SAHM entitled to half tax returns? (MA)

Shannintipton - posted on 12/30/2011

Hi Jennifer, This post is more than six months old so I am going to lock it. But I want to thank you for your input. Hope to see more of it. :)

Jennifer - posted on 12/30/2011

Sofia, Im terribly sorry to hear about your situation. I also am a stay at home mom with three little ones. When you file taxes jointly, if you are married, then you are both entitled to the full amount of the return. However that doesnt mean that you each get half, it means that he actually has the right to spend the entire thing with out your permission and vice versa. Someone needs to open your boyfriend/husbands eyes. What we do day in and day out for our families isnt easy. You deserve appreciation and quite frankly, compensation, for all you do. Good luck sweetie!!

Tracie - posted on 03/17/2011

By his logic, then I guess the kids, the meals and all the clean clothes are YOURS?

Jessica - posted on 03/11/2011

my guess is that a lot of that money is from child tax credits and not from actual money he paid in, thats what our income tax return is, so you made half of those babies(tax credits) so you are entitled to a whole lot more than $200. But I would say there is a deeper marital issue that needs addressing beyond the tax return.

Julie - posted on 03/09/2011

Is the money he is keeping spending money or for bills? Work it out on paper to avoid any conflicts... you should equally have the same amount of spending money -
GOOD FOR YOU FOR STAYING HOME - you will NEVER REGRET it ... it is your most important job so far!

Tiffany - posted on 03/09/2011

It sounds as if there is more to this story than meets the eye and I don't care to touch this with a ten foot pole! Good luck in your marriage and God Bless you.

Maria - posted on 03/09/2011

Whoa this guy sounds like a douche and i know this is harsh but you should leave that busta!! I work for a bit before i had our baby and also went to school so i know i accounted for half of the income tax he did work more than me so probably he wouldve gotten more bottom line we filed jointly so it is equally both our money we put it into my bank account which before we filed and everything we decided to make it a joint account. If we were to break up that money would be diveded equally since we are together it goes into the family pot. for him to say your lucky to be getting 200$ is stupid you wouldnt have gotten so mcuh if it wasnt for your three kids. Idk i think you should have a serious talk with him or really think about how he is treating the money that seems like a big red flag to me.

Melysa - posted on 03/09/2011

um "he worked hard for it"? what the? has he ever spent a day at home alone with his children? if I were you I would stop doing any of his washing, dishes, in fact any form of cleaning or maintenance required for him! AND/OR!! demand he pays you for each and every service you provide him how valuable is your time how much would it cost him to take his washing to the laundromat and get them to wash, dry and fold it for him! how much would it cost to buy all of his meals! how much would it cost him to have someone come in and clean his home? there are so many jobs that are left to mum even the fact that you are a 24/7 childcare provider is another way of you saving money but another thing to point out as their father he would be required to provide a safe environment for his children including adequite supervision, if you add it all up
washing (I would assume approx. 2 loads) 40
meals (3 a day + snacks X 7 days) 350
house cleaner (floors bathroom etc) 80
full time live in nanny 600
and that is just the start and already at 1070 a week!

Terri Lynn - posted on 03/08/2011

This is very disrespectful to you and I have seen this sexist behavior in a lot of the abusive (emotionally as well as physical) men who are with the abused women I work with as a volunteer. Here's the NEW plan- call the IRS toll free number to find out when the money is sent to your account. Call your bank and arrange a transfer to YOUR account (make sure he has NO access) of half of the money. Sweetie, I want to warn you about men who isolate women at home with a bunch of kids and want them to have no money and don't want to help pay her bills- they are abusers. Maybe the beatings and the abuse haven't started yet- they usually start with the isolation and the disrespect. That HAS started. If you find you need help, contact me. I will tell you of some resources. What is doing is extremely disrespectful and it appears it is all about him. He needs to remember that you too work hard- in the home- and that he would have to do that work himself or hire someone to.

