Need tips on housework

Autumn - posted on 09/21/2011

Tell him to get off his lazy but and help. You have the most demanding and "full time" job there is. You don't get to come home from your job, take vacations, or get 30 minutes for lunch. He needs to stop being so anal about little things. It only gets worse as the baby gets older and you have more children and you cannot be expected to work yourself to death.

Gladys - posted on 09/21/2011

You are doing such a great job! My daughter will be one soon and i can't seem to find enough hours in the day. My husband can be a neat freak, so I've encouraged him to tell me what bugs him. I feel like doing some things that make things easier for him helps for example setting out his work clothes, packing his lunch, or a little love note :) hope my experience helps.

Hayley - posted on 09/19/2011

as long as your house isnt a tip, which clearly its not from f=what your saying, i dont see your husbands problem, i would talk to him and get him to explain what he expects and go from their, my way of cleaning, is just tidy up after the mess is made, dont leave it to get worse and take more time up, if ive cooked dinner after or during cooking i will clean some pots etc, after dinner ill do a quick hoover due to crumbs/food on floor, if i go to toilet and their towels on floor due to kids dropping them ill pick em up, bleach toilet if needed etc, if i go past the bedroom or rooms and see some mess needing doind ill quickly do it, obve=iously not to get obsessiive, but i have 4 kids under 8yrs and a hubby and my house is constantly getting messed up, i will ask the kids to tidy their room, open their curtain,make their bed etc, i get handprints all over my glass door in living room but dont clean them till kids in bed as 1 sec after doing it kids mess it up again, its just about doing the important jobs that need doing, and not to stress

Jeanette - posted on 09/18/2011

I think you are doing more than enough and men have it easy going to work!!! If 'his standars' are too high then do what you are doing and suggest he re does everything he is unhappy about. My guess is he will soon get fed up with it and let you get on and appreciate all the things you do x

Amber - posted on 09/14/2011

I know that's right!!! If you are staying at home taking care of home while he's at work, then you do YOU.. If he don't like the way your doing shit around the house, then tell him , instead of coming home and sitting on his butt complaining about it, then get up off his A@# and help out.. cause at the end of the day, a wife&mother do MORE work than any man... cause they get to come home and chill... while were up still "dealing with kids, cleaning, bathing them, feeding them, cooking, and MORE cleaning, THEIR damn laundry and so on.. hell, where is your time?? B.S.. Then they still expect us to have sex with them... Psshhh.. Um.. ya.. I know what you are goin through girl.. Now is the time to put your foot down, and not be one of those women that gets stepped on by their man just cause they feel they can do that. Hell no. Been there done that.. Shit ain't happenin again. Good luck to ya girl...

Christina - posted on 09/13/2011

Screw your husbands standards being a mom is a hard thing an you got a lot on your table... your doin more then your fair share make him get off his lazy bum an pick up the mags or the mail if he dont like it... i am sure that wld shut his complaining up... your a good mom dont stress yourself out any more then you already do

Barbara - posted on 09/13/2011

It's not easy being a mom and wife. You have to make children and husband happy and vice versa. Your happy with the house but he's not. Ask him to "show" you what he expects and then maybe you can meet his needs, but then also remind him that when you go the extra for him that he needs to be ready to meet your needs also when the time comes. It's a give and take, round and round thing. You two can work out just talk it out and be patient. Good luck and God Blesss!

Jill - posted on 09/12/2011

sounds like you're doing a wonderful job! that is a lot to do. and it's even harder when you're constantly looking after a baby. you should be proud of a well-done job, which never ends. my husband has an OCD on cleanliness. we have our nit-picking days with each other but what we ended up falling into was, if my husband saw that something that needed done, he did it instead of complaining about it. when we had our second baby, he took over some of the household chores and taking care of our 3 year old at that time. he realized how hard my job was (even though he only did a portion of what i did) and from that point, he's chipped in when i needed him to.

if your husband is not happy with what he sees when he comes home, maybe it's time to discuss household responsibilities. yes, he works, but you do too. i cook, clean, laundry and chase after kids. his job is trash, yard, cars/maintenance, bills and helping with the kids when i'm busy doing one of my jobs. it works well and no one complains b/c we both have responsibilities at home.

also, my hubby tends to call me and tells me when he's on his way home from work. because he has an OCD, i do my best to satisfy that (the best i can) and clean up the house before he gets home. who wouldnt want to come home to a clean house anyway? i will admit, i dont always get this part down well some days, but i do try. he comes home happy and he doesnt complain as much. it's all about communication and if your husband still expects too much, then you need to take a day away and have him take care of the baby and house alone while you're gone. how else will he understand?

