My newborn won't let me put him down..desperate for help!

Anika - posted on 08/07/2012 ( 77 moms have responded )

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I have a new baby boy who is 5 days old. Since he was born, he has only been able to sleep/settle sleeping on me or my husband. I also have a 3 year old son who we suspect has ADD and I have just realised what a huge problem this has become, my newborn sleeping on me all day. Since he was born he has had to be held constantly, during the day and while we are all sleeping at night. I can't do a thing for my older son now and I'm very frightened and depressed because of this whole situation. I've tried putting my newborn in his bassinet over and over, but he just starts crying a few minutes after I put him in it. I have a nice sheepskin in his bassinet, over that one of my tops so he has my scent, and we put a hot water bottle down before he goes in so it's warm..but it's still not working. We have tried swaddling him a bit but he hates it..I don't know what to do.. I haven't been able to feed my older son, or eat anything myself, or do anything... I need to get him sleeping in his bassinet, at least for short periods of time. My older son didn't have too much problem with it, and would often sleep in his vibrating chair but my newborn doesn't even like this. Any advice on what to do? I'd really prefer not to let him cry but I'm open to any suggestions.

Just a note (based on recent comments): This isn't a new thread anymore..my son is now 9 weeks old, not 5 days. We found out he does have silent reflux & have had some improvement with medication but it is still not completely gone. We didn't let him cry, we have tried pretty much all the suggestions everyone had added here now. Unfortunately as I mentioned in the thread, any suggestions of spending even 10 minutes attending to baby, patting him etc isn't going to work because my 3 year old follows me round everywhere & wakes him up, and I basically don't have time for that as 3 yr old can't play. Our plan at the moment is to see paediatrician & try get reflux completely under control, we wear him in a wrap all day and still hold him at night. He can't stand bouncers, prams & car seats for more than 5 minutes. So not much improvement,but we found we were less stressed once we decided to just go with whatever was working, and try to keep in mind it won't always be like this. Life's hard, but all we can do is our best.

Btw, we did also remove the sheepskin (I read conflicting information on it, some say its safe, some not, but we decided to not take the risk). Also, this isn't a thread asking for advice on my 3 year old. My husband and I know he has ADD, so I don't need to have his issues invalidated by people who don't know him saying he's 'normal'. I'm his mother & know him best. You cannot understand it until you go through it.



Thanks for all the suggestions for my baby though :)

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Summer - posted on 08/09/2012

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Baby carrier!!!! A good one like Ergo, Beco or Angelpack, or a Mei Tai. There is a huge amount of information out there on infant bonding and the lasting effects of letting a baby cry alone, even for a short time. The stress hormone cortisol which is produced while crying in a stressful situation (ie, alone) actually retards brain development. In every other country in the world women carry their babies while they work, only in The West do we stick our babies in a piece of plastic alone and try to train it to be happy.



Humans are actually not neurologically fully developed when they are born, the first four months out of the womb are often referred to as the "fourth trimester" because so much changes and develops in that time. A good rule of thumb to remember is, "Nine months in, nine months out." Babies are physically ready to be away from our bodies when they are developmentally doing it themselves (ie, crawling), until then they need our physical presence constantly to build in them the security they need to be independent. There is a huge amount of research (and zero to the opposite) that says that the more securely attached a child is the MORE independent they are because they aren't fretting about whether or not this time their mom is going to respond to them if they need them. Think about it, if a baby is sometimes responded to and sometimes left to cry alone and sometimes comforted and sometimes not, they have no basis to form trust. Infants do not even have the ability to identify self, let alone to manipulate the feelings of another. Infants will not be spoiled by being picked up. Do some research.



And personally, I have been there! My son was born premature, struggled to nurse so I was pumping 8 times a day and we moved when he was three weeks old. He had been breech and so was used to being up and down and would not sleep laying down even when I was holding him. I had to sleep with him on my chest propped up in bed. But someone gave me a wrap and it saved my life!!! I realized I was happy and he was happy and I could do things with both hands!!! He lived on my body for his first six months and now he is one of the most independent, confident four year olds I know. He is extremely empathetic and very mature for his age.



When his brother was born 17 months later I just thru him in the sling and away we went, even moving again. And my second had severe food allergies and huge sleep issues but as long as he was on me he was fine.



I highly recommend finding a Babywearing support group, www.thebabywearer.com is a good place to start but FB is good to. Also, for all things parenting I highly recommend www.handinhandparenting.org



Big hug! And if you need someone to talk to, PM me.

