People look down on my decision to stay at home.

April - posted on 12/11/2009 ( 103 moms have responded )

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I'm a new mommy and I chose to leave the practice I was running in order to stay at home and raise my son full time. My question is: how can I nicely respond to the people in my life who don't seem to be very supportive of my choice? My husband's family in particular always comments that it is a "shame" I left my practice to stay home or how it's "nice" that I could stay at home with my son. (My husband is very supportive of me and we made this decision together, so at least he's on my side, but he doesn't know how to nicely respond to these people either.) If it is supposed to be a woman's right to chose, why do these people try to make me feel ashamed of my choice to remain at home?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Melaina - posted on 12/11/2009

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I was once told by a fellow student that I was "throwing away everything my fore-mothers had fought for" when I told them that I was planning to stay-at-home with the baby I was expecting. I simply replied that I wasn't sure what her fore-mothers had fought for, but mine had fought for me to have the CHOICE! Why would I choose for someone else to raise my children when I am able to stay home and raise them myself?

Myra - posted on 12/16/2009

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When others try to make you feel bad about becoming a SAHM, just look them in the eye and tell them you don't need to justify your decision...it's what you think is best for your child, and that's what any woman would do -- what's best for her child. It isn't a "choice", "privilage", or anything to be ashamed of.

When people look at being a SAHM as anything other than what is best for a child, they have to look down on those who do stay home so they can justify leaving their child(ren).

Katie - posted on 12/16/2009

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I feel so fortunate to be able to stay at home with my children. My eldest son is 3 January and every minute is precious as he starts school September 2010. Time flies by too quickly. I now have a second son who is 12 weeks old and I will not work full time until both my children are in full time education.
I do think some mothers are jealous but my response to people is just that I am so lucky to be able to have this time with my children, and given the choice (which praise God, I had) I chose to be with them instead of being away from them! What mother wouldn't?

Christine - posted on 12/14/2009

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When I had my first son, I was not in a financial position where I had the option of staying home. It broke my heart that I was not the first to see all of his milestones such as his first smile, first word, first steps, etc. When my daughter was born, I was in a better place financially and was able to stay home. It was the best decision I have ever made. Not only was I the first to witness everything, my daughter did everything a lot sooner. She was healthier from eating better and getting more exercise. She talked sooner, walked sooner, she was a happier child than my son had been and I always thought that he was the happiest child I'd ever seen. It was the best decision I have ever made. I finally went back to work when she entered preschool. All of her teachers felt as though she was ready for the first grade at the age of 4 1/2. I have just had my third child and there was no question that I would be staying home with him.



No matter what your decision is, there are always going to be people that will think it's the wrong decision. The only opinion that should matter is yours and your husbands. The best way to respond to anyones questions is to let them know that you would rather raise your son yourself with your own views and morals instead of those of a childcare provider. No one can provide for, or love your child like you can. Good luck, and enjoy every moment. It really is a blessing to be able to have this opportunity.

Renae - posted on 12/12/2009

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When I was leaving work the owner of the company I ran said things like "I didn't know women still did that". That is a ridiculous comment. Infact all of the educated successful women I know have chosen to stay at home. I don't know a single one who still works. Isn't it funny that times have changed to the point that it is now old-fashioned for women to continue to work!



When other mums say it I often find it is just jealousy that they can't afford to stop working. With men its just plain ignorance.



It doesn't happen very often but if it does its usually an older man I find, they somehow think "modern women" are all about careers when that is completely wrong, modern women are about balance. I treat it like they are the strange one, I say things like, "get with the times", "who doesn't stay home these days", "why would I have a baby to give it to someone else to look after", "don't mums only work if they HAVE to".

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103 Comments

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Kate - posted on 11/30/2011

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I have to admit it took me a long time to enjoy being a SAHM. With that said, I was getting harsh judgement from all sides and also suffering very bad post natal depression and the very first time I took my daughter to a mother and baby group I got a severe talking to from a working mum who insisted SAHMs are the work of the devil. Suddenly I felt sorry for her because she obviously felt she couldn't make a choice. And I know my parents didn't have a choice and neither did my DH's mum. Well, we do, and my choice is to stay at home and raise my children myself. I now do work one day per week but will most likely stop again in the new year as I think I'll actually be losing money (one more good reason to stay at home and look after my family!).

