Should I keep to myself or make the call to CPS

Bri - posted on 07/14/2011 ( 88 moms have responded )

29,558

29

189

I go my parents house out in the country - still a busy road leading to town speed limit 55mph... this is my story real quick



Went to my fathers neighbors to say hi to the kids there who play with my DD and SK (ALL AROUND THE SAME AGE)

I saw an 8 yr old BOY playin in the road looked like a game called "chicken," with another boy at the age of 8 or 9 also this is all in the fast country busy road (can be busy).... throwing rocks at cars as they go by at that speed. (poor civilians driving by!)

I know there are 5 kids in that home youngest is 2...but she was in a diaper stripped down- with like 20 lbs of piss in it! House is filthy messy ...i guess im just used to my clean house and mom and dads house too....

but there was another girl there age around my DD 5 and she was crying with no parent around looks like no A/C its boiling hot out and inside their house couldnt wait til i walked back over to my fathers house! (literally i wanted to take the children inside)

all the kids looked well- just dirty looking...alot of bruises from knee bone to ankle ripped up clothing i just feel bad!

I asked if they needed anything they were just shy which is fine! but i gave them popsicles.



is living out in the country a reasonable excuse to always be dirty looking!?

Their house was "cluttered," pretty bad making it look just dirty i saw their laundry pile was nearly taller than me-

The mom invited me in she is 33yrs old i know 5 kids is alot but come on shes justa constant smoker and from the looks of it SLAVES THE CHILDREN from what my dad see's



especially when he felt bad for the kid that was around age 8 he said mowing the lawn unsupervised

he could of hit a rut my father said and the blades hit him...





sorry just asking. i dont wanna do anything to make them made i know they have guns and he seems to have a tempur for yelling at the children. The mom there just seems nosey though and yellin at the kids to do laundry and more work around the house while she is well pretty much laying down alot.

I wouldnt even trust using their toilet. :( poor kids!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Maria - posted on 07/15/2011

20

3

2

I have 4 kids and live in the country and let my kids play outside. There is no possible way to keep kids clean when they play outside if you let them explore! When I send my kids to play on the yard, I make sure they wear cut-offs and stained shirts. There is no reason for them to wear nice clothes when they want to play in mud or dirt or roll on the grass! If that mom is not getting up to do things, it could be that there are financial difficulties there and she may be depressed. It is hard to do things when there is always a finacial struggle and I know this from experience. Bruises on the legs does not mean abuse! If kids play outside a lot, they will get bruises. I sometimes worry about what people will think when they see my kids with sometimes big bruises. But when I ask how they got the bruise, they never know because they were having fun and never realized they hurt themselves. I really think you need to get to know what is really going on before you call. How would you feel if you were doing the best you knew how and someone came to take your kids? It would be tramatic for all involved. If they are being abused, something needs to be done. Just don't put the kids through losing their parents if they are not abused. Dirty and bruised kids does not equal abuse.

Amie - posted on 07/16/2011

6,596

20

408

Why is everyone's first instinct to call CPS? Really?

Unless you're living there, you don't know what's going on. Appearances can be deceiving. We live in the country. Our kids play outside and get dirty. I refuse to clean them up unless we're heading into the city or getting ready for bed. There's just no point, they're going to be dirty 30 seconds later anyway. There is a difference between dirty and filthy too. Filthy kids would have me raising an eyebrow and wondering, dirty kids do not.

Our house gets cluttered, big deal. I clean it up and so do my kids. It is part of parenting, they have chores to do and they are going to do them. Even if that means I have to go outside and holler at them to get their butts back in the house because they did not finish and tried to sneak out to play.

Our youngest is just 2 and still in diapers. There are times I don't notice she has a full diaper of pee because she's outside or playing elsewhere in the house. When I do notice, I change her. I can't be everywhere, especially with 4 children. Did the mom notice and still not change her? I would raise an eyebrow to that. Did you even say anything when you saw it? Something along the lines of "Oh baby has a full diaper, I wasn't sure if you noticed."

No A/C or central air. So? We don't have either of those. Does it get hot some days? Yup, especially this summer. We've had ridiculously hot weather. It doesn't mean my kids or the millions of other children without it are suffering. I'm not even sure why that's part of the post except to show more judgement.

Kids get bruised, they get hurt, etc. It doesn't mean abuse is happening. My kids have new bruises every day, lord knows where they get them.

I don't think kids should be running mowers but some people are ok with their kids doing it. It's not my place to say it's not safe unless the kid is obviously being unsafe while doing it. It may just be that he knows what he's doing and they have taught him how to do so safely. We have two ride on mowers and won't be allowing our kids to run them anytime soon but I know as a kid my cousin was doing so at a young age.

