My husband doesn't pay attention to our son....

Kereen - posted on 03/29/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Ok our son is 13 1/2 months now and my husband still has trouble paying any kind of attention to him. He instead will sit for hours and play World of Warcraft. My husband thinks that if he puts cartoons on for our son he can sit and play his game and that "is spending time with him". We have fought quite a bit about this and he claims he doesn't realize he does this. I ask him 20xs do do something but forgets to or wont and on the 21st time he claims he didn't do it because now I am nagging him.

I really do feel fortunate to be able to stay home with my son but, I should not be the only one raising him. My son needs a father. Just being in the same room is not the same thing. I don't know how many other ways I can get this through my husbands head. I have even told him that maybe he would pay more attention if he had to come and make visits with him if we moved out. He improved for exactly one day.

What's sad is my son is the coolest kid, he doesn't fuss much he sleeps well, he eats well, he plays by himself well. A couple of friends have said maybe he isn't a baby person and when he's older he might get more interested in interacting with him. What if I felt that way twards my son. Eh when he's older I be interested. I can't I am his mom. Why do dads get let off the hook.

Is anyone else facing similar problems? Any suggestions on what to do? I am about ready to walk.

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Karen - posted on 02/05/2012

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I used to have that problem. Warcraft was also part of it. My husband and I played it together for years before our daughter was born and I ended up having to quit to take care of her while he could still pay all night and day. It wasn't fair. Like you, I let it be known that 2 minute visits or just being in the room is not good enough. I too felt like I was raising my child alone.

It changed when we started going out in public more often last spring. I think it embarrassed him when we were out and our daughter constantly preferred Mommy. I would attempt handing her over to him to give my arms a rest, and she would cry for me. I forced this as much as I could. He needed to see what his lack of attention was causing. Sometimes he would forget that it has consequences until he was faced with them. I think he thought that just being around was enough. He didn't change over night, but he did get better about it slowly.

I took my daughter out of state to visit my family for a week, and when we came home, it took several hours for her to warm back up to him. She wouldn't even look at him while I was at the baggage claim. That broke his heart. I think that is what finally made him wise up about it. I have taken a couple of trips to visit family since that first heart break, and you can see the difference that his attention makes. This last visit in September, we came home and it was all about DADDY.

Nicole - posted on 03/29/2010

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When the baby is that little, men feel like they cant provide the nuturing we do.My husband used to do the same exact thing. This will pass once your child starts to effectivly communicate with him on his own. Though your a stay at home mom, leave your son with dad for a while, while you got to the store or have a ladies day. It will be scary at first but it will also give them time to bond.

Sarah - posted on 03/29/2010

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i had the same problem. his idea of helping with our newborn was getting me a glass of water before he went to bed. i slept on the couch with our son for the first two months of his life. i left when Kole turned 5 months. he hasn't changed his actions, just his words. always says he wants to spend time with him but whenever i bring Kole over to visit i somehow still get stuck playing with baby toys on the floor while daddy checks his e-mail. maybe i just chose the wrong man to procreate with but in my opinion, men don't change unless they really want to. and even then it is hit or miss.

Jane - posted on 03/29/2010

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don't walk. it doesn't sound like leaving him home alone w/him will change anything so just make outings to the park and then remove yourself somehow. or plan play dates on the weekend and skedattle so he has to step up.
most of the time, yes, you do have to "nag" them. it's just how their brains work.

[deleted account]

My husband also doesn't spend a lot of time with our son, but he is getting better. Perhaps you could employ yours with a teaching task? For example, is your son talking at all? Your husband could be in charge of teaching your son how to say his own name, or count to five. Maybe if you catch him before he gets on the PC, thrust a board book in his direction and say, "Read this to him, first. It'll take 2 minutes." If you can get that much started, then your husband may become much more interested when he sees the reactions he can get from your son. Mostly, just try to be patient especially when you want to shove his head into the PC monitor! ;)

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Susanna - posted on 01/24/2012

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Im having the same issue except now my son is 19mo &I still no change. I ddnt know what else to say to him.I thought it would get better as my baby aged and was able to interact back but,it hasn't. He now rocks him to sleep for me but that is it.and I don't even think he wants to do that.

Angie - posted on 03/29/2010

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In the same boat and while my husband was watching his video game my 7 year old accidentally shut the 11 month olds fingers in the door all was fine thank God but he was mad at the 7 year old and I was mad at him because he should have been paying attention I take him every where in the kitchen to do dishes or cook downstairs to do laundry and I interact with him I had to tell my husband to talk to him and try to teach him what things are. I don't get it being in the same room is not spending time with your child!

Kate - posted on 03/29/2010

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I found the same thing with my husband....he was an only child and was never around kids, and just didn't know how to interract with a child of that age. Our son, who is now 2 and a half is fantastic, he's well behaved, plays well on his own etc.....and now that he's talking a LOT, he's able to tell his dad what he wants to do and it's gotten much much better.....if my husband is having an off day, I'll just say something like "hey, can you read him this book while I go fold the laundry" or whatever to get him back on track...or I'll be sneaky and say to my son...."hey, go ask daddy to play 'chase' with you"...
With my husband it was more about not knowing how to interract with a young child, or what a child that age was capable of.....it has been continuously improving, and hopefully it'll be the same for your family!

[deleted account]

Awwww. Sadness. Maybe when you talk to him about it, you should start crying & become hysterical, just to show him how much it really does hurt you... ♥

April - posted on 03/29/2010

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sometimes i find myself having to just not take no for an answer. i don't ask him to pay attention...i simply go take a shower or a nap and he's forced to take care of him for an hour or so.

our son is a lot like yours! he is such a good boy...very good natured.

Ashley - posted on 03/29/2010

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I know the feeling, my husband was a bit tough in the beginning, i mean he helped a lot and was a doting father but he never spent much time with him.. Our son is going to be 5 next month and some weeks he is daddy of the year and other weeks i wanna rearrange his face lol because he isn't attentive enough, so i finally sat him down and said look you gotta get with it or move out of the way, do you want your son to grow up and have an outlook on father hood that he will never be like his father was and he will always cherish and spend time with his son .. i pointed out how happy our son was when he played with him and that if he didn't start paying more attention our son would never have a close bond to him. My husband was like whoa, you're right.. I make it a point to plan family days at the park or have him take our son to the basketball court, i know from talking to him that when our son was younger he felt it was hard to do things with him but he says it has gotten easier as he grows. So in your situation with your son being a little tyke still :) have your husband read to him before bed.. and go to the library together or even do coloring things of that nature even if it's for 20 minutes a day your son will fell an impact. hope this helps....

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