parents telling other parents how to raise their kids - are they right or wrong?

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

this conversation is closed

Angela - posted on 04/12/2010

hi everyone, i am the girl that DAWN is talking about here! she says i attacked her when i posted a conversation against spanking and she came in swingin saying i was personally attacking her. yes, i did call spankers monsters! i did in NO WAY SHAPE or form attack anyone personally!! if you want to join a conversation against what you believe in and expect no one to critizie you then you are wrong. I had to BLOCK DAWN and then lock the conversation so she would leave me alone. and then she proceeded to go onto peoples profiles and leave nasty comments about me as well as starting this entire conversation about me. But ladies out there, dawn is not telling the truth in here she just wants sympothy since we did not agree with her int he other conversation and she got blocked by a few women who she wouldnt leave alone. Dont worry though, before anyone else gets harrased and lied about by this woman, we have reported her to the circle of moms and to the group as well as to the authorities! thank you all for being supportive in thought that she was being attacked because yes, no mom should be attacked but she never was!

CarrieAnn - posted on 04/12/2010

Hey Dawn, I wasn't suggesting you continuing the saga..it was the people almost "stalking" you out to post on this topic. It by no means was you hon. I was concerned for the health of the topic and the site and you because of the posts I saw from someone that was suggesting this was a result of another topic. And its ok if it was..but for them to create a situation of confrontation I was alarmed by. So I apologize if you thought I thought you were continuing it. I thought if you closed this then opened a new one maybe they'd leave you alone. Between the teens these days committing suicide over internet bullying and others being lit on fire and beaten within an inch of their life over text it astounds me adults go to a degree we wouldn't allow our children. I just want to make sure you no longer endure the cyber-bullying/chasing..whatever it is. Folks need to post their opinion and let go. You hang in there..and remember my first post..do what your heart tells you and what you want to show your kids. Your their mom and knows what is best! Big Hugs!

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

so from now on, any one wishing to make this about certain past incidents will be ignored

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

and i do not feel that i am wrong.this conversation is what you make of it .yes there are those who still want to make this about that recent incident, but as i said before i am over it. i want to make this a general conversation on the above topic, not just about what i went through

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

carrie ann, i am sorry if i mispelled your name. i do not believe that i am continuing the saga. i am over it.others however are not, and no, until someone threatens me, i do not feel the need to close this conversation off. the threat is no longer present and people can make what they want to of this conversation .

Chatty - posted on 04/12/2010

I actually think this post has gone rather well?

Good mornin EVERYONE.......hope you all have a wonderful day!

CarrieAnn - posted on 04/12/2010

Hey Dawn...I am a bit beside myself at this point. Can you close this post? Or report your issues to the main administrator. I'm a leader of a different group in circle of moms and saw some replies from someone on this thread regarding another thread you had been on. I'd assumed your thread was a result of a previous conversation, however, the replies of some folks while yes freedom of speech applies, to follow you to this thread and bring the other in and names is inappropriate. In my eyes that is chasing and bullying regardless of "freedom of speech" or opinions. If there is an issue with one or several of the people that responded to your thread they have personally with you..they need to send a private message..which they have the ability to do. Not post it within this thread and not only ruin the sincerity of your question and inquiry about something that was bothering you (previous thread or not), but to continue to allow this thread or any thread to become an arguing session. They have those types of things on discussion boards under HLN and all the other controversy stuff in America. As my previous thread mentioned to you, you have to follow your heart. As a side note, we don't spank our kids. My 17 year never got spanked. Don't get me wrong..I want to at times out of MY frustration. However, realizing it is MY frustration and if I were to set an example of hitting anyone while anger I am teaching my kids the same. We allowed my daughters g-ma and papa to spank some while we were living with them for a short bit and no sooner than she had gotten spanked, she began hitting out of frustration. She still does months later and some days are worse than others especially towards her 1yr brother. I still believe you should do what is right by your heart and your family. It is yours and no one has a place to judge that unless you cross legality issues. But off my side note. I believe someone replying to this thread griping you out about your post because of something that happened in another thread is in fact bullying in it of itself. I realize that folks may not like to hear it..but we have got to learn to leave well enough alone and settle our own tempers, frustrations & anger. The children we are raising are watching us and whether they can read/see the information on here..the vibes we give off is huge. I would close this thread. I think you know in your heart what you do is right/wrong. By the thread being open it is inviting the saga to continue and turning things even more negative than they were and allowing an opportunity of being "chased" per say and bullied regardless of who is invited or not or who is responding or not.
The whole point behind this site is to encourage. When something is no longer encouraging you have to remove it and step back..take deep breaths and start over positive. Hang in there!