Raechil - posted on 09/11/2011

Its not totally on you. I understand he works but so does my boyfriend. im 18 hes 22 and our son is 3mos and he comes home after anywhere from 10 to 18 hour days and f he sees that i need help he gets up and helps. or he'll take care of our son so i can get my stuff done. he's always helped but he just realized this weekend just how hard taking care of a teething baby is, much less get everything done.

i really think you need to set up a you day. give him the kid and go out either just you or you anda girlfriend or two and go get your hair done get a mani/pedi... anything that makes you feel good and takes at least 5 hours id say.

good luck and remember... he lives their too and his son is just as much his resposibilty as he is yours!

Martine - posted on 09/07/2011

The only way you will solve this is to welcome your husband home on friday, hand him the baby and leave for the weekend and only come back on sunday! He will see then.

Amy - posted on 09/06/2011

Sounds like you get more done then I do. I'm lucky if we had a deacent dinner and the dishes are done lol

Summer - posted on 09/06/2011

you are doing it all hun, and if he cant appriciate that then he needs a reality check, my hubby was the same way till i left him home aolone for a few hours with our daughter.... NOW he walks in give me a big kiss and goes to do dished or clean up.... he has learned that being a MOM is a real job expecially when there is a demanding child in the house.... So give him a swift kick of reality hun... and if you need a website that breaks down what the SAHM actually SHOULD be paid for her "job" I have that too i will be MORE than happy to send to you

Korah - posted on 09/04/2011

i have a 9 month old son and a dog and birds lol oh boy and ya know my hubby does the dishes, he sometimes feeds the baby his supper he takes the dog for a walk when i cant. granted i am a stay at home mommy BUT he lives here too and as such he has responsibilities including being the main bread winner as i am the main house manager. he has never complained to badly. I do have a friend who was in the same place as you are and i told her to keep a journal of every tiny thing ya do within a few weeks he will realize oh my! ;)...just saying you are doing a wonderful job keep up the good work. People seem to think negatively towards sahms bcuz their houses are not always clean. LOL ya know everyone has opinions and sometimes they stink just like armpits

Alana - posted on 09/04/2011

do a quick tidy round in the main areas of your house every morning when you get up, ie vac the hall and lounge stairs and kitchen, wipe down sides etc.
also have a "deep clean" of one / two rooms each day.
apparently if you do a 2 minute tidy every hour it really helps keep on top of things aswell. but when youve got kids you cant expect everything to be spotless all the time, especially with a dog aswell, sounds like your partner needs to loosen up a bit. xx

Jessica - posted on 09/04/2011

nope no help. it is hard. i do what i can always something needing to be done. I enjoy my kids just i dont enjoy messes lol

Leanna - posted on 09/03/2011

There is more to life than a spotless house!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 09/02/2011

Wow Jessica that would be VERY hard. My boyfriend works 12 hour days now and I rarely see him because of it. He also works odd hours so even on weekends we don't see eachother much. It's been very hard and I was just thinking about military wives and how they do it while their husbands are gone for months. Do you have any help at all? :(

Jessica - posted on 09/02/2011

i am a mother o f 3 boys 4, 4 and newborn . I love being a mom i just can never find the time to clean if i do clean like seconds later I got more to .My husband is miltary n overseas so i doing it all on my own . By the end of the day im so tired .

Jodi - posted on 09/01/2011

Kim Thomas mentioned earlier keeping a journal of everything you do. I did that, for a week, then 2 weeks, then a whole month. I logged everything, I logged every pee diaper, poop diaper, potty dump (I have a toddler and infant twins), every bath, snack, story time, walk, trip to the park, dishes...everything. I also logged every minute I took to myself, which was near nothing. What ended up happening...my hubby realized how much I do for the kids, for him and for the family, and how little I do for myself. (aka, I was only getting to take a shower 2, maybe 3 times a week, and usually with at least one child in the bathroom with me at that time.) Now, he's helping out a lot more (I mean look! Here I am, on COM!!!) and I'm getting more time for myself, more time to sleep, more time to help me be happier!

The problem is not you, is not a lack of focused energy or any of that. The problem is that his expectations are too high. I'd like to add in something that my mother taught me in regards to you wanting to make your husband happy. We cannot make someone feel anything, including happiness, a person can, for the large part choose how they feel and react to people, situations, behaviors, etc etc. So, focus on making YOURSELF happy, and talk with your husband about his unrealistic expectations. He can choose to be happy about it...or not, that's not on you though. Best of luck, I think the vast majority of us have been in your shoes at some point!!!