Sally - posted on 08/09/2012

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He's a perfectly normal baby. Until very recently, a baby who was not in constant contact with its mom would die fairly quickly. Thousands of years of species survival traits don't roll over and shut up just because 100 years of social conditioning tell them to.
Get yourself a comfortable baby carrier. He'll get the contact he needs and you'll get your hand back to do the things you need.
Good luck

Helene - posted on 08/08/2012

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Step one, get rid of the sheepskin, or place it underneath his sheet, now. You have an unsafe sleeping arrangement.
Step two, do a tight swaddle. Yes, you DS will not like it for the few moments that he is being swaddled, but once he's nestled in, he will settle. He will sleep better when he's physically restrained. Remember, it's a pretty tight fit in the womb, and baby's feel secure this way. ALL cultures, throughout history, swaddle newborns. So don't transmit your adult concept of the "physical restraint" which is quite negative, to your baby.
Step three, get a sling. Some babies really do need to be held more than others. This is innate in their personal wiring, and something you can't train them out of. They will out grow it, slowly.
"Cry it out" sleep training should never be used before about 9 months. Baby's need to form a secure attachment to their parents, and should not be left to cry for long periods of time. Crying is the only way that babies can communicate. Crying may mean that they need to be fed, changed, held, or they're not feeling well.
When your baby is about 6 weeks old, you can start using music, that is played at 60 beats per minute (resting heart rate) to help him transition to sleep.
Your new born is too young for a vibration chair, don't use it. Don't try "white noise" machines either, they are bad for baby's brain development.
BeFit-Mom

Stifler's - posted on 08/08/2012

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Does he have a dummy? I apologise in advance if this is an obvious question.

Terry - posted on 10/02/2012

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When I first brought my daughter home, I pulled the bassinet up next to the couch and I kept my hand in there a lot-I did that for about a month, and slept that way myself. I can't imagine keeping up with a three year old while tending to a newborn! One of those slings would hold the baby on you to free your hands for a while..good luck!

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Victoria - posted on 12/23/2013

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Hi
I have a 4 yr old daughter who has ADD which is being treated. I also have a 15 mth old son. I am currently pregnant. My husband sleeps with my daughter in her room. My son sleeps with me. My daughter does not take naps and she goes to bed at 8:30. When my husband wakes up to use the bathroom my daughter wakes up screaming for him. I don't know why? We have been dealing with this for a year now. Any suggestions would be helpful. I feel my marriage is nothing. We sleep in different rooms and have no time together. I am a stay at home mom. Please help!!!

Wendy - posted on 10/04/2012

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Sounds like reflux to me. My daughter did the same thing, and I was clueless at the time. Call and talk to your pediatrician. It will only take a short phone call. They may even call in a script for you. Believe me if it is reflux, it will be well worth the phone call. My daughter was a whole new baby after her rx! I still had to improvise with sleep though. For months she slept in her car seat. I just put it inside of her crib. Worked like a charm. During the day the bouncy seat, swing, and baby front carrier did wonders too. You still have them on you, but you can be hands free. Call your ped, you will be glad you did, either way.

Cristy - posted on 10/03/2012

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Have you tryed laying him on something that belongs to you or your husband like a shirt that one of youhave just taken off because of your smell.Good luck to you and please feel free to let me know how it goes for you

Shannon - posted on 10/03/2012

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My son was the same way. I slept upright for almost 3 months he hated to be put down. I finally bought a Moby baby carrier and did all my chores with him in it and he always fell asleep he loved it. At just a few days old all newborns want to do is be held, nurtured and feeling warm with their mother. You cannot spoil a baby so young, they don't pick up habits until about 6-9 months, so don't let people tell you you are spoiling him. I held my Baby constantly until about 3 months, then he finally just realized that I'm not going anywhere and was fine with being put down with his toys and I would always pop in every few minutes so he could see me.

CORINNE - posted on 10/02/2012

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I also agree with Chandra, I used to put my oldest on his tummy and turn his head to the side. My youngest who is ten years younger than my first, the guidelines had changed by having them on their sides, they make a form that the baby sleeps in. But I did not by (or IF YOU WILL BUY) into the form. I rolled up two of the Receiving Blankets and used one in front and one in back.



ONLY MAKE SURE TO USE DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE HEAD AND BODY (EXAMPLE-ONE TIME BABY IS ON THE LEFT/ ONE SIDE THE BABY IS ON THE RIGHT!)

SO THE BABY DOES NOT HAVE A FLAT SIDE!



JUST NEVER LIE THEM ON THEIR BACKS AS THEY CAN CHOKE SHOULD THEY SPIT UP THEY CAN NOT GET IT OUT!!!!



HOPE THIS HELPS YOU!

CORINNE BALANTE

Chandra - posted on 10/02/2012

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i tried putting the child on his stomach while he/she sleeps. Dont know how accurate it is , i mean from a doctors point of view, but it helped and even today my daughter whos 2 now sleeps in her bed and doesnt need me for sleeping.

Julie - posted on 10/02/2012

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I dont believe in letting a baby cry...I am "old school" and stil believe babies rest better on their tummy. Especially if they just ate. % days old is too young to have developed a habit for sleeping on mom and Dad- is the house too quiet? Or not quiet enough? Baby heard a lot before he made his appearance- try to copy that same noise level...music? If you played it then play it now...Some babies need to be swaddled tightly- like they were in Mommy- try that- I have never seen it fail......Good Luck Mom...grandmother to 18.

CORINNE - posted on 10/02/2012

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FYI----BE SURE THE DIAPER (BURP CLOTH) IS FLAT AND FREE FROM THE NOSE!



CHECK THE BABY CHILD OFTEN AND BE SURE THE NOSE IS CLEAR FROM THE DIAPER!





Isabel Del Rios-- has a lot of great information on taking bad foods from your normal eating.

it will make you feel so healthy!

My husband and I have done this. watch her videos.

WE PAID FOR HER PROGRAM, BUT YOU CAN GET A LOT FOR FREE IF YOU LOOK ON GOOGLE, OR YOUTUBE.



