please tell me i am not the only one

Nadine - posted on 03/18/2010 ( 57 moms have responded )

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I was a stay at home mum but then because we had to move i have to do a couple of hour at work, so in away I have two jobs one is bringing up our eleven month old and the other is the job that I get paid for, so is it really out of order for me to expect a little help from the oh. HE works everyday of the week 13 hours a day so I know he does feel tired but I cook, i clean, i pay the bills, i do the shopping and i never moan and groan but it is starting to get me down at the moment, he comes home throws his clothes over the chair in the loungem, then goes to the kitchen gets some thing to eat brings it in the lounge and then eats leaves his plates and all those by the sofa and then goes back to the kitchen for a drink. i lve him to pieces but i feel that i have two babies that i am looking after and it seems the older one makes the most mess.

i was just wondering if anyine else feels the same way or has an oh like this

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Siti - posted on 03/26/2010

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Hi Nadine,

It the same thing for me...I am quite stressed up even though I'm not working at this moment. Whenever my hubby at home, he tends to laze around instead of helping with the housework or our daughter. My daughter is coming to 2 yrs old, due to my hubby's lack of attention, she tends to be too attach to me which really tires me out.
Furthermore, I have a divorcee brother who is living with us which adds to all the housework that I have to do.

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Kristin - posted on 03/26/2010

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Sometimes it is like that here. But, we both contribute a bit. I don't think it unreasonable to ask him to get his dirty laundry to a hamper or to get his dishes back to the kitchen and near the sink. This may be just enough for you to feel a bit better about things. Small steps and lots of praise may even get him to sweep and push the vacuum around in the future. Don't forget to show your appreciation of what he does do. He will start to notice what you do and hopefully show some of his own. Good luck.

Sue - posted on 03/26/2010

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Yes, Jennifer I am glad you have a husband that is helpful. I am 42 and the last year 2009 after the birth of the daughter I had the following surgeries in one year and I am not joking!!! I had rotor cuff surgery, gallbladder surgery, hysteryttermy, total hip replacement and than 2 lumps removed from my breast and my husband never lifted a hand to help me. I am 41 years old and have a 1-1/2 and 2-1/2 year olds. and they are 11 months apart - irsh twins. Now I am still suffering from post partdum depression and still recovering from all my surgeries and no support from famliy or friends. I have 1 true friend but lives far away - a had some help from a neighbor for daycare and paid her to help but that ended. My husband is always gone and raising the kids mostly on my own. When he is here is is working on race cars or watching sports.

Jennifer - posted on 03/26/2010

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Dear Ladies! Not all men are like this. I have a wonderful husband who enjoys helping me out at times. BUT!!! One of the main reasons he does this is because I do my job here at home. The women are supposed to keep the house clean, etc. The men are supposed to be working to provide for their families.

It is not my husbands job to keep the house clean. And when he throws his socks on the floor, I honestly feel blessed to be the one to pick them up.

I am thankful for a home, for a husband and for socks! :) I am thankful I can physically bend over and pick up his dirty laundry. There is so much to be thankful for, why concentrate on anything else?

Be a joy to your husband and cheerfully pick up his laundry :)

Stacey - posted on 03/25/2010

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Congratulations on your grown-up second child. ;) no i used to have the same problem with my husband. it wasn't too bad with just one child but after the birth of our second, I put it this way. you are a grown man, suck it up. I'm tired too but I'm not a maid. I think you teach people how to treat you. If you let them walk over you - they will. If you stand your ground things will change. Good luck!

Stacey - posted on 03/24/2010

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I have definitely felt the same way. I'm a stay at home mum with two kids under three and feel like sometimes my husband is an extra child to run after. We solved it in two ways - we talked about how we both felt about parenting and our roles in our family and secondly he had to look after the kids for a few days and realise how much work it is to be a stay at home mum. He now realises what I go through and sees it as a break when he gets to go to work. Good luck with your OH ;)

Nicola - posted on 03/24/2010

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He needs house training! Simple as! You need to tell him exactly what you have to do in a day and regardless of him working 13 hours a day he should at least pick up after himself. I used to have a husband like this, it was only when I became ill and was in hospital for a few weeks that he realised what I had to do in any given day. He had to take time off work to care for the children and had a realisation. Talk to him, tell him how this is making you feel and most importantly what you would like him to do. My husband is nowhere near perfect and you can't expect that but you should be supported by him in the home. Alternatively seek out a rolled up newspaper for every time he leaves stuff lying around!