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

one last time . everyone needs to be nice or the conversation will be locked

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

i get that kellean, but i do not see this as malicious gossiping. i see it as informing others of inappropriate behavior so that they can avoid what i went through. i believe that is my moral obligation as a member of this community, if you do not like it you do not have to read it and you do not have to have any further contact with me. i am against those who harass,stalk and bully others around over the internet,and i believe we all have a resposibility to look after one another in this online community

if that woman did not like my views she could have just said her piece and left it at that and i would not have said anything else to her. she was the one that went out of her was to harass,personally attack and stalk .i was trying to get her off my back .there is no excuse for that kind of behavior and everyone here SHOULD be warned about it.

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

Brean. i had the same problem . you did the right thing though.

Chatty - posted on 04/12/2010

Brean: I'm really sorry to hear about ur MIL! Good for you for being the bigger person.....be strong!

Marialisa - posted on 04/12/2010

No one has the right to tell another how to raise their children simple as that. They can give you tips if you ask for it. The only thing that stands with interferring with someone elses up bringing is when they are abusing their children. And im sure everyone knows what is abuse to start concerning and stepping in but no one has the right to tell you when you should feed your baby, or what time routine you should have.
Things like these are all different in all households and if your struggling and want the help than yes give advice tips but no one should turn to a mother or father and say this is how you should be. We can only step in if things are abusive like physical and sexual abuse is there.
I must admit though in all the years i have being around other moms the only time i did interfere was when it was emotional abuse i had to say something but i also stated that it was a tip and its something i went through with my mother and hope i didnt make mom angry, but no one has the right to tell you what to do. Even health visitor, she can turn to you and say its wise to get your baby off the bottle at one and no dummys but its what you work with to get your child off them. Things like this are an example and sometimes they make moms feel like they have no rights when really these are just advice and health expert ones but doesnt mean they will be taking your kid off you.

hope this helps

Kristin - posted on 04/12/2010

i say it always good to give advice and talk, but no one should ever tell anyone how to raise their children unless you are utterly clueless and if someone is that clueless they should have waited for children, but def no one should ever attack anyone on how they raise their kids, every child is different

Brean - posted on 04/12/2010

everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not everyone wants to hear other peoples opinions. I am cursed with a horrible mother in law who thinks she knows everything I don't think she faired well as a parent at all, and neither did my parents. When any of them tell either me or my fiance anything dealing with our daughter, we dont snap back, we just take a deep breath and calmly tell them that they raised their children and its our turn and we arent always going to agree with them and would rather not hear their opinions unless we ask for it. My mom is not in the picture and my dad has already learned to not meddle in our business. My stepmom and aunts are who I go to when I have a question and they know they are merely giving suggestions or opinions. My MIL however cannot seem to get the hint and the one time I did ask for her opinion, she was pissed when I didnt go with what she said. She didnt grasp that it was only an option, I was not asking her to make the decision for me. But noone should attack you. Stay calm at first and if it persists, get feisty with them.

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

i'm just wondering ladies why all the trouble making types seem to follow me around. i guess they would be happier if i posted a thread on baking cookies or knitting instead : ) LOL

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

and kellean, no one is gossiping and the reason why you see her name on here is because she followed me on here the other day and continued to harass me. they since then took her posts off of here.*** notice i did not say her name in any of my recent posts? ok then please either be nice or leave the post but do not threaten me by saying you'll invite her back because cyber bullying is against the law and i will press legal charges. be nice or leave it is that simple.

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

kallean, you probably didn't read the post made by a particular person to me on spanking they not only called me and a few other moms names this person also went out of their way to stalk and harass me after several times of telling that woman to leave me alone. it is called cyber bullying which is against the law. if you do not like my current thread,thats ok just move on to another one. i won't harass you or call you names, but do not bash me for posting this thread to make everyone aware of whats going on for their safety and peace of mind. Have a wonderful day!