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2011

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well i am also a stay at home mom and people that comment on it i would just tell them ive made the choice to stay at home because i dont want to miss anything or i dont want my kids raised by a daycare thats the reason why i stay at home with my daughter just politely tell them your reasons why and if they dont understand or support you then that is on them but atleast your husband supports you

Jacquie - posted on 03/12/2011

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ooh im jealous that you can stay home lol. I work part time as we need the extra money but i refused to go back full time as i never wanted to be paying someone to look after my child. To be honest it didnt make sense to give most of my pay to someone else. Wouldnt really be gaining anything then.

In my family we have worked it so my in laws have my son for a few hours for one of my shifts and my husband has him the other day. Its worked out really well as my son has amazing bonds with his grandparents. "daddad" (grandad) being possibly his favourite person in the world aside from me and his dad and it has given me a chance to see other people and keep my brain sharp. I only work 10 hours and feel that is enough. I enjoy it now but would have loved to stay home at first.

Kathy - posted on 12/18/2009

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You don't need to respond to them, you don't have to justify yourself. I think thats awsome...coming from a SAHM! I'm sorry they aren't supportive however you chose to raise your child, instead of letting someone at daycare raising your kid. Plus by doing this, you form a bond and it's awsome!! Plus your child is more apt to not have snotty runny noses and catching colds from other kids!

I hope you don't feel ashamed because personally from a working mom to a SAHM staying at home is much better! I worked with my older 2 and they were always sick and raised by strangers in daycare we were close but not as close as my youngest since I stayed home with him. I feel guilty for NOT staying home with them!

They try to make you feel ashamed because it's something they want to do and are not able or not the type of parent that can stay with their kids! Being a SAHM is hard, you don't get a break from your "job", like a regular job plus you don't get paid with money! However, you get paid in kisses, and love and when they grow up more likely than not they will have that bond with you, plus I can teach my son what I want. He knew his alphabet before school and could count to 20, all this before preschool!

Its a blessing and whoever tells you its not, well don't listen! Good Luck, and don't let ppl like this get you down!

Melissa - posted on 12/18/2009

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The funny thing is that I just had this same conversation with MY mother. She gave me grief for making the choice to stay at home with my son. She commented on how people have degrees (which I have 2 degrees my AA and BA and a minor in human development and am 4 classes away from my MA) stay at home raising children when they could work and make even more money for their family. I responded with "Well, every family is different and we decided that for OUR family it was best that I stay home and raise our son and not work inorder to pay someone else to do it." With that she than asked why I decided to go to college. My answer was "Because even though I may not use my degree NOW I know that I have a degree and if I need it I can use it to help support my family. Plus it's kind of hard to encourage your own children to attend college when you have not gone your self." I just stayed calm and let her know that this is for US not her or anyone else. Typically most people who question your decision to stay home are ones who have no choice other than to work.



I think we need to get back to a society where more parents stayed home and children were tended to by their parents and not a sitter. Maybe our children will be able to contribute to society in a positive way because the kids now are horrible!

Carrie - posted on 12/18/2009

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Don't feel ashamed - My personal opinion is that it IS a mothers job to raise her own children instead of passing them off to the sitter to do it. No one can do it better than you and you should be proud and grateful that you are able to stay with your child. Who says you need to respond to the critics anyway? Smile and let it go - it's your life, and your child. Be at peace with your decision, it's no one elses business.

Joanne - posted on 12/18/2009

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Who better to raise your children? Who knows best what your child will need when it comes to nutrition & health, friends, education, any special needs? Mothers have a natural instinct to nurture, what better gift do you have. Others really aren't thinking through your choice, they are only looking at the surface - are they jealous, envious, snobbish? Or,is it because you will not be making money anymore and need to? I say you are the best for taking care of your children - why rely on others to get the "job" done.

