need advice

[deleted account] ( 171 moms have responded )

this is kind of a personal question but my husband watches porn alot even tho we have sex a couple times a week and it bugs me do your hubbys do it to should i just let it go? we heve a perfect marriage otherwise

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Jenny_D - posted on 05/12/2012

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HOPE!!! 2-3 times a day is NORMAL? I am sorry, but that is just absolutely crazy!! When you are married to someone, there is supposed to be a committment to that person, including in the very private, intimate, special area called: SEX. Yes you are 2 different people with different needs but when it comes to that particular need, you should be able to go to eachother to meet it...not porn, strip clubs, etc. A wife SHOULD be jealous if their HUSBAND is meeting those needs in other ways. That is part of the marriag covenant! I really hope you reconsider your thoughts and feelings on this subject. I feel like you are just settling with these feelings to keep the peace in your marriage, but when people do this, it doesn't seem like a marriage covenat between 2 people who love, respect and want to help eachother. I know this seems really bold to tell someone and I am sure you won't like it, but I am saying it in a very compassionate way, not mean...You are his wife, not some desperate, sleezy porn star, or stripper!!!!!!

Bobmusicgirl4 - posted on 05/12/2012

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When we are talking about "a lot" like more than 10 times a day? If so, I'd say he has an addiction. If it's maybe 2-3 times/day, I would call that a normal guy. You have to understand something, men think about sex about 10 times more than a woman does on a daily basis. They have to- supress that urge I suppose. I don't find my husband looking at porn as a "threat to my marriage" because I sometimes do so myself....lol
I have been told by other couples that my husband and I are VERY lenient on eachother, but I don't really see it as that, I see it as we are two different people and have different needs. I don't get mad if he goes to a strip club, I don't get mad if he looks at naked women because I know he loves me....he tells me every day. I think it's criminal for a woman to sit there and make her man stop watching porn.....it just shows you're jealousy in my honest opinion, which is very unattractive period and will just end up pushing him away. Those are my thoughts on the subject.

Brittni - posted on 05/11/2012

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My husband does, doesn't bother me. Though i can see how it would. If my husband read this he would think your hubby is the luckiest guy ever just because after i gave birth i have not had a sexual desire. He doesn't get it a lot lol so i guess that can also be why porn doesn't bother me much.

Jenny_D - posted on 05/11/2012

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Stacey, don't be afraid to use the word addiction in regard to porn...it is true.

Stacey - posted on 05/11/2012

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hubs used to watch porn, but I don't think he ever watched it alone, it was always together as a form of foreplay. Now we don't have a tv in our room and we have two young kids, so porn as foreplay just doesn't happen anymore maybe oneday! I think as long as he's not replacing sex with you for porn, it's not an issue. Porn can be come an obsession though(I don't like to use the term addiction) Facebook, TV, Exercise can all become obsessions, good or not, just like porn. If you feel like it's getting to be an obsession, have a talk with him to try and understand why he likes to watch it and if there's anything you can do to spice things up a bit, if he feels something's lacking :)

Laura - posted on 05/09/2012

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he is very immature,insecure, and dis-respectful to you....he doesn't know his higher-self teach him to meditate on the real reality within....feel free to contact me ...read my profile if you wish.....peace to you my sister....

Jenny_D - posted on 05/08/2012

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Eva, very sorry to hear that. I have been on here saying many times that I can't believe how many women think that it is totally ok and normal for men to do this. Your story is exactly why it is NOT ok. We have to teach people how to treat us and if the majority of the women in this world think that porn is ok and normal, then men are going to keep doing it. It is VERY addictive and can destroy relationships. Thanks for sharing your story!!!

