Problem with Step daughters mom

Annie - posted on 10/16/2010

I would talk to you husband first. You would want to do anything behind his back. Then if that goes well, I suggest contacting DFS and go from there.

Julie - posted on 10/16/2010

Unfortunately, I am in a similar situation with my stepson. His biological mother is a waste the skin she stands in, but he still has to go over there every other weekend. I feel helpless when he comes home and says that he had to sleep on the floor and he doesn't have any clothes, and she was yelling at him all weekend so he doesn't want to go back over there. There is nothing you, as her stepmom can legally do. Fortunately for us, she is WAY far behind on her child support so we are able to take her to court on that basis and hold a lot of leverage over her head to try and get her out of the picture. As far as your situation, maybe there is something else you can talk to your husband about doing to knock some sense into her. Until your husband decides to take action you you kind of just have to sit back and watch. Unless she is coming home with obvious signs of abuse, it is really hard to prove an unfit parent in court.

Amber - posted on 10/14/2010

I feel we should be getting some that back when Im running and doing more for her each week

Amber - posted on 10/14/2010

Yes I agree that I will be that mom for her but my step daughters mom is not willing to give her any more then we have her cause she feels we are gettin her enough. I am a stay at home mom too and I feel like i am the one always running around and what not for my step daughter grand it I love doing it but its wasting my gas so bad I feel that we pay good money for child support that she should be able to get stuff and do stuff for her daughter there is no reason she can not afford stuff when we are coffing up 300 dollars a month for her to support her daughter.

Desiree - posted on 10/14/2010

can you guys not work out you your step-child a little more often? something i had to do and it worked out quite well actually. i spun it as me helping her out more...because i figured it must be difficult for her to have "alone" time and what not. she bought it and i started getting my step-son half the week instead of a few weekends here and there- granted i had to quit my job to do this- but he's more than worth it. she's now living back with her mom and i'm not so fearful of inappropriate situations he used to be put in, or that if he's sick for 4 days with an ear infection that he hasn't seen a dr.... i had to take him for that one and had him an extra 2 weeks afterwards without so much as a call from his mother. (my husband was deployed during all this mind you, we weren't married yet, and i knew i had no rights to my step son at all- i had to swallow my pride and be super nice to her even though i thought she was horrible mom) he ws exposed to drug use, he'd have injuries and not normal toddler stuff- but i could never get an explanation out of her on where they came from. she's never been able to take care of him- no job, never had one, no car.... now she has another baby with a guy who refuses to part of the baby's life- so it's looking like we'll be getting my step-son more often than before- which is just fine by me..... he's a great kid, he just needs his mom to be a mom. be happy that YOU are part of her life and can make good decisions for her when she's with you. you need your husband on the same page and then you should be able to at least the custody agreement a little. she needs a mom- and if her mom isn't going to be that, at least she'll have you

Amber - posted on 10/14/2010

Thanks you that means alot to me for you to help me

Jenn - posted on 10/14/2010

Hmm...well she sounds like a real winner. I guess what you could do if you are truly concerned for the well-being of your step-daughter, would be to call child protective services (or whatever they are called where you live) and let them determine if there are problems that need to be addressed.

Amber - posted on 10/14/2010

Yay cause she does it when Im around and over there at the house and she tells me what goes on and what she eats and everything like that. When she opens fridge all it is junk food or beer or some type of alcohol. She doesnt try to cover it up at all. Then she treats her like her little slave by making her get up and get her stuff so she can sit on facebook and chat. Then she hands out keys to random guys so they can come over whenever they want. Which I do NOT think is right cause you never know what they are going to do. One time one of these guys came over drunk and put bruses on the mother. And most of this stuff the mom tells me....shes proud that she has a different man everyother week

Stephanie - posted on 10/14/2010

Talk to your husband.

Stifler's - posted on 10/14/2010

What does her father think of this??

Deanna - posted on 10/13/2010

First, you are a stepmother. Technically you have no rights to your stepdaughter at all. However, her father can if he wants to. Will it do any good? That will be up to the courts and you both will have to prove that she is unfit as a mother. It will cost thousands of dollars and a heck of a lot of stress on your step daughter. She will feel it is because of her, her fault, and that she has done something wrong. You won't be able to stop those feelings and you won't be able to fix them once she feels that way. (experience talking) If you honestly feel she is in danger call child services and let them remove her. If they remove her then her father will get her and be able to raise her in a better environment.

good luck and god bless

Christy - posted on 10/13/2010

It's hard for me to give advice based on what you mentioned in your post. If she isn't being abused there isn't a lot you can do. If you do try to take her to court, her ex has to be on board with you (your SO of course). What does he think about this? You also have to define "not feeding her right" and "does not dress her properly for the weather". You mention her not taking her child to the DR, complaining about a bladder infection. Just be careful and in case I am wrong, which I probably am, don't use her as a pawn between your current man and his ex. I am really not trying to be a bitch here.

Aura - posted on 10/13/2010

How do you know what is going on in the other house? I only ask because my family was in a similar situation. Unfortunately, we got some of the information from the child, with the exception of medical problem and clothing we could clearly tell when we would pick him up from school. It helped a little. We went to court and they appointed a social worker to check out both of our homes and came up with their own assessment.

Jenn - posted on 10/13/2010

How old is she? Perhaps she is taking her own coat off - I know when we were kids my sister thought she was so cool and wouldn't be caught dead with a coat on LOL! And are you really sure about the food? I mean, it's not like you're there all the time, how do you know she is eating nothing but junk for dinner? Is this something your step-daughter told you? Maybe she's just trying to fool you into letting her have junk - IDK. It doesn't sound like much of a case to have her daughter taken away though. Sorry.

Amber - posted on 10/13/2010

She gives her junk food all the time and when its cold out side she runs around in a sweatshirt and not a jacket when its freezing outside. I dont mind what she wears but I wish she should dress her warmer when its cold out. Food she gives her candy for supper she doesnt get no meat, veg, fruit, or anything healthy just chips and whatever is quick and at reach

Jenn - posted on 10/13/2010

What do you mean she doesn't feed her right? Or dress her right? Perhaps just not the way you would do it? That doesn't make her an unfit mother. Sorry, maybe you could expand further.