quick questions for stay at home mommys

Jo-Ellen - posted on 11/09/2010

As in do I sometimes feel like I am a hamster running around on the little wheel, never actually getting anywhere? All the time. it is amazing how I can work all day cleaning and organizing and then the kids come home from school and boom, it is like I sat on my rear all day. I lose my motivation. I also have learned to let it go sometimes because spending time doing my own thing or playing with my kids is just as useful as cleaning the house, which they don't appreciate.

I do sometimes think DH doesn't quite get life as a SAHM. Early on, there were times he was frustrated that I expect him to help as soon as he gets home. I do try to respect that, but I think he forgets that his job ends and only goes 40 hours a week. 24/7 right here, no sick days or vacation. That being said, he has gotten a lot better. He is usually the one encouraging me to get out these days. I find ways to have me time at home.

Tiffany - posted on 11/09/2010

Yes...I lose motivation to clean all the time lol. It comes in spurts, and when I'm on a roll I don't stop because otherwise it won't get done. My spouse only has 3 chores....trash, recycling, laundry. The last month he has done NONE of that, so I have been. We actually just spatted about it last night. I did the trash and recycling this morning, and he has to do laundry when he gets home. I think most men don't understand what it is like to be a SAHM. I definitely agree that we need to be able to leave the house by ourselves for a few hours when we need to! I haven't done that in.........I can't even remember the last time to be honest.

Hailey - posted on 11/09/2010

i hate cleanin i tidy 1 room then my daughter messes it up my bf just leaves his plate and his stuff al over the floor im constly cleaning then wen my bf cums in he nt my bbys dad he just gose on the laptop i understand he works 12 hrs everyday but i need my time to

Stacey - posted on 11/09/2010

I get so tired of cleaning cause it seems like it never ends!.

Micky - posted on 11/09/2010

Oh goodness me, I feel like that all the time. It's tough doing what we do, and I think that sometimes it's very important to tell your hubby/boyfriend/life partner that, "we need to go out on a date or something." You tell them when, and you set up the babysitter. That's what I do because when I've had enough, I've had ENOUGH. As for motivation, it's tough, because you clean and clean and clean, and then you cook and your family eats dinner... and then you have to clean some more. It sucks.

Alicia - posted on 11/09/2010

i agree! my husband works 2nd shift and im stay at home mom. i want a date nite soon he doesnt see why i want a few hrs away from kids!!! =/ i have 2 kids i love them dearly =] they are 2 and almost 3 yrs old. im home literally 24 7. ahh =]

Denise - posted on 11/09/2010

Yes, I do feel like my job is a 16 hour job. I do leave things when I lack motivation. I think we need a little break away and I allow myself that.(only when my husband is working out of town) I don't think my husband realizes that I don't actually ever get a break accept when I am sleeping. LOL My husband does understand that I need some away time and allows me to have it but I rarely take it. I am however having a girls night out this Saturday for the first time in years so Yah for me! I am excited.

Lady Heather - posted on 11/08/2010

I definitely have unmotivated days, but I had those at work too. There were those days where you felt like you accomplished everything and your job was important and such and then there were days where you felt like you spent all day just spinning your wheels on one task. I think it's just normal no matter how you spend your time.

My husband didn't understand the need to get out all that much until I had my wisdom teeth out. He stayed home for a couple of days because I was on codeine and I cannot parent while on codeine. Ha. So he was stay at home daddy and halfway through day 2 he was all "I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE". Hahahaha. Couldn't even last two days. I think he took the little one to the hardware store.

I don't drive for medical reasons, so I get really sick of the house in the winter. There are buses here, but they don't run often and sometimes I can't even get to the bus stop because there's so much snow and ice and cold. On those days, even a trip to the grocery store is the highlight. I always asked him how he would feel if he had to move into his office. He loves his job, but I don't think he'd want to live there. I love my job even more, so I can stand to live there. But everyone needs a break or the cabin fever sets in! Ha.