GOOD LUCK,

CORINNE BALANTE

CORINNE - posted on 10/02/2012

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Anika,

There are a couple questions.

One are you nursing or bottle feeding?



IF THE BABY IS HUNGRY YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PUT HIM DOWN TO DO ANYTHING HE WILL CRY.

BUT TRY THE FOLLOWING FIRST.

I KNOW YOU SAID YOU HAVE TRIED SWADDLING IT IS SORT OF A FORM OF THAT BUT BEING TOO BOUND WILL NOT WORK ON YOUR SON.JUST KEEP THE FEET AND ARMS OUT.

READ BELOW:



AS FOR YOUR OLDER SON, AND ADHD. I AM NOT A BELIEVER IN THIS.

TRY CUTTING OUT ALL FOOD WITH:

CORN SYRUP,

SUGAR (NATURAL LIKE FRUIT IF OK BUT LIMIT IT AND SEE HOW HE DOES),

CAFFEINE ,

NICOTINE (IF SOMEONE SMOKES IN THE HOUSE).

WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING THE OLDER ONE EATS,

AND THEN SEE WHAT SETS HIM OFF.



I KNOW YOU ARE OVER WHELMED RIGHT NOW BUT KEEP A PEN AND PAPER WHERE EVER YOU MAKE BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER.

IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE!



THERE IS PLENTY OF HELP ON THE INTERNET TO DO NATURALLY.

THE HORMONES, ANTI-BIOTICS AND CHEMICALS CAN SET ME OFF AND GIVE ME RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME. That just means GET UP AND DO SOME EXERCISE!!!

NOT....HEY YOU NEED ANOTHER MEDICATION TO TAKE!!!



NO CHILD SHOULD BE ON MEDICATIONS!!!! REALLY IT IS RARE IF EVER. (don"t send me email on this!!! Please!!)

MAKE SURE HE GETS TO RUN AROUND AND PLAY AND NOT SIT ALL DAY!!! HE IS MOST LIKELY A NORMAL HEALTHY CHILD!!!



NOW BACK TO THE BABY:

Here is what I had to do with my oldest (now 25 yrs old) and his daughter (now 3 yrs old ) had to have the same thing.



What you do is get them ready for a nap, change diaper etc.

Next, you take one of the Receiving Blankets (thin one like from the hospital)

Wrap it around their waist, under arms (let the ARMS stay out ) and feet too (FEET can stay out)

===If they are very small you can put legs and feet inside but keep arms out!====



Next, you want to have another Receiving Blanket Folded on top of the MATTRESS AND SHEET.

Like a Square or just lie it down.



NOW, HOLD YOUR BABY TO SLEEP.

FEED THEM.

KEEP THEM CLOSE TO YOU.



THE IDEA IS TO GET THE BLANKET WRAPPED AROUND THEM NICE AND WARM.

I USED A CLOTH DIAPER OVER MY SHOULDER AND THIS WILL SMELL LIKE YOU!

==== A MUST IF YOU WANT BABY TO SLEEP AND THINK THEY ARE BEING HELD BY YOU!====



ONCE, GOOD AND A SLEEP.

CAREFULLY, PLACE DIAPER --BURP CLOTH ON THE MATTRESS ABOVE THE RECEIVING BLANKET. (IT SHOULD LIKE A SQUARE OF RECEIVING BLANKET AND A SQUARE OF THE DIAPER (BURP CLOTH) .STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER.



THE BABIES HEAD WILL GO ON THE DIAPER (BURP CLOTH) THE REST WILL GO ON TOP OF THE SQUARE RECEIVING BLANKET.

KEEP THE ONE BLANKET AROUND THEIR WAIST!

===DO NOT REMOVE IT FROM THEIR WAIST!!====



NEXT, PUT A BLANKET OVER THE BABY, OR WHAT EVER YOU USE.

I ALWAYS KEPT THE TOP BLANKET OFF THE NECK AND BELOW THE SHOULDER BLADES.



THE ROOM SHOULD BE AT 70 DEGREES ALWAYS TO KEEP BABY WARM.



NOTE:

AS THEY GET OLDER YOU KEEP THE FEET OUT SO THEY CAN MOVE.





MOVING BABY FROM YOUR BODY AND SHOULDER TO THE BED



YOU ALSO WANT TO DO THIS FAST BUT WITH OUT A DRAFT.!!!



CHANGE IN THE TEMPERATURE AS THE BED IS COLD WITHOUT THE BLANKET ON TOP OF THE MATTRESS AND SHEET!



AND NO LONGER SMELLING YOU IS ANOTHER CLUE YOU ARE NOT THERE.

AS YOU SIT AT NIGHT WATCHING TV OR READING.

HANG ONTO A FEW CLEAN DIAPERS (BURP) CLOTHE TO GET YOUR SMELL. SO WHEN YOU NEED TO WASH ONE YOU HAVE ANOTHER TO REPLACE IT!

THE MORE MOM SMELL THE MORE SLEEP THEY GET AND THE MORE YOU GET DONE!



LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING EXPLAINED IN MORE DETAILS.





GOOD LUCK!

