My son fell...

Cristina - posted on 02/02/2010 ( 30 moms have responded )

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This is the thing, my 20 month old son fell today while with me, he was taking a bath and stood for a second, and slipped and hit his brow on the edge of the tub he has a high tolerance for pain, so he just rubbed and kept playing when I see the blood running down his face, so I freaked out called the doctor and her nurse asked: isn't this the second time he hurts himself? I feel horrible, I feel like if my son gets hurt they are questioning the story, like if I hit him so hard that the skin was broken, I didn't take him to the office, because honestly he's acting fine and the cut is closed by now and it doesn't need stitches, it's scares me because my friends kids were taken away because one of her girls got hurt getting out of the car, and they thought it was abuse at the hospital, even though her kids had no other marks or bruises.

Now my question is: is my fear that they might see me as an unfit mom unfounded?

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Rita - posted on 02/05/2010

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Take it from an ER Nurse......Toddlers are clumsy! They are always coming in for stitches....Poor babies> they are uncoordinated little ones, they fall...it happens...my nephew had stitches above his eyebrow, and I just saw a toddler in the A&P with stitches above the eye brow today....Having 2 incidents of simple falls is not abuse. Abuse is evident when Mom smells of alcohol, the kids are filthy and teeth are rotting, have severe diaper rash that is from not changing them, head lice unresolved, bruises in strange places. Bruises that are strange looking, as if the kid were hit with an object. Burns & burns in strange places, Broken ribs, head injury...unexplained and accompanied by other strange marks....claw marks like Mom's nails digging them.....THAT are all examples of thing we are trained to look for....But a toddler who falls and needs a stitch or few.....It happens all the time.

Jodi - posted on 02/02/2010

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I understand how you feel. I think we as parents are always afraid that if our child gets hurt and has to be taken to the doctor we'll have our kids taken away. I know someone who's child was playing with his cousins, he was only a bit over 2, his cousins were about 4. The older cousins went into the basement to play but forgot to shut the door. Inevitably the 2 year old fell down the stairs which resulted in a broken leg. When his parents brought him to the ER they quickly called a social worker to evaluate whether or not it was a case of abuse. I think it's the responsible thing for the doctors to do if there's even a chance it could be, for the child's sake, but we shouldn't be scared of having our kids taken away. I'm confident that any doctor or especially social worker can easily tell the difference between a child who has had an accident and one who is abused. You are not an unfit mother, just be confident in that fact and all will be well!

Maureen - posted on 02/02/2010

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My son frequently falls. One advice my mother gave me with our first child is "Head wounds bleed, ALOT" I have had to remember that on several occasions. We all do the best we can and kids still get hurt. Just keep loving your kids.

Kristen - posted on 02/02/2010

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Hurting yourself is all part of being a child! My son hurts himself all the time! Don't let other peoples judgement bother you. You know you haven't intentionally harmed your son.

Lisa - posted on 11/22/2010

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I think that was extremely rude of the nurse and I would talk to your doctor about it. Kids falls. End of Story. They are still learning balance and do not always do things that are safe and unfortunately we can't be around them all the time.

When my daughter was 3 1/2, an older girl at church pulled her around and ended up dislocating her knuckles, wrist, and elbow. I took her into the emergency room and the doctor examined and questioned her for almost an hour about what happened, what hurt, etc. Repeatedly asking the same questions that my daughter couldn't answer. I repeatedly told the doctor that she has limited vocabularly due to the fact that she could not hear until she was 2 1/2 and he was scaring her but he continued while she cried and cried. Finally, in frustration, I asked for a different dotor to examine her and fortunately, her pediatrician ended up being oncall. He came into the room and the first doctor explained that "supposedly the child was pulled by another child at church but the child seems too scared to answer." My doctor looked at him and said then the first thing we need is an xray. The other doctor said again but the child won't tell me what happened. And her pediatrician said, of course not. She's 3 1/2, in a scary place, is hurt and doesn't have the vocubulary to tell us.

At her follow-up appointment, my doctor apologized for the other doctor's behavior and told me to call his office if I ever questioned anything at the hospital or clinic.