Sue - posted on 03/24/2010

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Lori - tried that and that did not work. I had hip replacement last year and I still had to do to all. So complaining or taking medical leave did not work.

Lori - posted on 03/24/2010

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Take a short vacation and leave him a list of all you do that he needs to accomplish. Let him walk in your shoes for a couple of days. Then talk about it.

Jessica - posted on 03/24/2010

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Yes I have three kids and o a couple months ago I was laid off and I was working full time and coming home to three kids and my husband and it got so frustrating cause even when he didnt work on weekends which I did he got all the time in the world to play video games do stuff he enjoys and I did all the cooking and cleaning and all the duties of th kids and I had his mom to ride my bottom about how I am a wife and mother and I signed on for the job and he should be catered to because he works and there are plenty of moms who work and take care of their families. I would first talk to him about it and if it doent get better then maybe more derastic times call for more derastic measures.

Mary - posted on 03/24/2010

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Hi!

I'm a stay at home mom and I have felt like that when I was pregnant and after having my daughter. When I was pregnant, I felt like I was doing too much when I was at my biggest, and I eventually had to tell the hubby that I can't bend over or squat down to do anything anymore. He eventually got tired of my complaining and started doing things for me, even though he probably didn't want to, especially when it came to cleaning up after the dog :) Although, I would ask and ask and ask about helping clean the bathroom and I would end up doing, being out of breath after I was done. Since I have had Kylee, he expects me to clean up after him and the baby, but I told him that I am not a maid. I told him that I don't mind cleaning up, but senseless leaving plates in the living room and clothes on the floor is not something that I want to think about. He is better about putting his dirty clothes in the clothes bin and dishes in the sink, so when he doesn't every once in a while, it's ok. Just remember, you ARE NOT a maid. :)

Sue - posted on 03/24/2010

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(Nadine) you defidently are not alone! I am a stay at home mom and have 2 little ones and my husband works. He gets home and I swear I have another child in the house. He thows is dirty cloths on the floor and nover picks up after himself. He claims that he works all day and my job is taking care of the house, kids, cleaning, laundry and his needs. I am up all hours of the night and never get much sleep. Than after he eats he sits his but and watches racing, baseball or football than if thats not on he is out working on his own race car getting it ready for the race season and than gone weekends and leaves me alone with the kids. He has informd that racing is #1 and me and the kids or 2nd in his life. So I totally get where you are coming from.

Lisa - posted on 03/24/2010

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I hear ya there, sister! I recently became a stay at home mom, but the past 11 years we lived together, I was constantly doing the cooking cleaning and laundry. And now that we have 2 kids together...and I stay at home, he tells me that's MY job to clean the house. So, when I had a full-time job and working overtime, I still came home to take care of our sons, clean the house, care for the dogs, get the grocery shopping done,,,,,, runnin to pay bills, makin dinner, and he would make more of a mess. We live at the end of a street that turns into a dirt road full of coal dirt and dust and he goes 4-wheeling or out when ever he wants to, and I ALWAYS get stuck at home with the kids. He tracks all that dirt mud and stuff in my nice clean house. I started throwing all that stuff on the porch n when he goes to look for it he'll get the hint that I do not want it in the house. You get irritated and frustrated to why it is they don't understand that its not that easy taking care of a household...(heck if all i did was have to work and come home n everything was done for me, that's be REAL nice, but it'd get boring after awhile) it's hectic and especially if you have a larger size house to clean and care for. I asked my husband all he had to do was take care of the garbage and mow the lawn but then it got summertime and he was off too busy doing other things, so even when I was pregnant with my youngest last year I ended up doing the lawn n garbage myself. Angry as I was at him, I sat down and talked to him and told him I'm NOT superwoman, I CANNOT do everything and its slowly getting better since. Although I still don't know what its like to get a shower without it being a "team sport" or sleep in on his days off.