CORINNE BALANTE

Amy - posted on 10/02/2012

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Keep trying the swaddle. He will resist, but it's how he was in the womb and it should eventually help to settle him. Try getting one of the automatic swaddles with the velcro so you can get him nice and snug. If it's not tight enough, it will only anger him more and he'll break out of it. Try putting on white noise in the room. Once again, white noise is what he was used to in the womb and that and the swaddling are cues that he needs to sleep. It will also keep out any unwanted noise from your toddler. Keep the room where is is sleeping as dark as possible.



If he goes to sleep on you, have you tried to put him down once he's asleep? It takes 20 min for a newborn to enter deep sleep, but it's a small window, so you may have to work to see what his "deep sleep" window is, then try putting him down. In the Baby Whisperer, they suggest the shh/pat method. If baby starts to wake, roll him on his side, and pat the middle of his upper back and "shhhhh" into his ear. Just past his ear so it's not directly into his ear. The shhhh can go a few min after he's settled again, but the patting may need to go for 10-20 min. You can Google the method for a more detailed explanation.



You should have a tight sheet in the bassinet as well. Any loose blankets or even the sheep skin is a sleeping hazard for little ones.

Darla - posted on 10/02/2012

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swaddle him before he falls asleep. he's only 5 days old he's use to being in a tight space. once he's good and sound asleep (about 10 min.) put him in the crib. and just keep doing it even if he wakes up and it's all over again. he's getting use to being constantly on you. does he take a pacifier. my oldest son would never have fallen asleep without one. he needed the extra sucking time. both of my boys gave me all kinds of grief until about 6 wks. every child is different. keep trying - something will work for you - just don't give up. you have to get some good sleep too.

Carissa - posted on 10/02/2012

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I have to say I really disagree with people saying if you hold him it will get worse. A newborn needs you, I constantly held my son for 5 months because he screamed constantly. He became the happiest most content child. Keep holding your baby get a sling, this too shall pass

Robin - posted on 10/02/2012

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He spent 9 months hearing your heartbeat, it'll take a while for him to adjust to not hearing it. Use a carrier -- Moby & Boba wraps are great. Also swaddle! Muslin swaddle blankets are wonderful & you can get a good, snug swaddle with them.

Gemma - posted on 10/02/2012

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There is nothing more natural than a newborn baby wanting to be with his/her mother 24hours a day. My best suggestion would be use the sling as much as possible, that way you can meet his need to be close to you and still be able to get things done. All the other people describing the same thing just proves that this is not a 'problem' it is just normal, there is nothing wrong with your son needing to be close to you 24/7. There is no point in fighting his need to be close to you, it will just end up upsetting you both if you try to fight it. Go with it, accept what is normal newborn behaviour and enjoy him, after all he won't be newborn for very long and you will regret it if he spent most of his newborn time in a basket away from you.

Nathalie - posted on 10/02/2012

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Anika,

My little girl also screamed and screamed when we put her in the car seat...she got better around 3 months. Oh and read the book, The Baby Whisperer!!! SAVED MY LIFE! She talks about how to get your newborn to sleep, how to see the signs when they are getting tired, how to have your newborn sleep through the night, the temperaments of dif babies and how to deal with each one...it is sooooo good!

Nathalie - posted on 10/02/2012

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Ok, so NO baby hates swaddling. They may seem to fight it and even fuss but the need to be swaddled as that is security to them and it will keep their hands from flailing and waking them up. Also, you need to start NOW in putting him down. I know it is sooo hard to do, especially when he cries but if you don't you will lose your sanity. When you put him down, give him the pats until he falls asleep, if he takes a pacifier, even better! Basically pat his back rhythmically until he falls asleep...pretty soon he will begin to learn how to fall asleep on his own but won't be able to soothe himself until right around 3 months old. It takes a lot of work and patience but you can do it! I am so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. It is not easy to put your baby down when he will cry, but for your sanity you need to start doing it ASAP or else a bad habit will form with him. I have seen it with a good friend of mine and now her baby is 4 months old and she still has to carry him around while chasing a two year old. Not a good situation to be in. Hope this helps!

Donna - posted on 10/02/2012

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I had this problem with my sons, I also tried to swaddle a little but you have to wrap them up good and tight, have someone show you. Not too tight! But if they have free movement I think it's too exciting for them and they want to test out their new abilities as much as possible. Not all the time, just when they should be settling down. I had a checklist of things I'd start with are they hungry, do they have to burp, do they need changed... .. . swaddled.. etc. If it's not right, then the baby will let you know by fussing persistently. I've never just let my babies cry, there has always been a reason, something I could do to help them feel better. They can't tell you what they need, they can't do it themselves. It's not my younger sons fault I have an older son, a new baby needs time to bond too.

Anika - posted on 09/30/2012

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Hi Tristan, yup if you read my previous replies, I've definitely tried slings! Actually I now own 2 one-shoulder slings, a frontpack, 2 Moby Wraps, a Baby K'Tan, and an Ergobaby is on it's way lol. Don't like the frontpack or shoulder slings, but he loooves the Moby and K'Tan. He literally lives in them. I wear him all day while he sleeps, then when he wakes up after a clean nappy & feed I have him on the floor on a pillow as long as I can. 95% of the time the only way he can fall asleep now is if he goes in the wrap. Kind of annoying. And he still sleeps in my arms, which worries me a little bit but I know I don't move at all at night if I'm holding him, but still worried about blankets coming up, him rolling away etc. But that's what's working for us right now. We realised it's easier to just go with the flow and do whatever works best. Everytime we formulated a plan, we just got stressed & nothing else works anyway. We know we can't let him CIO cause we don't have the heart, it would make his reflux worse, and it would wake my 3 yr old up.