Eva - posted on 05/07/2012

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You need to talk to your husband and let him know why it bothers you that he is watching porn.I didn't say anything to my husband at first until I noticed that I was holding a lot of anger and resentment towards him for doing it.
By the time I finally spoke to him we where having sex about once a month. He would sooner be online with his sex sites and he had also joined a chat room and would spend hours talking to other women. If I walked in the room he would reduce what he was doing so I couldn't see it. He started having these women send him emails at work, so I wouldn't know how much he was talking to them. He would get so involved with them that he would end up leaving for work late because he didn't want to have to them he had to go.
I found out the women where sending him emails at work because the one night we had been emailing back and forth and flirting because it was a slow night and he sent me an emial saying things were picking up and he wouldn't be able to send anymore emails. I said ok and let it go. The next morning when I opened the joint email account here was an email from one of the women thanking him for sending her emails all night long. He made her feel so much better about herself with all his compliments. I flipped and yelled at him when he got up. We were flirting and he stopped flirting with me to send emails to another women and to pay her compliments, I was fumming. He says he doesn't email them anymore, but I don't trust him, he lied to me about why he wasn't sending me emails so why should I believe him.
He's even started going to live chat sex sites now. Where he goes in and tells women to do things for him. I have no interest in him anymore at all. We haven't had sex in over six months.
He had started going to sex sites just before he would come to me wanting sex. I didn't know what he was doing till the one day he had gotten himself so horny he forgot to delete what he had been doing. I felt so cheap to know go online and find that he had been looking at porn before he had sex with me. He doesn't even look at me anymore. All he wants is what they offer him.
For those that are saying it doesn't matter, it's not harmful, yes it is, and it does matter, when your husband would sooner look at some young girl that doesn't have stretch marks, and isn't as old as you, yes it does matter. It hurts.
So don't let it go till you can't stop it, because he's to addicted. All that happens is that you end up resenting him, and yes even hating him.

Ty - posted on 05/07/2012

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NO PORN AT THE FISHER HOUSE! No maam. Found out he had it. Told him to stop it. He listened. We have sex too often for him to be spankin the monkey. To me if he's watching porn that means somethin is lacking in our marriage & if that's the case he knows where the door is. Porn is what you do when youre a teenager not a grown adult man. I also found that since he wanted to look at porn obviously he wanted a little more spice out of me so I play dress up from time to time in the bedroom. I love it. :) So I would suggest that if anything! :)

Patricia - posted on 05/03/2012

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couldn't have said it better myself rachel r why are men so self obseded with porn and lokking droolingly at other women and treat you and your kids like they don't exsist being overly polite and helpful but they coudn't be bothered with you or the kids

Melissa - posted on 05/02/2012

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IT WOULD BUG ME TOO!! It has bugged me. My husband used to have a problem with it and when he told me, it felt like my heart was ripped out. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough or pretty enough for him so he had to find his fix in some other woman. I cried and cried and finally I told him how it hurt me and just balled my eyes out, and he held me and cried too. I believe that watching pornography is not ok. It is an addiction. It is some sexual fantasy that is not reality, and I believe it can cause frustration if reality doesn't meet the pornographic fantasy. If it bugs you tell him and if he loves and respects you he will respect that it hurts you.

Rachel - posted on 05/02/2012

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I'm just musing aloud now, but I suppose the best case for porn is a Sociological one. It's ancient in origin, its vastly popular, and it feels very very good. Some branches of psychology applaud it for its instant results. Yet, when the whole picture is studied and taken into account, it reveals itself as dysfunctional and self-destructive. Fascinating. Adina's story is far from uncommon. The fact that she has reached the point of talking to HER doctor about HER sex drive? Because she doesn't crave the empty self-pleasing that is porn induced intercourse? My heart goes out to her because I've been there myself.

Yet, I can also see where its all very convincing. We humans have a history of abusing our biological protective devices. Our brain copes with death by releasing endorphins? Let's poison it with alcohol. Nature makes the rarest foods the sweetest, to ensure we balance our diet with variety? We mass produce it and flood it into everything we eat. We need a strong incentive to procreate? We abuse the response by mating virtually. It's just so like us.

Patricia - posted on 05/02/2012

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real intamacy espicially with some one you love is the best thing it is so intimate

Patricia - posted on 05/02/2012

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it ruined mine to Trina and i know and feel i will never be the person i used to be ever again

Rachel - posted on 05/02/2012

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"Nothing beats an actual physical encounter with someone..." Not exactly. It's not about real humans vs a screen. It's about real intimacy being incompatible with the company of (real or virtual) strangers. The first time with a partner is SUPPOSE to be thrilling. But its only designed to last until real intimacy is established.

