Showering with your sons

Laura - posted on 11/21/2010 ( 166 moms have responded )

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I have a question for everyone. Do you or did you shower with your sons? At what age did you stop? Mine are 6 and 9. I have still showered with the 6 year old, but the 9 is too old in my book. What about the rest of you. Just curious. What brought this up was a friend who has boys one still under the age of 1. She won't shower with them. So I thought I would ask.

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[deleted account]

My oldest is 6 and i still occasionally will put him in with me when in a hurry. I breastfeed my younger son so he's used to the boobs and He is also aware that boys and girls have different parts.

Echo - posted on 12/02/2010

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Wwell I have 4 boys and I quit as soon as my 3 yr old said "mommy where's your buddy" haha. In my opinion 6 is to old but to each its own.

Ramona - posted on 12/02/2010

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My son showers with daddy only. I will not allow him to shower with me because we don't have the same parts and he don't need to see parts he don't have.

Milla - posted on 12/02/2010

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I think this subject goes beyond just being comfortable or not, I think it has to do with being appropriate and us as mothers setting the standard for our sons of what is appropriate what is not. I have a 7 yr old daughter and 4 yr old son, my daughter I have taken showers baths with before and will continue to for as long as she wants to, just because she is a girl there is nothing to it, we are both alike, there is nothing inappropriate with that, it's normal as were both girls.

As for my son I've taken him in the shower and in the bath up to recently, sometimes i would keep my panties on, he knows we are different cuz I'm a girl and he's a boy. Recently he started to really notice my boobs, poke and wants to play with them, but I think that is inappropriate. I have explained to him that we are different cuz were diffferent sex, and when he asked if he will have boobies like me when he's older I said no, because only girls have big boobies, he will have same as daddy has.

I still change in front of him, and think nothing of it, he looks like he's gotten over that whole boobie thing. I bath him all the time, sometimes he will bathe with his sister, and I will allow them to until he starts to make comments or look like he is taking interest in her, then we will just explain to him once more that it's all good that we are different, those are private parts meaning just for you, you are not to share them with anyone but mom and dad. we have those talks with our kids about private parts, that their privacy needs to be accepted and they need to give privacy to others. As soon as my daughter starts to feel uncomfotable others seing her naked, then we will respect her privacy, as for now she takes baths with her brother and does not mind her daddy bathing her. As for my husband taking showers with my daughter, well that stopped probably around three, simply because it is inappropriate. As far as dad taking baths with son, well he does not mind, neither does my son, and thats ok, because they are both men.

Basically I think it's ok while your child is still a child but when they learn the difference, see the difference there needs to be a separation, and that is healthy to show for what is appropriate and what is not. This will help them later on when they are teens to approach the other sex in a healthy way and not let anybody take advantage of their body.

We need to respect our bodies, and teach our children to respect theirs and others.

[deleted account]

i do shower with my son, from time to time, if we are in a rush, if you teach them or start showing them there is something odd or wrong about it, you have opened pandora's box....If you leave it alone and act as normal as the human body is. They won't look at it in any different manner, it's what you put into their heads.

Linda - posted on 12/02/2010

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I took a bath with my son when he was little stopped around the age of 4 or 5 when he started to ask questions about body parts,told him GOD made girls and boys different

[deleted account]

I agree that there is variation depending on child and parents. We have a 6-yr-old boy, 4-yr-old girl, and an infant boy. My husband was the bath giver and he finally switched to showers, because he found them more efficient and less a waste of water. He told me he started feeling uncomfortable when my daughter started asking a lot of questions and pointing at his anatomy. Since we long ago agreed that we'd just do the traditional gender split for these kinds of discussions, I started giving her showers. She has lots of questions/comments and I just answer them matter-of-factly as they come up. My son doesn't seem to have as many questions, and now actually takes showers himself. And he really hasn't seen me naked in awhile. If it comes up, with EITHER child, I tell them matter-of-factly that I would like some privacy and we tell them the same thing for when they are getting dressed (keep your door closed) unless of course they need our help getting something particular on/off.