Jennifer - posted on 03/08/2011

Okay, I am going into law and what you are talking about is abuse...it is called financial abuse. He knows you rely on him because you are a stay at home mom, and he thinks because of that and he works and you don't that he can control your money flow. He cannot do that, and it is all up to you on how you want to approach it. It is against the law for him to do this. You are married and he has no right to do this. He is not allowed to keep you from the money because you and the kids are the reason he gets so many tax breaks and such a high return. If he is not willing to be equal, then you need to be sure you file that you want it split down the middle and there is way to do that when you have it deposited into accounts. You need to have an account of your own if he is going to do this, and then when you have the fund amounts designated to go into the accounts, you need to split it or tell him that you all are joint and leave it that way. He should not be doing that at all. I have an account solely in my name, and yes my husband's disability check goes into that, but so do my student loans. However, I make sure that the bill are paid and that he gets a weekly allowance. He can have more if he wants to, but it is more of a budget thing than anything. He has access to a prepaid card that we got at Wal-mart as well, and he knows I will give him money if we have it. ALSO....because of his disabilities, he is not allowed to control his money, so I have to be the one spending for him. But, that is different from your situation, but it depends on how you want to handle it. If you want to gt the law involved, you can get pretty far, if not then you need to let him know he is breaking the law and being by definition of the law...abusive. If you want to know more, I need to know the state and city that you reside in, and email me. I am a pre-law major and I do this type of consulting on the side...I am not a lawyer yet, but I can give advice. But, I am in no way responsible for the outcome, nor do I sign anything stating that my word is final. I can however direct you in the direction to get help if that is what you so desire, if it is...here is my direct email...jgowan517@yahoo.com

Sandy - posted on 03/08/2011

You should have a joint account for money to pay the bills. Once the bills are paid, then you can put money into your separate accounts equally. The way you say he has the money allocated doesn't sound like a marriage. There is nothing nice or fair about what he's wanting to do with your money. If he wants to treat you like an employee, you could give him a bill for services at the local going rates.

Barb - posted on 03/08/2011

Wow! All I can say is I'm so glad my husband isn't that insensitive. Your huby needs a big wake up call. You may be a stay at home mom, but you WORK..probably harder than he does most days.

Crystal - posted on 03/08/2011

uhhh that's awful! are you married? marriage means equal everything! there is nothing, ESPECIALLY money that is "mine" or "his". just because you don't work does that mean you shouldn't eat or have clothes? that's honestly THE most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. when my husband and I got our tax return back, we used it on things that WE needed. bills, household things, appliances, clothing, everything in which WE discussed and WE agreed on. being a mommy is a job, and if he doesn't see that than it's his problem. but no that is DEFINITELY NOT FAIR or right in ANY way! sounds like he doesn't respect or appreciate you at all.

Lisa Jo - posted on 03/08/2011

My husband is very similar! I became a SAHM when we had our dayghter in September, so I worked last year. I have a lot of student loans, which are in deferment. I asked about the refund and he said I could have half if I pay half of the household bills, which he knows I have no money. I don't have access to his checking account, but I have his credit card and he said if I need anything to just put it on there. So, he monitors everything I buy. I have always had my own money, but thought I would get what he isn't paying a nanny. He told me that I shouldn't exxpect to be paid for being a mommy. He said I have everything I need. So, I feel for ya!

Julie - posted on 03/08/2011

He sound like my husband. That is ridiculous....I say if you have 3 babies that you take care of 24/7 then you are entitled to the 3 thousand that you automatically get for them on the returns!

Sarah - posted on 03/08/2011

I would start charging him for sex too! according to this article, he can't afford to pay you for half that jobs YOU do...
http://www.coeinc.org/Articles/Housewife...

Jay - posted on 03/08/2011

Wow...I'm absolutely shocked. If you would like a bill for how much your saving I can give you a child care bill (I run a daycare) 5 days/ week for a Pre-School POTTY TRAINED child (and this is as cheap as it comes) runs $600/month for a 4 wk month. multiply that by 3 and you're saving HIM a bundle...go ahead and charge that to his account and collect the money. ;)
This isn't just a problem of money in your relationship it's speaks worlds about problems that you need to work out. If he doesn't value all the hard work and energy that you put into raising your children and maintaining the house just because it doesn't have a $ amount attached to a paycheck doesn't mean it's not valuable. When you decided to stay home that comes with the condition that HIS check would pay ALL the bills (yours included) and share equal benefits from the $ saved. This is something I would definitely start seeing a marriage counselor about. There's other issues here.