Christina - posted on 05/02/2012

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My husband recently developed a foot fetish too. It REALLY bothers me though. He takes pictures of women's feet with his phone. I find this creepy!

Trina - posted on 05/02/2012

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I wanted to say thank you for all the insight everyone is giving it really helps you cant stop your man for watching porn or engaging in other activities unless he want s to stop even following this problem is still shedding light on my situation. I wanted to say thank you to all of you who are understanding and helpful. This is not just a problem it ruins a woman's self worth completely or it did in my own casethanks again. I am still in the recovery process of trying to salvage my relationship

Jenny_D - posted on 05/02/2012

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Rachel, although I found what you said a little hard to understand (lol!) I think I know exactly what you are saying! If so, then I agree! To dumb it down a little for myself and others who might appreciate it, (tell me if I am right or wrong)...basically, nothing beats an actual physical encounter with someone (your partner) and it is even proven chemically. The more men watch pornography and engage in other sexual schemes, they more they become addicted/rely on it. Eventually, it gets harder and harder to fulfill their needs and they resort to other more dangerous or extreme measures to do so.

If they just mate with their *partner, over the course of time it because more and more enjoyable, and might I add, forms a special bond and reliance on eachother for that need to be met....is that right Rachel?

Amber - posted on 05/02/2012

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To be honest with you, my husband watches it sometimes and it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. When we first started dating and I found out it made me sick to my stomach and we had an argument about it. He kept watching it and then lied to me and tried to hide it from me. He doesn't watch the hard core stuff but there were things I refused to do in the bedroom and that's what he was watching. When we first started dating I was for lack of a better word a prude. I was also very insecure about our relationship and about me as person. I explained all of this to my husband in a very tearful conversation.
Fast forward 8 years and I am happy with who I am, with my husband and our children. We talked about the things that he liked and after some thinking and talking to my guy friends I decided to give it a shot (BJ) I told my husband that I would do it one time and he agreed if I didn't like it I never had to do it again and it would never be brought up again. Turns out I needed to let go and give new things a try.
You should sit down with your husband and have an open CONVERSATION (not argument or finger pointing) with him about why it bothers you and what it is he likes about it. You may find that there is something he wants to try with you that he's afraid to talk to you about. I also point out that real women don't make those noises, those positions are not gratifying and it's all fake. ;)
Talk to him. But if you can't come to happy medium you can always give him an ultimatum but dont be surprised if that pisses him off and he starts trying to hide it from you.
Good luck, I wish you all the best.

Rachel - posted on 05/02/2012

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This may bear repeating too. Adrenaline based sex is diminutive by nature, while oxytocin based sex is accumulative. So, while sex with pornography is thrilling, its less thrilling each time, causing you to have to get very creative about re-introducing an element of danger. Eventually, our looks, familiar mannerisms, and the smell of our phrermones become distractions from the experience. Stories like our friend Adina here are all too common. So, at best its a very exciting exercise in co-personal gratification, and at worse, sex is rendered impossible because of familiarity. Then you better hope masturbation and porn is enough.

Conversely, oxytocin based sex gets a little better every time. The intimacy grows with each @hard experience. Your familiarity/ phrermones act as a trigger to pleasure sensors activated in the past. It becomes as natural as breathing or eating, so you are always "in the mood". The epidemic of women not in the mood (not including pregnancy, Adina-that's from an over depletion of progesterone.) is due largely from cortisol. We are over-stressed. Adrenaline based sex floods us with more cortisol. Oxytocin based sex relieves stress for women (both kinds of sex can release dopamine in a man though. They are more hardwired to thrive on danger. Which is why they are more prone to sexual addictions.) Anyway, I'm probably rambling, I just want everyone who reads this to understand the physiological costs of permitting porn in their marriage. That thrill comes at the price of real intimacy. Know what you are getting into, and what you are giving up.