Marya - posted on 11/08/2010

I also am a stay home mom of two with one due in 20days. I do not clean everyday to be honest I rather sepnd that quality time with the kids. I use to but started feeling like that is all I did. My husband helps me when he gets home from work even if he worked 15 hrs that day. He will take the kdis from teh tub after I wash them and put there PJs on and then ready the 3 yr old a book. While I do the other one, after they r in bed we pick up the toys in the liveing room together and even catch ourselves making a game out of it. I know it doesnt sound very romantic or anything. But sometimes you have to ask them to help with even the simple things like that to reconnect and to get a few minutes of me time yourself. My husband didnt understand what I went throught until we had a long long talk and its been great since.

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2010

I think everyone has those days! I know I do!! And usually by midafternoon I'll get bored and end up cleaning anyway! My hubby doesn't help much and he is always one to leave his things around and not pick up his messes but guys are good at that I guess! Kids and messes go hand in hand and I guess after you become a mother you also become a maid! That's just the way it goes! So don't worry if your house isn't perfectly clean! It's home and you and your family live there not anyone else! So if it's comfortable for you and them that's all that matters! Not cleaning one day won't hurt!! :)

Deanna - posted on 11/08/2010

I don't like doing all the housework, teaching, errands, and so on and so on. However, my family and kids depend on me. Thankfully my kids are getting old enough to help with the bigger things and my girls did half the laundry tonight as well as putting it up for me. :) It was great! As for getting out and away. Well my husband just encourages it sometimes because I can and do make everyone's life a living hell if I don't get at least a little "me time" each week. Even if it is just running the the store, library, or sitting on the back porch by myself to read for 30 minutes. It is all about quality with me verse quantity. I absolutely LOVE being a mom and wife. It is what I was born to be and I have even made sure that taking care of people is what I do in my chosen career field so it is always an easy transition from home to work. :)
However, don't feel bad about want time away once in a while. Every stay at home parent wants that.

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2010

Imagine being a stay-at-home mom living with your in-laws, who believe nothing is ever clean enough unless they clean it themslevs, but then complain all of the time that they are the only ones that do anything, which by the way, is SO NOT TRUE! Talk about losing your motivation!!!! I just try to remind myself that I am not nor have ever been a neat freak, and what I clean and when I clean it is all about my 13 month old son!

Iysha - posted on 11/08/2010

I am sometimes super motivated to clean ans sometimes not so motivated and juat clean the livingroom and sort of pick up really quick...like put the dishes in the sink and throw the toys in a corner and stack the bills in a neat pile on the counter...other times I get out the bleach and 409 and get busy. I feel real bored at home all day...I dont have any friends or family and am relatively new to the area so I dont get much adult interaction. When i get caught up thinking about it all, I do lose my motivation to clean and feel super down. My fiance knows I should have some me time...but I rarely get that now that he leaves for work around 6am and comes home at 10pm...so I'm just SOL. lol. he tried to make friends so that I can hang out with their wives/girlfriends but that was a bust. So he knows I am losing my mind in the middle of nowhere and nothing without friends, a phone, a car, and without money. hahah...we just cant do much about it at the moment. It's even worse now that the climate is cold because my out of the house time has been limited to twice a week to walk down to the library. Even if I did have a car and money it's not like I'd want to drive anywhere though....what am I going to do?...go shopping or to walmart by myself? lol

So to sum it up, yes my chores can seem uninteresting and boring and just plain ol' not worth my time or effort. My husband does understand I need time away from baby and that our apartment sometimes seems like a prison, but we are doing our best to change that and it wont be forever. If he didnt understand and told me I do nothing when he comes home to the dishes in the sink and clean laundry in garbage bags instead of folded...well then we'd have a problem. he works too much and I'm bored out of my freakin' mind...we're both giving up something to make our live a little better in the future and to give our daughter the best start she can have with our situation. She's happy and healthy and as soon as she's old enough, I can get my education finished and get a good job too...and make friends =] lol

Stifler's - posted on 11/08/2010

YES. I lose motivation to have a spotless house because my son has to play, there has to be toys out and I quite frankly can't be bothered to have all the washing off the line and folded and put away and absolutely no dishes on the sink or clean things in the dishwasher or dust anywhere or things on the table like I did for the first 6 months of my sons life. I don't think he gets how boring it is to always have to lug your kid around to the shops and stuff and unrelaxing. He's like "you get to go shopping and see friends while I'm at work" and that is true but Logan is ALWAYS there with me getting into mischief so it's not really relaxing. I'm not whingeing but it's true, I'd rather shop alone and be able to slowly browse and try on clothes rather than guess. I do that stuff on Saturdays though.