Brenda - posted on 03/08/2011

This is why I do surveys from home for extra pocket money. Even though I am a SAHM I want to earn my own money. There are tons of survey companies you can sign up for free. Men like this are not going to change. You could keep track of the balance and when the refund comes in transfer half into your account. Yes he will get mad but he doesn't have a leg to stand on legally half is yours.

Momto5 - posted on 03/08/2011

Sofia, it sounds to me like you have marital problems more than money splitting issues. This example seems to ilustrate the dynamics of your relationship that may extend to parenting, doing housework, appreciating you etc... I am sorry it is this way for you.

Melissa - posted on 03/08/2011

When you say, 'not having access...", do you mean you don't have a way to withdraw money out of his separate accounts? And/or do you mean you have no way to see what he is spending all of the money he worked hard for on? It sounds to me you have more of an issue in your marriage than just money. I would check into getting some counseling from a marriage counselor. If you can't afford it, then I would seek a clergyman's advice.

I agree with others. You are entitled to half of everything, unless you have a prenumptual agreement. And HOMEMAKER is listed as a career along with everything else.

I'm sorry you are married to such a jerk.

Ana - posted on 03/08/2011

Wow. That is crazy!

Bonnie - posted on 03/08/2011

I am a sahm too, but my husband and I have always agreed that our money, or the money he earns with his paid job is our money. I work just as hard as he does, and harder. We don't start and stop our day according to a full time work schedulle. We work 24/7 on call for everything.

If you really looked at the tax credit as what you received for having the kids, then you/he should, realize that the one who cares for the kids should get the largest amount of that money, to do just that. Care for the family.

Medical and credit card bills get paid first when we get our return, then we look at things that we need, like clothing, or food, and car and house maintenance. If we have anything left over, we could go out for a nice meal, buy a few wanted items, or save the rest for a rainy day.

Even when I was still working, all the money earned was our money. We have a joint account, and cards, and discuss how we need to spend our money. I am sorry and sad to hear about selfish people who treat their loved ones with such inconsideration. You are not his slave, you are his wife, his other half. I really hope you can talk this out with him. Prayer does help. Sometimes we really do need to let the guy know, that what we want is really a need, or must have. Your medical bills should be paid by him, just like any other family living expense. Hugs, and prayers for your success in getting through to your husband.

Sarah - posted on 03/08/2011

...or you could accept the $200 this year and inform him ( after you have the $200) that next year the two of you will be filing "married filing separately" and YOU will be claiming both yourself and the kids and HE won't be getting ANY of YOUR money. One year of seeing how little he gets back without you and the kids as tax deductions should fix his attitude...

Kristy - posted on 03/08/2011

yikes

Jamie - posted on 03/07/2011

Oh that is so not fair. I am a stay home mom and my partner and I share same account. My partner has no problem with my getting money at any time I want. I think you are going through an abuse financially. You feel trapped to him because he has all monetary control. Not right. You need to discuss with him or you have to leave him for the sake of your sanity and your kids who look up to you.

Chasity - posted on 03/07/2011

If thats the case charge him for childcare, cleaning and being his cook im sure if you charged for everything you do for free when your a sahm. Something sounds funny with your husband? I am a SAHM too and I decided how all of our refund was spent with my husband and we dont have separate accts, what for?? We share it all!

Vicky - posted on 03/07/2011

It truly amazes me how utterly selfish some men are. In a marriage everything should be shared equally; including the money; regardless of who brings it in. Unfortunately, a lot of men don't value their wives or what they do in the home. The situation must change. You can't continue to live like that...he's crushing your dignity and that's abuse!

Sarah - posted on 03/07/2011

LOL...a few years ago when we got stimulus checks, hubby and I had this debate. He wanted to do something HE wanted with the entire check. I told him that shit wasn't happening. We got the amount we got because there are TWO of us, and I didn't care to do what he wanted with the $$. Either he split it 50/50 or neither one of us got ANY 'cause I wasn't signing first ( and it requires two signatures).

