People are making me feel guilty

Carmen Elena - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 100 moms have responded )

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My hubby's schedule is usually from 10 am to 9 pm,so by the time he gets home,the kids are already in bed,he doesn't get to see them that much.So he decided to start taking them to school at least 2 or 3 times a week in order to spend some time with them;but now the other moms are asking me questions like if I'm working and stuff like that,one of them told me that her husband never does that because it's OUR job since we are the ones staying at home.They are starting to make me feel guilty about it,should i feell this way?what to do?what to answer?Help please =).

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Lindsey - posted on 02/16/2010

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NNNOOO! You should definitely NOT feel guilty about having a husband who wants to spend time with his children. Just because you are a stay at home mom, doesn't mean that you are the only one who can do certain things with your children. He is their father and it is just as much his job as it is yours to make sure that they get to school. It is obviously part of your routine but he can do it too. Honestly, I would say that the mothers who are telling you that he shouldn't do it are just jealous that he is doing it and that their husband isn't. My husband is like yours, he has a very demanding job. He is in the military and worked nights for the first 6 years of our marriage and has been deployed for over 2 years of our marriage. He used to come home from work and ask me to leave our daughter at home while I went to work and then he would take her to daycare when he started to feel tired. You have to make your life work out for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Don't let anyone else tell you what is right for you.

As for what you tell the other moms, if they ask if you went back to work be honest. Tell them no and that your husband just wanted to drop the kids off. If they tell you that it is your job, then you can tell them that your children are NOT your JOB and that you are just blessed with a husband who wants to spend a little extra time with the kids and give you a little quiet time (well deserved quiet time) every now and then. Or you can just say, "Who asked you?" *smile*

Tracey - posted on 02/05/2010

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That is fantastic that your hubby wants to spend time with the kids. Good on him for taking the kids to school, it isn't for you it is for the kids to speak to their dad.
Don't worry about the other mums they are just jealous they don't get a morning off

Marisa - posted on 02/05/2010

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You should NEVER feel guilty about a Daddy wanting to do anything he possibly can to spent a few moments with his children. Shame on the women who are making you feel guilty! My husband's schedule is similar too. Sometimes, a few days will go by and my husband has not had a chance to see our two kids ( age 1 and 3) awake. If he had the opportunity to spend 5 extra minutes with them I would be all for it. If those mom's who are making you feel guilty ask you if you're working... tell them YES. Tell them you are "working" on building an awesome relationship between your kids and their Dad!!!!

Shannon - posted on 02/04/2010

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Carmen whoever these moms are need to mind their own business and get a life! I mean really is that all they have to worry about that you're not the one bringing YOUR kids to school. I mean come on he's their Father why wouldn't he bring them to school. Maybe you need to find a new circle of friends at your children's school and also be thankful that you have a wonderful man and your kids have a wonderful Father who misses spending time with his children and knows that even the short car trip to school is one of the most important times of his day. Hooray for you and him, What great parents you guys are! As usual more women causing other women to feel as though they aren't good enough, it sounds as if they're jealous. There are no specific jobs when it comes to parenting, Mom and Dad are responsible for all of the tasks that need to get done, stay at home Mom or not.

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Laura - posted on 08/22/2011

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Close your ears to that nonsense. Your husband wants some time with his kids - kudos to him for taking the extra step to take them to school. It sounds like you have some nosy moms - or, maybe they are a bit jealous that you have an involved husband and it makes them want to bring you down. I'd just tell these women how proud you are that your family is so close that your husband just can't get enough of together time!

Maria - posted on 08/21/2011

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you shouldnt feel guilty they are probably just jealous that your husband is that thoughtful and they wish their's were

Hope - posted on 02/16/2010

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O my goodness do not let them other girls make you feel guilty for having a good loving husband and father to your children. I am a stay at home mother and my husband also does this. No one has ever said anything to me (thank goodness). But being a stay at home mother does not mean that you have to do everything. The kids still have a father. I would chalk it up to them being a little jealous of you.
When they say its your job I would just state that its also "your life".. This is one thing that I have trouble with shutting my mouth about. When people try and point out what they think "my job" should be... I dont work for them or there ideas of what my life should be..
Count your blessings hun and when they something keep in mind that they are thinking "man wouldnt that be nice"...lol

Desirae - posted on 02/16/2010

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I had this happen to me! Don't feel guilty! You are giving them time they don't get with their father... that is a blessing!