Kayla - posted on 12/18/2009

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Good for you for making your own decisions! I am a SAHM and while I have a lot of support around me I also get some comments from people. My Husband and I are also not all that "financially sound" and could really use some extra pay that I would be able to make but when you look at the numbers and over half of that pay is going to someone else to raise my child, well I would rather go without that new coat, or new car, or new anything else to be able to be with my baby. Do what works for you and I always find saying "judge not lest ye be judged" stops a lot of the comments that come my way. Congratulations again and enjoy your family

Katy - posted on 12/18/2009

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I have a similar situation where I left a great high paying job with great benefits to care for our daughter and I now work a part-time job also. Here's what I tell people.

I am so excited about my new career. This career will last a lifetime. It is the most important job I will ever have and it makes me irreplaceable. There is always something new and exciting happening and there are opportunities for growth and continuing education. The benefits are awesome paid vacation, paid holidays, sick leave, I get to bring my child to work with me. Plus, I have a flex schedule and can work from home. The dresscode is awesome and I am my own boss. This new career is a perfect fit for my family and I. We are so happy about our decision. After I put it like this with all the advantages and let people know I and so excited and happy I am about our decision they very rarely say anything but about how happy I sound. I do say all this without letting them get a word in until I am finished bragging about this awesome job. I am careful not to ever mention money woes bc then that opens up the can of worms they all want to comment on. Just so you know I am so happy that you are able to do this for your family. Whenever someone makes you feel like you made a bad decision look at your child and remember that it is you that they look forward to seeing during the day not a babysitter or worker at a daycare. They will learn from you and be loved by you not a stranger and that is more important than anything anyone could ever say to you. Hope it helps.

Rana - posted on 12/18/2009

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We chose to stay home almost 13 yrs.ago without ONE regret...yes it's been tough but we are still here and I have to say we have wonderful children because of it! We believe in the Bible principles of raising our children the way WE are suppose to, not someone else dong it for us and we have survived greatly. Your children will be at more peace as will you and that says ALOT! People that usually don't support you are the ones with regrets and guilt that they didn't do what you are boldly stepping out to do. You will never regret it because God entrusted these little ones to us to raise not someone else. I homeschool my 12 year old, have a special needs child and a toddler and I LOVE IT:)

Amber - posted on 12/17/2009

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Maybe let them know how they are making you feel... there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom (or dad)... my thinking is you can always go out and make more money but you will never be able to make more time... time with your children is much more important... and if you have the opportunity take it...

Linda - posted on 12/17/2009

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I feel being a mom is a full time job and if you are like me you also take care of the house hold responsibilities and it can be a hard job to keep up with everything but its also the most rewarding and i feel i was put on this earth to be a mom and i love it and wouldn't trade it in for nothing and if someone don't understand or agree with my choice to stay at home with my son then i just don't let it bother me cause i know in my heart i am doing the right thing and so does my fiance and i didn't have a child to have some one else raise it when babies are little that is the best time to bond with them!

Megan - posted on 12/17/2009

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Also, my mother was a stay at home mom and I loved it and that was one of the reasons I really wanted to stay home with my children...And being a mom is a full time job, that is y some people get paid 4 it!

Michelle Lourdes - posted on 12/17/2009

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I have three kids and I wasn't able to work till they were all in school-elementary. I have no regrets. My mind was focused on their needs. My husband and I, too, made that decision together for our children sake. People tend to degrade moms who choose to stay home even if they are degree holders. But I look at the moments that I could be there for them and the blessings of guiding them as they grow up. Perhaps when others would ask of your job...share to them the JOY of being there for your son... and discovering the changes as he grows. Money cannot give you the satisfaction of seeing him laugh at you, play with you and that momentous moment when he takes his first step. So don't be guilty or ashamed that you made that choice.Walk proud.

Megan - posted on 12/17/2009

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We stay home because that is what we want to do. We want to spend as much time with our children as possible. We don't want to miss any of their firsts. It is a choice and people need to respect that, as you respect people who chose to work and not stay home with their children! I look at it as we have children for the reason to love and take care of and should stay home and watch our children grow. unfortunately not everyone is as fortunate as us and can stay home with their children because of financial reasons and other reasons...i have the opposite going on, everyone i know is jealous and wishes they could be a stay at home mom, i was not so fortunate with my daughter who is almost five. I had to work even though i wished i could stay home, but now with my son i can and my daughter i have been for the last 2 1/2 years....she is in preschool now but only goes half days...she loves school.....Hope this helps! Do what is in your heart, eventually people will stop talking and nagging you and just accept it...You will love every minute of being a stay at home mommy! Hang in there! Sorry if i have typos my 4 month old is making me hold him and i am typing with one finger..lol

