Should I have to ask my Husband for money every week?

Denna - posted on 07/06/2011 ( 32 moms have responded )

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Im gonna make this short and sweet I have planed out our bills months ahead of time and broken them down to what the bills will be each week out of his paycheck Im a SAHM and he is the Hard working breadwinner for the family We have two little girls and have been married one year and together for 10 years we both decided that me staying home was waaaay cheeper than paying daycare and gas for me to find a job that would eat my entire paycheck up. But I have been struggling because I hate to ask him for money and he knows it i have asked for simple things before and it seems like i get the "SIGH" or "We dont need that or What for Question. I tell him all the time when bills are due but recently I told him that i needed to pay for my cell phone bill his is 50 mine is 75 and reminded him twice our car and renters insurance has lapsed and rent is now comming up due I smoke and have gone three days without a cig yeah i know thats awsome but Its my habbit and 5min of blissfull quiet time LOL but any who I have never gone through his wallett before but this time I couldnt take it any longer I told him we're out of laundry soap fab softner bleach bar soap and pull ups for our little girl who is potty training and I have told him all of this for the past three days and I peeked didnt take but snooped and saw he had 516 dollars in his wallett which i know i wont see a penny of come morning not to mention my car needs a couple important parts cheep parts to be fixed for an inspection and ?????? Nothing I keep getting this week after week after week he has given me money only for our house rent when its due but I have to repeatedly ask him for the other money for stuff we need. IS this right? fair? should I have to ask him ? I believe i know my responsabilities take care of the house kids appointments school three meals a day snacks bedtime and showers clean and all the other stuff that comes with it How do i go about talking to him so that its not just O here we go again and he tunes me out ?? What do I do? Oh and I never ask for anything for myself I tried to ask the other day for 8 dollars to buy a tank top or shirt and he told me i could get one out of his closet I have ONE REALLY ONE drawer with two pairs of jeans a pair of shorts and a couple of maturnaty shirts and my underwear drawer he has three dresser drawers and a closet full of tshirts grrrrr

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Katrina - posted on 07/06/2011

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What your husband is doing to his family is neglectful. To make you repeatedly ask for money in such a manner is demeaning.

Toni - posted on 10/26/2012

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Hey Denna! I'm going through the exact same thing! It's just not right to feel less than your husband when you have to ask for tampon money! Life is too short for this crap! I've dealt with my hubby's bull for five years now (he doesn't even touch me, no affection at all), 4 years of which he went out and partied almost every night, & I'm just over it! I feel trapped & I want to be happy again! Is it better for our kids to have both parents miserably together OR apart and happy?! If we didn't have kids together I wouldn't be in this relationship! I was always willing to put my happiness aside for my boys, but it's ridiculous at this point! Thanks for letting me vent! I hope we both have happier days ahead!!

Amie - posted on 07/06/2011

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LOL @ alimony and child support. My husband is terrified of that, not because of anything I've done or said though. One of his friends pays just under $2,000 a month in CS for his two kids. He went searching to see how much he'd have to pay me if he got really dickheaded and I divorced him - I think he almost fainted. lol

Anyway - no that is not fair or right. I have access to OUR bank account - we got a joint one when we got married. Any and all income goes into it. Bills are paid, groceries are bought, money goes into the kids college funds, our life insurance, for our retirement, our investments and two different savings accounts (we each have our own) and then we get to our disposable income where we buy extra's.

There is no good reason for you to have so few clothing items. None. You need a fully functioning wardrobe, even if you are "just a SAHM". It doesn't have to be boutique but you should have more than what you have.

If he can't take care of his family (as he seems to like to think he is, i'm sorry for assuming but that's what I'm geting from this post) then he shouldn't be the one in charge of finances. At all. I take care of our finances, even though my husband is earning the money. He knows I am better suited to it. He's a terrible impulse buyer. I have my moments too but nothing on his scale. The last time he impulsed bought without me there - he came home with a snowmobile. I almost shot him. No joke. I walked away I was so freaking mad at him. Ugh.

