Partially a deadbeat dad?

Courtney - posted on 04/15/2017 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My partner who I have been with for almost 4 years has a child from a previous relationship. I have spoken to his ex, but we have bumped heads a lot because of her condescending and manipulative ways.. My partner and I have a daughter together. He does everything for our daughter. His ex does not allow him to see his son. Every time he makes plans, she has some lame excuse to interfere with them and make him have to reschedule. I have seen first-hand how she is with my partner. He wanted to take her to court but I am not sure where he stands today, as he hasn't seen his son or mentioned him in almost a year. It bothers me that our daughter may never be able to meet her brother. Any advice on how to cope with my feelings or anything?

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Ev - posted on 04/15/2017

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They should have taken care of this years ago in court. He can always petition the courts for custody just as much as she can. He should also document all the times he contacted her about seeing his son--date, time, what was said by both and the result of his seeing his child or not. At this point, she is alienating him from his child and he can use that in court against her.

Michaela - posted 4 days ago

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Just having gone through this process on the reverse side (I had my oldest daughter's biological father's parental rights terminated) different situation though (he had not even attempted contact for first five years of her life and admits "plan to establish relationship when she turned five")
It sounds like biological mother in your case could be attempting to establish grounds to terminate your partners parental rights.
IF you really want to fight for his child, you should lawyer up now and have him seek custody.
After going through the process I mentioned above for THREE YEARS (it is a LONG and STRESSFUL BATTLE), I would really take to heart the advice of Nikki Bella and consider carefully before making such a move... perhaps no relationship now is better than a forced relationship.
Should you decide to pursue this further, time is of the essence. One year with no contact is enough to terminate a parents rights.

Nikki - posted 6 days ago

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You should thank your lucky stars that you dont have to deal with another woman and any potential drama that comes along with it!!!!! Seriously! Its not your battle to fight, I grew up without knowing my bio brother but now were the best of friends and it all comes to light when kids get older. They'll know who did what wrong. count your blessings I wish my step daughter's bio mom wasnt so difficult to deal with. I'd trade you any day :)

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Michaela - posted 4 days ago

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Family is family, so what...? We owe it to our families to endanger our children and ourselves just because they share some of the same DNA...?
Strictly from a personal perspective, family can let you down and hurt you the most.

Sarah - posted 4 days ago

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I disagree, while the kids may not be best buddies, family is family and worth at least knowing each other. If the father has attempted to see the child, his rights cannot be terminated without his knowledge. When an order like that gets filed, the court will notify him and he has the right to respond- if he doesn't respond that is a different matter. Courts are not so quick to end parental rights as it lifts the burden of support from the parent and often puts that burden on the public.

Michaela - posted 4 days ago

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Also, consider the gender and age difference here... Your little girl and his older son might not be the best company for each other. You also need to realize that no matter what kind of custody agreement you get, the boy will still be greatly influenced by HIS mother, if you find her to be condescending and manipulative you can bet your buns her son will have similar qualities and/or be recruited by her against you.

Ev - posted on 04/18/2017

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I might also add that you do not have any legal say in this. You can just be a support person to whomever you need to be there for.

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