Tiffany - posted on 12/17/2009

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I choose to stay home with my young children, because they are only little for so long and I don't want their childhood spent in a daycare where they do not get the love and nourishing environment of our home. I am truly blessed to be able to be with them when they wake up and when they go to sleep. The decisions that my husband and I have made for our family are made through prayer and priority. When I am with my children, I am in the middle of God's will for our family. I know by staying home with our children, we will never look back and wish we hadn't. They are too precious to pay strangers to "watch". Being with my children is my choice for our family.

Cassey - posted on 12/17/2009

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Reading your respoonses and everyone who posted something was interesting. I think that it is a good choice you made to stay at home. I have a 2 and 3 year old. How I came to the choice of staying home was financial issues. It was either stay home and try to save money or work and my entire check went to day care so it was best fit for me to stay home. We could use the extra money, who cant in this world today but I get the joy of teaching my children and being home with them. It is a blessing and the greatest joy that I receive was both of my daughters told me, mommy I dont want you to work, you have to stay here, you are the best mommy in the world I love you. I just cried. Yeah, things are tight dealing with one income but I would trade that in for the world to hear what my children just told me. Enjoy your child because they will grow up fast and you want to be present to capture all of life's little moments with your child so you can build up memories.

Carrie - posted on 12/17/2009

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That's really too bad people think it's a shame that you want to stay home and raise your child. I don't understand why people can look down on others for raising their own children. I've known for years that whenever I had children I wanted to stay at home with them. When I had my son, I was blessed enough to actually have the opportunity! To me, it makes more sense that mothers might feel guilty if they choose to work rather than stay home. I know I would feel guilty choosing to work rather than to stay home if I knew my family could afford it. That's just me.

I think that when people show their disapproval of your choice, you could respond by saying this is what is right for you and your family, or that you want to be the one who raises your child every day rather than someone at a daycare, or maybe that you feel good that you won't miss out on anything. Hope this helps!

Tara - posted on 12/17/2009

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I am a stay at home mom too, everyone in my family supports me not working until she is a little older.lt sounds like maybe they are just jealous that you are able to not work and they can't .

Shari - posted on 12/17/2009

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I stay-at-home now with my 20 month old daughter but will have to go back to work next summer in order to pay my student loan debt and I dread it everyday. Do not let anyone make you feel bad for your decisions. Every parent faces this decision and it is a very personal one. When someone asks you why you decided to stay home just tell them that you felt that there was no one else who could care for your child in the way that you can. Work will always be there but your child will grow up fast and you will always be able to look back and remember the time spent with him. You will never have to say you missed his first laugh, smile or steps and thats reason enough.

Andrea - posted on 12/17/2009

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Looks like my 2 is not needed so I will just say, "Congratulations!! Enjoy your baby, April." One thing, we should never be made to feel ashamed of spending every possible moment with the ones we love. Maybe this video can help you with your response? It's the one about baby Eliot who only lived 99 days. Be happy, God bless!

Mary - posted on 12/17/2009

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You need to tell them that your job as a stay at home mom is not only more rewarding, but is more exhausting, and harder in every way than working at a regular 9-5 job. As a stay at home mom your on call 24/7 and the way you raise your child is more important than getting a pay check. I too am a stay at home mom and people have said some mean things to me about it... I'm sorry but I don't believe in sticking your kid in daycare from the time they are 3 months old and letting someone else raise your kid. Take care and don't let anyone tell you you mad the wrong decision staying home or anything like that. You made the right decision. Good luck!

Mayra - posted on 12/17/2009

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I have stayed home with my kids for 7 yrs now of course i got married right out from high school and only worked about 3 jobs, after our second oldest was born i had made the decision to stay home with my kids, to me seeing my kids grow up is far more important than a career, my parents always tought me that is a man's obligation to support his family and the woman has the choice to stay home and there should be no guilt in that! there are many things now in days where kids are abused by there babysitter and who better than there own mom to watch over them to care for them and far most important bond with them,To be able to wake up in the morning get them of to school and for them to come home from school and I be here is great, and also i have no one to answer to i am free to go wherever i want especially when my kids have school programs that is very important that i dont miss one school program and a milestone in there life.