Chels - posted on 03/23/2010

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Sadly I hear of this too often. However - its up to you now. You need to set some ground rules. He wouldn't even realise hes doing it, I bet! Men just don't think like women! Ask him what he wants to put into place to ensure he helps out...my husband likes a list of things to do, so he doesnt forget. he also puts reminders in his phone. I ensured thru pre marriage counselling and informal chats when we were dating what sort of role he would play when we had kids, so I knew I was getting a "good one!" Im sure your husbo loves you and wants to do what he can to make you happy so just talk to him about it! Good luck!

[deleted account]

Been there, honey lots of us feel this way....its normal. Sit down and tell him how u feel we often worry about our families needs and forget our own. It wont kill him to help out a lil. WE know they work so hard and the last thing we want to do is ask them for help partly for guilt because we know they just came home from work but if you dont express how you feel other things will begin to happen and it will cause more problems. It took two to make the baby and well it should take two to raise the baby. just chat with him about your needs.

Megan - posted on 03/23/2010

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i know how you feel i never see the father of the babies i have because hes working and i dotn live with him and its a fight to get him to help sometimes

Heather - posted on 03/23/2010

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yes i know how you feel. tell him to do what you do and then see what he has to say. i did this and i only hear a little every once in a while. it worked for me, it might work for you.

Petronela - posted on 03/23/2010

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babe no you are not the only one mine does the same thing and when he eats something he doesnt even get up to put his rubbish in the bin and if i leave it there a month later it would still be there then he moans that there is mess everywhere (his own damn mess!!)
i dont always moan about it and i pick it and throw it but enough is enough and they need to be told that once in a while if you know what i mean ...

Louisa - posted on 03/23/2010

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are you kidding, thats most women!!! I taken a stand on this the day after my husband stayed home from work because i was sick. i ended up doing everything and he said he could never stay at home with our 2 babies lol he was more tired then me!! so now he appreciates what i do and i sy JUMP he say yes darling lol every now and then he needs reminding thou which i do with the kids just let them cry in his ear and him deal with it it so funny how quickly he remembers after that

Corinne - posted on 03/23/2010

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A swift kick up the bum if needed! he is taking you for granted ( possibly in all innocence/ but possibly laziness). You need to sit down and calmly expian to him how you are feeling and what you need him to do. before it getss too much and eats away at your relationship. Try not to be confrontational or agressive, just be clear in your own mind first. Good luck

Geri - posted on 03/22/2010

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Hi Nadine,

Wow I find it unbelieveable that so many women have responded to your post, and everyone has the same problems. I thought that I might have been the only one but man I was wrong. I have 2 children just like you and it is hard to get things done around the house when you are trying to spend time with the kids and take care of their needs. So what I do is make a list of things I want to get done the next day. I create the list before I go to bed the night before. Then whatever I dont get done I put it on the list for the next day. But the only problem with my situation is no matter how much I ask him nicely if he would just hang his jacket up in the coat closet it doesnt get done. Same with his dirty clothes he throws them on the floor right in front of the laundry basket. I cant really say too much though because he at least does some stuff like grocery shop, even though I think he does it to get out by himself but for once I would like to get out of the house without the kids. I just try to deal with it and tell myself that I am only one person and if he complains about anything then I just show him all the things I find of his lying around.

Alyssa - posted on 03/22/2010

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Ok I had somewhat the same problem. Put him in his place. My husband would throw his clothes in the floor and leave trash on the floor and the table. He would expect me to clean up after him. One day I got real tired of cleaning up his crap so he was off one day and I picked up the trash can that was beside his bedside and said what is this he said a trash can I said ok good then I picked up some trash I said what is this he said trash I said ok good so you know what trash is and you know what a trash can is I said now do you know how to put the fucking trash in the trash can. He said yeah duh I saidd ok then what is the damn problem. He said there isnt one i said ok well you need to go use the trash can. HE DID. lolololololol I did the same thing with his clothes. Tell him you are not there just to take care of the kids and clean up after him. Tell him you arent doing it. Like right now my house is a mess bc he wont help me clean it and it will stay this way until he does. I dont let my son on the floor I put him in the play pin or in his walker that doesnt go anywhere. Everyday I say this house needs to be cleaned. Complain at him I'm serious it works. He'll figure it out. '