Side note- there is no doubt in my mind that if Scarlett O'Hara were real, she would have. the hubris to preach sending your husband to a hooker on a regular basis. She thought she had it all figured out. Right up until she heard those marriage ending words "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn".

Ashley - posted on 05/01/2012

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Have you talked to him about it? My husband does this too, and we have great sex too. U might even think about trying to imitate the porn, that's one thing my husband and I do. I lets him watch his porn and helps me know when. Just an idea.

Jenny_D - posted on 05/01/2012

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Adina, I am soooo sorry that you are going through that! One thing that I have learned about men is that if they are not interested in sex with their partner, it is because they are being taken care of in a different way...in this case, with porn and possibly talking to the other girls. If they are not getting it from the one person they should be able to get it from, and the don't have a real strong moral conviction about it, they WILL look elsewhere. I totally understand about not havign a sex drive during pregnancy! I barely have one when not pregnant, let alone the 2 times I was pregnant. I also had morning sickness the FULL 9 months, both pregnancies, and developed preeclampsia both times also. That didn't help. I think the best thing you can do honestly, is just talk to him and tell him that you are really worried about him sharing that special bond with other women...tell him that you don't feel special enough if he goes elsewhere to meet his needs. Maybe you could express to him that you understand that sexual intimacy is very important to him (as it is to most men) then ask him to just be patient with you! Tell him you feel disrespected and like it is hard to trust him. And I honestly meant more than anythig to pray about it every day!! I wish you the best and am so sorry for our miscommunication earlier :)

Adina - posted on 05/01/2012

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Jenny, I am sorry I did act the way I did. I am new on here, and just simply came on here because my friends hasn't been threw this before and I can't talk to my mom we don't have a close enough relationship for discussions like this. I just got upset because I felt like you was judging me because I honestly do want to marry him and he says we don't have money to get married, or says other things not to even ask me, yet we have two kids together, have lived with each other for 7 years. And it hurts, i don't know why he won't marry me....my mom has said bad things about it...but my mother is a whole differant stress in my life. About the porn watching, he only does it on his phone, I know this because we only have one computer and it's mine and I know everything about it to were I can look to see if he's used it. He says he just likes watching it, then he lies and says he doesn't do it all the time. Yet he does, when I did know how to get onto his phone (he changes the lock code on it) it was girls masterbating, and like iv said before it's like home movies...and you can contact these girls thats what scares me. And it scares me even more that he locks his phone with differant passwords all the time so I never can get onto his phone to go threw it. I havent asked him about why he keeps changing his code...I don't think ill get anywhere but him getting mad. We have been threw ALOT in our 7 years, and our relationship is good other then the lack of sex, and his porn watching. He tells me you can watch it...he doesn't care if I watch it....I have tried watching it just to see where he is coming from, ya some of the stuff turns me on and I take care of myself since I cant get it from him....and when I do I don't feel like it use to be. We use to put our oldest to bed, he would light candles, make everything romantic and we would four play for a long time then have wonderful sex. Now its just like when your just "f****ing" I think some of it has to do with me too, I am 8 months pregant, its hard to shave. So I don't get any four play, and my sex drive has been off since our oldest....I mean I do have some, but I need to be really turned on from him, and he doesn't do it anymore....I think we can get over this thing we are in, which actually he doesn't think we are in anything since I really haven't came out and told him everything since he is never home he works ALOT. Which he knows I don't like the porn watching, and since he knows iv looked at it alone, I think he thinks im fine with it....I am more worried that he is talking to these females....I don't know what to do, I am going to ask my OB/GYN about my sex drive tho....

Stella - posted on 05/01/2012

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You should really read the post called "husbands" in this group, there is a lively discussion taking place about this very subject and you could take a lot from it.

Rachel - posted on 05/01/2012

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I've read the entire thread now, and have one question to add. Those of you who make a pro porn case that it doesn't hurt us, and keeps us from having to keep up sexually, couldnt the same case be made for prostitution? It certainly has been made for prostitution. I remember Scarlett O'Hara being cool with Rhett's professional mistress, because she was done having kids. Was she right? Are we only anti-prostitute because now we have birth control? Because that seems flimsy. Or is there something fundamentally hurtful about your husband actually engaging in intercourse with someone else? But not hurtful when done virtually? Again, that seems flimsy. It seems to me that any pro porn argument could also be a pro prostitute argument, and that basically, the only pain comes from being lied to.