Heba - posted on 12/02/2010

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she has all the right it is very wrong to shower with your kids or to be naked or change cloth in front of them as they remember this scenes and recall it later when they are older like teens and it will cause them problems to think of their mother like this why to wait till we become uncomfortable with it.and start to ask questions I might wont like to answer them, honestly i feel it is too much it is my opinion i see we should teach our kids to be polite to be shy not to get naked in front of any body even their parents and to respect their privacy to respect yours they should never think of their parents bodies relation like this and showering entice inappropriate thoughts i don't prefer

Ruzelle - posted on 12/01/2010

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My children are 7 (girl) and 5 (boy) and occasionally I still shower with them but they have showers and baths together all the time. As a survivor of childhood abuse though I have been very honest with the children's body parts, especially my daughter from the age of 2 years in the hope that they have the knowledge I didn't have of what is the right or wrong touches, yes even from me so that they do not go through the life that I had to go through.



At times they are curious of what our privates are or why we are different but I will always answer them honestly, even when they keep asking the same questions... they are still developing and as children will keep forgetting :), so I just keep giving them the same answers or depending on the age, will expand on them.



I feel that as long as you feel comfortable and the children feel comfortable, there is nothing wrong with you having a shower/bath together.



My children are aware of the difference and have been told that their body is their body and that bodies are private and that it is not right to touch them. They are allowed to touch their own but that it is wrong to touch someone else's body especially the private parts of someone else's body.



When I put them in the bath together, I tell them again about their bodies and what is right and not right and if I see them touching... then I tell them again and remind them what is a right touch (hand, head, face etc) and what a wrong touch is (penis/vagina, breast, bottoms etc).



I feel that teaching them to respect each other’s bodies does not only give them the knowledge of what's right or wrong (to keep them safe from the wrong touches from anyone) but also lets them feel comfortable with their differences and about being together in the shower, whether its with me, my husband or with each other.

Tracy - posted on 12/01/2010

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My son is almost 3 y.o and I occasionally shower with him. We even sometimes have a bath together. Isee no problem with it. Saves time and you know he's not getting into trouble while you try clean yourself up.

Sunshine - posted on 12/01/2010

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I don't shower at all with my son :( I have a couple times when he was younger.. My son is almost 13 months. Plus our shower is broke & the tub isn't big enough to sit in the bath tub, LOL :(

[deleted account]

Well, at Six, I stopped showering with Jacob, but at seven he finally said to me if he saw me barely clothed "Mom! Put some clothes on!" Somewhere in that time frame they learn to be modest and hope that you are also.

Leanne - posted on 12/01/2010

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my ds just turned 6 in august, i stopped batheing with him when i had my daughter when he was almost 2, and the last 2 years have banned him from walking in on me while im changing as he has noticed the difference between males and females lol

Shannon - posted on 12/01/2010

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Only when he was a baby and I was in a hurry. Otherwise no. My recommendation is when there feeling uncomfortable with it is when you stop. Hope this helps.
- Shannon

[deleted account]

I have three boys and when they were quite young I showered with them mostly for safety. I'm pretty sure I stopped when they were 4 or 5. It was kind of made easy for me by my youngest one when one day in the shower he looked at my breasts and asked when he was going to grow those like me. I explained that he wasn't, that he would grow up to look like daddy (who he also showered with). He said yuck, I hate daddy (which of course he didn't and doesn't) but for me it was time to get oedipus out of the shower with me.

Mary - posted on 11/30/2010

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I think that both are too old. I have 3 boys and 1 girl and I think I stopped bathing with my boys when they were one or two years at the most

Julie - posted on 11/30/2010

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Six is stretching it -
Let them shower with one another...
Kids know more at younger ages than before. Its important that they learn discretion as soon as they can...

[deleted account]

I've only read the first page of responses...
We only have a shower. We live in a small, rented apartment with a small bathroom and only a shower. For now we just have our daughter, who is 16 months (but the size of an average 25 month old). The last time I let her shower with Daddy, she poked at his penis. To be honest, I couldn't stop laughing but my husband was a little uncomfortable by it. I'll continue to shower with her until she can shower herself. We are preggers with our second now. If it is a boy, my husband will be showering with him until he is old enough to shower himself. This has no bearing on "boundary issues" it's more for my daughter and our special shower time. That will be the only time for a while that she will get me all to herself. That being said, if the new baby is a girl, either I will use a baby bath to bathe her or Daddy will have to do it until he feels uncomfortable with it.

I think most parents choose the "age of recognition" to stop showering together. This is because when they start noticing differences is the optimal time to teach them about privacy. It'll prepare them for friend's houses and other times when privacy is an issue.