Lisa - posted on 09/01/2011

It will only get harder as baby get bigger and starts to walk etc, You need to sit your husband down and explain how hard it is. With my hubby it took me being confined to bed and him taking over for a few days for him to realise. When my little one turned 1, I went back to work part time and put her in nursery for those two full days and we then added a extra morning so I could blitz, it means I can catch up, I do washing over night,so its really to be delbt with that day.



If there are any major must do's I make sure he helps me ie ironing, mopping etc.



and I agree, the house does not need to look spotless it isnt a showroom people do live there, children do play there, if he dont like it tell him to clean it. You need to sort this out now before you end up bogged under and depressed

Alison - posted on 09/01/2011

well, it sounds like you're doing a great job and your husband needs to realize your house is going to look lived in. :O) However, I do have a tip for the mail. I got a 5 pocket accordion file for $1 at Target and labeled the pockets Pay, Do, File, Shred, Keep. Pay is for bills, Do is for papers I need to do something with like sign or mail out, I think Shred and File are pretty self-explanatory, and then keep is for papers I want to keep on hand for a while--like a handout or something. Then when you get the mail, you can open and sort immediately and it will be tucked away. You can also get an inexpensive desk or a wall organizer with drawers you can tuck little things away. Out of sight out of mind.

Bobbie - posted on 08/31/2011

He needs to help out just because you are a SAHM does not mean that you have to do it all. He could pick up those few papers or mail and do something with them. My husband and I have been married for 14 years, have had 2 kids in that time. I also worked full time all but the past 4 years as I suffered a very bad back injury and phyically am not able to work anymore, however I do still work in the house and it is not easy. When I was working when my youngest two were younger I was attending college 5 days a week for 5 hours a day and working 40 plus hours a week as a manager for Wal-Mart. I had issues with the same thing and told my husband he was going to have to help out some. I injured my knee at work and he had to start doing the laundry as I could not go up and down the stairs, and could not carry stuff. He started helping at night when he was home. After a few years he stopped, and after this last injury that put me out of commission well he helps and if he does not help he does not complain. I hope he gets the clue that even though you are not bringing in a paycheck that the work you do errands, son, dog, dr appointments and everything else is important and it is a Job. Take care

Emma - posted on 08/31/2011

talk to him about this. it was the same way with my hubs and i. he expected ALOT from me. It was too much for me to handle and i broke down. he realized then that he was expecting to much from me and started to help out more around the house. you hubs may work all day but that doesnt mean he just gets to come home and lay around on the couch. you work hard too during the day and he needs to know that. Marriage is about communication and teamwork. maybe do the dishes together after dinner. give you son a bath together before bed. yes you are a sahm but you have your schedule booked! talk to him about helping you out. maybe he could hang out with your son while you finish up some stuff that you didnt get done during the day. But momma also remember that you need time for momma as well. best of luck to ya :D

Samantha - posted on 08/29/2011

i think you are doing plenty. i seperate things into days. obviouly the main things are done everyday like dinner and keeping the kitchen clean but pace yourself. it will be there tmro just as it is there today. if he doesnt like it... then let him see what its like when you dont do anything at all. then he will appreciate you a lot more.

Hayley - posted on 08/24/2011

Sounds to me like you do MORE than enough. If my partner complained at my efforts to run the household whilst looking after a young baby.....I think I'd tell him to stick it where the sun dont shine cheeky sod lol!

Melissa - posted on 08/24/2011

LOVE this quote :
Good moms have, sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens, AND HAPPY KIDS!
Take pride in your home but babies and kiddos always come first!

And happy kids!

Ryen - posted on 08/24/2011

You need to sit him down and say, quite frankly, I am busting my ass here, do NOT come in here and make me feel bad about what you think I 'should be' doing! Let him stay home one week with your baby and at the end of the week, go in and point out everything he didn't take care off! Be happy, momma and ignore Mr. Princess. You are doing the most important job in the world! If your baby is happy AND you have dinner on the table, that's a biggy, more power to you! I have been a mom over twelve years now, have two kids and stay at home but i have a lot of medical issues so sometimes dinner is not on the table. And yes, sometimes the house is messy, who cares? Their just gonna mess it up again tomorrow! Yes he bitches but really, after all these years together, i let it go in one ear and out the other...i make up for it in other areas, lol! Sometimes, i think he's just relieved when i get out of bed...