I also think if she invited you in she has nothing to hide. She may be busy, tired and run down. I know I have days like that, especially with so many kids. Even with their help (because yes, I don't care what others say - they are going to have chores and not all those chores people agree with but my kids started young, that's why they know how to do most of what they do) it doesn't always all get done. Oh well, it's my house. It's not meant to impress people, it's meant for us to live in. Some days, it looks really lived in! Especially on those days when it's too friggin hot and the heat just zaps your energy.

All in all, there is nothing you or CPS can do. CPS may have a look but you said in another post that the mom has said CPS has been out before? If they didn't do anything then, they won't do anything now. Except take up time away from kids who actually need the help.

Everything that has been described does not equal neglect or abuse. I would call CPS only to find out what their criteria would be to make a real complaint. Too many people call CPS because their way must be the only way, intentionally or not. That judgment just oozes out of this thread from the ones screaming for CPS. I happen to not agree with spanking of any sort, I could equate it with abuse since you are hitting your child. However, I realize this is not abuse and just not something I do as a parent. If I called CPS for every parent I disagreed with, I would be constantly on the phone.

Take a step back ladies. Collect yourselves and honestly look at the situation. A real case of abuse and neglect is keenly more clear than this case. Offer her help if you really think she needs it but don't make their life hell because "their way" is not "your way".

Jane - posted on 07/14/2011

1,488

32

225

make a call. these are signs of neglect and/or abuse. clearly they are not being cared for propertly and if they are too shy to tell you that they need anything, it is b/c of fear. the world needs to realize in situations like this what the mindset of a child is: if their own parents aren't taking care of them and home is supposed to be the safest place, the rest of the world must be worse. that's why most children in unsafe homes don't speak up.

if there is nothing for the State to find, then no loss. it could be a simple as one of the parents getting some help for depression, or going to a parenting class or even getting assistance from the State. so what's the loss??? go w/your gut and make a call. you can do it anonymously.

Phelicia - posted on 07/25/2011

36

15

0

Don't call. It isn't a crime for kids to do chores, get dirty while playing outside, or tear their clothes while playing. People do not always raise children the way we would, but, Government intervention is rarely benefitial to the children unless there is a case of true abuse and neglect. In other words, hard work doesn't hurt children, but being yanked away from loving (though excentric) parents is not better for them. My husband spent years in the foster care system, and though he had a case where it may have been better for him, it was exceedingly damaging to him. Even as an adult. If you really care about the children, and this family is a concern to you, you should draw close to them, and befriend them. See if you can be a supportive community member and help them along. The big problem with CPS is that it is so easy to call, and so difficult to keep the government from being involved in every aspect of raising our children.

If CPS can deturmine how these parents should bring up thier children, what is to say that they cannot equally come into your home and tell you what you are doing is wrong and take away your children. Do you as a parent not have a right to raise your children? What if you are religious and believe children should attend church with their parents and the government disagrees? Or what if you believe that vegan diets are healthier for your children, but the government decides they must by law eat meat or be taken from you?

That is what communities are for. Helping one another out. No, if you don't care enough to befriend the family and actually try to make a difference in their lives, you shouldn't sick a Government Buerocracy meant to distroy families and force a free people in to complying to social norms on them. Government should only be involved if the children are being abused, not being fed, punished in odd ways (like being forced to sleep outside in cold weather...ect), and even then, you must understand that it damages and disrupts the lives of the children, and that they simply never recover from being pulled away from their parents. I am not saying we should not protect kids from sexual or physical abuse, I am saying unless that is what is evident, moving from house to house every six months, being separated from even cruddy parents and siblings, being forced to accept everyone's values and household as if it were your own, and feeling that government involvement in ever facet of your life, and learning to depend on the state for your soul support has a slew of damaging effects on the children, and should always be held as a final resort after we as a community have tried to pull along side our neighbors and teach them what good parenting is. If we are unwilling to do that, we have no business there at all.

Don't take the easy out. If you mean to help, do it, but don't just make a call and let the government have even more power in your community. Be the leader you want to see in their lives.

Kalah - posted on 07/16/2011

10

0

0

First things first , you have no idea how hard that mother is working. 2) Just bc the kids are dirty and banged up doesn't necessarily mean abuse . 3) maybe he wanted to mow, my 7 yr old is always asking to do that sort of thing . 4) if she invited you in , she obviously had nothin to hide. 5) sometimes if I'm doin housework or just plain get distracted my son or daughters diaper gets full , end of story , no neglect just busy mom. 6) no ac- no biggie I disnt grow up with it . And finally throwing rocks at cars and playin near the road is def not to be tolerated, talk to her about that one.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

88 Comments

View replies by

Kyleigh - posted on 07/29/2011

54,671

39

253

i dont think candice read this correctly scroll up- plus she updated this! She said they heard screams if children were screaming in pain or playing out in the road unattended this mom needs help and the kids could possibly have a better life either with them after they can help them or relative care!!! its not like they go straight to foster care.