Rona - posted on 03/22/2010

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I can remember when I was growing up (in the south where men are STILL dominant and women stay in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, lol) my uncle worked in the ship yard, 12-15 hour shifts. But every night when he would come in from work, he would always take us kids and do something while my aunt went and had her "bath time" alone and peaceful. He would play games getting us kids to help pick up, while he loaded the dish washer and other light house cleaning. And he would do it with a great big smile on his face and so happy to help my aunt, just by giving her an hour break from all the house work and kids. I grew to respect that about my uncle, meanwhile he would show us in the bible where God tells husbands to CHERISH their wives and to love them and take care of them, just as God (and a pastor) takes care of the church, with a cheerful heart and out of love.

Leasa - posted on 03/22/2010

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Sadly Nadine i think every mother/wife feels this way at some point. It seems that after a certain point in the relationship, a man seems to get set in this pattern of behavior that if they are the provider they should not have to come home and help after working all day. They unconciously start taking you for granted. It does not seem like such a big deal to us at first , but then when the babies start coming not only are you wore out from the turmoil your baby has put your body through but also from now being a FT mommy on top on the daily duties you already had as a wife. Men can not even begin to fathom what us mommies go through during those nine months and after.
I think it would be only fair if we were to ask them to try for just to wear a pregnancy belly and try to keep up with all the household chores and the shopping and bill paying . How many do you think would come to the relization that even though we are at home, we work just as hard as they do and for FREE! Our jobs are just as hard at home and just as stressful and we don't get a vacation from it , we are there 7 days a week 24hrs a day no sick days!!!

Katarina - posted on 03/22/2010

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Leave his clothes where they are. Leave his plates where they are. Buy some paper plates for you, because you will run out of clean dishes, just don't let him know you do have them. He'll get the message when he won't have a plate to eat off of and any clothes to wear. Trust me, it works.

I forgot to add, when he complains tell him that if the dishes make it into the sink, you'll wash it. And if the laundry make it into the hamper or laundry room, you'll wash it. You're not a maid!!!!

[deleted account]

sigh.........
There's a pile of snack cake wrappers on his bed table, about a weeks worth. His ashtray is overflowing, and there's a banana peel hanging over the side. (When did I buy bananas?)
The bathroom is trashed, what he wore last night is still on the floor, under his laptop. He sits there for HOURS playing Mafia Wars. There is a platoon of empty Pepsi cans lined up on his computer desk.... and a pair of socks on the floor. They stink, they must be dead.
The weather is warming down here in the south, so his heavy coat is in a pile on the floor beside the back door. Maybe he will kick it to the side when he takes off his boots today. This morning's coffee cup is perched on the edge of the baby's toy box.... I wonder how long THAT is going to last? There is $2.11 in coins on the floor in the bedroom where he took his pants off.
I should have just taken pictures... it's easier to SHOW ya than to TELL ya.
I tried what Christi suggested, I failed. He seems to be more comfortable with his piles of sshhhhhh...........tuff all over the house.
I will be keeping an eye on this post... hopefully someone here will know how to break a slob!

Christi - posted on 03/21/2010

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lol that is called having a husband. they revert back to the days when mommy did everything for them. i finally had enough with my hubby and went on strike. if he didn't put his clothes in the hamper, they didn't get moved or washed. if he didn't pick up his dishes, they didn't get moved or washed. after about two weeks of all his things piling up and the house being an absolute disaster because he refused to pick up after himself, i think he got the message. now all his clothes go in the hamper, he puts his dishes in the sink and sometimes even rinses them and puts them in the dishwasher! might do you so good to go on mommy strike.... good luck mom!

Anna - posted on 03/21/2010

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My dh isnt quite that bad sometimes but there are times when i cnt get him to help me do even little things.. i think we all get the feeling lol

Trinity - posted on 03/21/2010

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OMG! Mary I love your comment! its so true. I havent been married nearly as long as you. but i totally agree.