He hasn't done it since. Your husband needs to get a very real and hard crack with a reality stick. He is a part of a family and needs to learn to act like it.

Katherine - posted on 07/10/2011

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You need to find out where the money is going...... When my husband was acting like that and pulling that shit, he was gambling. Not saying that's what he's doing, but he's doing SOMETHING.

Lisa - posted on 07/08/2011

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If your husband carries a cell phone and you get bill collector calls, give them his cell phone number.

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Carrie - posted on 10/17/2012

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Oh that's not right at all. In my case, my BF will never know what I need unless I tell him in detail. For instance, "my blouse won't fit as I have gained weight from pregnancy so I need to buy new blouses and a pair of jeans". Or "my bag is worn out now, so I need money to buy a new one, I also need to buy personal hygiene stuff ( deodorant, skin care - really I have to tell him these because has no clue) ". Or " the baby needs new clothes as the ones she has won't fit anymore". I learned that my BF will never know what other things I need aside from food and shelter unless I tell him in detail. He may not give me the money right away but he will allot for it then give it to me later. Talk to your guy, hope all works well!

Lori - posted on 10/16/2012

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You should both be working out of one bank account if you are married. He needs to keep the funds available for you to run the household. Although your relationship is not new, the marriage and comingling of funds may be a concept he having a hard time with. If this was a joint decision that you stay home, then he should fulfill his end of the bargain. It must be humiliating to have to "ask" for funds to run your household. You need to have a serious talk about this before you end up resenting him.

Bria - posted on 07/09/2011

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You know my hubby tried to pull that on me too when we got married and I tried to sit and talk to him didnt work in one ear an out tha other so one day I got fed up and told him just like this " you either give me part control of the money or I talk to a laywer and take you for everything your worth", that got the joint account open but yet I have a stubborn husband so he would withdraw all the money except what was going to be taken out for bills and thats when I began taken money out of his wallet now he gives me money when I as and even if I dont because I made it very clear if u wont give it to me I will take it, and he dont want me to talk to a lawyer because he knows I would win. With men like that you have to put your foot down and keep it there dont let up and if he still dont wanna act right do what u have to, to make it clear that you refuse to be treated like a child asking your parents for allowance.

Nancy - posted on 07/09/2011

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So you have to account for every cent that you use to pay bills but he doesn't have to account for anything???? That sets off MAJOR alarm bells.My dad was doing that to my mom in the past few years and recently divorced her leaving her with NOTHING because he had been hiding the money. How's that for respect after 45 years of marriage?



As mentioned by someone else, it is a form of abuse. You might want to visit a legal aid office and inquire about your rights as a wife and mother. Knowledge is power and that knowledge may help you have a very serious and important conversation with your hubby.



I left a very good job, my country, family and friend to be with my hubby and there would be no way in hell I would have done that without a joint account!!! I handle all the finances and all major purchases are discussed before either one of us buys anything. I still have major investments back in Canada that can be used for an emergency or later in life for the girls' post secondary education.....either way my hubby knows it's there and what it's for.



Good luck and hopefully you and your hubby come to an agreement that you both can live with.

Katherine - posted on 07/09/2011

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WHAT? Why should you have to ASK for money? This angers me because mu ex used to do the same thing to me.
You are married, it's your money too, not just his. What a jerk. Sorry but that is completely unacceptable.

You should NOT have to be afraid to ask for money.

I would sit down and talk to him. What is he doing with this money?!
He needs to realize that money isn't just his. You have no need to feel as though your the SAHM and he's the wroking man and you are at his mercy.
You need to have a talk with him!

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ok i am a SAHM and i manage all the money, all the bills etc, my husband asks me lol. we ahve a joint account that all of his pay go into, and i pay all the bills out of that, the mortage, and put money into savings, and aside for big bills, money for our kids, and pay off the loan we have. i manage it all, if at the end of all of that there is a little left over i will buy something nice for us, some nice cheese, or icecream, you know a treat. he knows not to ask unless he needs because the money just isn't there to be wasted. and i know exactly what goes where and why.