Cyndi - posted on 11/30/2010

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Occasionally my 7 yr old hops in if in a hurry with me or my hubby. He has only asked a couple of questions about me. And I am just honest with him, He loves it with Daddy and he doesn't ask him any questions. We have been honest with our children. Our daughter 10 does sometimes hop in with me so I can go through the hair routine with her she is not comfy going naked with any one else. her modesty is kicking in. I think it is a matter of individual comfort and modesty.

Sandra - posted on 11/29/2010

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i have an almost three yr old son that i still shower with. He isnt bothered by it and neither am i. i saw on a talk show once a therapist talking about the issue. her answer is that its different for every family. if no one is embarrassed or bothered than its fine. if the kid or you start to feel akward then its time to stop. just follow your instincts and the clues shown by your boys :)

[deleted account]

Funny story on this topic: When my niece was little, she used to shower all the time with her mom and dad. One day she was in the shower with my brother (her dad) and my sister in law and I heard this coming from the bathroom: TRUUUDIEEEE!!!! COME GET YOUR DAUGHTER! We rushed in to get her, afraid that something awful had happened. Well, apparently she had yanked on his manhood pretty hard so officially something awful HAD happened (to him lol). Needless to say, that was the last shower she had with Daddy lol But my niece and her brothers continued to shower with my sister in law until they were around 4 or 5. The boys occasionally showered with their dad but he was a little "gun shy" about it lol Like I've said before, it's all about each individual family and what they can handle or think is good for their family. I'm sure that if our son ever did that to my husband, he'd probably want to stop the showers with him too....and I wouldn't blame him.

Catherine - posted on 11/29/2010

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I agree with the aunt and uncle thing being inappropriate. that was just something that did happen to me and I do remember having a bad experience from it. With a kid showering with a dad I do think there is a difference between a mom and a dad. When my son was like 2 he couldnt shower with his dad anymore because he was too tall and could reach and be at certain head lengths to his dad.

[deleted account]

Im sorry Joy I meant to say that real world nudity is not appropriate. I do think it is okay in the home, but I wouldn't do it if I didnt have to, just because I wouldnt want it to seem so casual because in the real world nudity is not supposed to be a casual thing.
My point is its okay to see their parents naked, theres no point in rushing to cover up. BUT I just wouldnt want to make it seem too casual to them. I completely understand every ones point of views though, I am a very open minded person.

[deleted account]

Randie ~ Do I think nudity is inappropriate? In my home, no, I really don't; same sex or not. We are a family and in our home, we just don't feel like either one of us being naked in front of our son is wrong or inappropriate at all. I mean, he's only 3. That being said, I want to make clear that it's not like we all walk around nude all the time or anything lol. We shower and get dressed. And for now, his questions are basically him just noticing differences, which I explain to him in simple terms. Usually before I can even get the words out of my mouth he's found bubbles to play with and has lost interest anyhow. He sits and plays in the shower water while I clean myself. I then clean him and we get out. The whole process takes maybe 15 minutes. It's not like we linger and explain in detail every little (or not so little...my butt...lol) thing. We get in, do what we came to do and get out.

I think a lot of the way I see this is based on how I was raised. I have two brothers who were 12 & 14 when I was born. By the time I was around 3 or 4, I remember that if one of my brothers was taking a bath (we didn't have a shower) and I needed to pee, I would knock, wait for the "come in" and go in to do my business. My oldest brother used to read Hardy Boys books while he soaked in the tub. Sometimes I'd sit on the floor and he'd read to me. It was just never presented to me that nudity was a big deal, so I guess that's why I don't make a big deal about it. You know the kind of nudity that makes me uncomfortable and that I find inappropriate? Strippers and porn. Not that I have anything against anyone who does either of those things for a living, but because the nudity is done in a sexual reference, and because I have had issues with exes and that sort of thing, it just makes me uncomfortable. That's a whole other thread though lol The nudity in my home is not sexual at all in nature, so in my mind, it's just no biggie.

[deleted account]

Also to the moms who stopped being naked in front of their kids as soon as they started asking questions. I really think this is a mistake. For one they will pick up on that and start to think that there private parts are shameful or embarrassing. Another reason I think this is not good is because if its your daughter that is asking these questions(about mommy) then she NEEDS to have answers! Mine hasnt asked questions yet but when my daughter starts to ask questions that is when I will probably make it a point to be more "free" around her, she will be able to examine for herself (in case she is to embarrassed to ask) I think this will help her be more confident about her body, and less freaked out later in life when she does start to change.

