Panic when my husband leaves, resentment when he comes home.

Julie - posted on 08/19/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have only been married for 3 months, and he has been out of town working for most of it. I am a sahm taking care of my 6 year old, his 6 year old, his 4 y/o and his 3 y/o. Their mother comes and mostly goes as she pleases, so I tend to have his kids 6 days of the week. Before we married, we had a long distance relationship, and I pined for the time when I could move closer and be with him...It hasn't turned out as I imagined.
I knew my husband worked out of town a lot, but I guess I wasn't completely prepared for the feelings I would feel while taking care of the kids and (not) coping with his absence. When he leaves for work I start to panic and create problems between us, and when he gets home from business trips I ruin the time he is home because I am dreading his next departure. He tends to work 3 days out of town, and then 3 long 12-18 hour days in town so it's like he is still gone. When he calls me from work, it almost adds insult to injury. He doesn't understand, he says things like, "I would much rather be home with the kids all day than working", or "If I get another job, you will have to work and won't see me". I'm sure both of those statements are true, but they make me feel awful, and don't rouse me from my pity party. How do other moms cope? I am starting my marriage and already feel miserable. What do I do?

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Sarah - posted on 08/19/2012

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I cant tell you what to do, but firstly once you get married the kids become your kids. So you should forget about the whole his kids my kid because they are all your kids in one way. I understand how you feel (in a way) my husband was working in Louisiana and i was a stay at home in Fl with our then 1year old. My husband only came back on friday night then left again on sunday. Instead fighting and causing upset and hurt i just made sure we had family fun when he was home, picnics, zoo visits and when he left, id just play with my son. At the time in FL, i had no car, no friends (just moved from england), and no tv, it was just my son who also didn't talk until recently. I just kept looking forward and doing fun things with my son, and concentrated on keeping our home a loving environment. Now we're all together and doing great. Also the hardest part of a marriage is the beginning. I hope this helps in some way.

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