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I don't understand who you're married to. My husband and I have a joint checking account. I do let him know before I spend money because money is tight. And I don't often spend money on things just for me. But bills are sort of things that need to be paid. So you should just hand him the bills, or a list of things that need to be picked up (laundry soap, pull-ups, etc). That way he'll get to spend his own money (if that's important to him) and you get things taken care of. If he's not spending money on diapers and bills what on earth does he think he's earning money for?

Brianna - posted on 07/07/2011

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thats not fair you shouldnt have to ask! we took a marraige course before we got married (you had to take the course to get married in our church) and they did a thing on abuse and what hes doing to you is a form of abuse! I dont ask my hubby for money unless im buying something big.. but if im paying bills, buys grocerys, stuff for my daughter or even a shirt for me (i dont often spend money on myself though) ect i dont ask i just do.

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ok..that worked well lol..i typed a big paragraph and my 10 month old just hity a button and deleted it hahaha! anyways...i dont know what you should tell your husband other than, if he wants to pay for child care and you can work min wage for your own money. He should realize that he is the provider and that means giving the money up for things neede and even things that are not (cigs). I smoke to and i know that the 5 min outside to smoke can save your children lol

Denna - posted on 07/07/2011

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Thanks Tabatha It is hard I have had seasonal jobs here and there one for LL Bean to make Christmas money back in 07 and worked at the speed way for chump change which was pritty much ciggaretts and gas back and forth to the race track but i missed out on my weekends with my kids and him while they were doing ???

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Denna I'm sorry it is like that! My ex-husband was like that too....its not fair and he should realize how much harder it is to stay home and handle everything then to go to work! I told my husband i was going to get a job just to get a break from the kids lol

Denna - posted on 07/07/2011

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I thank everyone so far for all your advice I do hand him and even verbally tell him what we owe to whom I dont get an allowence I at one point even was taking the checks but he stoped giving them to me I asked him the other day if he was saving for something he said I wish i asked if he thought i was spending money on crap he said no so process of elimination I asked then why are you not leaving me money for the things we need for the house No responce he acts as if he dosnt hear me and nothing els is said I woke up this morning to see if he had left me any money out of the 516 dollars he had floating in his wallett and nothing even after i told him what we needed ? Now this dosnt include his pay check from the week before which i had no money out of or the check he is getting tomarrow so now im wondering where in the hell are his paychecks going he says he dosnt have a checking or savings account so .....then where is he stashing the money cause im not stupid or didnt fall of a turnup truck either you pay a fee to cash payroll checks or you have to have an account I noticed he didnt bring anything in his luch box today for lunch so I hope he had a nice lunch eating out today GOD He is hard to talk to because he shuts you out and then if i say anything about the 516 in his wallett he will take out what is in his wallett and play the fine here take it all game with me ..... it is demeaning and makes me feel bad ....not to mention i get the wonderful phone calls from bill collectors asking for the payment He goes to work that is it I do everything I MEAN everything els pay bills take care of the house kiddos everything Im even the one who takes care of the cars fixes them dose the oil changes Im not kidding My friend calls me the perfect wife anyman would want cause Im not a wife im efficant ? SIGH" " ............

Amanda - posted on 07/07/2011

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He should realize that just because you stay at home and take care of things there, that means that you need some of what he makes to continue to do your job properly. If things are expected to stay running properly, he needs to give up that money and give it to his family, which is why he is working to make that money in the first place. I went throught this recently too, but finally put it into perspective. If you can spend money on stupid things, then I can buy something once in awhile... and what is needed for the household is non-negotiable. Definitely seems like he needs to have you write down ALL of the expenses and hand it to him... then he can see on paper what things cost and what is needed. Good luck and I hope things turn out well for you.

