doing. Now dh goes to work and says sarcastically, "have fun" while he whistles down the driveway. Seriously though, men mostly do not understand the amount of work because the don't HAVE to do it.

Shay - posted on 01/07/2010

My fiance dnt understand either! He complains that his job is harder than mine and sometime i dnt get to clean the entire house cuz my daughter dnt stop moving and only naps for a few mins. She messes with everything thats not hers so im constantly behind her telling her its not hers and she cnt do certain things and tryna occupy her and clean is so hard. he just see that i was home all day and didnt clean something!! Totally sucks!

Angela - posted on 01/07/2010

My dh had to stay home with my son... it is hard but I think they forget my dh has, and if he hasn`t ever done it then he has nothing to comment on.

And giving him one day I don't think will do it... maybe a weekend or a month. Every night when he gets home say you have to go shopping. Go have fun.. do this for a month see what he thinks then, LOL

On the other hand some men can't do it alone... make sure you know you fience before you try anything. KWIM...

Shanna - posted on 01/07/2010

my man was the same way till we moved from new jersey to florida and he has not been able to find ajob out here and he sees what i have to do and he sees waking up in the middle of the night to feed a baby and to have to wake back up at 7 in the morning for are 3 year old is hard plus clean and cook for me and the kids and to make bottles and run after a 3 year old and a active 5 month old is hard and now he kisses me eveyday and tells me how much he appirates( sorry i cant spell) what i do everyday for this famly plus i make the money right now. i collect disablity so right now i am doing everything . but he understands now what a fulltime job i have and will have till the boys go to school thats when i choose to go back to work wich i dont have to cause i will always have my disablity but its a chose i made for myself cause i do want to work again and be around ppl again lol i kinda miss it i love my boys but i also love working it was kinda realxing and gave me a sence of time to my self if that makes any sence

Kristina - posted on 01/06/2010

An idea I got from reading "Baby Proofing your Marriage" (an exellent book by the way) is a Daddy Bootcamp of sorts. Or as I like to call it The Reality Check... You have the easiest part ever, plan a weekend get away for your self (even if it's just going to a friends house) and leave him home with your child for the whole weekend and tell him to make sure the housework is kept up, don't call, don't have anyone check up on him, don't plan the meals, leave him to fend for himself!!!! When you come home he should have a new found appreciation for what you do.... If not, try a week long get away....

Ginger - posted on 01/06/2010

My husband has never said that to me but I know that physically I probably could not do his job. (lots of heavy stuff) However he knows that his job is easy compared to mine. Some days he has to work harder than others and I know this, so when he comes home really tired I let him rest a little more than usual. Most evenings he helps me out some because he understands that while he works 12 hours a day he has a schedule, the same all the time, he has scheduled breaks so he knows that he is gonna get a rest and he knows exactly when his day ends. On his days off he has seen that my day starts when our daughter gets up and goes until she goes to bed. And if for some reason she wakes up in the night I get to get up then too. And that's just the baby care. If I have anything else that needs to be done I have to get up earlier and/or stay up later. And that includes getting time with my husband. Plus keeping the house clean and cooking for everyone. He seems to understand this all pretty well and helps me quite a bit (which I am very thankful for). However if he seems to be forgetting then I find something to do for a day or even half a day so he can keep our little girl and get a reminder.

Good Day! - posted on 01/06/2010

Haha...I started working part time in my own home business and my hubby has to watch her one night a week. Now, he is a great dad and I love to see him interact with her but if there is a problem I'm usually there to take care of it. After leaving him alone with her a few times I jokingly asked if he wanted to quit his job and stay home so I could work more in my business. He said, "No way!" He said he didn't have the patience for that...and he works as a nurse in a PRISON...lol!

Carolee - posted on 01/06/2010

Take a "girl's weekend" with a couple of friends. Stay at their house(s), phone every once in a while, but don't go home for at least a day and a half. See what he says after that.

Kristen - posted on 01/06/2010

I left my partner with my 11 week old & 3 1/2 year old while I went out for 2 hours & when I came back he was tearing his hair out! Pretty sure I'll never hear the "My job is harder than yours" line from him again! And I had one thing to say to him..."WELCOME TO MY WORLD!"

Paula - posted on 01/05/2010

Bet him that he cannot do (fill in typical day routine here) for a whole day. Spend the entire day at a friends, family members, go see a movie, to a day spa, get your hair done, go to a hotel with a jacuzzi and relax or what ever else it is.

Perhaps him spending a day in your shoes will help him better understand what it is you do. Make sure you have him write out exactly what he does at work, that way you can also understand what he has to go through too.

Tara - posted on 01/05/2010

I would make him do your job for at least a day, preferably more - my husband had no idea how difficult an active toddler is until he spent some time doing what I do. Now that we have 2 (21 months and 3 months) he sometimes struggles just to manage them for a few hours if I have to go anywhere. He's now told me flat out that he thinks his job is easier than mine. I'd bet you dollars to donuts that if your fiance had to do even half of what you do in a day he'd whine like a little girl when you got home.