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

it's okay dana. it is sometimes impossible to read all of the posts on here because of their being so many

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

Hi dana,

I believe in free speech as well, but when some one calls you and a few other moms a monster because you believe in a form of discipline(spanking) as being appropriate in certain situations and then goes on to harass you ..well that's crossing the line. it is true if one posts their business on line that that person should expect to be criticized ,but that does not mean that anyone has the right to call anyone names and harass people. that is why there are laws concerning internet safety.

Vanessa - posted on 04/12/2010

Imagine what a world it would be if we encouraged one an other instead of condeming our friends and nieghbours for a difference of opinion.

Ashley=) - posted on 04/12/2010

WRONG simple has...if your not neglecting ,physically,verbally ,mentally or emotionally abusing your child then your doing fine in my book.

As long as your child is fed,happy ,loved has a good home and loving parents what more could one ask for.By doing this your doing right as a parent i feel&how you choose to do that is your own business.:-)Good luck moms.

Jess - posted on 04/12/2010

NO 1 HAS THE RIGHT .



I know exactly what u mean , people told me how i should do things wen i had my twin girls they are 6 months old now , the other side told me how to do things , what to do , u dont do it this way ect, i told them if they want to be apart of my kids life they need to but the fuck out or they dont see them . they are u kids u no whats right whats not right what their limits are . YOUR KIDS THE THE FUCK U WANT , DONT LET OTHERS CONCROLL U and the end its there loss not urs . andf i highly hate others telling me what to do and how to do it so dont take shit from no 1

Carly - posted on 04/12/2010

It's wrong! End of. People are always going to disagree or have different opinions on things and I think some take things way too far on here! I'l admit I have got carried away a few times when people are talking about for eg, how they think its okay to smoke/drink whilst pregnant! I can't help that this annoys me so, yeah I comment what I think but I am not nasty about it! I think if we have opinions we should put them in the best possible way we can! We are all here to help and learn from eachother's experiences so be thankful we have this site, not shout and argue with eachother! :)

Nikki - posted on 04/12/2010

Dana, once again very well said!

Melisa - posted on 04/12/2010

I just have to agree with Dana. By posting information about how you raise your children on a public board -- especially on a topic as contreversial as spanking -- you are opening yourself up to criticism. Obviously by posting people are going to agree or disagree with you. If you don't like it you need to ignore it and move on. Don't provoke it.

Kellean - posted on 04/11/2010

Well said Jessica and Dana. I think Dana hit it right on the head. Sometimes we get so passionate about something that we have difficulty expressing ourselves and we come across aggressive. Everyone has done that, I know I am guilty of that. We shouldn't take what someone says that goes against what we believe in as a personal attack or take it personally. It is just an opinion. If you don't like what is being said, you should walk away. Especially if it really makes you angry. Be the bigger person and just say you know what I am not going to be egged on or retaliate by saying something else to get the poo stirring. You weren't being attacked. Really. It was just a thread that turned negative. The Circle of Moms is such a great place where Moms from everywhere can get together and learn and grow from one another. Let's help it grow into something positive!

Victoria - posted on 04/11/2010

i dont agree with the whole ATTACKING thing
thats nobody elses business but yours!!
i could see someone giving you advice
but attacking you is just plain IMMATURITY!!!!
thats what i think!!♥

