Should I have another baby at age 35 and with an 18 yr old daughter?

Joanna - posted on 12/23/2012 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I am 35 and I have an 18 year old daughter. I was fine just having her all these years until the last two years. I wish I had more kids. I see alot of friends and family with their kids and they have between two to four kids. They are all close in age and it hurts because I wish it was like that for me too. I am not even sure if I can have more kids and if I can there will be a 19 to 20 year age gap between my daughter and baby. Can anyone please give me advice?

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Brigette - posted on 01/06/2013

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Go for it and see what happens. My husband has a sister 20 years younger than him and he is very protective of her and it has brought him and his mom closer. Also, the second time around is completely different according to my mother-in-law. Even though you've done it before the 2nd time is full of new adventures.
Also, if you find out you can't have your own, maybe try being a foster parent or something along those lines, but 35 is still pretty young.
The world needs more people who care about raising good kids. If you have that desire in you, do something about it.

J M - posted on 12/24/2012

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Hi,

first like to say its a personal decision only you can make no matter what others think or say.

What came to mind when reading your thoughts where that you say, You where fine all these years until... etc and so on, then you say you feel hurt, you wish it was like that for you" then why not for you? You are not old! -:)

Benefits and pluses or pros and cons.... Benefits you may be more settled now? , and at lest you are thinking carefully about it, don't let time dictate your life, though is important, although is later whats wrong with that, a tick at lest for thoughtful Family planning as to say.

You don't say wether you have a partner or not married or single... if you are single is that the reason for the long gap? only asking no need to answer, if you feel not to, main thing you can, then why not.

Your main points you highlight is you say you wish you had more kids.... if thats your hearts desire no shame in that-:) and you are Healthy and financially able to cope well then why not :)? Only you can and do have the answer's to your doubts, fears, whatever.

Check out with a Doctor and go from there maybe..... as personal and up to you.

But Good luck either way, hope you find peace in whatever decisions you make.

Mary Piergiovanni - posted on 02/01/2013

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Let first off say there is nothing wrong with it! I am 38 and preg with my 4th. I have a 16, 4, 2 yr old. the 16 yr old thinks it is great. She is looking foward to having a sister. My BFF has 21 years between her and her eldest sister. My mother is the oldest of 4 and there is 17 years between her and the youngest.

What does your 18 yr old think? Will she be going off to college? Does she have a very active life and not at home much (like alot of teens)? At that age they are starting to realize that the world does not revolve around them and start looking at the over all happiness and well being of others.

Penny Rae - posted on 01/11/2013

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I would look at your current health to make sure you will be able to go through the joys of a teenager in your 50's. If your health is good then I would just be sure it's not just the start of empty nest worrys. But if you truely do want to have another child all my best wishes.

Adriana Iris - posted on 01/06/2013

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My son is turning 21 and my daughter is 2. :)
it's lovely the middle one is 12 they all help me and each one have received one on one attention completely. They each feel like I was focused utterly and completely because the age gaps gave me the time to focus on each one.
www.adrianairis.com

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Sadie - posted on 02/07/2013

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I was 15 when my Mum had my brother, I was 18 when my Mum had my sister! I've got to say it was the best form of contraception ever!
Seriously, you're still fertile, if you want another child go for it!

Mireya Valenzuela - posted on 02/03/2013

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Yes of course you should if thats what you want! I did! I had my second child at 34 my daughter was 18 and just recently had my third at 36! It's been challenging to start all over again but wouldn't change a thing! Its been so nice beeing able to fo things over again, enjoying them so my much more. Good luck to you.

Kirsten - posted on 01/31/2013

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Sounds like my opinion will be the unpopular one. hehe
I had two grown daughters--the younger one 17--and a grandson when I got pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was 39. I had a friend who'd been through the same thing and she tried to tell me not to do it. I didn't listen. I can't say that I regret my little one; however, if I had to do it again, I might have made a different decision. It was very hard on me. I didn't think it would be a problem--I was in very good health, great shape, and the doctors gave me the thumbs up.
I suppose I couldn't have known that things were going to happen "just so" and things would go so horribly wrong, but they did. My health hasn't been the same since. As a result, there's been a negative effect on my mental health as well. I went through the first two daughters as a single mom and have an extremely supportive husband now...but I still had an easier time back then.
It's true that everyone is different. It's just something to consider. When you're thinking about all the good stuff, it's a good idea to remember all the hard parts, too. IMO, it's the responsible thing to do: consider all aspects before making such a life-changing decision. It's diapers all over again. It's learning how to walk all over again. It's toddler challenges and adolescent challenges all over again. This child could be easier than the last or it could be much harder. Either way, after it's here, there is no going back. In the end, it's up to you and if it's what you really want and you're prepared, then you should go for it. :)