Suzanne - posted on 08/24/2011

Look I have twins and I never get anything done. Have had a messy house for nearly 3 years. Was easier when they were younger, but now they are running and wanting to do and get into everything it is mess. I also have been very good at working and never liked or did well with housework. I have a husband who does not help and a small house with no storage. It is hard and I am so tired and exhuasted it is not funny. I feel so run down and don't have the energy to do the things I have planned. I did have it in my head that I would get up a couple of hours earlier to manage to exercise on my Wii and to also to manage to clean up some areas of the house. I think the only answer is to do as much as you can, then ask him to help out to clean the house from top to bottom on the weekend and then during the week you can maintain it. This is what I have been trying to say to mine, however he believes that as he works and has long hours and is tired then it is my responsibilty to care for the house. I do understand that. However when you are with 2 kids all day and they are not wanting to sleep, and you don't have any help, it is hard to keep anything clean. I do get a kid free day on Thursday, however that is only 6 hours, and you generally cannot get much done. By the time you drop them off, go shopping or do something, come home, have lunch and then do some tidying/cleaning you then need to go pick them up again. Then the house is back to the messy state it was in before and it is like you have not done anything. I hear your pain. I think you need to show him and detail what you do, and what you cannot get done due to caring for the baby and time constraints. Tell him that if he really values it, then he needs to help. If not then he can leave it as currently it is not that important. Other than him helping, or having relos come to allow you to do it more yourself, which will not help as it will then come to be expected and you will never get any time off or help. This is the current situaiton I am in with 2 kids that are nearly 3 years old in a couple of weeks. I am about to try again, but I get the same old thing said to me. I am very frustrated, and feel like just saying, I need a weekend off, leave on Friday night, and come back Sunday night and see how much he gets done or not done. I also tried for a while to write a blow by blow task list of the things I did and he got sick of knowing and has now left me alone. So that might help. I think it is the thing that the men, never really understand what is invloved and the time it takes to get things/tasks done. Also I get interrupted every 10mins or so I never get to do anyting, then once I sit down and cuddle or spend time with the girls or one in particular I don't feel the same urgency to clean as I had early in the day or before. Also the time gets eaten away with hugging a child or being with them, playing and learning. Not sure this helped or just will make you more annoyed about trying to get it all done. If you do have family we sometimes get them to take the girls for the weekend to do a big tidy up. This could help.

Jenny - posted on 08/23/2011

Yes I hate to be mean but tell him to help out !!!!!!!!

Jenny - posted on 08/23/2011

Yes I hate to be mean but tell him to help out !!!!!!!!

Kim - posted on 08/22/2011

BTW, I'll put my vote in for flylady too, but as I said, sounds like no matter WHAT you do, he's going to FIND something to have an issue with.

Kim - posted on 08/22/2011

Pffft! If you're managing all that in one day, sounds like you're doing better than most of us! I'd like to know how YOU do it!
Sounds like perhaps hubby has an issue with taking out the daily work issues on you when he gets home? Perhaps you can carry a pen and paper in your pocket all day with pre-listed times in 10 minute incriments. Write down, as you go, EXACTLY what you do all day long (right down to when you go to the bathroom and how long it takes. Do this for a week and then show him your "journal" at the end of the week. Let him know you WANT to do more, and ask if he can help and suggest times when you could do something else. I'm almost kicking myself for even suggesting this as it seems you're definitely on top of the game!

Stacy - posted on 08/22/2011

I agree with the suggestion of checking out flylady.net. She has a very gentle, loving attitude to help you find a rhythm to the housework. However, don't be afraid to delegate. If your husband has a problem with the mail, set up a table with a shredder, a trash can, and a file folder and let him have at it!!

Lacey - posted on 08/22/2011

my advice is to leave a list of your daily chores-the whole shebang-your child's routine and whatever you do for the dog- for your husband and leave the house and child for the day, hell the week, and let him figure it out...
they learn very quickly what it means to be a sahm and every now and then need a reminder, but it worked for my husband and he doesn't really make any more comments

Brittany - posted on 08/21/2011

apparently he expects too much out of you. sounds to me like your doing everything you need to do.

Suze - posted on 08/21/2011

Tricks? Huh? Your husband is acting like a jealous control freak. If he wants the magazines off the table, are HIS arms broken? Exactly WHY isn't HE helping to care for that baby? And NO, I do NOT care that he works outside the home and you don't...and notice I said WORK for both of you. Raising kids is a LOT of work - good work, but work. It's more important he's happy than your husband has to look at a couple of magazines on a piece of wood, for heaven's sake. That's soooooo 1950s and June Cleaver moved on long ago.

Honey - get into some counseling and see the Light, as any counselor worth his/her salt will certainly know how to bring that man into the fold and on the same page. He needs to be counting his lucky starts and many blessings - NOT criticizing how you are spending your day. What a fool!