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Katie - posted on 05/24/2012

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I sometimes do laundry in the tub at home and then take downstaris to apt laundry mat to dry. just last night my 4yr old son apparently stepping into the hot running water while I was tending to the other kids and woke up the next morning w/ 2nd degree burns. I thought it was bc he fell playing outside and at the time didn't know they were burns. Called his pedi she was out so I took him to the ER immediately. When they said not from a fall was from scalding water I told them about the laundry water running while he was supposed to be on potty. Well, my children were removed from my custody today 4ys, 18 months, and 3 months, by CPS and an ongoing investigation. They think I held my son down in above boiling temperature water. Yet...no splash burns, no burns on my hands....and they never even examined me. The home investigation that my husband and I agreed to and even encouraged showed that the water heater controled by apt complex maintence was set about 135 degrees F!!! They still took my babies. Luckily they placed with my mother in law and my husband is allowed to be with them, but i can only see them when supervised by my mother in law during daytime hours....

Tasha - posted on 11/24/2010

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Just an update: my son came home last night... after a long struggle. I was smart enough to speak to my attorney, get all the paper work from child services after their investigation (paper work said false accusations), custody papers and a police escort to pick up my son last night. Still, Jere's father was refusing to release my son back to me. He called his attorney, whom spoke to the officer, and told him he was to release Jere, or he would be held in contempt to the judge. *sigh*... after all that, I got to take my son home. I guess his new girlfriend was babysitting him! (*double sigh*) He was starving when we got home and ate soooo goood, however, he has a terrible cold. I know kids get colds and there's not much you can do about it, but I've never heard him cough like this before! I just put him down for a nap- which was a struggle- as if they didn't give him a nap! I have a lot of catching up to do with my little man. But I am soooo happy he is home, safe and sound.
What I don't understand is if someone accuses you of "abuse &neglect", no matter what, they need to investigate... how many more times will my son's father try to pull this?! Yuck.
I definitely have something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!!!! Although, tomorrow night, he is to return to his fathers for the Holiday/weekend. Just glad things worked out. :o) Happy thanksgiving all!!!

Cristina - posted on 11/24/2010

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Tasha, I'm so sorry that you are going through this tough situation, I honestly think that these people sometimes see things where they are not, and miss the obvious abuser by a mile, I really hope that your situation get resolved soon.

Tasha - posted on 11/22/2010

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Thank you for your feedback Amanda. (although, It may not have been directed towards me- it still felt good to read your thoughts!)
I was just thinking the same thing... I know many unfit parents and know of many that are drinking or doing drugs around them. I feel as if I keep my son in a bubble and worry too much about him.. I never thought these accusations would come for me! I'm still afraid and I pray this all gets resolved soon. I miss him! My grandmother thinks my ex is only doing this and falsly accusing me of something to get full custody and/or to stop child support. Makes me sick. I just want him home! :(

Amanda - posted on 11/22/2010

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I feel so bad for you!! I know exactly how you are feeling! My oldest was with my fiances mother about 2 yrs ago when he was 5. He was having behavior problems at the time but she was fully aware of them. My fiance and I went into town with my 3 youngest(she and we live in a small town 10 min away from a bigger town by the way!) to drop off my 2 youngest with their father! Well we got a call from her on our way back to her house, and she was freaking out saying a sheriff was at her house and that Andrew my son was riding his bike on the highway and they picked him up and took him back to her house. There was a report filed and yes it was unfounded but still it sucks!! If you know that you're not a bad mother and that accidents happen then that's all that matters. You are not unfit if it was truley an accident. People today are taking things like that too far. They are finding DECENT parents as being abusive yet there are really abusive parents out there whose children die before they get saved. The system sucks, so I guess you just gotta follow along. You know the truth and that's it! :)

Tasha - posted on 11/22/2010

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My 16 month old is a clumsy monkey. He's always climbing, standing in the tub, jumping around... On Friday, I dropped him off at this fathers. On Sunday, I got a call from social services saying my son had a bruise on his arm and that he wasn't coming home to me until things were figured out. I had another social service person come in to talk to me today... but he couldn't tell me much... just that I probably won't be seeing my son for a while!!!! My son (Jeremiah) is constantly falling down or hurting himself in some way.. so when I noticed this bruise, I didn't think anything of it. I'm scared. I miss my baby terribly... I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. My home is a safe environment, it's clean and child proof... my ex's is dirty, full of tabacco smoke and has a huge wood stove in the middle of the living room! I'm a mess... and I just want to see my baby.