Jolanda - posted on 12/17/2009

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After your children are raised, you have the rest of your life to work. You started your family and are now doing the right thing and raising them yourself....not letting a daycare provider do it for you. You will never be able convince some people of the beauty in what you chose. Just hold your head up high and now that you made the right choice for YOUR family.

Jill - posted on 12/17/2009

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I left my teaching position of 7 years to stay at home with my new daughter. I also have 2 stepchildren who stay with us every other week. My mother in particular seems the most peeved about my decision, especially since money is tight. I just say to her that I don't want someone else raising my child, someone else to hear her babbling or see her roll over for the first time. I don't want her running to her day care provider for comfort when I come to get her. I want to be the one to be there. I don't feel ashamed about that one bit. That's what's absolute best and most natural for her. My husband is 100% supportive of the decision, and tells anyone who questions us the exact reasons he's happy with the way things are. Yes, things are tight and there have been many sacrifices, but if it's for the greater good of all of our kids, it's worth it.

Jessica - posted on 12/17/2009

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Ech. Ignore them. ;) Not everyone agrees on everything - an ignorant person is the only kind who desires to impose THEIR decisions on someone else. Despite what you say, others will continue to believe their position is correct. Otherwise, they would have kept their mouth shut in the first place. I have found that saying that I enjoy spending time with my children and that it works best for our family pretty much handled it. Always seemed to me that if someone was real defensive about your decision to stay home that maybe they were questioning their choice not too - or fearing that you might be critical of them.

Louise - posted on 12/17/2009

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I would just like to say, what is the point in having children if you are going to pay someone else to raise them for you. There is always time for a carear but your children will grow up so fast that you need to spend all the time you have with them!! (if you can afford to of course!!)

[deleted account]

I like the "Why would I have a baby only to have someone else raise him?" approach. Said in a cheerful tone...it would probably work to get you into the reasons behind your decision and once you explain those, it may shut them up for good.
When they say how *nice* it is that you get to stay home, just come back with "yes it is, he's growing so quickly" and change the topic...

Stephanie - posted on 12/16/2009

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problem because you dropped what you were doing for your son...I have two kids and i dropped everything for them.. i think its fun to be home with my children...It's a responsibility you have...people are ashamed of you.. Just tell them that your child important to you and you rather be home with them instead of working all the time so you dont miss out on anything thats happening in his life....being a full time mom is just like having a job 24/7.. so be proud of urself...

Emily - posted on 12/16/2009

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I have not read the other posts but personally I would be crushed if I had to have someone else "raise" my child half of the time. It does not sound nice but it is the truth--someone else would be helping you raise your child. On top of that I am afraid I would be too tired to have fun with her. When people ask me why I don't work, that is what I tell them. I do not want to miss any important milestones either so that's a bonus!

Saveena - posted on 12/16/2009

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Listen April, you seem happy with your choice and your husband is supportive of your decission. I say, when anyone says anything to you that make you feel as if your decission to stay home with your child is somehow not a good one, say this, "I feel very fortunate to have this opportunity to witness my child's first everything and take care of him/her. There is nothing like a mom's touch during the first 5 years of a child's life." Say it just like that and keep a straight face and look at them while saying it ever so nicely and then gently turn away and find something to do. I am not saying you will stay home 5 years with your child but that is your decision and staying home to take care of your child or children is not shameful nor is it demeaning in anyway. I know it is really better than sending them to the baby sitter or daycare during their early years.... precious things. You sound like a good mom and good luck to you and your family.

Stephanie - posted on 12/16/2009

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Ok I don't know that i would be able to put it nicely. But if you and your husband made that decision together, That was your two decision not friends and family. I have been a stay at home mom now for the past 6 years. I feel it is so rewarding to be at home with my children. When my family asked me "Don't you miss working?" I said of course I do but i have the best job in the world I wake up every morning to my babies. Take care of there needs Breakfast, Lunch Snacks, Dinner, Homework, playtime. You know what I would not have changed my decision. And as Sara said there are some jealous people out there that will try to make you feel bad about your decision because they wish they could or would have made the same decision you did as a stay at home mom. WTG on staying at home and being there for your baby when he needs you the most....

