New town + Stay at home mom = Extra lonely!

Cass - posted on 11/04/2012

Hey there, I can relate, being in a brand new very small town, with no friends or family. In the winter (right now) there's nowhere to go except grocery shopping since weather here up north is always freezing. Also, there aren't any moms groups to be found around this rural town. Summer is beautiful as we are surrounded by lake, nature, and hot weather, thank goodness or I'd go insane - I love a natural environment. I have a 10 month old, always at home, and this would lead to occasional sadness. I find it important to think about why I feel the way I feel. Its obvious that I feel sad because of isolation and boring repetitive routine, but why do I have to be sad about it? I came acknowledge my dependency on others making me happy. Now I totally understand everyone has different needs, and I'm definitely not trying to imply that you are dependent on anyone, so please don't take that personally. After thinking about that, I thought, do I really need people in my life this instant? I'm not saying that I'm ready to go the rest of my life just husband baby and I, no, but I trust that when the right people are meant to come into my life they will. For now I've decided to embrace the peace and quiet in my home, have been motivated to practice yoga, make jewelry and play with my little one while he's still a little cuddly boy and we have all this free time together. I'm in no rush to get out anymore, and I've accepted the fact that I don't really have anywhere to go at the moment. Your case may be very different, there are probably some mom's groups available to join, but in my own case, simple acceptance has really helped uplift my mood. It took me a few months to really get to the core of this understanding though, and perhaps you're totally turned off by this idea, but I figured why not share my experience and what has worked for me.

Linda - posted on 10/17/2012

You can do a couple things. Make friends at church, or learn crochet via YouTube and develop a skill. Keeping busy will make ur need for socialization less. Walk around ur neighborhood and see if there are other moms with kids ur age. I have friends but rarely do I see them I'm so busy lol :-) good luck! When I was 21 I was way more social though :)

Verity - posted on 10/16/2012

I know how u feel! Sometimes it gets boring at home especially when it's a new town but this is an oportunity to meet new mums. Try getting into a play group. I did that and made some great friends. They even have supported play groups that get u to and from if u don't drive. I'm from central coast if ur local enough il hang with u lol.

Hair Extensions - posted on 10/16/2012

Stay busy doing a work at home job like how i am :) i stay soo busy i have two boys and i keep busy working and cleaning at home i have no other choice, atleast im having extra income while at home you know, try to keep busy!! :)

L R - posted on 10/13/2012

I am from New York. I moved at 23 away from my family and friends. We decided to start a family (which is different for you) and moved back to my home town. It was a blessing but at the same time, I miss all the adventures! I do believe Kayla that you are going to do well :) Liek I said, one advice.... scrap booking is sooooo good! I look back now and mad that I didn't do it from the beginning.

Kayla - posted on 10/13/2012

Where Are u from? :)

L R - posted on 10/13/2012

Congratulations on your new move! I moved quite a bit before my child was born and I must say, I found each place an adventure! You need to look at this as an opportunity to start over and learn a new whole place! Is it far from your hometown? If so, I agree, go to parks, movies, malls, etc. I found however, just learning more about the area and becoming more artistic (which I definitely am not)! haha

It's a great time to do scrap booking for your 10 month old because I never did and I regret it! Take pictures of the area and your child growing up there. You never know, there may be another time that you move and you can look back with fond memories.

When I moved, everyone thought that I would be lonely however I found myself busy all the time. If you are in an area that the weather is nice... enjoy the outdoors. Now since Facebook, you probably won't feel too far away from your friends and family.

I was 21 when I moved away so I can understand how loneliness can set in.... don't let it! The library may have things for your 10 month old to participate in (which allows you a little time to browse at the library).

Don't look at it as a downfall, take this time to enjoy! I even taught myself cross stitch at 23! haha...

Let us know how you are doing....

Jessica - posted on 10/12/2012

New to town here too. Well, sorta. We've been here almost a year, but we only have one vehicle & DH only has Saturday off officially. There are a lot of get togethers w/ moms in the local area, but I don't have anyway to get there and DH says public transit is not an option. I have a 5 yo and a 20 mo & do homeschooling, but I'd just be nice to be able to get out the apt from time to time.

Nazhath - posted on 10/12/2012

Hi Kayla,



Fantastic...your equation is absolutely right , dont ask me how am going through i have 24 month son going to day care just for 2 days but he is not doing good that makes me sad huh.... its good to chat some times .



Well we both are sailing in same boat, let me know if your interested in making the above equation wrong .



bye

/Anjum

Aimee - posted on 10/11/2012

The great thing about having kids is they are an opener for you! Join a local moms group -- great friendships have been made this way. Do you ahve something that interests you? Like a sport or craft you could join a something that way or volunteer would be a great way to meet people.

Gabriela - posted on 10/11/2012

Go to the local parks/ playgrounds. They're free and you'll meet lots of other Moms. Also, check out your local library- they may have Story time or other activities for little kids and, again, you get to meet Moms.

It was hard for me when I moved here to find a new Church, too, but I'm glad I did. Both my kids made new friends there and now I plan playdates and invite other Moms to join us. Just give it a try! :)

Maureen - posted on 10/11/2012

I feel ya. We moved about an hour away when I was pregnant for my husband's job. Baby is 4 months now and my recovery was pretty brutal, so I didn't feel like going out during the day for a while. I started taking him to free baby swim lessons (free from 4weeks to 6months) at Hubbard Swim School which are once a week and I have met some nice moms there. I don't know if you breastfeed, but if you do, I went to a La Leche Leauge meeting recently and met a mom whose daughter is only 4 days older than my son and we hit it off. We are planning to have play dates. You could also look online for a mom's club to get into, http://www.momsclub.org/index.html they often have activities for stay at home mom's in every area to meet up and fun activities for kids too. meetup.com is another one where you can become a member of a group that fits your lifestyle, I'm sure you could find other young moms who stay at home in your area!

Kayla - posted on 10/10/2012

Thanks I guess I just keep hoping it would all happen by itself one day and come to me but I need to get out there and start looking, im a very quiet shy person until I gett to know someone well, so I just havent gone out to find anything yet gyms are so expensive and its going to be hard to find a new church, ive been to the same church my whole life and now im in a diff state, idk what to look 4

Angela - posted on 10/10/2012

I just moved to a new town too and the best way for me to meet people was to go to the local YMCA or city recreation center and sign your kids up for any activities they have. You will then meet other moms with kids your age. Also, if you are religious, attend church and then you can meet the nursery or youth director and ask him/her about good babysitters, etc...this will then give you a chance to get out of the house and you and your husband can do something.