Sabrina - posted on 02/10/2010

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do NOT feel guilty!!!! Some people are just stupid. Be thankful that you have a husband that wants to spend time with his kids. My husbands works 4 ten hour shifts during the week and is home on fridays, He gets up with our boys on Friday mornings, and makes breakfast for us all. I really appreciate what he does, just like you appreciate your husband's actions.

I get the same looks and comments when I say anything about how my husband helps. I've found that arguing with people just starts an arguement that has no point. so when I get those comments I just say "I'm so blessed to have a husband who really wants to be a good daddy and finds being involved with the kids as important as I do" and I leave it at that. I can't think of a time that it hasn't worked.

Margaret - posted on 02/10/2010

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You have no need to feel guilty, nor should you feel that you have to justify anything you do to anyone, not even those who gather around the schoolgates!

Those who claim it is OUR job are merely voicing THEIR opinion on what works best for them!!!! There is no traditional preserve nor proscribed involved here!

My husband works abroad, and I had similar 'voices of concern' raised when my husband also dropped off our children at school!! For the same reason - that he was home and he wanted to spend more time with the children, while he was home!

Why should you feel guilty for making arrangements that may not 'fit' in with others ideas!What you choose to do, and how you arrange for the children in their care is yours and your husband's buisiness, and no one else's!

It sounds to me as though your freind may be trying to make you feel guilty for her own reasons, and that she is succeeding! Possibly because her own partner/husband is not prepared to do what your husband does!

Pay no attention to others about your arrangements for taking your children to school!

How you arrange for the care of your children is your business and not the affair of anyone else's!

Nadine - posted on 02/10/2010

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Why should you feel guilty?! I feel bad for the children of those mothers. It is very important for the children to spend time with their mother as well as their fathers. If your husband doesn't have time to spend with the children at home, it's wonderful that he found a way to spend other ways to spend time with them. This is to the children's benefit. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty, it is a wonderful thing that your husband is doing this. It will build up his relationship with his children.

[deleted account]

just let your husband know how much u appreciate him wanting to spend his time with the kids...its good for the kids to know that their dad cares about them and he is showing it to them by doing it!!!...thats great...laxmi

Deborah - posted on 02/09/2010

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Do what is right for you and your family. Listen to your gut. Everyone else can mind their own business. Those that are close to you know why you do what you do. If you feel you need to explain...simply smile and say "I think it is wonderful my husband wants to spend time with our children. Especially since he works so much. I am truly Blessed." then walk away. Please do not feel guilty.

Sherri - posted on 02/09/2010

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Just explain to them that due to his schedule that the morning is the only time he gets to spend time with the kids and it is his choice and you back him for his love and care of the children Do NOT feel guilty. If they cannot accept this then it is their problem not yours.

Nicole - posted on 02/06/2010

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Honestly, those women are probably just being petty, and jealous. Why is it any of their business? Only you know what is best for your family, and what your situation is. Tell them the truth, that he works long hours and this is the only time he can spend some special time with them. Your children's quality time with their father, far out ways what other petty little moms think. Think of what your boys are benefiting from being with their Dad. Time with our parents is priceless, and is so wonderful for a child's well being. Also, people that try to make you feel guilty, and sad about your family business, are probably not your true friends.