Kelly - posted on 12/16/2009

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a very simple answer , "children only get one childhood , and Im spending it with her "
But other than that I don't think anyone should have to justify why they are staying at home, OR why they are a working mum .

Amanda - posted on 12/16/2009

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I go with, "I am so blessed to be able to stay home with my boys. They are only going to be this age once and when it is the right time, I will go back. I would hate to miss all of the great things they do!"

Rebecca - posted on 12/16/2009

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My first instinct is to tell them to mind their own business!! But that's not very helpful is it? How about saying that I can return to my practice at anytime but I only get one chance to raise my son. What about saying that you may be qualified to be a doctor or lawyer (sorry not sure what sort of practice you have) but you are also qualified to be a mother. Also that your patients or clients won't know the difference if they have to go to another practice but that your son will know the difference if he is raised by someone else. Good on you for having the courage to put your career on hold for your child. Your son will benefit from the time with you but will never miss the money you didn't make going to work. Why do Mum's have to justify every decision they make to the world? If you went to work people would be picking on you for that too. We are expected to do everything to other peoples standards! I have chosen to stay home with my daughter even though we can't really afford it; but I wouldn't have it any other way. Good luck April!

Anna - posted on 12/16/2009

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my mother stayed home with me and that is what i remember. not what toys i had or the outfits i wore. and that is what i say to people also. I would much remember my mother paying with me and going grocery shopping with her then the toy they got that broke the next day!

Lisa - posted on 12/16/2009

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my husband and I both agree that having a parent raise the kids is better than having a stranger. We can teach our children what we value, morals and whatnot, and shield them from the violence of other children or colds or whatever. I stayed home with all my kids, except for a year while he stayed home and took care of our one year old daughter. I'm back at home and he's back at work, and it's working for us--though he really wants to be back at home, he just sucks at multi tasking, (and being pregnant and nursing too). so I get to be the SAHM. I've had the fun little conversations where people judge me, tell me how they worked 70 hour work weeks to pay for their house and their two cars and their two kids, and I just point out that they are stressed out to the max, they don't enjoy their children, they ended up abusing their children because they were so stressed and lost custody of them--and now--15 years later, what do they have to show for it? children who don't live with them, no house, no car, no education, and no job. Money makes things easier, but it's not the goal. The goal is to have a happy loving home. I'd much rather have one car, live in an apartment, have hand me downs and have happy loving children who are a joy not a job.
so my remark to people is this; "I love my kids so much I want to give them the best and the best is me, in 60 years from now will my kids remember the new car we bought, or will they remember the good times we had together?"
I've never heard an older person ever wish they had worked more. EVERYONE'S wish was to have spent more time with their family. Family is what is important. You can't have good relationships if you don't invest the most valuable asset you have--time.

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I just say...I'm doing what I feel is best for my child and I feel that by working I would be sacrificing important time for my child. Most people just seem to be quiet after that.

Monica - posted on 12/16/2009

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one more thing, my wonderful husband stayed home with the kids when i was working now we've switched. people think it strange for a husband to stay home, but if it works for the fam then i say do what works. when i was working (i taught elementary) it was great knowing that the kids were with their dad and they had soooo much fun with him. i wrote up a daily lesson plan for academics and he would teach them. now my boys are 5 and 6 and are doing great in school. i didn't feel bad then and now that i stay home with my daughter who is 2 i still don't feel bad because the kids had us at home with them, whether it was their dad or me. so like i said before be blessed and love on your kids!!

Monica - posted on 12/16/2009

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do what makes you happy and what you feel is best for your family!! people will always have something negative to say. just be proud of your decision and you don't have to explain yourself to no one. be blessed and love your kids!!

monica

Tonya - posted on 12/16/2009

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I heard the same thing when I decided to stay home with my daughter and I let it go in one ear and out the other. My daughter is only small once and I am only having one child so I want to enjoy every minute of it instead of a sitter. I tell people that once she is in preschool I will go back for a couple hours but until then it's my baby and I. She is now 20 months old and I don't regret a thing becuase we attend so many classes, she has learned so much it's amazing. Good luck and I am happy you decided to stay home, work will always be there but kids won't.

Viki - posted on 12/16/2009

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My MIL can't really say much about my staying home since she was a stay at home mom. But still I feel my mom and MIL are maybe a bit jealous that I am so fortunate to be able to stay at home. My mom unfortunately doesn't like the fact that I have what she didn't. And I think my MIL wishes she was home watching her while I go work. She has actually said I could move in and watch the baby and care for the house while you go into the salon. :( I've learned to just ignore people. Say how you feel once and everytime it's brought up after that just pretend you didn't hear them.

Kelly - posted on 12/16/2009

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I was a working mum for the first 6years of my daughter's life, and she walked at 10 months , was talking in 4 word sentences before her first birthday , and was (and still is ) one of the most friendliest , confident secure kids that I have ever come across , so I DON'T think that kids of SAHMs are more secure or brighter than kids of SAHM .

,However I hated being away from her, but , I was single and I got more from working than I did on the beneftit , and luckily for me my mum is a nanny and could take care of her during the day , when I finished work this time , I was thrilled, not just because I get to be home with my baby , but I can actually spend time with my girl as well , I love being a SAHM , wish id been able to with her , and I say to my husband "do you want me to go back to work and he very admantly says no .

Which suits me fine !

I spend most of my day just cuddling him (the joy of second babies , your much more relaxed )

Melisa - posted on 12/15/2009

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they do it because now a days women have the choice to work or stay home and most women will say work cause of the fact for years women where told to stay home with the kids. now that we have the choice most ppl expect women to want to work.... personal my husband and i also made the choice together that i would stay home to raise own kids....so dont let anymore tell you that you made the wrong choice because you want to take care of your baby....

Amanda - posted on 12/15/2009

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i just tell people that im lucky my husbands job is amazing so i can stay home with my kids and raise them the way i want them to be raised rather then leave them in a day care where i dont know what they are doing or learning. i have 10 month old twins and when people see how well behaved they are and how smart they are they cant really argue.

Cristina - posted on 12/15/2009

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Hi, no need to ever feel ashamed of being a SAHM, you are doing what you know is right for you and your family, if your husband is pro to this, what the others say is not really important and shouldn't get you down, i left my company to be a SAHM and our son is the better for it, and so am I, when they do say something, just tell them something in the way of: we talked long and we think that at this time the best thing for US is for me to stay home for at least a couple of years, or whatever time you give yourself to do this.
I just went back to work two months ago, my son is almost two, and to be honest i'm glad that I stayed through his most important milestones like first crawl, steps, words, you know some working moms miss all that, I'm glad I stayed long enough to share that with him.
So, don't ever feel ashamed of staying at home. take care.

Nikki - posted on 12/15/2009

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I would tell them that you don't want other people raising your children. That's my view on it. I stay at home with my daughter too (and I'm pregnant with our 2nd, due in May) and my husband is very supportive. We want to have our children raised by one parent or the other...not a babysitter...not a day care person. I understand some people need to have both parents work to maintain the household, and that's a little different. I would think the parents should be around as much as possible. I plan to start working again once our kids are in school. My nice response is that I want to see my children grow and learn and not hear about it from someone else. I love staying at home and being with my little girl and am excited for the new addition that will be here next may.

Sarah - posted on 12/15/2009

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Right now, your children are your priority. When the time comes that you feel it is best for them and you to pursue a career outside of the home...you will. It seems that people who question my staying home are either jealous that they cannot or feel guilty that they do not. It is an issue inside of them that they are placing on you. Just know that while it may not be the most glamorous job it is certainly the most honorable.

Jane - posted on 12/15/2009

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people often respond in that manner when they are jealous or ignorant. enjoy your days at home. the peace of mind that you have knowing your family is on track w/one another is much more valuable than w/what others think or think they know.

Christy - posted on 12/15/2009

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Good for you!! You have taken on the most important job on earth. People usually look down on other people's decisions when they're not very secure with their own situation. I not only stay home with my two kids but also plan to homeschool them. People think I'm nuts - but I don't care. I know in my heart that God gave me these kids to raise (not have someone else raise). I want to be the one to instill morals and values in their formative years (not someone paid minimum wage to do it).

God Bless!! :)

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