CarrieAnn - posted on 04/11/2010

First on the internet aspect of your question...from what I can see these days, particularly with teens..this is considered bullying. Just because we grow up and have kids of our own doesn't mean the bully's go away. Doesn't mean it is right either just because your an adult, have kids. Last I checked, NONE of us were given manuals for raising our children and we all have to do it the way we see fit and what our heart tells us. Secondly. Should there be a necessity for providing advice..it must be solicited and it must be presented with gentle hands/words. As mom's we are all under our own persecution of whether we are right/wrong in what choices we are making or are going to make for our kids. Because someone has been a mom longer or has more kids does not provide any more experience. Because they have money, friends, religious beliefs..all of it does not matter. What matters is how you feel and what your heart tells you. I don't know if you are married or not..but your spouse as well should be there with you. The more you team up and make choices together, the exterior people are irrelevant even if they happen to be close long time friends and even family.
As much of a choice as you have about raising your kids your way...you have that same choice to disassociate yourself with people that try to tell you how to raise them..especially the ones that approach from an attack perspective.
I had to write my own my mother a cease/assist letter 1/4/2010 because of some major issues. Because you know them, because they are family, because they think they have been given a right to judge you, then you need to step back. Do not change you..but set boundaries. Sometimes the initial approach should be as if you appreciate them "caring" about you, but would appreciate them refraining from their opinions/thoughts unless solicited. If that is not respected, then disassociating yourself all together tends to help. Unfortunetly, it is very difficult..and loneliness sets in. But keep close to the mom's on here that support you. It's ok to disagree with how you raise your child vs. someone else..it is not ok to judge. I hope this helps...And to add a little humor to my life for you...I'm a christian, my husband is jewish and my 2 sweet neighbors are muslim. So we have diversity beyond belief in our mini-complex where we live..but we refrain from judging. I also endure consitant stigma from my oldest son being diagnosed with a severe Mental Illness less than a year ago. I understand. Follow your heart..love your child, remind them always and teach them the love you want them to feel from your own heart about them!!

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

Thanks! Much better! ;)

Beck - posted on 04/11/2010

Fine Dana I don't appreciate YOU calling people child abusers. There. Happy now, I wont bother trying to keep it slightly private for your sake.

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

I guess it's ur right to take it personally but that's YOUR shit! I wouldn't take it that way! You may as well direct ur comments at me cuz we all know who ur talking about!

God I love FREEDOM OF SPEECH!

Beck - posted on 04/11/2010

Jessica thats easier said when people are continually making these comment on more than one post and its in your face all the time and yes people do take it personally

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

I agree Christina.....in a perfect world!

Who's with me? I vote for WORLD PEACE!

Christina - posted on 04/11/2010

i think that they should be left at that, opinions. it's frustrating when you ask for help or are trying to let someone know how you handle things and mom's who disagree tell you how wrong you are and you should not do it that way. i understand everyone does things differently and has different opionions. that is why sites like this are so fun! you get to see all of the different ways of doing things and it's a neat way to get some info or new ideas. but it's NOT fun when you have mom's attacking you or others because of the way they raise their children. two opposing sides should agree to disagree and drop the attitude, bickering, and rude remarks.

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

Well said Jessica!

Jessica - posted on 04/11/2010

No one should attack anyone for anything, but people do. I think the best thing we can do is ignore those attacks, don't respond even though it may be the hardest thing to do. People will judge and it may not be fair. I didn't participate in the spanking discussion nor did I even see it. I'm sorry you were personally attacked, that really sucks! My advice is just ignore the attackers, when you respond you add fuel to the fire and if you don't respond you extinguish the fire. I'd rather not have any fires going.

Just be the best mom you can be for your child and who cares what others say. "Mother knows best!"

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

P.S. I shouldn't have directed that JUST at Sara......I was just using her as an example! Please don't take offense!

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

But Sara, don't you think that if YOU post ur business in a public forum such as COM that you're obviously gonna be subjecting urself to public scrutiny? I think you're absolutely right when you say that PEOPLE CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT; raise their children how they see fit but if you're posting a comment such as:

I do spank my daughter when she needs it. but most time she get grounded like no tv or toys for 3 mins she sits on her bed..

Sara - posted on 04/11/2010

People should let other people do what they want its none of there business. How you discipline you kids.. I do spank my daughter when she needs it. but most time she get grounded like no tv or toys for 3 mins she sits on her bed..

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

Dawn, I should have read thru the post further before I posted my comment above but I just wanted to comment further on something you typed

i do not know if you read the one discussion on spanking, but not only did a particular person criticize me,which is fine i expected it , but she harassed and personally attacked me after i had asked her several times to leave me alone.she called a few other moms monsters and i believe personally attacked them as well. it is one thing to criticize, it is another thing to stalk and harass just because you do not like one's point of view. BTW i welcome you to this thread and hope that you have a wonderful day

Chatty - posted on 04/11/2010

Hi Dawn!



