need help asap!!

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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well my son and daughter have adhd and there meds are not controled right because of there damn doctors and my son has an anger problem to and we fight like cats and dogs and sometimes it gets really hard for me to control him he throws things and hits stuff and im on the verge of loosing it with him and i really need some solid help with this how do i not cross that line im not a bad mother and never want to be that kind of mother please any help would be appriciated what do i do to make things a lot more mellower with him nothing i do seems to help at all please help

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Ebony - posted on 11/17/2009

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I would go with another doctor, I have a friend who has a child with adhd and he takes his medicine but it wasn't working for a little bit because she found out that he gained weight so he needed a stonger dosage and now he's fine.

Louann - posted on 11/16/2009

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i don't have children with these problems but i know staying at home can get very hard sometimes check out my-christian-space.com and click on the women with hope link on the left side of the page. praying for you and hoping you find the help you need

Brandy - posted on 11/16/2009

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Quoting Tara:

First, you take a moment and chill out. Kids with ADHD thrive on order and schedules. I would suggest contacting your county and seeing if they have programs for children and parents with ADHD.

You really need to be consistent with him. No is no, and don't give in. Don't raise your voice at him, but be firm, raising your voice at him could only trigger his anger more. I would start by setting a few house rules. Make up a chart of his responsibilities and rules that he is expected to follow. If he does these, give him a star. Make up a reward and consequence jar, if he misbehaves make him get a consequence, if he gets say, 3 stars at the end of the day, he gets a reward.

I cannot stress that being constant and in control yourself, will help your situation. It will take a few days or weeks for him to get the hang of the new system, but as long as you are sticking to it, things will turn around! Hang in there!



I have to completely agree with Tara....He wants to push you to the limit I have a son who has add and adhd and If I stay clam and cool he doesn't act out as much.  I hope you can found a dr. who is there for you more.

Jazmine - posted on 11/16/2009

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hi hun,looks like your about don,
there are a few things you can do,one being ,change your kids doc,the other is find wat they realy realy like and thy should throw themselfs into it, as long as it does not harm ether of them.anouther is food you may want to look at wat they are being fed and adjust it a little,kids with add and adhd like order and structsure so do things at the same time every day,but most of all do not allow them to wind you up thats the hardest thing i can ask of you.
o and there is allways a plain if it gets to hard,joke. you need to give yourself me time or it will get nasty and then comes the regret.i hope i have helped.

Jazmine - posted on 11/16/2009

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Quoting lisa:

need help asap!!

well my son and daughter have adhd and there meds are not controled right because of there damn doctors and my son has an anger problem to and we fight like cats and dogs and sometimes it gets really hard for me to control him he throws things and hits stuff and im on the verge of loosing it with him and i really need some solid help with this how do i not cross that line im not a bad mother and never want to be that kind of mother please any help would be appriciated what do i do to make things a lot more mellower with him nothing i do seems to help at all please help


 

Joni - posted on 11/16/2009

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It's NOT YOUR FAULT!!! He may have a mis diagnosis because if he was strictly ADHD, the stimulants would help. My son takes Tenex for Adhd and it works wonders. He is also taking Invega (antipsychotic) and Keppra (mood stabilizer). You're son may be one of the kids like my child that cannot take stimulants. Makes them worse. If your docs are not listening to you, find another doctor. Whatever insurance you have, you should have more than one specialist available to see. Also, if they are saying severe depression, are they talking about Bipolar? If he is depressed, then a stimulant isn't going to help that, he may need either a mood stabilizer or an antidepressant. Concert and Ritilin are the same thing, pretty much. You definitely need to talk to a psychiatrist or a Neurologist to have him re-diagnosed. Has he seen the school psychologist?

Lisa - posted on 11/15/2009

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Quoting Brandi:

How was he diagnosed??? Did they do the neurological exams and stuff or did they just diagnose him on your description of his behavior??? I'm afraid far too many kids are diagnosed improperly. You might also try altering his diet. If it doesn't have a mother or grow in the ground, he can't have it. High fat, processed foods can often make ADHD worse. Good luck with your kids.



the just went by what i said and what they seen him do in there office setting so i dont know

Brandi - posted on 11/15/2009

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How was he diagnosed??? Did they do the neurological exams and stuff or did they just diagnose him on your description of his behavior??? I'm afraid far too many kids are diagnosed improperly. You might also try altering his diet. If it doesn't have a mother or grow in the ground, he can't have it. High fat, processed foods can often make ADHD worse. Good luck with your kids.

Shelly - posted on 11/15/2009

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look up a discipline method called love and logic, my son has a anger problem and I was always dealing with anger. Love and logic uses a method they get anger and you stay calm after a while the kids figure out they won't win and start working with you instead of against you becuase they walk away upset not you. It takes some diligent practice but it has been a life saver for me and my son.

Lisa - posted on 11/15/2009

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Quoting Joni:

First of all, what meds is he taking? Are you sure it's just ADHD? I have a son with ADHD, High Functioning Autism and Bipolar disorder. I have same issues with anger. Try to stay calm and ignore negative behaviors. My son has meltdowns and I put him in his room and make him stay there until it's done. I need more info from you to know exactly how to help you.



well hes on concerta during the day and then ritalin at 400 and none of seems to help and ive tryed the room thing and he fights to get out the doctors diagnosed him with adhd,and sever depression so i just dont know what to do the doc dont seem to get what im sayin bout him and his behavior his counlor thinks its us and our parenting skills so if u have any more idea please help

Joni - posted on 11/15/2009

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First of all, what meds is he taking? Are you sure it's just ADHD? I have a son with ADHD, High Functioning Autism and Bipolar disorder. I have same issues with anger. Try to stay calm and ignore negative behaviors. My son has meltdowns and I put him in his room and make him stay there until it's done. I need more info from you to know exactly how to help you.