Candice - posted on 07/29/2011

4

2

0

I agree with several other responses. Child Protective Services have more serious cases to be attentive to, there are children being molested and beaten and starved and several other abnormal things.Children being dirty and barefoot and running around is just a lifestyle that some live , I guess, being in the country. There are some people who may have a problem with a child being to neat and clean all the time, some might say the child is not allowed to be a child and play and run around and get dirty,lol. Overall though CPS wont do anything unless their lives are in immediate danger.Not agreeing with he way a parent is raising thier child is not a reson to call.

Brandy - posted on 07/29/2011

551

23

84

im wondering if some of these people would set aside some of their own personal beliefs and views of the goverment and stop assuming that CPS will just come in and snatch your kids if they could look at the situation more clearly, its not about what might happen to the kids in the future, its about what is happening now and whether or not they are in a safe and nurtured environment. we all need help with our kids from time to time whether it be from a friend neighbor or family member and that doesnt mean you are a bad parent, and kids do get dirty sometimes because they are kids, but if this is excessive it can be harmful to the children. but its not realistic for us to teach someone who neglects their children how things should be nor is it our responsibility to clothe or feed them in these circumstances and believe me i have tried, it usually ends up being a case where the parent begins to rely on you. and in most situations either the kids continue to live this way (sometimes happy because thats all they know) or regardless of your efforts they are taken away anyhow. its a very sad situation and its totally unfair to the children regardless of what happens. if they stay in an environment where they are not taken care of its bad and if they are taken away its bad. but just maybe there is a chance that CPS will come in and say ok this is what you need to do, and these are some programs that can help you etc... if the parents comply the kids get to stay and they are taken care of no harm done, if they are being abused they are removed from the home and the parents have an opportunity to take classes and prove they are fit parents and they get the kids back, and if there is no problem CPS will document the visit and leave. so what is the harm in calling? its only for the sake of the kids.

Toni - posted on 07/29/2011

241

73

5

Doing chores is not being a slave. It teaches them responsibility. Another thing wrong with this country....

Mary - posted on 07/28/2011

26

21

3

I agree call it in. Kids need to be kids not slaves. I admit my house is not perfect but my Kids are taken care of. they are very happy children. I had to report something familiar not to long ago. Well the kids were in shorts and sandals in the middle of a snow storm. I had walked them home after they played with my kids for a few hours and the mom thought they were next door. Do what is best for the children. Children are always first. Good luck and I am praying for the 5 kids.

Camille - posted on 07/28/2011

173

30

2

I was about to tell you "don't call them" because usually CPS or social services do nothing but intimidate and sometimes they are harsh at parents who did something that wasn't bad and the cases they really need to work on they seem to drag their feet. I've known of abuse and neglect cases that end up being fatal and when investigated they find everybody called them but they fell behind on their obligatory visits and follow up. There are some workers that do their job, of course. Back to the case, I thought having no a/c is not a sin, the kids being dirty and wearing soiled clothes... well, depends in what you consider dirty and soiled clothes as long as they're not rags and the kids are not wearing that kind of clothes to go to nice places. For me the idea that comes to my mind when mentioned dirty kids is the same as Cassandra's. I wish I could be a mother not too obsessed with seeing my two daughters clean just like after a bath. They are kids!!!! On the other hand, having a dirty house as in roaches and mice crawling around, spills on the floor not cleaned a long time ago, moldy baths and showers... well, that shouldn't happen. Normal mess, yes, but that kind of mess, no!!! The kid in the super wet diaper can raise eyebrows and the kids on the road throwing rocks at cars being at risk of being hit by a car also. Kids should be supervised at ALL TIMES. What I find really shocking is that the mother asked your mom if she could sell her some food stamps for cash. A mother who does that, I don't know, the kids' well being is not her first priority. If I had to take that type of government help, I would use it exclusively to feed my family, make sure there's enough food for my kids especially. You wrote she smokes... well maybe the cash is for that. I'm sorry for the mothers who smoke here (if there are any) but if she has to receive food stamps means she has not enough money to keep her family well fed, how come she has spare money to smoke? Smoking is a bad habit but if she had spare money (not a person who qualifies for food stamps) to spend she can do to her body whatever she wants, she will see the consequences later. I did not like that about her attitude. Also, sending her kids to sleep in an empty house... call CPS!!!

