Please help me I dont know what to do anymore!

Holly Janelle - posted on 05/25/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm so angry and sad I just don't know what to do. I have a SO of almost 2-1/2 years. He has an 11 yo son that I have been taking VERY good care of I take care of everything under the sun when it pertains to taking care of my SS. Before me, my SO was with a girl that was a school teacher but just didn't know how to handle him (because he is a very head strong difficult kid), and the fact that he had a kid by someone else(and I kind of feel the same way). The next was a complete b...you know what and told everyone that he still peed the bed and was just really mean just a good for nothing(he married her btw I guess to stop fighting he says and they split up not even a year later). Before I came along my SS was being taken care of by his grandfather who has lived with my SO and SS since the ending of the first major relationship with the school teacher and he let him sleep in his soiled sheets and everything his clothes everything smelled like urine! I have taken the reins around here and so that isn't the case anymore. I take care of everything(I'm 24 btw he is 31) no one has to lift a finger.I take are of every aspect of this house and do a damn good job excuse my language, but my SO other acts like when we get into arguments about what I do and how I get no aknowledgement he says it would be done if you weren't here because his dad lives here But since I moved here his dad doesn't do anything doesn't have a job and doesn't do anything except mow the lawn even though he is a nice guy but needs to get out on his own seriously he is just comfortable because my SO doesn't push him to get a job or anything. And he says that even though his dad is half ass at everything he does, I promise you he would miss me! anyways sorry I keep jabbering on but anyways he told me because we fight and argue (because of him and his ways that he won't change) that he is starting not give give a crap anymore and when I told him my ex e-mailed my brother asking about me my SO said he didn't even care he said I could go to him and he wouldn't get jealous or mad and told me I do an OK job at taking care of his son ya he had the freaking nerve to say that. I take better care of my SS than his own flaky mother who doesn't have custody and is jut there when she feels like it. So anyways I quit laying out his clothes for him before work and after his shower in the bathroom when he gets home so his heiness doesn't get cold, quit having his tea ready when he gets home from work and quit making his dinner plate I still make dinner though because everyone has to eat!...the list goes on I made everything really easy for him where he didn't have to do anything when he got home and just relax but im done making it easyfor him if he isnt going to appreciate it. He acted like it was so damn hard to show me he appreciated what I do. Since I have come in this house it has changed for the better No question. My SS used to get into trouble ALL THE TIME at school but now it's very rare but he won't let me take any credit for that even though I have created structure and stability in his sons life. Last night in bed he said "I have a 3 day weekend" and I said "uh huh" and he said "I guess That's good for me and bad for you" I just kept quiet why should I make him feel better when I couldn't give a crap right now he made me feel like dirt?? At least he can tell that I sick and tired! I deal with all of the above and my father in law living with us, and a best friend that comes over to our house almost every single day that he spends more time with than me(idont care right now but before) and this has been goong onfor at least a year straight he has known this guy since high school inmean isnt it family time?? come on! I'm so close to wanting to get out I have looked at apartments and I know the one I want but I'm waiting on this job and if I get it I have some serious serious thinking to do and I $175 deposit to get ready to put down. I'm angry and sad and annoyed but I think the only thing stopping me us our 14 month old beautiful daughter we have together. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me she is my life I know if we broke it off she would be my main priority not another man but I have a strong feeling his would be finding another girl to fill that void. My daughter and her happiness is all that matters to me at this point and it wouldn't change if we broke up I would actually enjoy it being just my little love bug and I.

So after reading this what is your outside opinion I need all the help I can get! Thanks you yalls time :)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Stifler's - posted on 05/27/2012

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I don't understand the big drama to be honest. I think you're feeling resentful of having to stay home, having to look after a problem child who isn't yours and jealous that he gets to have a career and friends over. I feel exactly the same way about my husband. He's building up a career, and works 12 hour days Monday to Friday so I do everything else in the 13 boring hours that I'm alone at home with the kids. By the time he gets home there isn't anything TO do except stack the dishwasher, play with the kids and put the kids to bed. He has never done laundry or cleaned things except if I ask when he's home and mows the lawn on the weekend.

Jennifer - posted on 05/27/2012

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Holly, I think you have answered yourself. You are clearly not happy in this one sided relationship so I would urge you to get out of it and take your little girl with you. You seem to be living a "half life" and you are obviously unhappy. I would urge you to save as much money as you possibly can and then get the hell out of there and start a new life with your little one.
Good luck.