JaNette - posted on 03/21/2010

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LOL, sounds like my husband. I am always at home right now, trying to find a job, and I have 5 kids, 6 when my stepson is here every other weekend. My husband works 6am-3:30pm Monday thru Thursday. I am the one that takes care of the kids, talks to there teachers, takes them to the dr./dentist, do all the shopping for food and needed items, pay all the bills, help kids with there homework, cook, and clean. My husband goes to work, comes home, then sits infront of his computer until bedtime. I have asked him that since he has Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, that maybe he could at least cook dinner on Saturday night. He said yes, that was about 8 months ago, and he has still NOT cooked one saturday dinner. I can understand how you are frustrated. Being a mom is a job, a HUGE job, and it makes it real hard when I am trying to find a job. My husband seems to get a lil upset when I want to go out on Friday to when it is his day off, to go look for a job. I will be gone for 3 hours and he already thinks I have been gone all day. And my mom job does not stop when I go to sleep. My 2 yr. old wakes up several times a night because her foot hurts, and even if it his my husbands weekend, I am still the only one to help her. Well anyways, I really hope things get better for you over there. Maybe you could ask you husband that you could have a day off from the mom job when it is his day off, and take some time for yourself, even a few hours if possible. Good luck.

Stefanie - posted on 03/21/2010

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Hi there! I have felt the same way. My husband has never been a clean person and before our daughter was born, it was okay, because I didn't have her on my hands and I could clean the house; no problem. Now that my daughter's becoming more mobile it's hard for me to get anything done during the day so I spend my weekends cleaning. However, if I ask him to do something he does it, no questions asked. He is just clueless and a mess to me isn't really messy to him so he has no idea that I even want him to clean. The bes tthing you can do is talk to him about it and maybe he'll step up :)

[deleted account]

My husband doesn't even work a full time job, & he still doesn't help with anything. He'll do something if I tell him too, otherwise it's all me. Even the yard work I DO..
His job is about 6 hrs a day 5 days a week. He is super lazy. Does just the bare minimum to get by..
My husband isn't trying to be mean or disrespectful, he is just plain stupid. He doesn't have any common sense. So, he doesn't know any different. I try not to be mad or annoyed, but it's hard sometimes..

Denise - posted on 03/21/2010

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Nadine, I have been through this as well and I always would justify it by saying he works long hours and I am at home this is my job. But now that you work outside the home, he should be helping at least by picking up after himself. Have a conversation with him about how you are feeling.

Kiran - posted on 03/21/2010

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U gotcha talk him into it. Explain to him that the situation is not the same as it was before the kid. Now ur time is divided and u cant pay him undivided attention as u used to before. Communication is very important and it is a powerful tool. U have to tell him that it would be great help to u if he could help a little.

Michelle - posted on 03/20/2010

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If he can't help out with the daily routine then he can at least take care of the mess he makes. You are his other half not his maid or mother. Tell him how you feel and if that doesn't work, go on strike lol. Lets see how long he takes to help when he has to do it for himself.x

Michelle - posted on 03/20/2010

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If he can't help out with the daily routine then he can at least take care of the mess he makes. You are his other half not his maid or mother. Tell him how you feel and if that doesn't work, go on strike lol. Lets see how long he takes to help when he has to do it for himself.x

Jessica - posted on 03/20/2010

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oh yeah thats a man for u and u say something and ur the bad guy. i love my husband to death but come on! men are such babys. i was 9 months preg working 12 hrs nights at a nursing home lifting 100-350lb pep and going to docter appointments and taking care of our then 17 month daughter and he when to CDL school but couldnt help by cleaning up after himself. its a lost cause

Myra - posted on 03/20/2010

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Tell him that he's a grown man, not a child, and he can clean up after himself. You may only do paid work only a little, but the house is a 24hr/day job, and you would appreciate that he picked up after himself. Taking dishes back to the kitchen isn't hard to do, and it's not like you're even wanting him to wash them, so it's not unfair at all for him to just pick up after himself...including putting his dirty clothes into the laundry basket. It's called being respectful of you...and if it's put that way to him, he would probably be more than happy to do it if he does in fact respect you. If he can't pick up after himself, I'd bring up the issue of respect.