Erica - posted on 07/28/2011

22,931

8

42

@cassandra , it may sound like CPS was a waste of their time but they do have to investigate everything completely not take one look inside. i know this because my sister is a social worker.

Cassandra - posted on 07/28/2011

41

0

2

well my kids live in a town but we visit their grandparents which is in the country! They get dirty outside, but there house is pretty clean..and they live on a farm. But dirty house doesnt really mean anything. my house gets messy all the time & i only have 2 kids. ages 5 and 13 months. But i am a busy mom with a blind child. i am only 22 years old but i know how to clean and take care of my kids. first of all where we live these parents let their kids outside by themselves all the time and they are usually around the ages of 4 and 9 and the thing is people complain about these kids unsurpervised. i think children should always be watched no matter where they live anything can happen..anything!! and them throwing rocks at cars i think thats dangerous and if the parent was watching them it wouldnt happen. and for the other people on here saying "well i live in a country and my kids are messy and blah blah blah" its true.. actually no matter where u live kids usually get dirty and their clothes dont look the best expecially if they are wearing old ones because of the fact that they will get them dirty. well obviously you didnt read the whole complaint. because she said the little girl who was 2 was outside by herself and had a soil diaper.. thats digusting. no matter what. and the other little girl sitting there crying..no parent running out to her because she was sitting on her ass.
I dont know weather to call or not.. but like someone else said it doesnt mean they will take the kids away, but they will help her, maybe offer her parenting classes or what not. because it isnt the complainers job, she has to take care of her kids and her family or what not. im sure if she had the time she would probably help these people, but that is what CPS is there for. and the mother even said she had them out many times before.. so obviously she hasnt changed. she needs help or something idk...
but i had CPS at my door before and it wasnt for any of these reasons.. it was because my daughter at the time was 2 yrs old and she had neuroblastoma and we didnt travel 3 hrs away to her appointment because there was a storm and we called the doctor about it and she said it was fine just come in the morning but the social worker who hated us called so we were neglecting her..haha, wow! and she also called because we were spending all our money when we were downstate for my daughters chemos on her fall clothes.. the social worker said we shouldnt be buying her fall clothes thats for school children not 2 yr olds.. wow, so my kid suppose to go through fall and shit with shorts and tank tops..ok! and if i did that i would of got CPS at my door...so any ways CPS came and was like idk why im here.. but whats going on? and we told her and she practically laughed and said ok,, well have a nice day and keep doing a good job. it was a complete waste of her time just because this stupid social worker hated me and im not joking she literally did hate me. because i was an easy target i was 18 at the time, and CPS jumps on young parents. but ive always took care of my nephews so i know how to raise a child. and now i got two and everyone tells me all the time i do an amazing job and its not just family always telling me.
so in the case i honestly dont know.. you are the only one that seen how bad this case is so its really just your option. when u say dirty people take it in different ways..like i think dirty is just like dirt on ur shirt or pants or something.. but food stuck on clothes and faces that looks like never been washed in forever and hair not brushed and maybe never washed type stuff. that really dirty and something needs done.. so the only one that can really make the decision to call is you because you seen it. And the whole chours thing is awful. a 8 yr old mowing the lawn..i wasnt aloud till i was 14. every parent is different. but 8 im sorry thats too young. and kids that young should have simple chours..i mean laundry isnt nothing to hard my 13 month old trys to help me get the laundry out of the dryer and my five year old usually puts clothes into the washer. but dishes and mowing the lawn and they are 8 and younger.. thats too much. do they even know how to actually wash dishes?? and the bruises i think if there is a lot then maybe the kids should be suprivised a little better. i dont know..