Here's the funny part about that though. You can't beat porn at its own game. Once you give your husband permission, the adrenaline from lying and hiding is gone. Therefore, the behavoir needs to escalate to remain satisfying. I once watched a man in an open marriage confess to all sorts of secret sexual rendezvous, that he hid from his very permissive wife.


The good news is, that not every one is an addict. Many guys just outgrow it. Many can quit easily at a wifes request. You need to find out if he can and will.

Rachel - posted on 05/01/2012

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Ive posted on other threads, but this bears repeating. The human brain is designed to find pleasure in an initial sexual experience from Adrenaline. As your relationship grows, the "new" wears off, and you grow closer, the joy of sex naturally segues into an Oxytocin base. Historically, anecdotically, and scientifically (from mapping brain activity) it is universally accepted on an academic level that oxytocin based sex is vastly superior. But they can't co-exist. Adrenaline releases cortisol, and cortisol inhibits Oxytocin. Without the oxytocin, the body's coping skills diminish, thereby creating a vicious cycle, craving more Adrenaline. Put bluntly, the porn ( an adrenaline based sexual experience) is sabotaging your sex life at a biological level. And not just there. Having sexual experiences (be they real or virtual) with other women changes his brain. He may claim it doesn't affect the way he feels about you, but the science says otherwise. Becausr every time it happens, he actually becomes physically less capable of feelings of love for you. Which is why it becomes so easy for guys to lie about their porn. Do I need to go into detail about what happens if YOU watch porn with him? The psychological fallout is vast, not to mention physical fallout, most significantly, but not limited to, decreased ability to climax.
Bad news is, you can't change him unless he wants to change. And being "cool" with it doesn't stop the damage. But fighting about it is just plain awful. My husband had to go to hello and back to beat it, and I don't wish that on anyone. But it can be beat, and even though I thought we had a great marriage before, its AMAZING now. If your husband wants a great sex life, then physiologically speaking, he needs to remove the strangers from his sex life.

[deleted account]

I completely understand! Mine does too and it makes me uncomfortable. I think it is different with each man. If he is a guy that lacks the self control to keep it from sliding into bad behavior, then you have a serious problem on your hands. If it is something that is just an enjoyable pastime, then it is up to you and your comfort level. We went through that some years ago. I know in my heart that he was sliding into a very destructive world and I was brave enough to work on the problem with him. After lots of soul searching and communication on both our parts, he completely stopped. I think he eventually saw the same dangers I was seeing. Not long ago he became interested again and for some reason, this time it doesn't seem dangerous to me. It is something he enjoys some but doesn't get consumed by it. For me that is the difference. I would rather never have to deal with porn but I also understand he enjoys it and if it isn't damaging our relationship, I can just put is alongside a few other things I don't enjoy. No big deal. Hope this helps :)

[deleted account]

I completely understand! Mine does too and it makes me uncomfortable. I think it is different with each man. If he is a guy that lacks the self control to keep it from sliding into bad behavior, then you have a serious problem on your hands. If it is something that is just an enjoyable pastime, then it is up to you and your comfort level. We went through that some years ago. I know in my heart that he was sliding into a very destructive world and I was brave enough to work on the problem with him. After lots of soul searching and communication on both our parts, he completely stopped. I think he eventually saw the same dangers I was seeing. Not long ago he became interested again and for some reason, this time it doesn't seem dangerous to me. It is something he enjoys some but doesn't get consumed by it. For me that is the difference. I would rather never have to deal with porn but I also understand he enjoys it and if it isn't damaging our relationship, I can just put is alongside a few other things I don't enjoy. No big deal. Hope this helps :)

Jenny_D - posted on 04/30/2012

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Adina, I was not trying to be rude, judgemental or hateful AT ALL. If you read anything I posted earlier, you would understand that I was just simply pre-warning you of my point of view and you could decide if you wanted to hear it or not. I DID give you advice - to seek Christian counseling and pray about it. ***I was simply trying to respect the fact that you might not be interested in that particular advice. I have read it back and like I said ealier, I do think that I could have worded it differently, but I didn't mean it like that, and I explained that. The reason I was frustrated with Jessica is because she told me what I said was wrong and tried to justify it by saying that she "see's things in a different way." I am sorry but if we all saw things the same way, what would be the point of asking for advice? You would already know the answers and know what everyone else was thinking.