Joy - posted on 11/08/2010

When it comes to cleaning my house, I feel like a cat chasing its tail. It's futile and senseless, yet I keep doing it. As for part two about my partner, I guess I lucked out in that department. My husband will be the first person to tell anyone that I have a full time job, I just don't get paid for it. He works nights but whenever he gets a chance, he takes our son to the park for awhile or sometimes even just for long drives, so that I can sleep or shave my legs without being in a hurry. He cooks and helps me clean sometimes. I always feel guilty when he does any cleaning around the house but he says he does it for me because he loves me. As much as he loves me and tries to help now and then around the house.....it still sometimes feels like I have two toddlers because when he's NOT being "Mr. Helpful", I pick up after him as much as I do our three year old. It's annoying and it gets old but hey, it's what I signed up for so I can't complain (much lol).

Shauna - posted on 11/08/2010

There are days where all I want to do is curl up on the couch and stay there! But with a 2 year old and an 11 month old, that never happens lol...My husband gets that I need out of the house once in a while, but he doesn't get I need a break from the kids!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/08/2010

I definitely lose motivation to clean day in and day out…tend to all three of our dogs most days..(Not to mention hunting them after they have ran off!) and making sure my sons are feed, entertained, learning what they need to learn….ect



And yes there have been times where I felt unappreciated for my work put in with the boys and the dogs and the house….but when I least expect it he shows that he cares and sees what I do by saying “I appreciate you,” or “Im glad you’re my wife”

(Not to mention the gifts )



You are not alone hun :-)

Sarah - posted on 11/08/2010

A mother's job is the most unappreciated and lowliest work there is. Who wants to scrub toilets and dirty dishes all day!? Of course you lose motivation! We all do. Then other days you feel like you could tackle the world, so you reorganize the closets. Its the same for any job, though. My husband doesn't always feel motivated to go to work in the morning either. And he loves his job.
As far as hubby understanding that you need a break, I'm afraid noone but another stay at home mom knows how badly you need a break. I'll tell you something, though, nothing gets their attention like a nervous break down. Men do not like tears! Not saying you should let it get that bad. Just try to speak his language. Let him know how much more in the mood you would be if you could feel like a woman a little more often instead of someone's mommy. Keep working with him, he'll come around. Trust me, I have the most insensitive husband out there, but I've managed to get him to get the idea. Now he tells me that we need a date night. He knows he gets a much nicer, happier, sane wife if he takes me out once in awhile. And he might even get lucky afterwards.;)

Mauri - posted on 11/08/2010

absolutely i get tired of the same thing all day every day! I feel like i am nothing more than a maid most of the time. :( My husband has no idea how hard it is to be with the kids all day and often times nights. I have NO break and even in the shower i have kids (and even my husband) calling for me or knocking on the door for me to come do something, ask a question, and so on.
Don't feel guilty if the house isn't always spotless or if you need a break. Sometimes spouses just need to understand nothing more than you needing a break!

Lindsay - posted on 11/08/2010

I loose motivation to clean also! I think everyone does. I dont do any of my cleaning on the weekends.... just M-F. I straighten up on the weekends but no cleaning. I have found that if you clean 1 to 2 rooms a day then it isnt so over welming. And if you loose motivation sometimes thats ok, the mess will be ther tomorrow :). I definately agree that time away from the kids is something that you need to do! My husband and I do a date night every saturday. That gives me a chance to get all dolled up and feel beautiful for my husband and it gives us a chance to have some time away from our son also. My husbanfd works outside of the home as well and he agrees with me that I need my time just as well as he needs his (away from work and home.)

