My husband is controlling

Monica - posted on 07/05/2016 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My husband treats me like a child...I have to ask for money...he has 2 teen son ages 17 and 20 and they have more freedom then me...they are not my kids...he often say cause they are boys so he don't care what they do...but me as a wife have rules...I have to clean behind his kids all day and take care of my 2 year old and 4 month old and it's not fair at all...so I told him that his kids need to starts cleaning behind themselves he says y would he do that I'm the women of the house that I have to clean it someone help me please!!!!! Oh and last year when I was pregnant I told him I wanted a baby shower he told me he had no money for a shower so I said ok and I left it alone...his son gets arrested the same month I wanted the shower in my husband bailed him out on $2,170...I cried so much he said his kids are more important am I being selfish? Because his son gets arrested for the same thing over and over and he constantly bails him out...please help

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Michelle - posted on 07/05/2016

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Your husband is abusive and you don't have to put up with it. You would be better off leaving as I don't think he would ever change.
It's sad that some men are still brought up thinking women should be at home doing everything for the men. It's sexist and sad for the women stuck with these men.
A marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship and if he isn't treating you like an equal then it's time to get out.
I would suggest marriage counselling but I don't think he would even go.

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Monica - posted on 07/11/2016

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I mean he is terrible but then again I love my husband Shannon and I'll try to do everything to make it work

Shana - posted on 07/11/2016

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I've been in a situation very similar but my issue was he was never home and when he was home he wasn't if you know what I mean. We always argued and I dealt with fadelity in the past and we were together for many years everything and everyone came first I asked for canceling and he judged the topic but after prayer and positive thinking we are done and he rarely contacts his kids and he doesn't give them money for anything.

Amber - posted on 07/09/2016

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I have 3 suggestions.

1) Leave his butt. You don't want your babies growing up thinking it is ok for men to treat women like this.

2) couples counseling. Lets be honest if your husband is a hard headed fool, chances are it wont work, but if you think its worth the try. go for it.

3) PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! Tell him either he can treat you with respect and like his wife and if he's gotta problem with it there's the door if you don't know how to use it you do! and if he doesn't leave get the must haves and your kids and go.

you don't deserve to be treated like that, I don't care what he says. You have a voice and its time to be heard.

DC - posted on 07/06/2016

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You are right, his behavior is definitely cause for concern. There is a saying in psychology, "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." That isn’t comforting, is it. However things can change sometimes, you just need some support sorting things out, right? No one can change your husband but him and so that is out of your control.

This is not your fault! But to help yourself, think about why you ended up with your husband in the first place. It is always a positive thing to shine a light on your past so you can do better in the future. Was your father a mature man who took responsibility, who treated your mother with respect? Did you have a good relationship with him? . If not, I wonder if this is a pattern that’s been repeated stemming from what you experienced growing up. Maybe you have already covered that in your counseling sessions.
There is an article here http://bit.ly/29nnI5l that is long but speaks very well about how to deal with an abusive husband. Take from it what you want – there is a lot of good information. Will be praying for your situation!

Monica - posted on 07/06/2016

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@michelle no he dosent go but I do...I've never did nothing wrong to him at all...I honestly think it's because of his previous relationship

Sofia - posted on 07/05/2016

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Poor you. I can't imagine this is a good situation at all. Yes he is abusive, emotionally and financially and controlling. Perhaps the best way is to focus on the two young ones.....I can't see a positive future for you. And his kids are getting into legal trouble.... do you want this hell for the rest of your life?

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