HEIDI - posted on 01/30/2013

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hi..I never think there's a thing as too old in todays society...I'm 41 this yr n my youngest is 8...my eldest 21...I have three in between.my sis in law now has a 8mth old 15yrs after her first too.I reckon if u r happy,healthy,and financially able...why not.Best wishes....

Susan - posted on 01/26/2013

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This post makes me think of myself years ago, as I had pre-cancer cells of the cervix when my oldest daughter was 6 weeks old. At the time I was in the Navy and marrying her father wasn't an option due to the fact he wasn't ready to settle down to marriage or to one person. For many years I prayed I would have a family and a husband, but after time I didn't think too much about it. I met my husband almost 5 years ago and we talked about having kids but I told him how I honestly didn't think I could have kids due to my prior problems. Here it is almost 5 years later and my oldest is 16, who's a girl, Caitlyn is 27 mo, Ronnie is almost 16 mo. and Hunter is a little over 2 mo., so you never can tell how your future is going to go. I love all my kids to pieces, but honestly my daughter, Cassie, is the one that gives us a run for our money. What's neat is that Caitlyn and Ronnie are Irish twins because their birthdays are 355 days apart!!

Jayme - posted on 01/25/2013

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I think that if you are sure that you want to bring another life into this world and you are able to love, care, and provide for them then that is what you should do. I'm 33 now but I was 30 when I had my last daughter. My husband was once in a previous marriage and had 3 children before we where together. My husband and I have an age difference of 18 years so when our final daughter was born he was 47 and had a son in the military who was 23 yrs old.

So I believe if it's what u truly want and u have a great support system then go for it!

Butterfly123 - posted on 01/17/2013

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If you and your husband are in agreement and have considered the pros and cons, I would say get a physical and make sure you are able to carry a baby successfully and go for it! I got married late (32) and I had my first child, a son at 33. And, I just had my second child, a daughter at 35 years old. I'm not going to lie, it was rough, but oh so worth it. They are a delight!

Tina - posted on 01/16/2013

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hi, I just wanted to say I am 44 years old with a 11,14,5,19, and 23
year old and don't forget dad he's 49 we are happy say we are
having another by surprise but we have never been so excited

Tina - posted on 01/16/2013

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hi, I just wanted to say I am 44 years old with a 11,14,5,19, and 23
year old and don't forget dad he's 49 we are happy say we are
having another by surprise but we have never been so excited

Colleen - posted on 01/11/2013

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Yes do it. I became a big sister at age 19. I also had twins when I was 35. My older kids we in high school.I am do glad. I would have always regrets.not following my heart. Good luck

Kim - posted on 01/07/2013

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I was almost 37 when I had my 2nd baby with 15 years difference between them. Not quite 3 years later I became a gramma for the first time and then again 8 months later another grandson was born. So I have 2 grandsons about 3 years younger than my daughter and I have custody of one if them. So now my 13 year old daughter and my 10 year old grandson are being raised in the same house, it seems like they are brother and sister instead of Aunt and nephew. They argue like brother and sister as my daughter tries to be his Aunt and boss him around. Lol. I wouldn't change it for anything. Having my daughter was one of the best decisions I ever made. If your not sure, maybe you can get a puppy to see if that helps. Being a gramma is awesome too and that might happen sooner than you think ( sorry, don't mean to offend you). You just never know. It happens all the time. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Sarah - posted on 01/06/2013

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If you want another baby, do it! If you're financially stable and ready and willing to go through the newborn stage all over again, I say go for it. I'm 35, and I had a baby last year. My first baby was born when I was 29. Nothing wrong with having babies in your 30s :)