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Men and "their"money. Lol. Even though you have been together for ten years, you are still newlyweds. Congrats.:) be patient with him because men have trouble giving someone their money. You sound responsible with bills so let him know that you want whats best for the family financially. would he be willing to give you X amount of money a week and this be spent only on you or u save it. After all the bills are paid at the beginning of the month I take out 10%. This is for me to spend however I want. Usually spend it on the kids and save for holidays(so I dont feel like hes buying his own gifts)

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Men and "their"money. Lol. Even though you have been together for ten years, you are still newlyweds. Congrats.:) be patient with him because men have trouble giving someone their money. You sound responsible with bills so let him know that you want whats best for the family financially. would he be willing to give you X amount of money a week and this be spent only on you or u save it. After all the bills are paid at the beginning of the month I take out 10%. This is for me to spend however I want. Usually spend it on the kids and save for holidays(so I dont feel like hes buying his own gifts)

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Men and "their"money. Lol. Even though you have been together for ten years, you are still newlyweds. Congrats.:) be patient with him because men have trouble giving someone their money. You sound responsible with bills so let him know that you want whats best for the family financially. would he be willing to give you X amount of money a week and this be spent only on you or u save it. After all the bills are paid at the beginning of the month I take out 10%. This is for me to spend however I want. Usually spend it on the kids and save for holidays(so I dont feel like hes buying his own gifts)

Amanda - posted on 07/07/2011

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we have a joint account. The only time I ever ask for money is if I need bread from the bakers so I don't have to take out $20 from the bank for a $2 loaf of bread.
Thats just awful

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2011

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You should not have to ask. My husband and I have joint bank accounts, created a budget together, and each have a small equal amount of play money. That's the best way to go. But if for some reason the joint account thing is not working for you then lay out the bills, add in the variables (groceries, kids clothes, etc) and have him give you that money on pay day. You can stick it in a bank account that you set up for yourself and make sure it all gets paid for. Then it's a one time nag per pay period. Don't forget to add in a little money to take care of yourself too. Then you don't have to beg or justify your purchasing. But again joint accounts and spending is best. Something to think about is that if something happened to your husband you wouldn't have access to any money or property that doesn't have your name on it until after his affairs are settled. That wouldn't be good for you or your kids. Nobody ever thinks they'll lose their spouse but it does happen. Make some time (without the kids and when he's rested a bit) and lay it all out for him. If he's really wanting to be responsible with the bills and fair to you he'll change.

Amie - posted on 07/06/2011

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OH good grief. For the price of two combines, I probably would have actually shot my husband. LOL =/

Lisa - posted on 07/06/2011

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Amie - It is the same way in our household. The worst was the day I came home and there sat two (not one, but two!) combines sitting on the trailer. All I had to say was "Seriously" and he was scrambling for words.

I don't work outside the home and the income I do make is sometimes minimal. I do handle all of our finances. It really doesn't matter who works or brings home the income. Bills and necessities come first. Sit down, give him a list of monthly expenses including personal items for yourself such as haircuts or new clothes. Create a budget with him.

I also threatened alimony and child support once in a very joking matter (something along the lines of-Keep it up piehole, I could live very comfortably on what you'd have to pay me in alimony and child support).

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2011

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I have access to my husbands account with a card and also know his internet banking password. Since I am home I pay the bills but that's why he works. He knows what is going out and I don't go on a shopping spree for myself either. He trusts me completely in that respect.
You do need to make sure your husband understands that the bills need to be paid and shopping done. One way would to not buy him any food for a week and see if he gets the message then lol, I know a bit cruel. Don't do his washing and when he complains tell him you are still waiting to be able to buy washing powder.

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I would remind him that it is a 50/50 marriage and that him sharing the money with you will be cheaper than alimony and child support lol

Stifler's - posted on 07/06/2011

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HMMM no way. What is he playing at? Tell him "Look I think we should set up your internet banking and get another copy of your keycard so I can BPay the bills and rent and buy groceries instead of having to ask you for money, this is getting ridiculous and I'm tired of arguing and you shutting me down".

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Stay at Home Moms CAN add economic value to the home. He said so himself when he agreed it would be cheaper for you to stay home. How would he feel if you suggested going back to work, paying daycare, gas, work clothes, lunches for you, etc.?

What he's doing is not right and not fair.

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