Heather - posted on 02/06/2010

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Do you know what - sod em ! it is your life and your way to manage it! hubby is entitled to see his kids and enjoy them and the school run is a great time, the other mums perhaps feel guilty because you have help and their old men don't want to know. just reply politely that this is working for you both because this is what you want. It is up to each family to decide how they live and yes, perhaps the mums who ask about working feel slightly jelous cos they have not got a hubby that wants to spend time with the children. You should not feel guilty, you should feel proud that what works for you is a brilliant idea!x

Melody - posted on 02/06/2010

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do the think its your job to deny him time with his children? people often use blame to justify theeir own actions and lessen their own guilt. like not having the back bone to mention to their hubby that the kids need dad just as much , or that they will some how lose control by delegating certain tasks. and yes their are those who define themseles by their caretaker role and feel they are not "doing their job' if dad does certain things. but those people may not see the same benefit in their chidren as you see in yours by having dad take those extra moments to connectwith the kids. point is both dad and kids are sharing something that brings them closer and makes your family stronger. I would feel sorry for those to short sighted o see that benefit

Joan - posted on 02/06/2010

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Do NOT feel guilty! and who decided it's our "job"? to do everything for our children?
If our kids are lucky enough to have two parents why can't both take care of them and spend time with them? They are very lucky to have a daddy who wants to spend special time with them :+) They are just jealous that their husbands aren't as wonderful as yours!
My husband's favorite line is: " It's what works for our family".

Melanie - posted on 02/06/2010

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Never feel guilty about having a husband who wants to be involved with his family. Parenting is a shared responsibility, not just "woman's work" anymore. What an awesome husband you have!

Catia - posted on 02/05/2010

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Do not feel guilty those other mums are envy you because you have a husband that what to spend time with his kids.

One thing i say is don't listen to anyone, listen to yourself you it right for your husband to spend time with his and it's his job as well and it gives you a break and you deserve it because us mum never stop.

When my husband home from work he has to take the kids out for couple hours so i can have break and i don't care what anyone says because i work 24/7.

Nicole - posted on 02/05/2010

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your blessed with a great husband who sounds like a devoted dad, how could it ever be bad for him to spend as much time as he can with them!

Nina - posted on 02/05/2010

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Don't feel guilty. Your husband obviously feels bad that he doesn't spend enough time with them. Who cares if you are a SAHM, there is nothing wrong with your hubby taking the kids to school. My hubby takes our daughter to school the mornings that it is really cold so I don't have to walk in the cold weather with our other 2 kiddos.

[deleted account]

tell those other mums to go to hell! if this is what works for you do it. if your husband wants to spend more time with his kids let him. ignore them, they are just mad their husband don't want to help them.

April - posted on 02/05/2010

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share the duty and do whats best for YOUR family dont worry about others judgement

Krystal - posted on 02/05/2010

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My husband works and goes to school full time and I am a stay at home mom as well. My daughters are 2 years and 4 months old...a lot of work. I know how you feel about people making you feel guilty my husband usually takes the kids when he gets off work and home from school because it's the only time he gets to spend with them. We live with his parents and they think that I'm pawning them off on him which isn't the case at all. He knows my day has been a lot tougher than his usually is so he is more than willing to help me out unless he has homework. My advice don't feel guilty...ignore what the other mothers are saying I personally think they are just jealous that their husbands aren't as willing to do that as yours is. They're his children too and if he wants to spend what little time he gets to with them then that's great! Some guys want nothing to do with that kind of stuff which seems awfully archaic to me. So kudos to your husband! Keep up the good work and remember you are truly blessed to have a husband who works as well as help care for his children.

Stephanie - posted on 02/05/2010

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no you shouldn't feel guilty he is there father and wants to be able to spend more time with his kids thats a good thing some dads don't do that the wont even consider it. it means that he cares. If these women's husbands don't do that than they are missing out on alot. To be honest it's none of there business what goes on in your house or things that you as a family decide to do. whether you work or not. Your husband can take the school if he wants, end of story

Joy - posted on 02/05/2010

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never mind what those negative people say! families do what they gotta do to make life work! if this is what it takes to keep your family unit strong and connected.. .do it!!