On a forum such as COM I think you have to take responsibility for ur posts! IMO it's just common sense that if you post something in a public forum you're gonna be under public scrutiny, whether you specifically asked for it or not! If you don't want someone criticizing ur parenting techniques then don't offer certain information in a public forum. EVERYONE has a right to freedom of speech! I think some moms need to toughen up and other moms needs to keep their comments constructive BUT it takes ALL kinds to make the world go round and we're not ALL gonna agree or get along......if you don't like what someone says about something you're doing you have options.......you can ignore them, flag their post if you find it inappropriate, respond to what they've said by defending urself, AND you can even tell them to fuck off if that's what you feel like doing! IMO it's what makes this country great!



I'm not tryin to upset anyone.....I'm here to learn, get advise and meet other moms who may have or be going thru similar experiences BUT sometimes I can come across kinda harsh when I'm passionate about something.....I always try to keep other people's feelings in mind but the internet can be a very difficult place to communicate.....a lot can be misinterpreted without verbal communication and body language!



I've had my feelings hurt before; I've even got defensive and barked back when someone criticized something I said, BUT then I realized that it's my fault for posting certain things for EVERYONE to potentially see! If you don't want to hear different opinions then you shouldn't be asking for advise from such a diverse group of women from all different countries around the world!



Cheers!

Nikkole - posted on 04/11/2010

no one has the right to attack you or how you raise or disciplaine ur kids. some mom think they way is the only and right way so they will attack any one who dosent think like them.

Kryss - posted on 04/11/2010

Humm i did a post recently on rude judgemental mommys....and i spank my child when needed and some of these moms need to know the difference there is one between spanking and hitting....and ppl have a right to their own opinion YET attacking is not very polite muchless shows bad character.

Christi - posted on 04/11/2010

hell no. we are here to give advice and share our experiences, not bash other mothers for what they are doing with their child. every child is different, every situation is different and people have different beliefs. if you are here to try and force 'your way' on others, leave, you are not wanted.

Laura - posted on 04/11/2010

No-one should attack anyone for anything, i think its ok to give advice if its asked for but i would never say to anyone how to raise their child, i know people who i think are pretty unresponsible parents but i would never say anything to them, thats their business, i suppose if i believed them to be actually abusing their kids i would maybe tell a health visitor, but only if i had my facts straight first, i saw this one post on another site where a woman had asked for help with regards to bottlefeeding and one mother lashed right out saying their kid was basically gonna get some horrible disease and die cos they didn't breastfeed their child, i thought that was way out of line, i reported it and the comment got removed

Becky - posted on 04/11/2010

Attacking - nobody has that right to do a horrible things as that. Parenting conflicts do happen and the easiest way to deal with that is to agree to disagree or keep quiet.

On the internet I find folks seek advice and sometimes this opens things up. I usually will go phone a friend and ask them stuff or my parenting coach to get some idea's.

With parenting - I don't think it hurts to go find a Triple P parenting program and attend that over a few weeks.

We all have our parenting styles and I don't think it's another person's place to dictate what is what. First off the other person is not your child's parent and does not know the dynamics of your relationship with your child or what the dynamics of the family is. You know what works for you and your family!


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Dawn - posted on 04/11/2010

joy,

i do not know if you read the one discussion on spanking, but not only did a particular person criticize me,which is fine i expected it , but she harassed and personally attacked me after i had asked her several times to leave me alone.she called a few other moms monsters and i believe personally attacked them as well. it is one thing to criticize, it is another thing to stalk and harass just because you do not like one's point of view. BTW i welcome you to this thread and hope that you have a wonderful day .

Joy - posted on 04/11/2010

i believe that if we put out the information of how we are raising out kids on the internet then we should be equally ready to accept criticism as well as praise. whether someones comment is an attack or not may be a matter of perception, and lastly, I reserve the right to accept someone else's suggestions or not. I have 5 children spanning over 20 years and I myself try not to be too prideful not to keep an open mind regarding parenting advice, I'm not perfect.

Dawn - posted on 04/11/2010

and don't worr, i'm gonna stick around here for a while. nobody puts me in a corner :)