My husband constantly complains about me and belittles me infront of the kids

Lauren - posted on 07/13/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My husband can be so nice one minute and so mean the next. If his breakfast isn't ready the second he gets up I'm either, lazy, stupid, just a f*n lazy b*tch. I don't know if he's just trying to hurt me but whether or not, it's hurts. I stay at home with our 3 kids. A 3 1/2 year a 20 mth old and a 6 week old baby. I know I literally don't work all day but I do my best and it's never enough for him. I just want him to respect me and be there for me when I need him, no matter what it is. How do I get him to treat me with respect and love me unconditionally. I need what is suppose to be my best friend back.

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Emma - posted on 06/06/2013

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Ok, so, you have had three kids, breasts will be less firm, tummy will be a little over hangy, you probably gained a few pounds, you are totally knackered, kids are too young to be taken lots of places, you are probably isolated and all you want is some kind words from your Husband, not too much to ask is it hmm?

If what you do isn't enough for him, then dont f****** bother doing a damn thing, concentrate on getting as much rest as you can, when you can, and if he says you haven't done enough, then what difference does it make? You wont have done enough even when you do enough!! At least this way you will be able to get criticized whilst being a little more rested.

Understand something and understand it FAST, he is not your best friend, he is your Husband, and a member of the opposite sex, if you want a best friend, go find a female one, you complain to your female friends, that what we do, we get together and bitch and whine and moan about our good for nothing husbands, its called 'venting' , now, you will get some release from that, and you will not be so isolated, then you will all of a sudden realize that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, not the other way around.

Ellen - posted on 07/16/2010

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Been there, done that!! Oh girl, u need to stand up for yourself. He will treat you the way YOU let him.



My hubby was verrry difficult as well. He thought he could parent me, criticize and complain. And being newly weds I was quiet and passive...until I grew a brain...ahahahahah!



Over the yrs. I've joke with him and my girlfriends that 'he' created a 'frankenstein' (me!) b/c he thought I was gonna just laly down while he walked all over me and instead a monster arose in the form of a 'wife' who no longer would put up with his crap...LOL ..meaning if he wants a fight (verbal) I'll give it to him. But I gave it to him KNOWING I DID AND WAS DOING MY PART AS A HOME MAKER. I once told hubby, "Look, I hate to burst your bubble but I AM NOT WONDER WOMAN!"....ahahahahah!!! He wanted a clean house, dinner made, and the children up to par in homeschooling. I looked at him and said, "HA! yeah right"...actully, I'm giving you the nice version (but we def. don't/didn't use the "f" bombs in the house). We had 5 daughters and our oldest had severe disabilities, so I was bizzaaay with them. But I kept our home decent, and he def. didn't starve, and our kids were well behaved...I considered that a job well done, and if he didn't like it....T O U G H. Plus, it helped that he liked my friends and appreciated their input when I sought out their wisdom.



Just know, you are not alone, but...BUT...you have to stand up for youself. He won't respect you if your not respectable. And....hmmmm....are you showing him respect as well? Men do need that!



Hang in there!

Janet - posted on 07/15/2010

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Well, okay now. This shows such a HUGE lack of respect for you that I'm not sure you are doing yourself, or your kids any favors by staying with him. And holy crap girl, your work is WAAYYY harder than any outside job, and you simply have to know that. Leave him alone with the kids for a few days and see if he doesn't agree, not that I would leave such a verbally abusive man alone with kids.

If you think that he is a good person somewhere in there, why not try therapy? I've been in an abusive relationship, and I could not be happier away from it. My current husband works all day, comes home for lunch to help with the baby, is home right after work and helps with the house and baby. We have one little one, not three, and he thinks that he has the easy job! So please, good men are out there, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. It hurts the entire family.

I'm not sure you can do it on your own...do you have family support to help you help him?

Majaliwa - posted on 07/13/2010

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based on your last line it sounds like he didn't use to be that way. my guess is that something is bothering him. i think sometimes its easy to forget our "first baby" when kids come along and i wonder if that's built some resentment for him. i'd recommend marriage counseling to allow the two of you to connect and open up to each other and get to the root of it. also, have you heard of the "love dare" or "fireproof your marriage"? It's a book (and a movie) that's based on Christian principles but I think has values that would apply whether you're Christian or not. It's basically a 40 day process where you take certain steps each day to restore your marriage. I recommend checking it out. I want you to have your best friend back too!

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Brandi - posted on 11/22/2013

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I'm sorry that anyone would treat you that way especially your husband. It sounds like he wants a slave not a wife. If someone truly loves you they wouldn't call you names or belittle you!! It doesn't matter what he says his reason for doing it is. Call WAVE it sounds like he is verbally abusive .

Stephanie - posted on 07/15/2010

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Well I went thru a similar situation , but the person i am i got nasty back ... I have a good husband and he had alot on his mind also and I tried to talk to him and tell him That i was there for him... but if he wanted to continue the path he was on with being disrespectful then I could too. He never called me names or demanded things such as breakfast ,but he was very impatient , would just get an attitude and walk out the door things like that and the worst was he would try and make me feel as though i was a child and that just wasn't happening for me ... So He had to start doing for himself i was no longer his maid , his babysitter, his chef and i would call him on it when he would aask me where things were or whats for dinner .. Not sayin that is the best thing for you but it worked for me ... it took sometime but he finally got the message ...

Angie - posted on 07/13/2010

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My husband and I have hit a simular rough patch. We have a 22 month ols and a 14week old. I finally called him on it when my oldest called me a b****. He said that he is just stressed and what not (his boss IS in the hospital and we live where he works). Once I talked to him it made a difference.

Is he even aware of what he is saying, was he like this before the kids?

I know that it is tough, I had been called delinquent, lazy, careless and a few others before I said something. You need to try and nip that in the butt quick.

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