Cassandra - posted on 07/28/2011

41

0

2

well my kids live in a town but we visit their grandparents which is in the country! They get dirty outside, but there house is pretty clean..and they live on a farm. But dirty house doesnt really mean anything. my house gets messy all the time & i only have 2 kids. ages 5 and 13 months. But i am a busy mom with a blind child. i am only 22 years old but i know how to clean and take care of my kids. first of all where we live these parents let their kids outside by themselves all the time and they are usually around the ages of 4 and 9 and the thing is people complain about these kids unsurpervised. i think children should always be watched no matter where they live anything can happen..anything!! and them throwing rocks at cars i think thats dangerous and if the parent was watching them it wouldnt happen. and for the other people on here saying "well i live in a country and my kids are messy and blah blah blah" its true.. actually no matter where u live kids usually get dirty and their clothes dont look the best expecially if they are wearing old ones because of the fact that they will get them dirty. well obviously you didnt read the whole complaint. because she said the little girl who was 2 was outside by herself and had a soil diaper.. thats digusting. no matter what. and the other little girl sitting there crying..no parent running out to her because she was sitting on her ass.
I dont know weather to call or not.. but like someone else said it doesnt mean they will take the kids away, but they will help her, maybe offer her parenting classes or what not. because it isnt the complainers job, she has to take care of her kids and her family or what not. im sure if she had the time she would probably help these people, but that is what CPS is there for. and the mother even said she had them out many times before.. so obviously she hasnt changed. she needs help or something idk...
but i had CPS at my door before and it wasnt for any of these reasons.. it was because my daughter at the time was 2 yrs old and she had neuroblastoma and we didnt travel 3 hrs away to her appointment because there was a storm and we called the doctor about it and she said it was fine just come in the morning but the social worker who hated us called so we were neglecting her..haha, wow! and she also called because we were spending all our money when we were downstate for my daughters chemos on her fall clothes.. the social worker said we shouldnt be buying her fall clothes thats for school children not 2 yr olds.. wow, so my kid suppose to go through fall and shit with shorts and tank tops..ok! and if i did that i would of got CPS at my door...so any ways CPS came and was like idk why im here.. but whats going on? and we told her and she practically laughed and said ok,, well have a nice day and keep doing a good job. it was a complete waste of her time just because this stupid social worker hated me and im not joking she literally did hate me. because i was an easy target i was 18 at the time, and CPS jumps on young parents. but ive always took care of my nephews so i know how to raise a child. and now i got two and everyone tells me all the time i do an amazing job and its not just family always telling me.
so in the case i honestly dont know.. you are the only one that seen how bad this case is so its really just your option. when u say dirty people take it in different ways..like i think dirty is just like dirt on ur shirt or pants or something.. but food stuck on clothes and faces that looks like never been washed in forever and hair not brushed and maybe never washed type stuff. that really dirty and something needs done.. so the only one that can really make the decision to call is you because you seen it. And the whole chours thing is awful. a 8 yr old mowing the lawn..i wasnt aloud till i was 14. every parent is different. but 8 im sorry thats too young. and kids that young should have simple chours..i mean laundry isnt nothing to hard my 13 month old trys to help me get the laundry out of the dryer and my five year old usually puts clothes into the washer. but dishes and mowing the lawn and they are 8 and younger.. thats too much. do they even know how to actually wash dishes?? and the bruises i think if there is a lot then maybe the kids should be suprivised a little better. i dont know..

[deleted account]

I have no idea! No advice, sorry. I just thought you should hear from somebody who really doesn't have a clue what the right thing to do is. This is a tricky one. Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2011

11

1

0

I would call (but that is just me) those kids could be be in danger and I would hate to see something happen to them!

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2011

11

1

0

I would call (but that is just me) those kids could be be in danger and I would hate to see something happen to them!

Jamie - posted on 07/27/2011

2

1

0

I wouldn't call them. I was raised the same way and there were six of us. We were always dirty because we stayed outside all the time. But it was hard having so many kids so of course your fuse can be short. I was even mowing the yard at eight yrs old, playing in the woods, etc. The main thing that can be done is call the police about playing chicken in the yard and throwing rocks at cars. This is not something that cps is going to get involved with.

Toni - posted on 07/26/2011

241

73

5

I am not sure you people understand what involving CPS is going to do.... Now, my house is clean, and my boys are clean when they go to bed. They wash before meals and such, but they play outside and they get dirty. I don't have a lot of money, so some of their clothes, especially the ones they play outside in, are not in the best shape. My two oldest thought one day that it was a good idea to throw rocks at cars, YES they got in BIG trouble!! They are bruised up, they are boys!! If you come to my house and see this are you going to call CPS?? How many times have you seen her house in the shape that it is in?? Irrelevant.... Maybe she is just a poor housekeeper, everyone is always in everyone's business. If you see a child being abused, I am not saying don't report it. But just seeing a dirty house and dirty kids is NOT grounds to call CPS... They would come out once, then have to go back for a follow up, and if there is nothing going on, why put anyone through that.

I think Phelicia had it right. befriend her, and see if you can lend a hand. Maybe she has never had anyone to show her the way things are done. You never know, you may benefit as much as she does. :)

Brittney - posted on 07/26/2011

1

19

0

Living in the country doesn't mean that living conditions should be that way. We live on 13 acres, as do all of our "neighbors", and my house is clean and so is my child, even with 5 dogs. Calling CPS doesn't mean that they will take the children but they can at least check in from time to time and make the parents provide a suitable environment for those children. And if something more is going on (ex: abuse ) then they might be able to go in and give those childrens lives a chance. There was a family that lived by where I used to work and they had CPS called on them A LOT! And CPS wound of finding clear signs of abuse (physical, emotional, developmental). I would rather call and have the environment checked than finding out in a couple of months one of the children have ben seriously injured or died do to the parents lack of attention.