Jackie - posted on 03/20/2010

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I think i have actually realised the problem now...dont know why it didnt hit me before...at the moment Im living with the inlaws (well..not living living...but im here most of the time0 and i think that he is liking the fact that if i dont do anything for him, his mum will do it instead! I think it is unfair for him to expect this. My dad is trying to force me out the house so then at least he will know that i am not going to take it lying down, but sometimes i dont speak up...feel bad doing it because i know he is working (just a normal 8-9 hour shift). Just feels like i should be doing everything for him...doesnt always help sometimes when people come up to me and say that the man is in charge and the woman should do everything for him...where did that information spring up from ???

Mary - posted on 03/19/2010

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Ok, that settles it, men are indeed all the same! :) My husband actually told me recently that when all our kids were in school he expected me to get a job. I was like, "oh really? then who will do my job?" and he said, "I will help". YA RIGHT< like I am going to sign a contract to do a job for a year just TRUSTING that he who has never helped with anything will help now that I have a job? ha!

Actually now that I think thats not altogether true. He does once every few months do a big family room cleanup with the kids, and once every year or so he does a big garage clean out and ladies, I have to tell you! After 20 years marriage and frustration, he has STARTED BRINGING HIS DISHES IN FROM THE TV ROOM!!! Isn't that amazing?? he 98%of the time does this. And... get this, HE PICKS UP HIS CLOTHES IN THE MORNING and THROWS THEM IN THE LAUNDRY BIN in the bathroom!!!

I am just shocked and flabbergasted and don't know why he started to do these things except for 2 things I can think of that I think I should share.... I haven't bothered to complain about the dishes or laundry in years, I just stopped bothering and picked up the dishes and clothes myself whenever I was going by and took care of it. I think back now and I believe he left the mess MORE when I complained and nagged him about it. #2, Whenever I see him carry dishes up, or pick clothes up I THANK HIM profusely. Now this seems silly, for such small things, but it MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD and keeps him doing it!! look at Claire's story about the dishwasher fiasco. If we criticize them or correct them they feel belittled (they have such stupidly fragile ego's but what can you do? fact of life) and will never try again. So thank them, even if they do a crappy job, and they will try try again. :) One other thing Nadine, they sometimes don't leave dishes around etc. because they want to make more work for us, but just because having a dish laying there doesn't seem important to them, or they plan to pick it up some other time, or they just don't even realize they left it there.

I like Christy Show's solution. She demonstrated, completely without the dreaded nagging, why it is a good idea to pick up one's dishes and wrappers ever time one gets up to go to bed. Now I'll bet pickin them up is important to her husband too, cause he didn't like the big pile of mess it became.

I'll have you know I just had to have the laundry hamper talk with my 15 year old son, who has been stripping for a shower and leaving his clothes in the middle of the bathroom floor instead of 12 inches away in the laundry hamper!!! Argh, he is turning into a man!!!

Nichole - posted on 03/19/2010

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That sounds so much like me even the straightening the bedroom and due in May(:
But a lot of our issues I think come from the dreaded XboX ugh! But when the baby comes things are going to change. I will need help and well guess what you can change the diaper or do the dishes. Your choice lol(: But for now I pick my battles and if him leaving his shirt on the floor is that bad, I guess it could be worse. Most days it's easier to just pick the shirt up and say nothing.

Claire - posted on 03/19/2010

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my darling husband once loaded the dishwasher as i was in hospital with our youngest son he came in to see us in the evening and promptly told me that he had loaded the dishwasher but instead of using dishwasher tabs he used vanish in wash tablets instead, i burst out laughing and told him that the vanish in wash tabs were for the washing machine not the dishwasher he hasn't loaded the dishwasher since and he sits in his chair on the computer and expects me to run round like a blue arssed fly we have 2 sons 1 with slight cerebral palsy and the youngest with developmental delay so i'm running round after him and the boys shopping etc and trying to do washing, housework so i never really get any time to myself apart from when he has the kids for a couple of hours as our eldest just wanders off in the supermarket but i still have to change bums and get them ready for bed. THAT FEELS BETTER TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST

Samantha - posted on 03/19/2010

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men are kids, i found my husband got alot worse when i had kids, its almost as though they need you to care for them as well as the baby. My husband has never changed a nappy, done a night feed and in the 6 yrs we've been married and we've got 3 children, he's only done the dishes 5 times and he went on about so much i hated him ever doing it. I have absolutely no advice about this cause if i did my hubbie would not be like this...lol... I just wanted you to realise your not the only 1 and he's proberly always done this your just noticing it more cause your tired after running round for your little 1, men just don't understand and i doubt they ever will.