[deleted account]

To Joy: You said by thinking it is inappropriate to show yourself in front of your opposite sex child it might make them think that nudity is inappropriate... well with all do respect isn't nudity inappropriate?? (besides in the porn star world) So yes I do want my kids to learn that nudity isn't something to be casual about with the opposite sex!! I mean am I not right?? Its not a big deal if they see you changing or walk in the bathroom and your taking a bath, there's nothing to freak out about and be embarrassed about. And if they ask questions you answer them honestly and accurately. I just don't see the reasoning in wanting to shower or bath with your opposite sex child, its not a learning situation, since they dont NEED to know what the opposite sex looks like (until they are much much older). So what would be the purpose behind it. I would only do it if I was in a desperate rush.
Again I dont have a problem with same sex exposure, thats actually very important for me to let my daughter be aware of my body and what she should expect later in life.

Laura - posted on 11/29/2010

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I absolutely agree Joy, If you don't feel comfortable that's your choice but don't tell me what I'm doing is wrong if my 4 year old climbs into the shower with me or I breastfeed my son until the age of 2 in front of my older sons.

[deleted account]

Well no one ever said it was necessary. But for some families it also isn't UNnecessary either. I really don't see what the big deal is. Uncomfortable with it? Don't do it. If it works for some families? Do it. It will only scar the children and make them uncomfortable if they aren't given their space in the shower when they ask for it. The minute my son tells me he wants his own shower time, you've got it buddy. No more showers with Mommy. I still don't see the "inappropriate" side of it. I can accept that it may make some PARENTS out there uncomfortable with it and I think in those cases, don't do it. But, in all due respect, I also feel that when a parent is so uncomfortable with nudity around their children, they are passing that viewpoint along to their child(ren). I just think that it's possible it could cause issues down the line if you're teaching your kids that nudity is inappropriate or shameful. When will people realize that there isn't a blanket rule that will apply to ANY situation in life, especially parenting? And please, breastfeeding past the age of 1 is NOT going to harm a baby. What 2 year old do you know that is getting picked on at daycare because Mommy breastfeeds them? Didn't think so.

Laura - posted on 11/29/2010

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Actually Chrisi I wasn't going to say that because that's your opinion, I was just trying to see your logic and understand you thought process. I only breastfed for 5 and 6 mo with my first two because I was working but now that I'm staying at home I'm going to try the one due in Feb until at least a year but I will not cover up his head while I'm in the privacy of my own home (I do cover in public) but my 2 and 4 year old will see me nursing and see my breasts. I am not shy around them, they are learning that it is only appropriate in the home.



I personally feel each family should do what is comfortable for them. I'm just trying to see thing from different points of view.

Nelly - posted on 11/29/2010

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My kids now are 16, 14, 12, and 10 years old. I stopped bathing with my sons when they were 10 but they still bathe with dad once a week considered a treat, my daughter who is 14 still showers with me once a week

Christi - posted on 11/28/2010

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To Laura S. question, yes, I think it is innapropriate to breastfeed past a year. Once a child can feed themselves and knows to ask for it, why not get them onto the same level as other children. You are going to come back with well WHO or LLL says to breastfeed longer and they do in third world countries. Well, in third world countries they do not have the luxury of child food and processed milks. We do. I do not think it is necassary to parade around naked in front of a child. When they are older they can learn what certain parts of the female body are. Just because he came from your nether regions does not mean he needs to see them. And I would freak if my husband tried to bathe with his daughter, no matter what age! I will say my husband had bathed with my son with his swimming trunks on and I have bathed with my son with my swimming suite on, but nothing less than that.

[deleted account]

To the people that are questioning why we think its inappropriate....
I dont think we mean inappropriate I think we mean unnecessary. I mean think about girls who wear bikinis to the beach. No its not a bad thing to see a girl in a bikini but it is unnecessary to wear your bikini all the time everywhere u go. Some girls argue when you question the appropriateness of there day clothes they will say " well its nothing more then you would see if I was in a bikini." Its the same concept of yes its not a bad thing to see the opposite sex naked but I dont think its necessary to purposely get undressed in front of them. Does this analogy open any ones eyes a little bit to the other point of view?? And just to clear things up I breast fed for almost a year and if it would have been a boy I still would not purposely let him see my boobs at an older age. If he accidentally saw my boobs then thats okay and theres no reason to be embarrassed or freaked out but why do it on purpose? its just unnecessary i think. Its not inappropriate or shameful or embarrassing but just unnecessary....