Mary - posted on 02/05/2010

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I wouldn't feel guilty. That's a great way for your husband to spend time with the kids...something all of you need. Just be grateful and let them talk :)

Danielle - posted on 02/05/2010

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Don't feel guilty. It's not like it's ONLY benificial to you for him to take them to school; he's getting something from it too - he gets to spend time with your children, which was the whole point in the first place :) They are probably just jealous their husbands don't do the same, as said before. tell them to piss off lol ;-)

Suzie - posted on 02/05/2010

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spending time with his children is not a job its something he wants to do, so anybdy makin you guilty should be ashamed of them selves... my husband has a similar schedule he works 12 hr days too and he barely gets to see the kids so when he can he takes them to and from school or activities etc... its a pleasure and bonus for him becuz he doesnt get to do it, you shouldnt let anyone feel guilty you are doin ur "job" all the time non stop no breaks and he wants to be with his kids so dont let htme get to you! he should continue to take them, the kids need it more then anything they probably miss him tons!

Arielle - posted on 02/04/2010

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no dont feel bad, your husband doesnt get much time with your kids and he is just trying to get all the time he can. tell the other moms to stay out your business and they dont even know what they are talking about. they might even be jealous

Kristen - posted on 02/04/2010

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You should make them feel guilty about having a husband that wouldn't do that stuff for his family. You really are blessed with this and don't feel bad at all about it. Other people can turn their little heads if they don't like the look of it.

[deleted account]

Tell those other mom's that it is not their businuess that this is how your family does things and that if they have a problem with the fact that the children's father wants to spend a little extra time with his kids what is so wrong with their husbands that they can't spend extra time with their kids. Then say sorry that your husband is not as wonderful as mine.

Jessica - posted on 02/04/2010

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that makes me so mad! Why would anyone try to tell you that you shouldn't let your husband spend time with your kids, basically that is what they are telling you. Honestly they are jealous that he wants to do that! I think its amazing and wonderful that he does, Don't let them make you feel that way!

Sandra Kooky - posted on 02/04/2010

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Guilt! Praise God he wants to do this! My husband for the first 14years of my oldest daughter's life and the first 10 years of the youngest daughter's life left for work about 6:30am - about the time they might be opening their eyes when toddlers and about the time they were walking out the door to catch the bus when in school. He worked until 4:30 or 5pm, then went to night classes. Weekends were spent with catching up chores at home that I could not do, church activities, etc. We made it a concerted effort to go on "mini" vacations when they had a day off from school & he did n't have to go to work or school - usually we wnt less than an hour away. We live near the Gulf of Mexico - went to the beach, went to the outlet mall, went to free museums in Mobile, went to get an ice cream in Milton, FL, - you get the idea. SAHMs have enough on their plates without guilt that the husband takes the load off and is a parent. Just remember, you are always a mom and he is always a dad. More responsibility is put on the fathers in Proverbs than on moms. His few minutes in the car are eternal life lessons that they will remember forever. We all remember singing to music and "Dad" singing the wrong words & the time the speakers were up so loud that when they got back I heard them a block away. They had the windows down and were singing at the top of their voices. No way would they have had that "fun" with me. Dads are too important to not take time with their kids. Listen to only positive comments - the others are just jealous!

Jacqueline - posted on 02/04/2010

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don't ever feel guilty about it. how i wish my husband would do the same. as parents we need to spend equal time with our kids. so when you husband offered to take them to school, feel proud of him and give yourself a pat on the back!

Cheryl - posted on 02/03/2010

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In my opinion...It is none of their business!! Sorry I feel very strongly--My husband tells me all the time he couldn't do my job full time. I tell you what I work part time and love going to work even when sick because it is more of a break then when I am being a full time mom!!! You have a right to take time off and your husband has a right to a relationship with his children.

Stephanie - posted on 02/03/2010

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Jealous!! LOL So many other moms want their husbands to make effort like that...it doesnt matter if you work outside the home or not. You should just start bragging about your Mr. Wonderful, how he works so hard outside of the home so you can work just as hard in the home. With a big fat smile on your face ;o)

Natalie - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hm.. i think they're JEALOUS! They want to make you look bad so they can feel better about their men not doing what they really want them to do. Ign ore them and enjoy!

