Need to vent

Chesnie - posted on 06/01/2012 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Hi, I have a good husband who works hard for us, is very responsible, pays child supports for his other 2 kids and we have a daughter together.my point I'm writing for is ... My husband had cheated on his ex wife and they divorced. We have been married 2.5 years and I trust him. The problem is, he doesn't trust ME. I have at times deleted things off my phone because I like to eliminte clutter. I read messages n I delete them so when he has realized that he presses me what I'm hiding. I am OCD and I like to clean things up, including messages n texts. When I go to my moms house (she has liver disease so I'm a care taker) or when I leave my child with her while I run errands he gives me crap. I have never cheated or come clos. He doesn't realize that he has me to watch our daughter when he goes places but I don't have him' I have my mom...that's frustrating because I do leave our daughter with her as long as she's well, because life is so short n it may be shorter for her so she wants that time with her. I checked my phone at 4am one time because I couldn't sleep n it was jjust an email n he threw a fit. He is just mean. Ugh thanks for listening.

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Chesnie - posted on 06/03/2012

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Thank u. I don't no if he's cheating but I would guess not. I just don't let him tell me what to do n I tell him that!

Stifler's - posted on 06/03/2012

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I do that too like my email inbox is always empty and facebook and he thinks it's suspicious. I think he's learned to get over it now.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2012

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OK. Most people that cheat or have cheated will accuse their partner or spouse of doing this. Are you absolutely POSITIVE he is not back to his old ways?? I am so sorry to have to throw that in there, someone has to ask... This is how men behave when THEY are misbehaving and cheating or on the cusp~ it's a guilty conscience type of thing~ . I absolutely get thay you dn't like e-mails, texts and all that cluttering your phone, neither do I. I clean my phone out everyother day or so. The BEST advice I can give you, is to stand YOUR GROUND~ you have NEVER cheated, HE HAS, althpugh it was on another, it's still in his history...DO NOT let him push you around and make YOU feel guilty for ANYTHING!! Your doing NOTHING wrong. Your taking care of HIS child and your Mother... Whats e doing that's making him so nervous>??

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

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The age has nothing to do with him commenting on your clothes. My husband is 44 and I'm 38. My husband loves it when I wear things to show off my figure. He never checks to see what underwear I'm wearing though.

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

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My ex husband used to accuse me of cheating on him all the time. It turned out that he was the one who had cheated and it was his guilty consience!!!

Chesnie - posted on 06/01/2012

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Thank you..no he never gets physical. I would never put up with that.....ever.....yes he is very paranoid n I am by no means perfect either but I have asked him to cut out the comments but he thinks it's justifiable...I can pick out my own clothes, wear underwater or none...I'm a grown ass adult it just sucks trying to explain everything....I am not a good wife, I know that I like being independent. He doesn't want me working because he doesn't want to watch our daughter, I think..who knows....this life sucks sometimes.

Chesnie - posted on 06/01/2012

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Thank you..no he never gets physical. I would never put up with that.....ever.....yes he is very paranoid n I am by no means perfect either but I have asked him to cut out the comments but he thinks it's justifiable...I can pick out my own clothes, wear underwater or none...I'm a grown ass adult it just sucks trying to explain everything....I am not a good wife, I know that I like being independent. He doesn't want me working because he doesn't want to watch our daughter, I think..who knows....this life sucks sometimes.

Becky - posted on 06/01/2012

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Sorry Chesnie, but it sounds like you two should go back to counseling. You need to tell the marriage counselor that you think he needs to work on his paranoia issues. You can put up with only so much in regards to the derogatory comments and constant looking over your shoulder. I have also heard that the one who's suspicious, accusatory and being all defensive is the one who has something to hide. I also can totally understand the loss of intimacy you are experiencing, it's understandable. You say he says mean things? He doesnt get physical, does he? I wonder if you were ever to go back to work, how would he handle that? I pray everything works out for the best. His anger & meanness are going to tear down your marriage. Time to get deep in counseling.

Chesnie - posted on 06/01/2012

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What blows me away is I am 34 he is 40. He loves to make comments about the clothes I wear, checks to see if I'm wearing a thong or no underwear (wtf) and makes comments all the time like, your not 21 or if you were 19 maybe or like if you wanna look like a stripper ( my bf is a dancer n she is not that bad and makes loads of cash) . Ugh. I am 34 but I'm not 50 pr 60 where I still can't dress cute n sexy..lol

Chesnie - posted on 06/01/2012

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Well I have my counselor n then we see a different one together. We haven't been in a while. He does a lot for me, buys me things, gives me money ( but he is the only one making money) but it means very little if we constantly are fighting n he's accusatory.

Nicki - posted on 06/01/2012

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I have heard that before...the one accusing is usually the guilty one, but I wouldn't think that unless you had a real suspicion of him cheating. and about the sex, it makes complete sense! That intimacy really requires you to be comfortable with the person you are with, but when you are constantly walking on eggshells how are you suppose to be comfortable. At least you guys are being proactive and going to counselling. If you ever have a chance may be you could see your counselor without him to address YOUR concerns without your husband there to judge? Just something to think about.

Chesnie - posted on 06/01/2012

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Thank you Nicki, I always say that because he did it,he is always going to be paranoid about me. I know there are always 2 sides to a story, plus our sex life is not great so as ihave little desire so he does think I'm getting it elsewhere...please! That's a prob too......I also have heard that those who are accusingthe other person of cheating are usually doing it themselves....it's funny though in counseling he told her he knows I wouldn't cheat on him, but says to me he thinks I am...his anger n meanness keeps me from being interested in sex? Does that make sense?

Chesnie - posted on 06/01/2012

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Thank you Nicki, I always say that because he did it,he is always going to be paranoid about me. I know there are always 2 sides to a story, plus our sex life is not great so as ihave little desire so he does think I'm getting it elsewhere...please! That's a prob too......I also have heard that those who are accusingthe other person of cheating are usually doing it themselves....it's funny though in counseling he told her he knows I wouldn't cheat on him, but says to me he thinks I am...his anger n meanness keeps me from being interested in sex? Does that make sense?

Nicki - posted on 06/01/2012

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We all know that marriage is tough. I mean really it is all about trust and understanding and compromise. How I might look at it is being that he cheated on his ex, he may be subconsciously worried about karma? i mean really i have (in a way) been in this situation and that is how I felt. I was worried that what I did was going to happen to me. Especially when it is someone you care about its almost like you cling on so you make sure that you don't lose them, but in all reality you end up grilling them to make sure you know whats going on, which is really a lose-lose in the end. I too have an amazing husband. We have had our share of ups and downs...it has been far from perfect but I wouldn't want anyone else. We have been together for 8 years and married for 1 and 1/2. I am a stay at home mom (obviously since i am in the group lol) and he is a truck driver which only really allows him to be home on the weekends. I honestly and completely trust my husband with my life, but there is always going to be that little thought in the back of my mind that keeps me on my toes, because of things that I have done in the past. ok now back to you guys, in regard to his trust issues, I would say that he might be questioning you because that was something that he did so that his ex wouldn't find out about his relationship on the side...i.e. deleting texts, saying he had to go somewhere...stuff like that. On one hand I completely understand your side of why you would be upset. Marriage is built on trust. On the other hand, I somewhat understand his actions too. Just take it as a complement :) but really if it causing problems with your relationship, try talking about it with him. i mean be completely honest about everything, how hurt you are that he thinks you would do that. i hope i helped a little...venting is always a good thing though just remember that!

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