Yolanda - posted on 01/05/2013

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I have 5 kids. My oldest I'd 21 and my youngest is 4mos. I am 38 and thought that I was finished after Michael was born, my 9yr old, I also had complications with the birth due to a c section with Michael. I was feeling so old and closed off because I was ready to vacation and no one else my age was pregnant. After my son was born it was the best thing ever.he looks at me like I'm his hero. Now I'm thinking of having one more so he can have a brother or sister to play with because when Michael is 18 he will be 10 and alone. This baby my son is better than any vacation. My 21yr old is thrilled and the boy are so excited. My husband has earned a new found respect and love. He has been the most supportive and helpful. Also to my surprise it rekindle something in our relationship.I day if you do decide to have this child you will feel like its your first baby only with your daughter by your side enjoying every little moment. Good luck I hope you have a baby!

Joanna - posted on 01/05/2013

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I know what you mean. That is why this is a hard decision. I don't want people thinking my daughter is the mother. I'm going to try and if I don't get pregnant before turning 36 I might look into adoption. I always wanted 2 or 3 kids. I have a step daughter that my husband and I don't get to see. We are working on that, but it didn't hit me until this year that I already past the age I wanted to be to have another baby. I wanted to have a baby before turning 34. I know I have to leave in in God's hands. I know he makes no mistakes! I just had my own plan and feel discouraged because it didn't go as planned. Thanks for repying!

Kelly - posted on 01/03/2013

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Just as a different view coming from a mom of one. You say you've been ok until lately. Could it be because your daughter is now becoming an adult and moving on with her life? Empty nest syndrome can cause the want of a new baby. If that is the case focas on you and if you have a spouse on making a new life together. That being said 35 is not too old. But be honest with yourself, are you willing to start over. Sometimes being older is good as you are more stable and in a better financial state, but sometimes we are more set in our ways. There are a lot more older parents now, but as a kid I hated having my sister who was 17 years older than me being thought as my mom and my mom (40 when she had me) being called my grandma. So think of your kids too. Although i admitt that even though i hated having several moms ( sisters all much older) I am very close to my eldest sister as an adult, so your children could become close. Ultimately it is up to you and your spouse/ partner if you think a new addition would be good for your family. Best of wishes.

Tracy - posted on 01/03/2013

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having our kids young makes us not really know what to do with ourselves when our kids are grown. our whole adults lives have been spent raising kids. you can either choose to start over, which is great if you WANT it and not because you are unsure what to do now, or you can figure out what YOU want to do for yourself. My hubby and I were about to that point ourselves when our daughter came along three years ago. We love and adore her like crazy but we had to readjust the whole "we now have time for US" idea. The oldest is now 28, then 24, 23, 22, 16 and then 3. The biggest question would be are you just feeling lonely and out of sorts with your daughter grown or are you really wanting to bring a new life (or several?) into the world. Don't have a kid because you are being nostalgic for little kids. Ya know? :) BUT, having our daughter has brought new life to our aging family. She definitely keeps us going and tires our butts out! (BTW, I am now 33 and hubby is 47)

Janissa - posted on 12/30/2012

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I agree with JMS. Although, I have 6 children which have a wide range from the youngest to the oldest. The ages of my children are: 28, 21, 19, 14, 6, 2. I had my 2 year old when I was 41. Although I had two miscarriages before him. When we decided not to give up we asked the doctor what to do and he told me to take extra folic acid, which he prescribed. In my case, it was an easy fix. Some may not be so lucky, so check with your doctor first. I wish the best.

Debbie - posted on 12/30/2012

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As J M S says, its a personal decision, everyone is different and only you can truly decide for yourself.

I have 5 children with a big age gap between the 3rd and 4th. I was 21 when my oldest was born, he's 20 now, then at 36 (almost 37) I had my 4th after an 11 year gap, two and a half years later at 39 I had my 5th.

I've found it like starting over with the younger two and in many ways it is easier, I appreciate now how fast they grow up and change much more than I did when the others were young. I am more patient, maybe more tired but I wouldn't change that for all the positives.

Maybe talk to your daughter too, not to ask her advice or permission, but talk about the possibility of her having a younger sibling. Ultimately it's up to you, your doctor can tell you the physical side of things but you know what's in your heart if all is well (as it most likely is) in your body.

Good luck and best wishes.