So funny, if this baby had been my first (and I had the labour I had with him too), he would definitely be an only child too. My little one is also a bit of a miracle too, my oldest son's father/my partner died when my 3 yr old was just 7 weeks old. I was convinced I'd be alone for the rest of my life & that I would never have or want anymore kids. So I'm very grateful to have him, I just wasn't expecting it to be so hard.

Tristan - posted on 09/21/2012

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Take a deep breath... it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will all be alright.

Mine were all like that. Have you tried a sling? Assuming that you have tried slings, and carriers, here's what I did.



If my oldest daughter had been the oldest, instead of the second oldest she would have been an only child. She screamed all day and all night. What saved her and us what that I'd had two miscarriages before her. I would have her out in her stroller at all hours of the night, my mantra was "She's a miracle, she's a miracle, she's a miracle." For the sake of sanity, I would get my husband to take her out for walks so that I could spend some time with my older son. We would then switch off. It was not ideal, but it got us through it.



That same little baby is now 11, and she does not have to be held to sleep. You'll get through it, it just doesn't feel like it right now.

Maya - posted on 09/20/2012

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My babies were all like that! They just wanted to be held and they slept inclined in a car seat for a good while. Look into a good baby carrier, it will help so much! I believe in researching the many types of carriers out there. The ones generally sold by large chain stores are not the most comfortable, nor the best for positioning the baby. I never thought I would need a baby carrier, but now I can't live without one (I have 4 different!). I use mine because I cannot use a stroller where I live. They are especially great for travel (I have two toddlers). I wrote about my adventures here: http://www.squidoo.com/babywearing-trave...

Sonya - posted on 09/17/2012

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My daughter was the same way in the hospital and a couple days after we got home. The public health nurse figured out it was because I wasn't making enough breast milk because of my c-section. She has jaundice and is really sleepy because of it and wouldn't make it through feedings. I supplemented her with formula and pumped like crazy. She goes down and sleeps for a while now. Still struggling with supply though I only had to give her one bottle last night.

Anika - posted on 09/12/2012

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Sorry you're going through it too Yulia. It sucks.

It seems theres 2 big differing opinions; some people say hold your baby all day, some people say let them cry. I guess it's down to personal preference. But I don't want to let him cry, and I don't want to hold him all day either :(

Well our plan is probably to start putting him down this weekend once he's asleep, and if he wakes up, comfort him or wait til he's asleep again, then put him down again, and keep doing this. That way hopefully he's learning to be in his cot, but we don't have to let him cry. My midwife suggested this too. The only problem is with anything I decide to try, is my older son. It's all fine to have a plan and suggestions, but my son follows me around every second of the day, and has to be touching the baby all the time too. So when I put him in his bed (which is in our room), and he cries & I go to comfort him, my oldest follows me and ends up being loud and waking him or trying to touch him and waking him. If I try to get the baby to sleep in the room we're in, he does the same thing..only it's probably worse because he's right there to touch and he wakes easily. So really what the heck can I do when I'm on my own? When he's older I will be letting him cry for short periods, I did it with my son when he was 7 months old (but he never had much trouble falling asleep).

I really don't care if he needs something to fall asleep e.g. rocking, bottle, dummy..I just want him to go to sleep and stay that way! My oldest first would always fall asleep from his bottle, and then progressed to being rocked in his chair to sleep. I really didn't mind and still wouldn't doing that, so long as they sleep, which my oldest did.

He's already got a dummy (he likes it), bed in our room.. and I do try to involve my oldest son as much as I can. He absolutely loves his little brother, but jeez just too much! He won't leave him alone and often doesn't realise he's squishing him or upsetting the baby. Just gotta do my best and wait it out I guess..

Hailey - posted on 09/09/2012

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WE have 5 kids, 4 of them are in sets of twins, Three things that worked for us, first thier cribs in your room for the first few months (they sleep in crib but are close to you) - the crib becomes thier comfort item NOT YOU, second - pacifiers, they are awesome and reduce the risk for SIDS, they fulfil the need to suck but again they are NOT YOU, three - Items that smell like mom and dad Literally sleep with some recieving blankets we would use these to Wrap up our new borns (this was our midwifes idea) the scent of you is calming to your baby. As for "LIttle big siblings" Involve them let them hand you the diaper, Help with bath time, hold the baby sometimes. We involved that first set of twins from the moment we found out our midwife would let them guess where the baby was and use the doppler as a hide and seek tool. they would help pick the clothes etc. came to an ultrasound so they could see thier sibilings etc. after they would help as above, and even when i was so tired i just wanted to curl up in bed we did with books, and a dvd player and it was fine. they are now all over 3 and the oldest are soo kind to the younger three and they all rely on each other more than us.

