Old Fashioned FAMILY Values!

Kathy - posted on 11/20/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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When did the people in this world become so materialistic?

I am old fashioned when it comes to the roles that mom's and dad's play in raising children. I believe, that it is better for the children to be raised by their parents rather than day care or babysitters... Apparently my belief in this is a vanishing belief amoung many people.
I understand that financial factors come into play here. I understand that not every family can financially afford to live on one income. But when it is possible for one parent to be at home, raising the children, I believe it is a GOOD thing.

My first marriage was a disaster for many reasons, but one of our biggest fights was about me staying at home to raise our son. My ex-husband was totally against it, even though we could most definately financially afford it. I felt like, to him, money was more important that what was best for our child...

After my divorce, I met my current hubby and we now have two children. After the problems in my first marriage, I thought my current hubby understood my position on having a raising children. Apparently not! He too believes money is more important!

I lost my job after my second child was born eight months ago. Which, honestly is fine by me, because I want to be home raising my children anyway. I have been looking for a job, with no luck, just because I can't deal with the stress any more. Not the stress of raising my children, the stress of him wanting me to work!

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6 Comments

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Shantice - posted on 11/21/2009

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I agree with you 100%! My husband also feels this way too. He supportred our family on just his income and was soo proud of it! That's until he was laid off, that really made him feel bad. He didn't want me to have to work still, because we have a 5 year old in school, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. We both believe that it's best that someone is here at all times to not only raise the kids who are home, but be here for my daughter after school, and sick days and field trips!
To make a long story short, it took my husband way longer than expected to find another job, and unemployment just wasn't a match. I became a small business owner from home to help out financially. Although things aren't 100% the way it was before, my husband can appreciate the extra income and having me home with the kids as well!

Jamie - posted on 11/21/2009

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I love staying at home with my kids. Also have a home-based business so that I can instill the values in my kidst that i want and also bring in a nice income. It is a win-win situation. Let me know if you would be intrested in taking a look at.

Lena - posted on 11/20/2009

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I am a stay at home mom. And its amazing! I am so lucky to be able to do that. I am with my daughter 24/7 and I get to witness all the little milestones. I am so sorry to hear that men dont think that its a great thing. Bc later on, they will blame you for not spending enough time with them, and that is just horrible!

Tara - posted on 11/20/2009

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It's probably more cost-effective for you to be staying home anyway. When my husband and I made the decision that I would stay home to raise our daughter we sat down together and worked out what it would cost if I were to go back to work - commuting, daycare, extra gas, lunches, extra side trips (because my hubby doesn't have his driver's license and we only have one vehicle), etc - we found when we actually looked at the costs that I would have to be making between $25-$30 an hour to cover all the costs and still have a little left over.
So, we decided I would stay home, which pleased us both as we didn't/don't want our kids raised by someone else (eg daycare worker). We now have a 2nd daughter (she's 6 weeks, and our oldest is 20 months) and I'll continue to stay home. One thing we did decide to do was look into things I could do working from home to bring in a little extra if things got too tight financially - I'm currently finishing a course in medical transcription and once I'm done I'll be able to work from home doing that.
We figured that any money I bring in doing that is money we didn't have before, and we still have the benefits of me being at home to raise the girls.

I would consider sitting down with your husband and letting him know how you feel emotionally about this, but also point out to him that it is very likely going to COST you money if you go back to work.

Teresa - posted on 11/20/2009

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Oh wow! I am so sorry that you're going through that! I am fortunate enough to have a husband that does believe in the "old fashioned family values", as do I, so I don't have any experience, but the only question I have is - If he's not backing down, why should you? I understand how fed up you must be, but I think that you're standing up for what's morally right and it's very admirable! Best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

Caryn - posted on 11/20/2009

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I have to agree with you, this is one of the reasons I stay at home. The other being for us it wouldn't be financially benefical for me to work because all/most of what I'd get paid would go to daycare costs.

I would sit your husband down and explain to him exactly how you feel. Explain to him that leaving your children in someone elses care gets you feeling depressed and anxious, constantly wondering how they are doing, if they're ok, if they're being treated ok, ect.

Make up a list of things your willing to give up on to save some money so that he doesn't feel like you guys are having to stretch things. Like for example, finding a friend to cut your hair instead of paying $20+, or not eating out more than once/twice a month, you won't be using gas to commute which will save money, buying store brands instead of name brands at the grocery store, only buying clothes that are needed, not just because you want to (don't know if you do this but I know some do...). I go to a lot of consignment shops and find clothes for my kids, not a whole lot but enough that it does make a difference on the check-book. I also sell their clothes at them, doesn't make me a whole lot of money but again it helps the check-book some :)

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