Sabrina - posted on 02/10/2010

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They may no thave been asking thinking that there was a problem with you. When my youngest was just crawling, he kept running into things and getting banged up pretty good. I called the dr. a few times over these bumps, and I felt the same way, especially with some of their comments. Then the dr. asked me to make an appt, and I really got scared. It turned out that all the bumps and running into things caused the dr. to suspect an that my son had an eye problem, not abuse. So the your dr. might be just keeping track of things to see if there's a medical issue. Falling can be a sign of a few different things.

Also, at that visit where we discussed my son's eyes, I told my dr. that I was worried about him thinking it was abuse, and he said that as much implication comes from the parent's behavior as the child's injury.

So sometimes crap happens, just be forth coming, and if something does get investigated, just work with them, and they will see what kind of mother you really are.

Nichole - posted on 02/05/2010

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i think you over-reacted... you dont need to call the dr's everytime your kid gets hurt lol. if it doesnt stop bleeding, then take him to the ER. they'll stitch it up problem solved. if it does, then that's great.

Rachelle - posted on 02/05/2010

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i've never been reported or questioned but my son has one to the emergency room twice. once for a very large goose egg on his forehead and he had a broken foot a diferent time. (he fell down the stairs when my parents were watching him) he had a bruse on his forehead his entire 2nd year of life. it seemed like he was getting a new one every time the first one was gone. and his legs are always brused. he's jsut a boy he will never outgrow it. =)

Kristen - posted on 02/04/2010

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my son gives himself bruises every day. And i mean big ones. I try so hard all day to keep it from happening too. Some kids are just accident prone. You can't blame yourself.

Jennifer - posted on 02/04/2010

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No! I was scared to call my ped last night after my hubbie accidentally dropped my 7 month old daughter head-first onto her twin brother's HEAD! I was terrified that they would think I was abusing them.

Theresa - posted on 02/03/2010

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The doc will ask lots of questions about different injuries. That is paet of how they determine if it's accidental or not. Just be as honest as you can about the answers if you try to "make it sound better" you may end up having parts or your story change over time which looks more suspicious. I do foster care and am a mandati\ory reporter. When I was picking up kids at a house one time I saw the roommates one year old had a huge burn on the bottom of her foot. The mom said she stepped on a curling iron. I reported her, at the very least mom should be resposible enough not to have a hot curling iron laying where a one year old walks. I know social services investigated it, but the child was not pulled from the home for it. Docs knwo what to look for when it comes to injuries. They see what's normal and what's suspicious. I wouldn't worry.

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2010

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The problem with doctors is that they are a reporting agency ( I was concidered one when I was certified to do child care in my home) What that means is that if there is any sign that there could be any type of abuse going on, even if the doctor doesn't really think it could be, they have to report it. If they don't report it, then they could face prison time and fines. We all don't want children to be abused and suffer, and we all want to make sure children are safe, but what one person interprets as abuse, another may not. Doctors can't take the chance that someone else may think a situation is abuse, so they pretty much just report everything.

[deleted account]

My son is 3 and is often covered with bumps and bruises because he falls or run in to things. Recently he had a bruise on his forehead because he wasn't paying attention and ran in to the corner of the wall! If you are uncomfortable with the nurse's attitude then I would find a new doctor. It's probably a part of their job to keep track of patient injuries in case they ever feel the need to report it. Accidents happen though and unfortunately we can't prevent them all.
I hope that your friend's children were returned after they discovered their was no abuse in the house.

Brittany - posted on 02/03/2010

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me and my husband just had this conversation last night!!! my son will be 2 in march, and is COVERED in bruises! we definitely dont abuse our kids, but both of my boys are 110% boy! just yesterday....my son tripped over his dads shoes and fell into the wall hitting his head, somehow hit his ear when he fell in his room over toys and bruised it, and fell out of his chair while eating lunch. lol. that was just one day. he has no fears and is constantly climbing and falling. he has never had to be taken to the dr for any of it, but he definitely has his share of bruises! i do worry about it sometimes, but at the same time, i know both of my boys have everything they need, they have a house and food and clothes and toys and lots of love! as long as you know you are not doing anything wrong then dont worry about it, kids are kids and they will get hurt!