Amanda - posted on 09/08/2012

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You'll never get anything done if you don't put baby down occasionally. It's easy with baby #1 to hold them all the time. But when you have more than one you have to set baby down. NEVER get baby used to having to be held. Crying never killed a baby...stressed mom's have. I taught my little ones from a very early age that they were safe when not being held. I'd put baby in crib when I showered and they would cry...but they didn't die. And babies 2 &3 slept through from 5-6 weeks of age....because I would lay them down & let them cry 5mins and progressively longer. Crying is ok. Putting yourself into a bad state of mind isn't good for any of you.

Megan - posted on 09/05/2012

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The longer you keep holding him the more trouble it will cause. He will get more and more used to it and will eventually he won't be able to sleep anywhere but with you. Move his bed into the room where you spend most of your day so he can see and hear you, but you don't have to hold him all the time. That way you will be able to pay attention to your oldest son, yourself, your husband and the rest of your house. After a few days of this your baby SHOULD be good with this.

Yulia - posted on 09/04/2012

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@Anika

You are writing about me here...with a 3 weeks-old newly announced center-of-the-world on my chest, 3 year old suddenly neglected and confused boy at the TV, and even the sheepskin (so pricey for all it claimed to do) ...I wonder who gets those sleepy "please-mommy-let-me-sleep-alone-in -my-cozy-crib" ones, anyway? My first was the same.Sink or swim.

May God be with you.

yulia

Chelsey - posted on 08/30/2012

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Get the book baby wise!! my doctor recommended it to me... wow.. what a world of difference and its suck a good read you wont be able to put it down

Anika - posted on 08/28/2012

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@Bobbie, I just found that out about the car seat myself! I had no idea it could put pressure on a babys stomach so we are looking for a car seat insert (one thats safe of course). He was a bit better in a short trip in the car yesterday.. it is hard though cause my first son was just perfect in the car, he never cried, actually always just slept in the car! He's only ever cried after being in the car for like 40 minutes or more sometimes. Of course he also slept 7 hours by the time he was 3 weeks old (in his cot) so I've got 2 very opposite little boys here.

Still just wearing him all day..and holding him while sleeping. Just started him off on an anti-reflux formula (infant gaviscon did nothing for him) and am taking him to see a chiropractor next week, I've heard they can really help babies with reflux.

Jenny - posted on 08/25/2012

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And also remember that it is normal for a baby to not tolerate the car. Sure there are the babies that LOVE car rides and fall asleep, but just as equally you get those that don't. It sucks hearing about how other babies like being in the car while you'rs cant stand it, but believe me, its still normal. Even if it is caused by reflux and colic, think about how common it is for babies to have these conditions.



"It is estimated that between 40 and 60 percent of all newborns have some degree of baby reflux in the early months due to an undeveloped lower esophagus sphincter (LES). That means that half of all newborn babies experience physical distress due to stomach acid in the esophagus."

Jenny - posted on 08/25/2012

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Yep, mine was a screamer in the car too, as soon as you put her in she started to cry and by the time you'd drive a couple blocks shes be screaming bloody murder, barely breathing. What can you do? Nothing really. Stay at home as much as you can. And practice taking short trips so they slowly get used to it. But the only thing that solves this is time. By 4 months she was getting better with car trips and it got better from there.



I know its hard to hear this while you are going through it, but its just the way it is. Once your baby is older (2 years +) you'll hear other mums have the same problem you have, and by then you'll know that only time makes it better. This too shall pass. Try to stay sane during this time, you will get through to the other side.

Bobbie - posted on 08/25/2012

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You have got to be exhausted! I had to ask my sister (a doctor) about it. She stated the position of the car seat puts pressure on the stomach area. You can relieve this pressure a little by removing the head rest. In addition placing soothing sounds found in the womb, you know, the swishy,sound. When he won't sleep place him close to you face and do the shoosh noise into his ear.'

Anika - posted on 08/25/2012

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Tearing my hair out from this.. 11:30pm, my sons been awake most of the day and we are exhausted. He wants to sleep but can't from the reflux. He's screaming and in pain/discomfort and theres not a lot we can do to help him. He's getting it bad even when we are holding him. The medication hasn't worked, so the next step is anti-reflux formula. We are just waiting for our bottles & variable flow teats to come in the mail so we can get him started on it. We have also bought one of the sleeping things someone posted about above, so we can have him reclined in his cot or bassinet while sleeping and not worry about him rolling down. We are also using a dummy when we can, the sucking seems to help a bit with his reflux. Another thing I am finding really hard is that he cannot tolerate the car either. I know most babies just sleep in the car, my first born did & I'd take him out in his capsule and he'd stay asleep.. but this one, not even 10 minutes in the car and it's a nightmare. He's just screaming in it..I don't know if it's from the reflux or he just hates the car seat, but now I'm stuck at home all the time too (we live half an hours drive from anywhere to go really so I'm not wanting to drive that long with him crying). Right now my Moby wrap is a god-send, I'm wearing him in it most of the day so he can sleep and I can have my hands free. I just feel really terrible for my 3 year old, who isn't getting much attention and doesn't know what to do with himself because he doesn't/can't play and is used to having me all to himself. He's being pretty good about it, I just feel sad for him.