His reasoning was that HE works hard for the $$. That's great, but I work hard too, I just don't get a paycheck to thank me for all MY hard work. It had been a really rough few weeks where he was going out with friends and going on campouts and stuff and leaving me with the kids. I told him it was fine with me if he wanted to take the whole check, but I was charging his ass $10 per hour after 5:30 pm to help me with the kids ( as long as it was not work related). he did some quick calculations and told me he would be happy to give me the amount I wanted...

THis year we got almost $5,000 back. Before it came back we sat down and discussed what we were doing with the $$. I had told him that I wanted $300-500 to do whatever I wanted with. I didn't even have a specific thing in mind, I just wanted to be able to BUY stuff without having to justify it to him or be made to feel guilty about it. I got my $500...

Desiree - posted on 03/07/2011

Ur a family not separate entities if he chooses to treat it that way then you need to be careful. My husband never joint our accounts but we both have access and discuss any spending out of the ordinary with each other prior to doing so. Good luck money has always been a point of control in our society

Becki - posted on 03/07/2011

WOW! I am amazed at this question & at some of the responses.
Isn't he your husband? There should not be any "his" account & "my" account. I thought that marriage was sharing, caring & compromise?
With the "his"/"mine" thinking, since you "work" with the kids & at the house all day, I guess the kids & the house are yours. HE should be paying you rent to live there!
Looks like you both need to seek some wise counsel & get TOGETHER! (Not separate!)

Heather - posted on 03/07/2011

WOW! I am actually shocked at most of the responses here... yup - he is 100% in the wrong, but so many 50/50 splits shocks me & justifying getting money bc you take care of the kid shocks me too! What if your kids are grown & you become disabled.... can he do what he wants with all of the money then because you aren't working for it?

It's a marriage & if you aren't in the ship together, guiding it, making decisions & sharing outcomes (good & bad) then it's a marriage that isn't working.

I worked for years & had no intention of quitting until I couldn't face going back to work. My hubby had a SAHM as did I so maybe that helps him appreciate it, but honestly it's all ours when we both worked & made different amounts it was all ours & if one of us wasn't working.. unemployed, SAHparenting, injured etc.... still ours.

Angela - posted on 03/07/2011

If you are benefiting the family by staying home you should also be receiving the benefits! So many things are wrong here. If he does not want to share, then he should not be in the house. This is emotionally abusive, and you could get a lawyer who would be able to legally get you half of everything he owns.
I gave up a career as a doctor to stay home....what my husband makes is mine, in fact, all he wants is an allowance...he does not want to have to bother with any bills, so I manage all of it. Partnership....parenting is all about partnership, and it just sickens me that your husband is not being a partner to you...he is being abusive....that is just another way for him to be in control of everyone is to keep you home and poor....see it all the time.
Stand up for yourself, show him how much all the things you do would cost the family if you chose to quit...if he won't....then leave....take the kids and go to your parents or a friends....you CANNOT raise a family that way- you would be better off receiving assistance and being a single mom. Good luck, I will be praying for you!

Katie - posted on 03/07/2011

My opinion: we treat it the same way we do christmas money. We buy things we need as a family first ( fix up the backyard or kid friendly dishes). Then if there is any left over, we put some in savings and then divide 50-50.

Stifler's - posted on 03/07/2011

My husband got like 200 bucks at tax time from his tax return lololol damn ATO. The Family Tax Benefit payment ($3000) goes to my account and gains interest so we can eventually buy a house one day and not spend it if it's sitting in his account which is what we always use.

Mabel - posted on 03/06/2011

Honey 2 years ago I sold my car to upgrade for a family SUV I also took the whole income tax check and spent half on the car and the rest on bills and home improvements.My husband never seen a cent of it and he was ok with that.