Lisa - posted on 11/14/2009

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I decided to go the non-medication route for my son (no condemnation of your choice to use meds, every child is different), and found this book VERY helpful. Unraveling the ADD/ADHD Fiasco by David Stein

http://www.amazon.com/Unraveling-Adhd-Fi...

It is essentially behaviorism. If he behaves like this, he gets that reward or consequence. ADD boys really respond well to routine and order. It helped us regain our sanity and he grew up into a pretty good kid, if I don't say so myself!

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babe if ur feeling like u can't control it put him in his bedroom or safe place and take 5 minutes to cool down then act carmly to sort the situation... that way every thing want be so tence ...gd luck

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2009

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he is on meds and stuff but there is a money issue on changing doctors and the other places are to far to go we live on 600 dollars a month so thats really hard to do and for the books that are out we have no money for that kinda stuff but thanks to all the moms that have helped

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Tara:

First, you take a moment and chill out. Kids with ADHD thrive on order and schedules. I would suggest contacting your county and seeing if they have programs for children and parents with ADHD.

You really need to be consistent with him. No is no, and don't give in. Don't raise your voice at him, but be firm, raising your voice at him could only trigger his anger more. I would start by setting a few house rules. Make up a chart of his responsibilities and rules that he is expected to follow. If he does these, give him a star. Make up a reward and consequence jar, if he misbehaves make him get a consequence, if he gets say, 3 stars at the end of the day, he gets a reward.

I cannot stress that being constant and in control yourself, will help your situation. It will take a few days or weeks for him to get the hang of the new system, but as long as you are sticking to it, things will turn around! Hang in there!



well we go to a councler and weve done the chart thing and he wants nothing to do with them and to have consistancey in our house is a joke with my husband he gives in to him and i cant take it anymore but thanks for the help

Christi - posted on 11/09/2009

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i know how rough that can be, i raised my now fourteen year old sister who is severely ADHD and we just found out autistic. without medication i found it almost impossible to get anywhere with her. try going to another doctor because honestly nothing is going to start going if they cannot have their meds.

Carmel - posted on 11/09/2009

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How old are yoIur kidz?

I have three boys. when they were youger I had behavior problems whith 2 of them. Dan had aggresion with his tantrums, I had to ignor and give little response to his outbursts and remove him to a safe place when he got violent with me or his brothers. It took a little time but it did work. he still gets moody now but not as bad. My older son was inrolled in ITF Taekwon-Do at 6 for strong male imput and rolemodles and disaplin.

Sarah - posted on 11/09/2009

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4 out of 5 of my daughters are ADHD, 2 of them are severe. I have learned that losing my patience with them only feeds the issue. I pick my battles and allow them to be "MAD".... you can be MAD in your room, away from the rest of the family. That works both ways, I get to go to my room for 5 minutes when I am mad as well. I am a big fan of Dr. Kevin Lehman's books (how to have a new kid by friday and making children mind without losing yours). In "Making children mind without losing yours" he discusses the idea of "B doesn't happen before A is complete", it makes sense and I have been using a few of his suggestions as well as routine and consistency with my girls the past year and there has been a HUGE difference. That difference didn't happen overnight but it DID happen and I actually LIKE my girls again! (Am sure they like me a lot better now too!) No matter what direction you chose to go, you will not see overnight results. I wish you the best, I know how hard life is for you right now and you have my sympathy and prayers!

Vandy - posted on 11/09/2009

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well he needs to know that hitting is not a way to deal with his anger. Every time he hits anyone you need to sit him down and tell him things he can do beside hit. Like breath. you can do breathing exercises to better help him relax. I understand that you are going through a difficult time but just because you have a hard time with that doesn't make you a bad mother. You also need to take time for your self to try to get away from the situation. You will feel more relaxed and able to start fresh. Are you guys on accchs because they hired someone to come in a work with your child

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2009

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Have you tried giving him a "safe" place he can go when he gets mad or upset? When my daughter gets upset, she will go into her bedroom and shut the door (she's 3). I usually leave her alone for 5-10 minutes and then go in and talk.

I'm not sure about where you live but are their programs that can help with behavioral issues? Our counties here in Wisconsin have a Birth to 3 program where therapists come out and work with kids. Our daughter uses them for speech therapy.

As far as yourself - walk away and try not to fight with him. If you have to, put him into a timeout and go into another room until you can collect yourself.

Tara - posted on 11/09/2009

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First, you take a moment and chill out. Kids with ADHD thrive on order and schedules. I would suggest contacting your county and seeing if they have programs for children and parents with ADHD.



You really need to be consistent with him. No is no, and don't give in. Don't raise your voice at him, but be firm, raising your voice at him could only trigger his anger more. I would start by setting a few house rules. Make up a chart of his responsibilities and rules that he is expected to follow. If he does these, give him a star. Make up a reward and consequence jar, if he misbehaves make him get a consequence, if he gets say, 3 stars at the end of the day, he gets a reward.



I cannot stress that being constant and in control yourself, will help your situation. It will take a few days or weeks for him to get the hang of the new system, but as long as you are sticking to it, things will turn around! Hang in there!

Jillian - posted on 11/09/2009

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Does he have any caffeine during the day?? Can you find another doctor?? I am looking for a new one because of the situation we are in with our doctor and my daughter's asthma. I would also be sitting him down in a corner and not let him move. I hope that helps a little bit.

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