Marie - posted on 02/03/2010

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There are a couple of things in these postings I agree with, if you get turned in over and over they will investigate. And I think that saying you should be confident is a good one. But, I do belive you have a right to be concered. When my daughter was a few weeks old someone turned me in because she was chaffed under her neck from drooling. Of course I had put cream on it and been taking care of it. They told me to take her to the dr. The dr told me I was doing the best thing for it and had it under control. Next thing I know Dhs is at my house again because the dr called them saying my daughter was under weight. My daughter was 5 weeks early she was 4lb 10oz at birth. They said because I had been reported twice they had to investigate. For 2 months we had someone at our house making sure we knew how to be parents. By the way we took her to her regular pediatrician and she was at the right weight for her premie age. I tell you this because it is scary and there are people who will turn you in for anything. It scares me every time my kids get hurt. Mine like to do stunts on their bikes and climb trees, but you cant stop them from being kids or youll do more harm then good. Let them run, play in the mud, and hunt bugs..yuck. And if you get turned in then be honest and hope for the best. Im not going to tell you to trust social workers though because I have seen alot of awsome people loose their kids and unfit parents keep theirs.

Jess - posted on 02/03/2010

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I have the same problem as you . If you have a really really good doctor take him there. try not to take him to the hospital coz they think they no everything . I have a really good doctor so I always take mine there i had it hapen before I took my 1st 1 ther to doc and he helped me get rid of those fucking ass ho . . . i wouldnt worry bout it 2 much but if it gets 2 bad next timethats wen ull take action but dont let those nasty people get to u i know how u feel . I am a young mother of almost 4 month old twins and a neally 3 yr old boy

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hi, i no how u feel, my daughter is 22months and has neva eva had a accident, considering how crazy she is she should of had loads!! until a few weeks ago she fell and her top tooth went through her bottom lip and it split all the way open! the amount of blood that was pouring out i was so scared and called a ambulance she went hosp and had 2 have 6stiches in her tiny lip :(
but i felt like the hosp thought it was me that had done it, i was really upset and cross, but i no it wasnt me and the hosp was just doin thier job, asking questions and stuff. they'd get in so much trouble if they sent a child home that was actually being abused.

so try not 2 worry im sure ur a great mum!!

Samantha - posted on 02/02/2010

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But you know what.. All you can do is know that you're not doing anything to harm you're child.. there kids.. they fall, they get bruises, cuts, and scrapes.. its a part of their learning curve... In the end you know you're a good mother.. you know that you're kids are loved unconditonally, that they have a roof over thier head, food in there tummys.. and that you're doing the best you can do.

Samantha - posted on 02/02/2010

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They might.. Me son was 14 months at the time.. and when he fell.. he fell and hit his head... on my mothers pavment stairs outside... gashed his head open.. when i took him to the hospital.. the hospital had to contact Child and Family Services at the time cause I was under age at the time.. and they were very suspicious.. the doctors told that CFS said that.. it better not happen again or CFS would take "CONTROL" of the situation.

[deleted account]

I understand your fear. It seems like every time my husband is deployed, my daughter manages to have some type of accident very similar to what your son had. (She was born at the end of his first deployment, so there was none of that then.)

Toward the end of his second deployment, when she was 2, she tripped over the cat, and face-planted on this one toy, a plastic shape sorter, and busted her eyebrow open. I took her to the ER, and got her stitches (actually the glue stuff), and everything was fine until he deployed again.

During his third deployment, she fell off the couch (and she was sitting! How on earth the kid fell, I have no idea. I was sitting right beside her, reading.) and face planted on the coffee table. That time, she got a cut in her forehead. Same story, trip to the ER, Dermabond, and everything was fine until we were about 14 months into that same deployment (so almost to the end!) and we had to go pick up a friend at a hospital 3 counties away because she had totaled her car and broken her arm in the wreck, and while we were waiting in the ER waiting room, my daughter (by then, 4 years old) was playing with another little girl she met there, and slipped and fell onto one of the benches, and busted her chin!!! So we had to go sign in at the desk (luckily we were already in the ER!) and they took us back, did the Dermabond, and everything was fine.