Suzanne - posted on 03/06/2011

Wow I totally agree with all these woman ....If he is your husband or even your significant other and your living together and he is the father of your children..the money he is bringing in is BOTH of your money!!! I would definatly bring this to a marriage counsler ASAP...something is definatly wrond in this realationship...he seems like he owns you...hope i didn't disrespect in any way but thats how it would seem to me. Hope he comes around and see's what he is doing wrong by this

Jessica - posted on 03/06/2011

also tell him it would be funny to see him switch jobs for with you for a week i only have one kid & she is a handful all the time I cant even imagine 3 (way to go badass mommy) i bet he will come running to you begging for help most fathers dont understand how hard it is being a stay at home mom altho i love the payment of "i love you mommy" & all the hugs & kisses but lets face it if our husbands tryed doing our job they would loose their minds

Jessica - posted on 03/06/2011

that is stupid my husband stated since most of the money actualy comes from the child credit & you get it because of the kids he told me i gave birth to them & I stay at home with her &I deserve the money

Christia - posted on 03/06/2011

Wow, it sounds like you and your husband need to talk about some things. You take care of his children all day, while he works. He gets paid for the work he does, so why don't you? In my house, my husband works and I stay home with the kids. I am in charge of all the finances. I have to put my husband on a budget and only allow him a certain amount of money because he is just terrible with money. We talk about the amount he gets each week and if he needs extra for something, if we have the extra money, then I give it to him. I pay all the bills, go grocery shopping, and buy all the household items and the clothes for everybody. I know it sounds like I am in complete control, but that is not the case. We talk about things before we do them. If we have to make a big purchase we talk about it beforehand together. The day to day stuff, I am in charge of only because he is bad with money and he is gone for long periods of time for work. I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. If you are running the household while he is at work, then you need the freedom to spend your money, that is supposed to be yours as well as his, in a way you both see fit. Maybe you should work out a household budget together and talk about who is going to be in charge of what bills or expenses and go from there. Good luck!

Kerri - posted on 03/06/2011

That is so unfair. He's treating you like you're his servant rather than his spouse! We have joint accounts, so this has never been an issue for us. His money is my money too. I'd be furious if my husband did this. I think it's smart that he wants to save the money, but he needs to involve you in the decision, not TELL you what is going to happen with it.

Victoria - posted on 03/04/2011

I am in a similar situation. I am not married but my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now. We were put in a situation where we had to move back in with our parents. I havent had a job since I had our son so he claimed our son. Since I am living with my mother and I am taking online classes she was able to claim me. She recently lost her job and after receiving her income tax she didnt want to give me anything, so my boyfriend feels since I am not arguing with my mother everyday and pressing the fact that I dont have any money he feels he shouldnt give me anything and get the same reaction. I figure I didnt work hard all year to receive money for my mother claiming me. She has been providing a roof over my head for the last year, but I have worked extra hard caring for our son, and I deserve to get the money that I need for us, just as you do. Its ridiculous for you to have the hard, sometimes stressful job of being a SAHM, and you deserve it.

Kristy - posted on 03/04/2011

I can sit here all day and tell you what I think of your husbands way of thinking... But out of respect for you, I wont... I can understand his way of thinking when it comes to working and getting the paychecks, with that being said, I live in Oklahoma and for each child you receive $1000, at the LEAST you should receive HALF of whatever the total is you are getting for your kids... (Which last time I checked was more than $200) Yes he worked all year long, but part of that money is what you are getting back for having kids and has NOTHING to do with how much he worked... Im also a full time college student, which means I also got to claim my schooling and that qualified me for additional money on our taxes, keep this in mind when filing! Personally my husband and I have certian things we have decided to spend our money on and are spliting the rest 50/50... I may not be getting a paycheck raising my child, but if I were to "work" it would be paying for a daycare who wouldnt care about my child HALF as much as I do! Stick to your guns, you are entitled to HALF of what yall are getting back for those babies!!!

Amber - posted on 03/04/2011

Really? Chad knows better than to EVER pull that with me. He may be at work with a boss, but I'm at home with a child breathing down my neck! I run all of his and the household errands, take care of our child, house, and animals.

We have an amount that I spend on household things every month, and then I have a separate amount that I can use for me; its the same thing for him every month. I can save up for something special, go shopping, grab lunch or drinks with friends, indulge a bit at the spa, or whatever.....something just for mommy. (That is after we deposit to savings.)

