New Stay at Home Mom Question

Lisa - posted on 11/19/2008 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I love my children and dear husband, but I am having a "hard" time finding personal excitement and fulfillment as a stay at home mom. On top of it, I found out we are having our fourth child in four years in June. Is this part of the process? Any suggestions?

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Dana - posted on 11/20/2008

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I would encourage you as the other moms have to take time for yourself. Sit down and talk with your husband and let him know that you need this time....not only for you, but for him and the kids. It will make you a better mom to get out and get refreshed. If he's hesitant, start out slowly, once or twice a month, and he's sure to see a difference in you immediately. (my husband did) In the times you feel like unfulfilled, imagine what your life would be without them. (usually when you're doing this, one will come up to you with the most cheesy smile and then you can remember!) Count your blessings..some women would be thrilled to be able to have just one child..you have been blessed with 3....and soon to be 4. It's hard....but it's so worth it.

Blessings to you.

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Congrats on your news of baby #4! I have four 7, 5, 3 and 1. I always wanted four and if I thought I wanted five, I would be saying four is enough! It is hard. In our situation my husband is currently working a full time M-F and part time weekend job. So sometimes everyday is 8-5 for me. I think once I stopped day dreaming or comparing my life to my friends that have weekends to catch up on the chores, it helped me handle my reality easier. Life with four kids so close together in age is going to be hard. That doesn't mean you wish you didn’t have them. It just means you are going to have to draw you strength from somewhere. God is that for me. One thing I have also found helpful is to find something outside of my house to be involved in and making a difference in the world. I volunteer at our church as an advocate for women. This has helped me look forward to something. It is hard to put yourself first, trust me I'm struggling with this as well. I've started having a spa night in my own home on Saturdays. I bought my favorite spa type products, mask, shampoo, lotions, etc and as soon as the kids are in bed I get started. Put my robe on, get my soothing music that I never get to listen to on have a glass of wine and take care of me. It is so refreshing that it gets me through Tuesday! You should try it! Hang in there, you are a great mom!

Angela - posted on 11/19/2008

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I don't know how many times I felt the same. You should NEVER feel guilty about feeling that way. We ALL have felt that way, whether we have 1 or 5 kids. It's a tedious job, but then there are the days that make you SO happy that you decided to stay home with the kiddos.. for instance, my son is turning two next month and we had our first snow fall yesterday. I watched my son for the first time he could understand, watch the snow flakes come down.. The look on his face reminded me why I stay home with my kids. I also have a daughter who is 14 weeks... Two under two is VERY difficult, as you know. somedays are better than others. To also add to this, I've decided to create my own business designed for moms who are looking to fulfill their creative sides. I'm working on my website now, and should have it up and running by the end of the year. It will be an outsourcing company where I will give moms the opp'y to complete jobs that match their skills and qualifications at home for various companies. I will pay each mom an hourly basis for the project that is assigned to them. If you'd like more information, please feel free to email me at: angmyrt1@comcast.net.. I've been working from home for a year now and have been thinking about launching this site for a long time. In doing this, it has really helped me feel like I'm not just a SAHM that does chores and cooks dinner.. I have my personal excitement and I really think this company will take off with a lot of hard work and some great talent!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/19/2008

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Of course you love them, and of course that doesn't mean you find all your fulfillment in taking care of them! It sounds like you have "mastered" the stay at home mom job, and it's normal to feel like you want a new or different challenge.



You have three young children and another one on the way, so I know it must be difficult to find time for yourself. But perhaps you could find something else to invest yourself in-- like learning a new language, or continuing some activity you used to find interesting. In any case, as Sheri said, you aren't the only one to feel this way!

Katie - posted on 11/19/2008

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Holy cow! That's a lot of kids in a short amount of time! I only have two and they are two years apart and I can relate to how you feel. What I have started doing is having a girl's night out once a week. My hubby gets home, and I am walking out the door. I was surprised to find that my friends were feeling the same way and wanted to get out also. We do anything, go out to dinner, get a mani or pedi, get massages, go workout, go for a long walk, pack picnics, really anything to get out and away from the kids for a few hours and it's so refreshing. Or you should start a club. If you have a hobby, say maybe knitting, or scrapbooking or whatever, get other ladies that have the same interest and get together and exchange ideas, work on your latest projects or a do a book club, it could be anything.

I really hope this helps. Being a mom is such an important role and your health (physical and mental) is so important, but for some reason, it seems like we always come last on the list. You need to put yourself first!

Sheri - posted on 11/19/2008

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Hope, just remeber this is just a blink in time in your life. At times it might seem like a long blink. But when it's gone, you'll remeber. I wish I could help. I am at the same point, feeling like I have lost myseld and wondering if I ever had a passion. The one thing that gets me though is my friends. I only have 2, but they understand and let me vent when needed. They also bring me down to earth, especially when i am being silly. All I can give you is understanding. You are not alone.

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