Laura - posted on 08/19/2011

I've told my husband, if there is something he thinks needs to be done that I'm not doing, He can do it! I lucked out having a low maintenance husband who doesn't demand too much from me. It also helped that he takes care of the kids and house while I work part time right now. So he sees how full the day can get.

Randi - posted on 08/19/2011

I'm afraid this will only get worse if you don't talk about it now. When no one was in your house all day, of course it stayed clean. Now that there are people there, their is actually more housework than ever before, and a toddler will make more mess than an infant. Talk to your husband about what your priorities are and realize that sometimes you're going to have to let things slide since your job is to take care of your baby.

Amber - posted on 08/18/2011

Ask him what are the top three things he wants done durning the day. It is probably where you two are miscommunicating and what seems important to you isn't as important to him and visa versa. See if a compromise can be made. Made dinner and laundry are important to him, but dusting and vaccuming are not...maybe it's the bathrooms. I don't know...just throwing out ideas. :)

Marceline - posted on 08/17/2011

When my sons father and I had differences about the house chores I suggested we make a "cleaning day". One day a week we would work together to get the house clean. This way the work wasn't piling up during the week. I have 2 children (4 & 1 1/2) so this is sometimes a better option. I have also found it easier to clean while my children nap or have thier "quiet time". Good Luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/17/2011

Tasha, I would definately suggest you ask him what his expectations are - be specific, ask things like "If I could only get one thing done today what would you like it to be?" & "What thing irrates you the most when it's not done?" You might be very suprised at his reponse (I was when I asked my husband). The other thing you can do is a chores list (include everything from windowsills to changing nappies and how long each job takes) and ask him to rate each chore out of 5 (0 being he doesn't care at all and 5 being super important) on how important he thinks it is to get done. Also get him to say who he thinks should do it and how often he thinks it should be done. It's a good idea to do this yourself as well. From there you can should be able to figure out if what he wants done is even possible. If it's not you can at least show him the list and show how much he's expecting you to do. By the way it sounds like you're doing a great job.

Valerie - posted on 08/15/2011

im with everybody else. being a SAHM is just as much a full time job as going and working 40hrs outside of your home. and we dont get vacation, weekends lunch and coffee brakes. if he thinks your not doing enough he should help out when hes home. and if he still gives you a hard time on a day he is off go out for the whole day. leave him with your son and a detailed list of everything you would get done in that day. i guarentee you he will be singing a different song. and if not then explain to him that your son is your main proirity. as long as he is healthy and happy the house being spotless isnt important if it is going to take time away from him. and that is the way you feel and its not going to change.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 08/14/2011

Make him clean

Sal - posted on 08/14/2011

tell him you don;t have the energy for a spotless house and have sex too...let him choose

Michelle - posted on 08/14/2011

I would ask your husband what he expects...then tell him what you expect! See if u can come to an agreement. There for a while my husband wanting everything done...but then I reminded him that when he was laid off and not working - NOTHING WAS DONE. He quickly responded he was sorry and that we came to an agreement of who is doing what chores!! Good luck!!

Latisha - posted on 08/14/2011

Maybe you can sit down with your husband and explain that you feel you are doing what you can during the day and find out exactly what his problem is. See what he feels the priorities need to be and compare them to yours and see if you can find some middle ground. My husband and I made a list working out what we consider more important things down to the least important and when I have time I work my way down the list. Some days I get more done then others but the important thing is that when my husband comes home he sees that I have done something.

Lisa - posted on 08/14/2011

I have dealt with similar issues since I've been staying home with my three little ones. I find that it is actually MORE challenging to have a fully cleaned house now that I'm at home with the kids than it was when I worked and they were in daycare! My husband and I have an agreement that he is to always call me as he's leaving work each day to let me know what time he'll be home from work. It gives me a half hour to power clean the house and I can also time dinner to be ready for him when he comes home. It makes us all much happier when he gives that heads up phone call!

Kara - posted on 08/13/2011

i would love to do moye i\am forbidden at bevery cprner. j'm suposedly being protecte

Bernadette - posted on 08/13/2011

geez, I wish I could manage to get as much done as you do! Our place always looks like a bomb has hit, and I just can't seem to get on top of it. If a few magazines and mail left around the place was all that was messing up our house, I'd be thrilled! Maybe he just needs to stop being so picky!

Melissa - posted on 08/12/2011

These baby days go by way too fast dont look back with regret that you spent to much time worrying about the house...hold and love that baby all day and forget about the chores ...they can wait!!! I hate to say this but your hubby kind of neglects the baby to clean...dont get me wrong its ok to let a baby fuss a little..esp. as they get older aka toddler age while you do stuff but come on a baby needs nurturing and as they get older they to be entertained and taught! You do sooo much and you need to be given credit for that!