Atasha - posted on 05/25/2012

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I am a SAHM and I NEVER do EVERYTHING for my family! I cook and clean, don't get me wrong but I will NOT be a slave to my man or my kids! They make a mess, they clean it. I cook dinner, they do dishes. I wash, dry and fold laundry, they put it away. If you get stuck doing everything then there is no balance. If there is no balance, there are fights that you can never win. You will be blamed for everything that goes wrong, isn't clean to their standards, or heaven forbid isn't ready when they are. You sound like you care a lot for your SS, and I understand you only want what is best for him and your daughter. Being a single mom isn't easy but it is rewarding in it's own way. I have been there too, for the first 5 years of my oldest daughter's life. Your main goal should be the children and as for worrying about him finding some 'chick' to fill the void once you've left... I wouldn't give it a second thought. After all didn't your mother ever teach you to give your used toys to the less fortunate? Sorry that was a crude comment, but it made you smile! :) Do what you believe is right and don't look back! You and only you can decide where you want your life to go.

Jennifer - posted on 05/25/2012

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This may seem like an odd response, but have you ever told him how much you appreciate him for working, so that you can stay home? I get mad at my husband all the time, because I feel like he doesn't appreciate all that I do. We have 4 kids, and I take care of all their care. I do all the cooking and cleaning. I have only ever been the one to get up at night with the kids, and I haven't left the house in over 2 years without at least one kid with me. I complain quite a bit about not even hearing a thank you. But, and this is a huge but. My husband gets up at 3:30am everyday to go to work. He doesn't get home until anywhere between 3pm and 6pm (couple times it was even 8pm). He goes to bed at 7:30pm just so he can get up the next day to start over all again, when he really wants to play with the kids. Until I thought about this, I never told him thank you once. I never really thought about it. It was just what he was expected to do so that I could take care of the kids. How can we ask our husbands/SO to say thank you or show appreciation, when we ourselves don't say or show it. I've found that the more I tell him thank you, the more he tells me. The more I tell him I appreciate all he gives up by working, the more he tells me how he appreciates all I do to make the household run. As far as your other problems with him saying he wouldn't care if you left, that needs to be worked on. You both need to sit down and discuss your feelings. I will never tell anyone to leave their husband/SO (especially on the internet) because I'm not you, and that is a decision only you can make. I will say that you can't use your daughter as an excuse to stay with someone. You have to have more than that or all involved (even your daughter) will be miserable.

Michelle - posted on 05/25/2012

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It's hard because you want to do these things for your SS but you also don't get credit for it.

If it was me I would stop doing things for your SO and FIL. Don't cook for them, do the washing or clean up their mess. Just look after the kids.

Unfortunately in way you have created this yourself by doing it all in the first place without getting them to pull their weight. My hubby knew that when we got together I wasn't his maid and that all chores are to be done by everyone. I had 2 boys of my own when we met and we now have a daughter but everyone helps out. Hubby even cleaned up the kitchen for me tonight without being asked.

I see a marriage/de facto as a partnership. It does take both of you to help each other for it to be long lasting. Maybe even suggest counseling.

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Holly Janelle - posted on 05/25/2012

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He gets up at 6:30/6:40 then gets home from 4:30-on really busy days 7:00 very rarely the norm is 5:30/6. He has never changed our daughters diaper or given her a bath. I have to put her to bed because I'm Breastfeeding still. He doesn't do the dishes maybe once every 6 months, doesn't do laundry cooks every once in a great while and if he does it's only on the weekends. He knows he can't say I haven't thanked him because I have. He can't wine and moan about working either because before I came into the pictures his dad stayed at home didn't work and took care of the house and when I came here I worked and did that and when our daughter was born I quit because he wanted me to stay home with the kids but yes I still thank him for everything he does for us and me just recently I quit doing it because of how he is acting. I just decided to start working because the job I'm interested in I could have my daughter there with me.

Holly Janelle - posted on 05/25/2012

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Yes I have told him many many times how much I appreciate it and everything he does for our family that's why I'm so upset.

Holly Janelle - posted on 05/25/2012

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I do have to say I have been getting my FIL to cook dinner and take my SS to school in my car because the baby has been sleeping And I don't want to wake her up to pur her in the car or because I'm just not in the mood or have the energy to cook because of everything that's going on. He is there so why not take advantage of it? But if my SO wants us to be a family how can that happen when my SO holds my FIL living there over my head and says well if you left he would just take over basically we wouldn't miss you. I know that he wants us to work he has said it this week and saying i really dont want is to break up but after what he said about everything and how hateful he was I just dont get it. Ya counseling may be a good idea.

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