Phelicia - posted on 07/26/2011

36

15

0

BTW, I would totally say something about the chicken and rock throwing. Little boys do this all the time, but it isn't appropriate behavior, and could hurt someone. I am however a nasty enough person to just tell the kiddos not to do it. Sometimes that is enough from an adult they don't know. If I saw them again, I would let the parents know what they were doing. It is all about leaving parents in charge, and pulling together as a community.

Danielle - posted on 07/26/2011

605

13

21

I live out in the country also and if you were to come to my house on any random weekend (if we don't have anywhere we have to go) you'd find my daughter & neice (ages 4 & 2) in old clothes covered in dirt (or mud if it's rained) from head to toe probably under the porch with the goat (yup I said goat lol). You'll find my eight yr old son jumping his bike on homemade ramps with bruises up and down his legs. At the end of the day if you come you'll find them outside with trashbags picking up whatever trash they have dropped during the day,or my son unloading the dishwasher while the other two are helping me with laundry. My kids may be dirty at times but they're healthy and happy. You WON'T see my kids near the road or mowing the lawn. If I were you I would have told the kid to get away from the road. If he didn't listen I would have gone straight to his parents. Unless you see abuse I wouldn't involve CPS.

Megan - posted on 07/26/2011

21

30

4

I Wouln't call CPS, but I WOULD call the police to talk to the boys about chicken and throwing rocks. The officer will have to go to the house and talk to the parents, and then see the conditions. Let the cops make that judgement call.

Sandy - posted on 07/25/2011

243

64

7

I think that at least the police should be called about the children throwing rocks at the cars. There's little else you can do about the rest of it until you have proof of physical child abuse.

Jewel - posted on 07/25/2011

19

16

0

I actually know someone who is like this and I never had to call cps but she has had cps out, and really if the kids don't have any physical signs of abuse (besides being dirty) they won't really do much of anything even if the house is filthy, And this is probably why they live out in the country less neighbors, just keep showing the kids (and parents) kindness and help them in anyway unless you see that they are being abused and or neglected and if the mom just sleeps all day (which is what the person I knew did) then yes call because anything could happen to those kids while she is knocked out. Just use your gut and mother instincts. Good Luck

Kristin - posted on 07/25/2011

21

12

1

Don't hesitate to call. It is not your job to figure out if they are safe, it is the job of CSP...they can check out all the kids and they know what to look for.

Darlene - posted on 07/25/2011

12

0

1

Wow, I just read Phelicia's comment and she made some very valid points. It would be a nice gesture to try to befriend the family and try to make a difference first. I just had a real problem with the kids throwing rocks (could cause injury/accident & the 2 yr old in soil diaper. They deserve better parenting than that no matter what you believe or your parenting style.

Darlene - posted on 07/25/2011

12

0

1

How sad, My heart aches for kids who seemingly victims of immature/neglectful parents. I went thru some very intensive training for the CASA (court appointed special advocate) really, its like a volunteer social worker in a sense. One thing I learned thru a presentation with a CPS worker that you can call CPS and remain anonymus but they will check into the situation. They have to investigate any claims that come in. No doubt, if you feel strong enough to ask this question, you have a strong conviction that something more may be going on, I say call em and at least they can if anything cause the parent to recognize someone is concerned for the welfare of their kids. It may be the wakeup call she needs to be more caring to her kids. dw

Maureen - posted on 07/25/2011

30

4

4

I'm a foster mom; I would definitely call CPS. At least if they go and find nothing actionable, they will have the report on file if anything else happens.

Toni - posted on 07/25/2011

241

73

5

Sorry that comment is a bit crazy....I was angered a little by the post, and was spouting off thoughts, but I am sure that you get the idea...

Toni - posted on 07/25/2011

241

73

5

Living int he country, kids are going to be dirty! Boys get bruised up! Kids are allowed to have chores! Some people are poor and can't afford air conditioning. That is okay because it hasn't always been around. And the part where you say you don't want to anger him because he has guns...WOW!!! Just because a person owns guns doesn't mean they are bad people!! And you say that mom seems nosey....You are now nosing into her business aren't you?? I do not think that kids should play in the road, AT ALL!! My boys were caught(by me) throwing rocks at passing cars...That did not go too well for them. And I think they should change baby a little more often, but that is just me. I am also not one of those parents that change baby EVERY time he pees.
Just my thoughts.....

Susan - posted on 07/24/2011

108

7

5

At least if you call and no one checks it out, it is off your conscience. You did your responsible duty. If it was just being dirty, well kids do get dirty. The other stuff that you said are a real concern. I had someone call on us, and when they came out and inspected they found that the caller was not being caring, just nosey, trying to get us in trouble. It was just after we started home schooling, and we were working with the school so they had no grounds. I know this is a hard call to make but under the circumstances that you have listed, I would say that these children might very well be in some danger. Let someone else investigate and determine whether they need help.