Like I also said before, you shouldn't be surprise that a Christian is *for* marriage when starting a family, so I don't know why you are so caught off guard about that, but I simply explained my reasoning for WHY men might have an easier time cheating when they are not actually married. If you though that was me being judgemental, I am sorry, but it really wasn't. I just wasn't sure if my advice even applied to you or if you wouldn't be interested. I am going to stand up for my self because I feel like something that was intended to be nice and compassionate, was torn apart and judged harshly. Please lets just drop it :)



(To clear it up once and for all, the reason I said ANYTHING about being a Christian in the first place, is because I saw it play out in my head like this...I would mention something about praying or christian counseling and you would reply back that you are an atheist or something like that - because I don't know you or anything about you, so I just thought I would make it clear that I didn't want to ASSUME that you were a Christian...that is all!!!)

Adina - posted on 04/30/2012

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And I honestly dont think this website was made for other mothers to judge and be hateful to the other mothers on here....it is here to help others, and i am not being a cry baby about it I just think you are rude and had no right to pick out my post from all the others on here and comment on mine just because i said i wasnt married and it was about my boyfriend of 7 years!!! But from now on just not comment on anything I say...Thanks

Adina - posted on 04/30/2012

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Jenny, you honestly didn't give me any advice. You just simply jugded me because I wasnt married, and you basically said my h ome wasnt stable. If you felt you didnt have much advice to give them why did you even write anything? And by me reading your post isnt taking any advice from you. I had no idea what you was going to put no matter if you yelled out you were Christian....

Leslie - posted on 04/30/2012

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Thats a good question, my husband watches it too but he does it behind my back lol. It bothers me a little but i dnt say anything, i always thought it was a man thing. It does make me feel bad if i think about, because i dnt look like them girls lol, im thin but not perfect ,especially after my first baby haha. By looking at every ones advice to you, its helps too, i should talk to him about it. Hope your talk with your husband went good :)

Jenny_D - posted on 04/29/2012

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Thanks for your kind reply Jessica. I know that you might see things in a different way, but don't you see that that is my whole point?...what would be the point of this if we all thought exactly the same? I admit that I migh have not put a lot of thought into my wording and will take time to do that in the future, but I just ask that people not try to moderate who says things perfectly right or wrong (in their opinion). I have seen a lot of crazy things on this site that I simply had to just ignore and say..."wow, I don't know what to say to that"...lol!

Jessica - posted on 04/29/2012

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I understand your point of view but please word your post carefully alot of people might find it hurtful, I am christian myself but see things in a different way Op

Jenny_D - posted on 04/29/2012

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Do I not have a right just as much as anyone else to state my belief on this subject?



By mentioning to Adina that I am a Christian in the first message, I was simply implying that I was going to share my point of view, a Christian point of view, toward her question. In other words, it simply was a warning that, if she was interested in this type of point of view, this is what it was, but if not, that’s ok too. That is what I meant when I said that if she was not a Christian, I didn’t have any other advice to give *instead of just assuming that she would automatically appreciate my opinion. I think from now on, when people ask a question, they need to just automatically state if they are or are not interested in a Christians point of view. It will save everyone time and effort.



Don’t be surprised if you meet Christians in life that have spunky, passionate personalities. We don’t all just sit around all serious and somber. My point being that you shouldn’t be surprised if we mention our opinion and point of view passionately and without apology. People seem to get offended way too easily today; maybe we need to toughen up a little and get real.