Darylann - posted on 02/03/2010

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You should not feel guilty for doing the best job, that is staying home for your kids. I have felt guilty for the same thing though, so I know how it feels.I recently started working from home, and it is the first scam-free at home employment I have found, and a great decision on my part.

Please read this website, I hope it helps!

http://www.internetceomoms.com/darylannt...

Nanci - posted on 02/03/2010

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no dnt feel guilty..i kno im jealous..lol...my husband dnt even live with us...ha..hes station els whern i needed help with my kids since hes nvr home neway

Rachel - posted on 02/03/2010

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They are just jealous. Don't worry about them, your children would be loving having their dad take them and your husband gets that time he needs with his children. Good on him and you, do what is best for your children and no-one else

[deleted account]

dont mind them its fantastic that your husband is doing this to spend time with his kids there jealous.people like them you dont need to answer too. dont feel guilty but blessed to have a wonderful husband and kids:)

Tricia - posted on 02/03/2010

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I think that it is very important for children to be on a good schedule. My three girls are normally in bed by 7:15 every night. They need their sleep! As for your husband taking your children to school...that is awsome. My girls love it when their Papa (dad) takes them to places that "I" normally take them. They feel that it is special. Sounds to me that these other women are jealous that your husband is doing things like that. I wouldn't let it bother you. Now he gets to spend some special time with the kids and maybe you can get a little extra done.

Dannielle - posted on 02/03/2010

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they're jealous and need to mind their own business...in fact maybe they need to be told to worry only about their own lives, husbands and children...you and your children are BLESSED to have a husband and father that wants to have a connection...make sure to thank him for that and leave the other women to their own jealous immaturity....also maybe it would be worth reading some good books that affirm your role as a stay at home mom and give you the confidence you need to NOT feel guilty when attacked in such a manner....I really like the book TheStay at Home Mom by Donna Otto with a forward by Elizabeth Elliot...I'm sure their are many other good books out there as well.

Andrea - posted on 02/03/2010

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tell them to stick it, they have no right to pry into your lives and say your doing something wrong, when they dont even know the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[deleted account]

Say "My husband just loves his family SOOO much, he enjoys spending any spare moment with them. Doesn't your husband?" that oughtaa shut them up. Oh, and honey, no one MAKES us feel guilty....we do that all by ourselves. So you may have to ask yourself why such comments are affecting you.

Angela - posted on 02/03/2010

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DO NOT FEEL GUILTY... it's good for your kids to have some daddy time even if its just to drop them off in the morning and the kids are probably enjoying it as well... OUR job, I beg to differ we are equal partners, don't listen to others you guys do what's good for you and your family... I wouldn't even answer her just ignore it... good luck and enjoy...

Nazia - posted on 02/02/2010

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u shld be happy abt it n not guilty.
my hubby does so many thing for the kids which is basically mom job like giving bath, changing diaper, feeding kids etc i never felt guilty
infact I always thanks to Allah for giving me such a nice hubby and very caring father for my kids.

Erin - posted on 02/02/2010

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feel guilty? for what letting your husband get to see his children the little bit he can on work days. thats ridiculous. i feel sorry for the mom that says her husband never does that stuff . what else wont he do for his childeren. forget the comments!!!

Julia - posted on 02/02/2010

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Wow, those mothers are not very happy people or not satisfied with their own situations. I believe they need to mind their own beeswax. You should feel proud you have chosen a husband and father of your children who cares about them and wants to spend time with his offspring.

Bernadette - posted on 02/02/2010

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I think it's awesome that Daddy wants to spend time with his babies. I will give and make my husband be with them as much as he can. M-F he usually doesn't get home till the kids are in bed so any chance he has to spend it with him he gets it. Those other mother's giving you crap are unhappy that they don't have a husband as thoughtful and caring as yours. It's not just our job to be with our kids, it's our husbands job and responsibility also. Not a very nice group of ladies, I would think about finding a group that shares your views. It's healthier.

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