Jamie - posted on 08/24/2012

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My first was like that. She'd only sleep a half hour at a time, breast fed 24/7 or felt like it lol and would let me put her down to pee. She'd wake up and scream the second you'd put her down. I only had two tricks. One bundle her up tight in a blanket n lay her down in her car seat, if she cried I'd rock her a bit but shed only lay there if you bundled her as tight as you can for a baby and a baby carrier so you still have hands free to do house work, go pee lol or anything else you had to do. Other then that I pulled my hair out a lot cuz it lasted 4 months then she started to get a bit better but swings wouldn't work or anything. She slept in her car seat till she was 4 months old. Didn't know what else to do.

Hope this helps you out. It's very difficult and I wish you luck. It's hard now but time heals all, it'll get better.

Jenny - posted on 08/24/2012

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Just keep trying something, 5 days old, is too early to have found what works for him if he's fussy.

With my fussy girl what ended up working is wrapping her real tight in a muslin wrap and then wrapping in a comforter, and then propping her up in the corner of the couch so that she was at approx 45degree angle.

Keep trying different things, some babies are just more fussy (sometimes you find out later why, i.e because of colic) and there is no fix, maybe if you knew this was relatively normal (even though very different from your first child) its easier to accept?

Samantha - posted on 08/23/2012

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They say that you first child will give you a hard time but your second child will make you pay for your sins :) It seems you may have done all that can be done to soothe your baby. I had the same problem but mine was due to my child being lactose intollerent and I didn't know. It was uncomfortable for him to lie down, so I spent two months sleeping upright. What about one of those baby carriers that'll strap him to your chest. It'll free up your hands to get some work done. I also find that even now, my son cannot fall asleep without a dummy in his mouth. It may be worth a try if you get desperate enough. I found he spat it out at first until I stuck it into his mouth straight off the breast. He just kept sucking and it worked. Hope it all works out for you.

Crystal - posted on 08/20/2012

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The shower or vaccum are great for quieting down a baby. My son was very colicy and would cry if I put him down. Those things worked great!

Lisa - posted on 08/20/2012

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I know exactly how you feel and my son did this for at least 2 months. Somehow between 2 and 3 months one thing after another got easier and he stopped crying when he was put down. That was his timeframe of getting comfortable with not being part of me. It was very hard, and we rocked and rocked and rocked him to sleep. He woke up very easily once put down! Two toys helped him when he was at least a month old, that was the toy blankie with an animal head on top (he could hold it in his arm when his hands couldn't grasp it yet), which he would snuggle. And the seahorse that sings and the tummy lights up. He would stare at it and stop crying, and fall asleep with it. Hold him-don't feel bad about it. You can't hold him too much at this point because he's so fresh in the world he needs to know you're still there and if you keep coming back to him at some point he'll start to trust that you will. Hang in there-this phase will pass!

Bobbie - posted on 08/19/2012

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I cared for a newborn with reflux for a week and it was difficult to find a position that he was comfortable in. I found that while holding him in my arms I actually had him face down draped over one arm as a wrapped the other around him for safety. This seemed to relieve a lot ot air bubbles for him as well. Your dr can prescribe a sling for sleeping in. These pillows require a prescription to purchase. They are an enormous wedge with a diaper like area to velcro the baby in safely. They sleep on a high incline.
If you are breast feeding there are specific pills for feed him more upright.
http://www.pollywogbaby.com/item--tucker...

Jennifer - posted on 08/19/2012

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We always used a really tight swaddle and we would lay our daughter down and let her scream. We would go in and check on her every ten minutes or so. Eventually she would just fall asleep out of pure exhaustion. When all else fails we would pull out the Moby Wrap and wrap her on ourselves and then go about out business. Our oldest was 4 when my daughter was born so I understand needing to work with another kid. Things will get better/easier.

Anika - posted on 08/18/2012

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Well we figured out my son actually has silent reflux, so it's not that he wants to be held all the time, he wants to be upright. Right now we are trying him on medication and I have bought a Moby wrap to wear him in during the day until we can get his reflux a bit more under control. I'm glad I went with my gut and didn't let him cry, even though people were telling me to. I still wouldn't even if he didn't have reflux, but thats just me. Things are still very difficult but at least we know what the problem is with my son.

Mollie - posted on 08/18/2012

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We would take our son in the car in his carseat for about a 10 minute ride, then once he was asleep, we'd come home, loosen the buckles a bit and let his snooze there! He slept in his carseat for the first 3 weeks! And now our son is 3.5 months old and I can set him down wide awake and he soothes himself to sleep!

Katie - posted on 08/17/2012

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5 days is so little!!! : ) My kids never went down easy. They did like the vibrating chair and the swing. My oldest needed to be swaddled. She actually spent most of her time in the diaper changing (clean with clean blanket) part of the pack - n -play with a little vibrating toy in there too... Not sure it just worked... Also car carriers...maybe go for a ride or a walk in the stroller and let the baby sleep in the carrier...and just remember this, too, will pass....

Kristin - posted on 08/16/2012

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Letting him cry is cruel and will undermine his growing trust in you. However, you do have to attend to your older sons needs as well. With my boys, I would address the basic needs and let the baby cry until the part where I couldn't hold him was addressed, cooking, teeth brushing, etc.. I did find that I LOVED my carrier and later wrap for seeing to the older boys' needs while holding the baby close. My oldest was exactly what you are describing, my third is a slightly toned down version. They both bed shared and were held ALL the time for at least the few months. I made lunch for the next day while my husband was home and could hold the baby. Showered under the same circumstances. We ate a lot of stuff that was quick to pull together, pasta with sauce, frozen veggies.