***I mean this lovingly and with the purpose of cautioning people on this site to understand that the WHOLE POINT of this site is for people to share their opinions/beliefs/point of views…so get used to the fact that not everything you read here is going to “tickle your ears” and appease you 100%. Over-look the things that you don’t agree with - and you can even mention that you don’t agree, but don’t tell someone else that they are “wrong.” I don’t think that what I said was wrong, or I wouldn’t have said it 

Jenny_D - posted on 04/29/2012

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What I meant about the whole being a Christian thing is that I litteraly have no other advice to give other than what I personally believe. You are now being defensive about how stable your home is and how your boyfriend is a great husband, just because I said that. I am not judging anyone but as a Christian, yes, I do feel like marriage is important. I don't think anyone should be surprised about that. I am not judging anyone; I simply can only offer what I belive to be true. Nobody has to listen or agree, or waiste their time responding.

Jessica, I am sorry, but some people just see the word Christian and immediatley go into defense mode. I am sorry that you thought I was "emotionally hurting" her, but that is just crazy. She didn't have to listen to my advice if she didn't think that applied to her. All I had to say was "christian" and it was going to be disected. I feel I can't even leave advice on this goofy site anymore because it gets critisized. I am trying to show advice from a different point of view. People only want to hear what they want to hear, so let me try again:

Adina- I am so sorry that your boyfriend might be cheating on you. Who are we (general we) to tell you what is right or wrong, or what to do? What IS right or wrong in this world anymore? Everyone is very sensitive to other peoples advice and don't really want to hear it so all I can say is I am sorry and hope for the best!

Jessica - posted on 04/29/2012

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Honesty that's the wrong thing to say jenny and I think this conversation needs to be stopped before you emotionly hurt someone esle

Adina - posted on 04/29/2012

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Jenny, I am a Christian I do want to be married. I wish I was married before I had childern but things didn't work out that way. So you say your a Christian, it sounds like you are judging me because I am not married yet have childern. And you don't know if my home is stable, my home is stabler then most. He is a great father, and we don't fight nor say anything in front of our daughter. Actually we don't fight at all. And just because he isn't married to me doesn't mean he doesn't love me or care for me. I honestly don't feel he is cheating, I just think he has a problem with porn. I do pray, and we do go to church...So I feel that your post was very hurtful excpectually coming from a Christian....

Jenny_D - posted on 04/28/2012

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Adina, I really feel for you. First I have to say as a Christian, I wish to hear that you were married, but you are not so as far as that goes, sometimes I think that can lead men to do this without feeling AS guilty because you don't have a marriage contract. If you feel like he is cheating, there is probably a good chance he is. Whatever the issue, he is clearly going through something that he is trying to hide. Once again as a Christian, the thing I personally would do is pray about it and seek christian counseling. If you are not a christian, I am afraid I don't have actual advice, but I can say that it is not right what is happening and I hope that things change for the better. Your children need a stable family :) Best of luck!

Adina - posted on 04/27/2012

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Yeah I dont know if he is cheating. But its just funny that now that he can lock his phone, he does and when I find out the code he changes it...its like really? Make it obvise your hiding something from me....I know my sex drive hasnt been what it should and excpecually when I am only 24, but I have to take care of a two yr old, I am 8 months pregant, and our schedual is differant. Plus he doesnt romance me, doesnt tell me im pretty or I look nice....I would really like to talk with you threw email so everything we say isnt on this blog....my friends really havent been threw this problem but they arent married, or even with the father to their kids so they dont know what i am going threw. Thanks....

Patricia - posted on 04/25/2012

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i agree i think he is cheating on you to i have the same problem with my hubby he wasn't willing to give it up even after i found out what was going i have alot of trust and self esteem issues and tha only the half of it and it is him not you if he loves you then you should matter not that you should be all he wants and needs not the other stuff try and satisfy him in other ways and let him know you are there and if he is like mine and agrees but doesn't do then it's theporn he wants unfortunately try as a last resort an ultimatum that or you. mine said me but still didn't stop until he realised i was serious not sure if he has totally but i have not found any thing for a while but doesn't let me near his phone either

Patricia - posted on 04/25/2012

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it is not you it is him try and talk to him about i don't know if you will have much luck i haven't with my partner he is doing the same thing and it bothers me alot to