Kelly Louise - posted on 03/19/2010

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you are not the only one that feels that.... i have been with my hubby for 15 years married for the last 13 years... and i feel that it's got worse over the last couple of years... my hubby has two other children that's not in our care therefore we pay child support therefore i have to get a job to cover the child support just to stay afloat... and with the jobs that i do (paying ones) i also have to deal with my three kids all school age , the home work, the house work, dinner, lunches,etc getting his clothes ready and bill paying etc... yes i have that at my house too... and there is nothing that you can do about it... you can talk until you are blue in the face but it doesn't change.. i just put it in my time frame that i have to do this in the future when they are to old and can't do anything at all... thats' why when the kids and hubby's are not at home... that time is mine and what i do with it is my bussiness. as long as the house and kids are clean and dinner is on the table hubby can't and shouldn't complain...kelbel

Nicole - posted on 03/18/2010

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i know what its like my partner is working 2 jobs at the moment and i dont like asking him to do anything, but its just little things that dont seem important but make a huge dif, like taking his plate out picking up after himself and even putting away his washing, i would def talk to him about it even if u sit down together while he is watching tv and just throw a few clothess at him to fold up helps alot!

Jane - posted on 03/18/2010

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always! my mil never taught my husband how to clean up after himself. i'm forever cleaing up after him. it's like having a dog w/constant diarrhea. all i can say is that i keep in mind how much he does for us and i do get to stay home b/c of how much he does for us. it's trying, especially when the clothes are NEXT to the hamper. not IN the hamper, just NEXT to it. and it's really great when i've just answered the door for a play date and spot his undies on the floor in the dining room. lol!

[deleted account]

I might get bashed for this, but being that you said he works 13 hours a day, 7 days a week, and you are working as SAHM and a couple hours a day that you get paid for, I just don't see how you could justify asking him to "help".

That said, I don't think carrying his plate to the kitchen or eating in a dinning room or kitchen would be considered "helping" you--that's just considered being respectful.

You should definitely talk to him (or write him an email, always works better for me and my hubby) and tell him that it is disrespectful to eat in the lounge (I'm assuming this is like an informal living room?) and to leave his dishes about for you to pick up.

If he still refuses, and doesn't think he needs to put forth the effort, you can tell him you saw a bug crawling on it when you went to pick it up last time. Bugs always invade when people leave soiled dishes about their house. Tell him you called pest control and will be paying to treat the house monthly to keep the bugs he is attracting at bay. He cannot expect you to live among bugs and he will probably oppose the expense and clean up.

If he doesn't, just use the $$ you told him you would be spending on pest control to hire a maid to come while he's at work! (Just kidding, don't lie about the maid if you hire one--they don't take well to that, but I think the bug lie would be alright ;) )

Jeni - posted on 03/18/2010

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I dont expect my partner to help clean as i not working yet but if he even thought of leaving his plate in the lounge i would kick his ass!!!
My partner takes our dishes into kitchen and usually rinses him, which makes dishes easier for me the next morning...
Grrr that even makes me angry that he leaves his dishes even tho he going into kitchen GRRRRRR :D

Carisa - posted on 03/18/2010

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That's a man for you, It took my husband 8 years to realize, I need help and he was being another and was another child around the house....Some ppl are lucky to find the perfect man that understand kids are lot of work and so are the things around the house..
hand in there mommy, things get better :)

Alisha - posted on 03/18/2010

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I have been having the same problem since I found out I was pregnant in november of 08. My life changed drastically and his didn't at all. He was still out drinking all the time and hanging out with friends but I was so tired I didn't feel like going out. I spent most of my pregnancy hanging with myself. After having our daughter, I thought everything would change and he would be around more often but no. He continued to drink and party all the time. Now he thinks that he deserves to relax because I "sit around all day." He has no idea what its like to be a stay at home mom. I try talking to him about it and it just ends up in a fight so I've given up just do what I can and if something doesn't get done, oh well.

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