Lesley - posted on 12/30/2012

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I say do it, 35 is NOT too old! I had my first at 35 and my second at 38... You're only as old as you feel...

Niele - posted on 12/30/2012

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No way is 35 too OLD! I will be 35 this coming year and my children are 5 & 3. I'm done having babies but loads of my friends who are my age are just havinG their first now... Get yourself checked out physically to make sure it's possible and good on you for considering all the options carefully. I look at it the opposite way, I would not have coped being a teen mom in my opinion it would be harder. I'm very active with my boys, yes they exhaust me but don't they do that at any age? If you really want to do it though I wouldn't wait any longer. There are risks the older you are but technology today allows you to make informed decisions. Good luck. Go for it I say!

Cricket - posted on 12/30/2012

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I am 40 now. and i have a 22 year old and a 4 year old. Im not gonna lie its different. I had more energy when i had the first one at 18. but now i have arthritis and alot more fagitive. I was a nut case when i first had my 4 year old my horomones were every where. And actually it is alot harder with my youngest than my oldest. My oldest was calm and wonderful to be around. Just saying my youngest is always on the go never wants to sit, and is VERY ACTIVE!!! During her TERRIABLE 2 AND 3 were awful and now finally were starting to Bond and like each other , I love her but there were a year or 2 where i couldnt hardley handle it!!! Really it was about me and finding myself and realizeing that i was a mom again with a Child that needed me every second and that was really hard to deal with Mentally. But Now we are Best friends and so much alike it pretty funny. I really just had to find a new way and figure out what i needed and my daughter needed. My 22 year old is finally settle and becoming a Wonderful woman and my 4 year old is finally settleing down and loves going to school and loves being in Sports . My 2 girls are totally different and both need different things and i just needed to accept things the way they are. One day at a time. My 2 daughters love each other but to my youngest it kinda like a cousin than a sister, My oldest daughter lives a couple hours away and they dont see each other that often there in different areas of there life but there is a lot of love there.

Lori - posted on 12/30/2012

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I am 48 and have a 20 year old and a 6 year old so 35 is NOT too late. And there are two in between (15 & 13). It's been nice having the older kids around to help out with the youngest.... built in babysitting :-D Be aware that you probably won't have nearly the energy that you did when the first one was born! Best of luck with your decision.

Roseanaghadileep - posted on 12/30/2012

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I looking islam husband but thay note be asian .if he do mistake befor ok.but note be a now even me to my life so boring my dreems i note go out dinner or shoping gest house this oll my dreems.

Roseanaghadileep - posted on 12/30/2012

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I like lot kids but i dont have good husband.i have a 2kids thay grow up grand family so thay love tham.my husband oll of tham have a onther womens.i am looking islam husband for 2 kids to my love and care tham get happy life me and tham.even he marige divoce ok if he have kids ollso i love lot and lot.

Cleaver - posted on 12/27/2012

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theres 19 years between me and my youngest and i love it now my kids and brother play together all the time

Michelle - posted on 12/26/2012

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I am 36 and I just had my fourth. You can probably have more kids physically. One of my friends is 42 and had a surprise pregnancy. Your OB could tell you better. I always think if you want to go for it. But that's just me. I don't think the age difference will be that big of a deal.

Joanna - posted on 12/26/2012

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Thank you for responding. I'm married my spouse and I are four years apart, so when I tell him how I feel he's supportive, but I feel be doesn't understand where I'm coming from because he's not 35 yet. I guess I can stress over thinking this, but it's in God's hands. Reading these responses are helpful so thanks again!

Melissa - posted on 12/26/2012

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I have a 4 year old and a 21 year old and I don't regret a moment of it! My 21 year old at the time was upset, I guess because at age 17 it's all about "me" and no one else. But my daughter loves her 4 year old brother and she is like a second mom to him. I was 35 when I gave birth to him too. I'm not going to lie, I was miserable when I was pregnant because I was so tired and I have way less energy to play with my 4 year old than I did when my 21 yr old was 4. I was 17 when I had her so we played together and really grew up together. With her I didn't have as much patience. I do think I have more patience now with my 4 yr old, just not as much energy, so like everything, you have your good points and bad points. I think you should go for it! It turned out great for me, I do have a very supportive spouse and extended family too. That is important as well! Good luck!

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