Adina - posted on 04/25/2012

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I know how you feel. I am having the same problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for 7 years, we have a two year old daughter and I am going to have our second child in June. We are still pretty young, I am 24 and he is 28. When we first started dating our sex life was great, and we had it alot. He seemed into me more then he does now. Yes, I have gained weight since we have been together, he says it doesnt bother him which I believe him since his other ex's are heavier females. Well, once I got pregant with our second daughter, and we got internet on our phones he has been looking up porn on his phone. I found it by going threw his history on his phone. I told him about it, that I don't like that he watches it alone. And he is watching the porn where you can actually talk and have live chats with the people...so its not like its playboy porn he can actually talk to the females....they are pretty much home vidoes of females. I told him I feel like he rather look at them because hes attracted to them more. It makes me feel not good enough. I know he needs to "releave" himself and my sex drives isnt there anymore for some reason. But he doesnt help, he doesnt make me feel pretty, he points out my flaws. Well he said ok fine ill stop looking at porn....well we got new phones and these you can lock...well he keeps his phone locked at all times, he says its for our two year old not to get on his phone...well he told me his password, well then like a week later he changed it and he keeps changing it....finally I was able to get onto his phone, and sure enough hes looking at porn again. He says he doesnt get anything off of it....then hes told me he needs a stress releave.....we dont have sex hardly at all...i am a stay at home mom and 8 months pregant...he works 6pm-6am...then goes to bed when he gets home. I just dont know what to do, I feel like he is cheating on me but never caught him talking, or anything with other females...but I have found stuff that makes me think he is....so if you have any advise or would like to just talk to me about this i would love to hear from you...thanks

Adina - posted on 04/25/2012

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I know how you feel. I am having the same problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for 7 years, we have a two year old daughter and I am going to have our second child in June. We are still pretty young, I am 24 and he is 28. When we first started dating our sex life was great, and we had it alot. He seemed into me more then he does now. Yes, I have gained weight since we have been together, he says it doesnt bother him which I believe him since his other ex's are heavier females. Well, once I got pregant with our second daughter, and we got internet on our phones he has been looking up porn on his phone. I found it by going threw his history on his phone. I told him about it, that I don't like that he watches it alone. And he is watching the porn where you can actually talk and have live chats with the people...so its not like its playboy porn he can actually talk to the females....they are pretty much home vidoes of females. I told him I feel like he rather look at them because hes attracted to them more. It makes me feel not good enough. I know he needs to "releave" himself and my sex drives isnt there anymore for some reason. But he doesnt help, he doesnt make me feel pretty, he points out my flaws. Well he said ok fine ill stop looking at porn....well we got new phones and these you can lock...well he keeps his phone locked at all times, he says its for our two year old not to get on his phone...well he told me his password, well then like a week later he changed it and he keeps changing it....finally I was able to get onto his phone, and sure enough hes looking at porn again. He says he doesnt get anything off of it....then hes told me he needs a stress releave.....we dont have sex hardly at all...i am a stay at home mom and 8 months pregant...he works 6pm-6am...then goes to bed when he gets home. I just dont know what to do, I feel like he is cheating on me but never caught him talking, or anything with other females...but I have found stuff that makes me think he is....so if you have any advise or would like to just talk to me about this i would love to hear from you...thanks

Jovan - posted on 04/25/2012

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My husband watches porn too or looking up pictures of woman. At the beginning I thought I would be okay with it. But it bothers me. Recently we stopped having sex and it was never like that before. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not good enough that he has to masterbate to porn everyday. I need some advice as well.

Kelly - posted on 04/24/2012

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my hubby used to watch a lot of porn in the beginning but now he has calmed down. If it bugs you, voice your feelings. at least they get out there. and maybe even, if you're up to it, watch one with him. it may bring you guys closer than you already are. either way, you should talk to him about how you feel. hope this helps! :)

Patricia - posted on 04/23/2012

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if it bugs you then deffinately talk to him about it you have feelings and rights to it has basically wreckd my marriage he has chosse it over me

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