If he thinks that it's all his money because he earns it, then demand that he pay YOU a salary every week.
Staying at home is something that is done for the good of the entire family, not because women don't want to work. It is much more strenuous than most out of the home jobs. We deserve to be compensated too. If he's to selfish to do this willingly, then start sending him a bill!

Bethany - posted on 03/04/2011

is this your Dad, or your partner? If it's a joint account, then it's a joint account. Get rid of both his and your personal accounts, it is all your money and all his money. It is family money, for your FAMILY. Decide on an upper limit that can be spent without discussion, and for larger amounts, have a chat and with respect for each other's intellegence, make decisions that support the family.



I grew up in a home with a very controlling father, and I can tell you for sure, it will not end well.



Knowing a thing or two about Indian men, in general, not as a rule, you have an uphill battle ahead of you. You don't speak too highly of this bloke. Has he any endearing qualities?

Jennifer - posted on 03/04/2011

thats redicolous give me a break i dont get what he is thinking you work just has hard as he does by taking care of the 3 kids and your in a relationship so therefore your money is his money and 200 dollars from 9800 dollars give me a break i would demand half of that or go to the bank and take it out its your money too its not just his thats simply incredibly selfish of him for what hes doing you do not have to be happy with 200 dollars exspecially when half of that money is yours.. i have a joint account with my fiancee and we share all of it and i pay all the bills with his money.. so he needs a life lesson 9800 and he gives you 200 bucks please thats just redicolious..i feel bad for you...hes inconsiderate..

Wendy - posted on 03/04/2011

I have to agree with your hubby on this one. Perhaps father does know best in this case. He could be putting away for later in life which would justify any such sacrifice on your part, while he is still young and able to work. If you feel you are savvier with money than he is, what steps have you taken to prove that to him?

Yes we work hard as stay at home moms, but let’s face it – we don’t have bosses breathing down our necks; we’re not constantly worried about company layoffs; we aren’t forced to deal with all of the soul-bludgeoning situations that our working husbands deal with on a daily basis and we aren’t the sole providers for our households. I feel lucky and blessed to not have to work and if my husband wants his own account (which he does have) or doesn’t see any reason to give me half of his earnings (that would be completely unfair of me to ask) for my own spending, then so be it. He does give me money when I ask or need it for things that are important to me. If I ask him for additional funds I’d better have a good reason for it because I’m not the one slaving away 70+ hours per week for it. I COULD work, but who in their right mind wants to do THAT?!?! LOL.

Toni - posted on 03/04/2011

I am a SAHM with three boys, and ever since our first tax return together, we have shared it equally. That was almost ten years ago. We pay the bills and whatever is left, we would split. Now that we are older and have kids we each get $1,000 and the rest goes to whatever needs paid or saved. Granted he spends his as soon as he gets it, and sometimes something comes up and I am the only one with money, but I don't let that happen anymore.
He needs to understand that you work every bit as hard as he does, if not harder, and he should be happy you aren't knocking him up-side the head! ;) lol

Susan - posted on 03/04/2011

i'm a stay at home mom to two boys ages 10 and age 2 he has always split it 50/50 with me, he knows that i always spend it on the kids and the house and sometimes on me, he never relized how much i do around here and when he had to take care of them for a couple of days he gladely hands it over to me. although he does give me money every paycheck without complaints there is nothing like tax time. :)

Raquel - posted on 03/04/2011

ummmm WTF excuse my language but are you effen kidding me!! when you are married whats his is yours!!! and whats yours is his!! thats not how a marriage works!! everything should be equal weather or not you work! god i hope you win the powerball one day and say this millions is mine! and heres 200!! ;)))

Jane - posted on 03/03/2011

You both work. The only difference is that the paycheck is in his name, but it belongs to the whole family. If you insist on keeping separate accounts then the refund should be shared 50:50.

Sounds as if he needs some marriage counseling. The way he is going divorce will be a distinct possibility down the road. "His money"? Not at all. He needs to learn how to form a family, not a dictatorship.