Melanie - posted on 07/24/2011

275

21

6

id also like to ask, when you say she slaves the kids, are you one of those crazy parents that think kids shouldnt do chores. i have 4 kids, my oldest is going into the airforce next year after he graduates. hes a great kid. i think kids need to be taught how to take care of themselves. by the by thats way harder than doing it yourself. but again i say call cps. if they decide its all good no harm done.

Melanie - posted on 07/24/2011

275

21

6

my son is adhd and the school tried to intimidate me into drugging him by calling cps. of course they came to my house, looked around, chatted with us, and left. a few days later i got a letter in the mail saying the investigation was over. basically, im saying it cant hurt to call cps. they will investigate. when they do they will either find nothing wrong. they may take the kids or more likely they will talk to the parents about the things they need to do to fix the situation if they want to keep their kids. you may see a change.

Susan - posted on 07/24/2011

108

7

5

If you don't say anything and one or more of the children get hurt, would you have a problem with the fact that you had not said anything? From what you told us, I know my conscience would bother me.

Svetlana - posted on 07/24/2011

21

1

0

I understand that you feel bad for them but do not take them away from their parents! I know some kids that in a state care and they are so abused, their Mom is not fit to be their mom and is a lot worse than what you have stated BUT those kids wish to be with their mom because they were never sexually abused, they were not hungry, currently they are not allowed to eat, only a little bit and only certain food while their caretakers eat everything they want. Yes they have complained of all the abuse and the state still DID NOT remove them. These kids will probably get worse care than they are receiving now. Please think it through, the bruises might be from rough play with their siblings. As for old clothes, I grew up wearing stuff from garage sales, my clothes were pathetic, I was made fun of at school, I had sunburns sometimes, and I would literally die if someone tried to "help" me and take me away from my loving parents. I know you mean the best for them, please, please pray about them, bring them little gifts if you are able, but I probably would not make that call!

[deleted account]

sounds like you made your choice. like you want to call. my question for you if you don't say something to someone then what? I do not know who you should talk to but sounds like your mom instinct is saying something needs to be done.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/24/2011

1

20

0

Go with your gut...if CPS investigates it is anonymous and they will decide if there is something wrong there.

Kelly - posted on 07/24/2011

12

16

0

CALL!!!! I dont live in the country but my kids are often dirty (not filthy). My house is cluttered but livable and every surface is wiped clean daily. My boys often enjoy wearing the same thing day after day..(I wash it when they sleep so its clean however). Yes all these look bad as an outside observer, which is why you have to go with you gut and how you felt the mom/dad was twords the kids. the behavior of the older kids also seems rather reckless throwing rocks at cars and what not... that would at leat lead me to a call to local police about children in the area attempting vandalism. These poor kids seem from what you say to really have a lack of supervision or anyone to help them!

Addie - posted on 07/20/2011

52

0

1

I have to agreed with you Krystal. A CPS worker once told me, "When in doubt, SHOUT! And keep shouting until someone hears you. The only protection children of abuse and neglect have is folks who care. "

Krystal - posted on 07/20/2011

68

30

3

I'd call. I may not have 5 kids, but I do understand that it can be a lot, but to have a messy house all the time and making the kids do everything and them always being dirty...that's just not right. And just because they live in the country doesn't mean they should be like that. I live in the country and everyone I know, is very well kept and clean and do not make their kids do everything while they sit around, yell at the kids and smoke all day. I'd defendently call CPS.

Krystal - posted on 07/20/2011

68

30

3

I'd call. I may not have 5 kids, but I do understand that it can be a lot, but to have a messy house all the time and making the kids do everything and them always being dirty...that's just not right. And just because they live in the country doesn't mean they should be like that. I live in the country and everyone I know, is very well kept and clean and do not make their kids do everything while they sit around, yell at the kids and smoke all day. I'd defendently call CPS.

Stephanie - posted on 07/19/2011

12

0

0

I know it might sound silly but I think Oprah said it best. Don't ignore the signs! and if it feels wrong it probably is!

Addie - posted on 07/18/2011

52

0

1

In the state where I live, if a person who suspects neglect and/or abuse fails to report it, they can be held culbable of failing to protect a child as well as the parents. And people who see the child in a professional manner. ie teachers, doctors, are required by law to call the authorities and report abuse or neglect. When my great-grandgdauhter was just learning to turn over, he mother turned her head to grab a clean diaper and my g'daughter rolled over and right off the high bed. She broke her leg and arm. Her parents rushed her to the hospital and immediately before she knew it, CPS was at the hospital to question the mother. Fortunately, the child required hospitalization for abour four days and if CPS wanted to talk to the mother, it had to be done there. Only becaue the mother refused to leave her baby's side. For the home visit, the father took a day off from work so there would be someone at home. They did question neighbors, other family members, etc.