Bonnie - posted on 11/08/2010

Yes I do have days where I lose motivation to clean. I then have other days where I feel like I am a machine (doesn't happen very often though lol). My husband works outside of the home and he understands that I need a few hours away sometimes and sometimes he even suggests it. Lately he has this thing where he keeps hinting to me that he wants a day at home with our 2 boys and wants me to go out. That is fine. I don't think I could honestly find things to do outside of the home the entire day though. And if he does stay home all day with them, I doubt it would be anything like what us moms do. Sure he would tend to all their needs, but he would probably watch a lot of tv and I doubt much cleaning would get done.

Aura - posted on 11/08/2010

I lose the motivation to clean ALL THE TIME!! I feel bad about it, because I stay at home, but I do the basics. I do the laundry but sometimes I don't fold it, or I fold it but don't put it away. Thankfully, my husband doesn't mind too much, lol.
I think I confused him a lot, yesterday in fact. I almost cried because we were going back home. I practically begged him to just take us ANYWHERE so I wouldn't have to go home again. Lol, he was quite confused.

Wendy - posted on 11/08/2010

I dont think my husband will ever get it and stop getting mad at me for feeling like i need the time to myself out of the home

Crystal - posted on 11/08/2010

Yes. :) I've never been a "cleaner" or one to want to clean. My hubby on the other hand can be very anal about things being cluttered or clean. I do feel as its a part of my "job" or whatever, but I don't think its completely my responsiblity...it's OUR house. He does take care of the outside of the house, but I still expect him to help me out with dishes or laundry...and of course if he doesnt' like the way I've "cleaned" something, he can then re-do it himself. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, and am the mother of 2, a 3yr old and a 5 yr old...so he knows what I can and can't do as far as my "disability." And he knows if I push it too hard, I'm completely useless because I'll be in pain. Anyhow, as for your other question -- it did take some time for my hubby to "understand" that I needed some alone time inside and outside the house. I can get pretty cranky if I don't get MY time. Even if it's just getting out to the grocery store alone, I enjoy it to the fullest! Keep letting him know that you need your time alone, and he needs his time alone with the kids too ... I think it helps "balance" the family in the sense that they listen to both of you, equally. At least thats how it's worked here. :) best of luck!

Chrystal - posted on 11/08/2010

Yes I do at times lose motivation to clean the house. I do understand though that I don't mind doing it b/c I feel like that is part of my responsibility since my husband is out there working for 8 hours or more than the least I could do is try to keep the house clean as part of my job. But jobs aren't fun and weren't made to be fun LOL.. The only difference is I don't get paid for mine. But I do love being able to stay home and raise my baby. And yes my husband doesn't understand why every once in a while I need time to myself and outside of the house. I do it anyways whether he understands or not b/c I need that time and if I don't get that time than I will just go crazy. And he wouldn't want me to be home then LOL.

Erin - posted on 11/08/2010

Hi, I have 2, 5 and 15 months. Motivation to clean has always been an issue for me. I posted a similar post the other week on this subject. The best responses I got were
1. I am a Stay at Home Mom, not a Stay at Home MAID.
2. My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.
Best advice I got. My husband helps out which I do really apprieciate, but then I almost feel bad for him doing it. He like to though, but there are days when he gets home too and just leaves everything everywhere. Drives me nuts.Picking up after my own children and the children I babysitt part time is enough, then to pick up after a grown man can just throw me into a really bad mood. Good luck!

Tiziana - posted on 11/08/2010

Yes some days I have no motivation to clean whatsoever, I feel like I do the same things over and over.
Regarding your other question : I dont have a car at the moment so cant go out much at all, when its nice out I go for a walk with my little one, or if my husband is working close by that day I ask him to drive us to the mall, but it always seems like an issue "what do you have to go out for", "do you really need to go?" and other similar comments is what I get. He seems to think that since I choose to be home to raise our son I shouldn't need to go out, I should be 100% happy with being in the house 24/7.