She's now 6 years old, and hasn't had another incident since then. I'm hoping my husband never gets deployed again, because with her being bigger now, the accidents and injuries can only get worse... OK, bad joke. Military wives will get it. Deployment juju, everything that can go wrong, will.

Anyhow, I also feared that people would think I was neglecting her, or was a bad mom, but nobody ever thought that. Her teachers at pre-k (on post) totally understood, and shared their own stories of their accident-prone children. The other parents were totally understanding, too. Her pediatrician didn't think anything of it. By his account, he's seen worse, and regularly at that!

So just try not to worry. They're kids. It happens. It's natural to worry what people will think because you really didn't do anything wrong, but an accident happened anyway, but that's why they're called accidents. Nobody means for this kind of thing to happen. Just keep doing your best, and hopefully you never go through anything like this again, at least for a very long while!! :)

Nina - posted on 02/02/2010

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Jodi is correct. It is a lawful binding part of the oath that doctors and nurses, all healthcare providers, every teacher or school official, even the bus drivers, must take to practice their chosen field. It was passed into law in 2000 I believe that if any social servant saw signs that they determined to be caused by abuse to children or the elderly, that they were mandated that they MUST report the situation to the propper authorities. They aren't trying to be malicious... they are just doing their jobs dear... the responses your son has to them and other adults, you and your presence will determine a LOT with the case if DFS is called. :D

Nina - posted on 02/02/2010

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I can tell you honestly, Cristina, if DFS is called and they threaten to take away your children, work with them. My sister was horrible to her first borne daughter, let people do unspeakable things to her. When DFS came and took the girl, they gave her options. She could keep her child, visit her often in a foster home until she was done going through the hoops the courts wanted her to jump... or she could give up her child and have it marked on her record. Thankfully, she chose to give up the child, and the child is happy and healthy. I feared for a while after loosing my son that every bump, every bruise, every raised voice or swat on the butt would give them reason to take my girls... I am starting to open myself to the thought that they aren't out to take my kids. I have a social worker now, because I didn't have a working furnace and someone called. My social worker is looking to help me get into a better situation with my daughters, help us out with getting our rent paid, the bills paid and so on... make sure we have clean clothes and all the important stuff that we just cannot afford because my husband's job isn't sending home any money... and I can't get a job until I have a secure sitter for the girls. No daddy at home means mommy has a hard time obtaining work. ... Anyway... IF they do send out DFS, they will make an appointment for the first time... make sure the house is clean, that there is plenty of food, working bathrooms and that there aren't any major repairs that need to be done for safety/health reasons... if they see you are trying and they come up with no witnesses against you, you will NOT loose your child. If you work with them, don't hide... don't refuse to return calls... don't duck the button every time they are about... stand up proud and look them straight in the eye... they WILL HELP instead of breaking up a family. They look for things that give them direct clues, like ducking their calls, people giving them the run around on your residence, untidy and dirty homes, major health concerns that are being unattended.... these are the things that they will remove the children from the home for... otherwise, if the police officers and the social worker that respond to the call, which the nurse may make one... be prepared, don't blame her as if she feels the child is in danger it is her required duty by law to do so.... if they see that the child is well, and safe, and that they have no obvious signs of abuse or neglect, they will usually nod, have you sign a form and check in spontaneously over a 30 day period and talk to your close friends and relatives, neighbors...etc. If they find nothing in that 30 days, they will close the case, no charges and you are free to go on about your business and life as usual...

However... if they get repeat calls, if they see signs that the child is undoubtably in danger, they will remove a child. A judge will look over the case, and decide if the parents are fit to try a program. If the parents are fit, they can earn their children back by jumping through the program hoops and proving to the courts that they can be good parents. It is not usually a problem with having the children taken unless multiple investigations have progressed, ending on either side of the court...

Emilie - posted on 02/02/2010

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Some kids are accendent prone. I am sure the doctors can tell if it is abuse or not (if they are a good doctor), My ex husbands son used to get hurt all the time. He had to have stitches 3 or 4 times by the time he was 4 years old, he also had to go to the hospital one time for eating rat poison. I don't think that a child should be taken away for getting hurt, I mean unless they are covered in bruises and it is obvious child abuse.

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