The end results were that it was determined that there was no child neglect or abuse and the case was closed. But the medical staff at the hospital obeyed the law.

But who knows. That experience may have been a wake up call to keep one hand on a baby at all times when they are on a bed without railings.



The mother still has nightmares about a falling baby, and the child is now ten years old. Oh, and one more thing. During the hospital stay, after many tests, they did discover that the baby was born with a calcium deficiency absorbtion problem.

Sandra - posted on 07/18/2011

8

23

0

Do what ur heart tells u to do . You. Could potentially b saving their life good luck!!!

Donna - posted on 07/18/2011

1

20

0

Tough one, but, yes, I would make the call - anonymously, if you are afraid the father will retaliate. Being poor is no excuse for being filthy, and the two are not synonymous.

Lots of people think CPS is the 'bad guy,' but they are truly there to help. If they go out and everything in the house is fine, then there's no harm done.

I've had a vindictive ex-husband's new wife call them on me, and I welcome them with a smile and ask if they'd like coffee when they come. I have nothing to hide, so come on in!! And, as expected, each and every time, the complaint has been unfounded and, like I said, no harm done.

On the other hand, if something shifty is going on, this might just be the wake up call they need. If CPS suspects borderline neglect and/or abuse, but not enough to remove the kids (don't know that I'm saying that just right), they'll stay very actively involved and keep the parents on their toes.

You're in a tough spot. I've never called on anyone, but I think if I was spending this much effort trying to decide what to do, I'd call. Something is bothering your "mom gut" and you need to follow it.

Best of luck with your decision. I know it's not easy to make that call, but is living with the "should I, shouldn't I's" any easier?

Veronica - posted on 07/18/2011

38

0

1

Being a southern girl and a country girl with 7 siblings I know that my clothes were always torn and I was always dirty! But saying that my mother never had a pile of laudry 5 feet high and we weren't shy. but maybe that's just my upbringing. My daddy had a temper but never hit us. We always had a clean house and we did chores on the weekends but this sounds like extremely hazardous health conditions and I would def call CPS. I have a big family and things were never that bad. No one ever had a foul word to say about us or our family. I really hope thing turn out for the best!

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2011

88

33

8

Call CPS. I don't even let my 4 1/2 year old out on the back porch with out supervision and never ever be near the road without me or my Hubby. There is too much bad in the world to let the kids be alone outside country living or not. CPS is anonimous they won't tell the people who called it on them.

Jane - posted on 07/18/2011

1,488

32

225

to all of the responses of not to call, this is what her post immdiately called to my mind:



http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/Raped-by-T...



and if Casey Anthony had not taken off before her parents could have gone to court to petition for custody of Caylee...



If Andrea Yates had gotten the help she needed

Brandy - posted on 07/17/2011

551

23

84

ok i just read the rest of the posts and i am really suprised at how many moms are telling you not to call?? of course its not abuse if your kids are dirty from playing outside but this sounds like an extreme situation, why arent they being supervised? they couldnt be if they are playing in the street etc its just not safe! i worked in child care for a number of years and i had to call cps several times, its not something anyone wants to do but sometimes its necessary and in my case it was my job, cps does have to have enough documentation to take action in some cases and just because they come out and nothing happens does not mean they shouldnt be called again, because if they can not help the kids the first time they may have enough complaints to step in later which is the best intrest of the child. why would cps have to be called time and again and if she wants to keep her kids then why isnt she doing anything to change?

Brandy - posted on 07/17/2011

551

23

84

i read your story and only a few comments but i would definatly call cps, these kids are being neglected and are in danger of being hit by cars etc, and i agree with your father an eight yr old should not be mowing the lawn its not safe, if the kids are taken away the parents can take steps to get them back and in the mean time the kids should be in a healthy environment

Melissa - posted on 07/17/2011

797

19

86

I also agree try to offer help in any way you can...the mom sounds in desperate need of some, and maybe she is doing the best she can! It should be child endangerment to smoke around kids!!! Just saying!

Melissa - posted on 07/17/2011

797

19

86

Follow your gut feeling...I saw something recently where neighbors wish they had spoke up but didn't now they live with that quilt....I would deff. speak up!

Addie - posted on 07/16/2011

52

0

1

What the law states depends on which state you live in.

The only defense children have against abuse and/or neglect is outsiders who see and care and are willing to report what they see.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms