Please help!! *kind of long*

Amanda - posted on 08/24/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 1 1/2 yr old who constantly fight and never take what i say seriously. I tell them to stop fighting and pop their butt but they just continue on (half the time) like i am not even there. And to top that off, i never have "me time". My husband doesn't get home from work until 10:30 at night, so i have the kids all day by myself, 24/7. we don't get babysitters at all. Last time we had a babysitter was while i was in the hospital having my son (the 1 1/2 yr old), It causes us to fight, because we dont get that alone time that we need. I am constantly in a bad mood because i dont get my alone time that i need and nobody will help!! I've tried talking to my family and his but i always get told no. It's not that my kids are so bad nobody will watch them, when they are at a family members house they are fine, they might fight a little but not near as bad as they do at home. My grandma tells me that when she had my mom and aunt she didn't have a babysitter either, they stayed with her all the time and when they would go somewhere the kids would go to. So that's pretty much her telling me that No she won't watch my kids because nobody watched hers. It's like nobody understands! I"m not trying to "put my kids off on ppl" i'm just trying to get an hour or two to myself. Does that make me a bad mom? It might sound to some ppl that i'm trying to get rid of my kids, but that's not it, i love my kids more than anything in this world, i'm just trying to get some alone time to save my sanity so i can start being a little happier. I've tried going into a room by myself for a few minutes to take a breather, but the kids follow me EVERYWHERE i go. And that's no lie, i can't go to the bathroom alone, when i take a shower they beat and bang on the door,when their daddy is right in the next room.
I have no idea what to do!!! Please help me!! Any advice will be highly appreciated!! And thank you for taking the time to read this!

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Angela - posted on 08/24/2010

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Oh honey :( it sounds like you are having a tough time.

Don't worry I think you are totally normal to want some time out :)

And you know what they say - if Mum ain't happy then nobody is!

Sometimes you have to be blunt with the husbands ha ha :)
We now have a routine - he gets home from work at 6pm, he is on "baby duty" until 7pm - so I can cook in peace and quiet.
He takes our son into his bedroom, gets him dressed for bed and plays with him until dinner is ready.
I read tho that your husband doesn't get home until 10.30pm so that won't work for you. Does he start late? or just have exceptionally long days?

Another post I read somewhere on here had a lovely idea of going out to the park as a family and building the bond between the dad and the kids. sometimes they just don't get it lol :)

Something else I did was I joined a gym that has child care while you work out so my son plays happily there and I get some time out each day. (they have a day spa too - so sometimes I just get a facial or a massage)

To finance it I work 1 day a week and my son has day care for that one day - its a nice balance for us.

Are there any play groups in your area, maybe having your kids playing with others might distract them from fighting with each other.

Oh sweetie I really do hope you find something that helps you out.

All the best xx

Sal - posted on 08/24/2010

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i feel so sorry for you, my 2 little ones fight too and it drives me insane, somewhere along the road you need some you time and some time with hubby, if you have any friends with kids you might be able to organise a swap once a week for a few hours, you give her some time off and she returns the favour. and try and be creative with time with your hubby, my hubby and i used to get some quiet time when the kids sleep in the car, we would grab a take away coffee and just chat, (we had a lot of driving to do) try and get them in bed at a good time so you can have some time alone before hubby get home, paint your toenail, read a trashy mag, listen to a fav cd, then you might feel more like your old self and you can enjoy a little time with him before you go to bed.
and if i knew how to stop the kids from fighting i would do it at my house sell the book and make a mint, but no help i'm sorry

Dana - posted on 08/24/2010

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Girl, you totally deserve some "alone" time! Every mama does! Can your husband watch your kids on the weekend so you can get your nails done or have a drink with a friend (or alone, which is sometimes even nicer... No small talk required!)? I'm hoping he isn't worknig until 10:30 seven nights a week. He deserves a break, too. Is his family in the picture? If so, maybe he could talk to them and ask if he could take you out for a date night, instead of you asking. My husband & I are very lucky; my parents live 10 minutes from us and watch our son every Monday night from 6:30-12 midnight while we shoot pool on a pool league at a local bar. Neither of us are very good at pool, but it's our social time for the week, and since I stay home with the baby, it TOTALLY helps me stay sane! Max goes to bed at 7:30, so I never feel too guilty about leaving him, since I'm really only missing an hour of his day. I can't imagine never getting a little break. Back to you, though... If your husband's family isn't in the picture and you don't have any close friends you feel comfortable leaving them with, have you looked online for local babysitters? I've heard of "certified nannies for hire" websites... I'd search that, and if they are a reputable company, I'm sure they do in-home interviews and meetings with your children. Good luck~Sending happy, carefree "break-time" thoughts your way!!

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Amanda - posted on 08/25/2010

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Thank you all for the replies, It helps having ppl to talk to. The husband's family is in the picture but the only ones i really talk to is his aunt and mom. His mom works as much as he does ( 7 days a week excpet one weekend every month) and his aunt is impossible to get any help from. She is one of my good friends and when i text her telling her how i need a break and how the kids are driving me crazy, she just says "oh i bet". she doesn't have kids or even a boyfriend so she doesn't really understand how it is. His mom says thst if she didn't work so much she would keep them every weekend but she works all the friggin time! The only ppl i really talk to in my family is my grandparents, and it's like pulling a tooth to get them to help me. they always have an excuse to not watch them, my mom is the same way, she constantly gives me an excuse. My grandparents have watched them before but when i ask and they agree they act like it's just killing them to watch my kids. So i don't ever ask them unless it's really important. Back in March a friend of mine's child got beat to death by a guy she was with. She had to go to court to support her sister and everyone in her family that lives here also had to go. So the only person she had to watch her son was her boyfriend. She trusted him and he never showed signs of violence or anything, next thing she knew he had beat her 2 yr old boy to death. He was texting her the whole time saying everything was fine and that they were having a good time. Ever since then if i do ever need a babysitter i leave them with family only. I don't trust day cares because most of them around here are bad news.
I feel like i'm just gonna be stuck with no alone time until they both start school which for my daughter won't be but a couple of years. Thankfully today has been a good day for everybody, Took the kids to wal mart and got our daughter a prize for using the potty every day all day for the past 2 weeks and got our son something so he wouldn't feel left out. They've been happily and somewhat quietly playing with their toys and even getting along except for a couple of fights that didn't last long. I just wish it could be like this every day. Even if i cant get alone time, if the kids would be good for me and not give me such a hard time it would help a lot.

My husband understands what i'm going through and feels bad because there's nothing he can really do, since he works all the time and cant be here to help much, But the one weekend out of every month. if we didn't need the money so bad he wouldn't work all the time. But since we're tight on money he volunteers to work the weekends he is supposed to be off. (which is every other weekend). But thank you again for the replies! It's very much appreciated!! Hopefully i'll get some relief soon!!

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