Camille - posted on 08/01/2011 ( 100 moms have responded )
Lately, I've been feeling tired of the life I lead. I stay home with my two girls. I would like to work but I have no one from the family to help me take care of them (and drive them to and from school, helping with homework) while I work. My big dilemma is that I really like being involved directly in their education at least until they are in third grade. No one will help them the way I do. Last year my oldest had to learn to read and write and I was the only one who could help her. I think another person would have lost their patience. Back to the main question. I don't want to continue married. My husband and I constantly fight. Many times over stupid things and other times because I feel trapped. I have no right to be involved in financial decisions. I don't choose when we go to the supermarket. Well, I can choose from the things he approves. I don't cook everyday because I run out of ideas with the food items he brings. I told him once that he should write down a menu for me to cook since he's the one who chooses at the supermarket. He (fighting) said no, that it is not his job. That I'm the one who stays home and has that responsibility. I answered: "then you have to let me choose what I want because I have many things to cook but what you bring is not what I want to use". Argument ensued. We are on a tight budget but he should let me be me in the cooking area. Anyway, we have to buy take out because I sometimes refuse to cook as a protest. I feel as if he wants to control everything. He has me staying home but he won't let me be creative in my role. Also, although I still love him I'm not attracted to him. I just can't stand him. He is a good person. He is honest, intelligent a responsible father, not a man who used to sleep around when he wasn't married to me, does not drink or smoke but I can't stand him. He always thinks he is right. He wants things done his way because he thinks it's the most logical way to do things. All with him is about logic and his logic is stupid when he over analyzes everything. What should I do? I would not like to break my family. My daughters are very confident, sweet, (and mostly) happy because they feel safe having their parents together. But I'm unhappy. They have to see us fighting and that stresses them but somehow they are still happy. Also, since I feel frustrated I tend to not have patience with them. I do explode over any spills, mess, toys left everywhere. Lately, I've not been fighting with him and tend to ignore what bothers me only because I see the possibility of a divorce. What should I do? Should I keep things calm while I figure how I'll survive being on my own with my girls and then tell him I want to get divorced? Do children tend to get confused with not seeing their parents fight (maybe thinking everything's fine) and , then, getting divorced?