It's very easy to slip into the panic mode when you are not even two weeks out of his birth. Remember they are two very different children. If possible, can your husband or other family come attend to the cooking and such for a few days and help you prepared meals ahead? What about having them hold the baby for an hour so you can give a bath and do stories? It is far easier with one child. The addition of another child (aka terrorist) to the household requires LOTS of thinking outside the box.

First, see to your infants needs and ask for help. As for laying him down. You could try swaddling just his arms, mine hated having their feet constricted in any way... socks were even out. Also, how does he feel about his car seat? Is it a carrier car seat? What about a swing instead of a vibrating chair? Or a bouncer? It will help to make sure his basic needs are addressed prior to attempting anything. Is he fed? Burped? Dry diaper? Comfortable temperature; not over or under dressed? Does he prefer a certain angle?

Second, your son is too young to diagnose as being ADHD. He may just be really high energy, wait until he's older. 3 yos are natural narcissists, egocentrists, and totally without empathy. They do not play together. They just play along sided each other. It is very likely your son is going to act out because this novelty (new baby) has gone away and is really distracting for you. Do what you can to include him in the care of the baby, set aside short stretches of one on one time with him, and be patient with him and yourself. Do not forget to take some time for you. You are NOT the only parent these two boys have. Your family and friends want to help.

Good luck.

Melissa - posted on 08/15/2012

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Srry, I didn't read the other posts. YES, I agree that a 5 day old can not be left to CIO. But you should still be able to do stuff without the baby. Maybe put him in a swing or bouncy seat so he sees you while you are doing what you need to do. Or get one of those baby things to strap on the front of you, strap the baby on you. Srry I don't remember what they r called. My kids are now 7, 8 and 10

Melissa - posted on 08/15/2012

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I know its hard but that's what I had to do with my son, to let him cry that is. He is now 10 yrs old. He's fine now but when he was a baby, oh my. Never wanted to sleep at night and you had to rock him to sleep. It was very frustrating.

Sometimes you just have to do what really needs to be done. If his diaper is changed and he's fed then put him safely in his bassinet, close the door, and walk outside, take a deep breath....you and baby wil be FiNE.

Good luck

Sara - posted on 08/15/2012

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my son is almost 6 weeks old and I know how you feel. I have a daughter turning two in a couple weeks and she runs non stop and screams. She entered the terrible twos it seems over night. Clayton (my son) used to wake up if i barely moved him or talked too loud or if i layed him down. I tried everything to not move or make a noise until i realized it just wasn't possible with another child. Basically I had to put him down to sleep in his bed once he had fallen asleep on me. I knew he would wake up and cry but i still tried. Now he is doing better although he still wants held a lot. They need that obviuosly if they give us hell without it :) Hang in there and keep trying. After a while he will get used to being moved while asleep and the noise and it wont bother him so much. Yes you will have days where you go completely bonkers putting him back to sleep over and over but no one said we have it easy. Plus I realized after a few times of him waking he would get beyond tired and crash for a couple hours. Good luck! :)

DeserRai - posted on 08/15/2012

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Ok. Are people really suggesting you let your 5 DAY OLD cry it out?! That is the worse advice you can be given. Sorry to be so blunt about it but DO NOT let your baby CIO. Wait until he is at least 6 months. Ferber, the doctor who started the whole CIO method, states the youngest age to start "sleep training" is 6 months and very recently he has gone back and restated his suggested to wait longer. I never let my son CIO. He slept with us until 11 months and smoothly went to his crib because he was ready.



Definitely get a sling. I don't know if you're nursing but you can still do it with a sling and be hands free. I loved my moby and it came in handy for the times my lo didn't want to be put down.



And I understand you have things to do and others to take care of but just remember your baby isn't even a week old. He went from a very secure, quiet, warm and safe place to a loud, bright, cold environment. He only means of communicating are by crying. Even if he's fed, burped and changed, they still have a need to be held, loved and cuddled. I feel that alot of parents forget that is important and is a necessity fr babies.



One more thing. Studies have shown when a baby is left to CIO, their brain begins to function the same way someone having a stroke does. So do your research and good luck!

HappyMommy - posted on 08/14/2012

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Hello try the swing and try putting him in the car seat and rocking him during the day ...kids like the motion and tend to fall asleep...if that doesn't work try the pacifier

Tracy - posted on 08/14/2012

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I was in the same situation with my daughter, but was lucky that my son was 12 and could understand more of his sister's needs. I hate to report that in our situation it NEVER got better, not entirely. She will be three in a few weeks and her sleeping is much better (she had to sleep with husband and I for the first year and a half, but can now sleep on her own...except growth spurts and illness still makes her very unsettled). However, she is STILL very clingy and requires far more attention than any of the other (much older) kids had ever needed. She is very secure in her surroundings and extremely outgoing, but she still is a clingy cuddly child. She's a wild child and runs around giving everyone heart attacks at her no fear attitude. But she makes it clear that I am HER momma. So, I wish I could offer suggestions beyond what you've tried, but I can't. Just know you aren't alone and sometimes the cuddly stuff is more precious than gold, but it doesn't help when the rest of the family needs your attention and/or help!

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