[deleted account]

But I definitely think its important for same sex parents to be comfortable with same sex kids naked. I think it is one of the more important things a child should learn about. How they will change into what mommy looks like. Or if its a boy then how he will change to look like daddy. I think if you dont expose them young then when they are exposed to seeing it later (or when they do start to change) they will be freaked out and think its a bad thing since they were shielded from nakedness ("If I wasnt allowed to see it then it must be bad"is what they will feel) Its a good learning experience. Im just on the fence about if its a good or bad thing for kids to be exposed to there opposite sex parent. I think its important for them to know that boys and girls are different but they dont need to actually SEE the difference just yet. If they do see I dont think its a big deal. You just say well thats a penis, boys have penis's. But I dont think it is necessary for them to see it regularly. And yes I would say I think it is a bit inappropriate, but that's just me. (but again I dont think its inappropriate for kids to see same sex parents at all)

[deleted account]

I love these kind of posts! I like reading both sides of the debate! lol. My opinion is its what ever your child is comfortable with. But I also think that you should definitely be okay with being naked in front of your same sex child. so that she learns what SHE or HE will grow up to look like. She/he needs to know what is normal that way when her/his body does start to change she wont be freaked out and embarrassed. As for opposite sex exposure Im on the fence with. I think that at a certain point they should know what the opposite sex looks like but I dont think its necessary for them to have to wonder until they are old enough to need to know ( about 6-10) right around the age they will be around other kids that might talk about the opposite sex anatomy. In any case, I think they definitely need to learn about it from there parents first before they learn about it somewhere else. Just let them know that boys private parts are different than girl private parts. But I do think that older children that are able to clean them selves should not be showering/bathing with anyone but there selves not because of the private part debate but just because normally people shower alone. and it would give them privacy as they start to mature. If you start to shower separately and they keep asking to take a shower with you then I think thats fine!
BUT above all it is important to let them no that these are PRIVATE PARTS and should never be shown outside of the home! Nor should anyone touch them in there private parts and to tell mama asap if anyone does touch them in there private parts. I dont know if its just me but I am extremely afraid of someone touching my lil girl. You just hear to many disgusting stories that just make me want to put her in a bubble and never let her out of my sight! lol

Katina - posted on 11/28/2010

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I AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS AND I NEVER LET NONE OF MY KIDS SIT ON A MALE NOR A FEMALE LAP OR EAT FROM PEOPLE

Weiwei - posted on 11/28/2010

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In my case, my son wanted to take a shower with me when he was 2 years old; every time he heard that the water was running in the morning, and he ran to my bathroom. It continued several months, no more than a year. Then he decided to not take a shower with me any more.

[deleted account]

about 2 or 3 for me...once he made a comment about our parts being different it was time to move on. 6 and 9 are too old for that

Laura - posted on 11/28/2010

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For those who say it's inappropriate no matter how old, my question is, do you breastfeed? Because a 2 year old sucking on your boob is a little more intimate than a two year old seeing them in the shower. Or do you think woman who breastfeed boys are being inappropriate too?

I'm not trying to start an argument about breastfeeding I'm just trying to find the logic in it being so wrong to shower with you sons.

Toni - posted on 11/28/2010

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As long as you are comfortable.
There is nothing wrong with showering with boys.
The only reason I dont shower with my son is because he hates showers at the moment, but i still have a bath with him. He is 2

Amanda - posted on 11/28/2010

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Me and my hubby shower with both our 3.5 year old daughter and our 20 month old son. I think it will help them to feel comfortable in their own skin - AND it's an opportunity to each them how to properly wash their hair and clean their bodies, etc...We sing in the shower and everything it's great fun! LOL



Our daughter is of course asking questions like...Mommy why are your boobies bigger than mine. Or asking Daddy...what is that? (pointing between his legs). We answer truthfully. That is a penis. Boys have a penis. Girls don't have one, they have a vagina. Again - it's a learning opportunity.



How old is too old? Good question. I'm pretty sure they will let us know when they want to shower on their own. As long as they can wash everything properly and not make a HUGE mess! LOL



And to those who say it's inappropriate. Or inappropriate for a mother to shower with her son - that is HER SON. He was NAKED inside of her for 9 months!!! LOL



So perhaps you should be asking yourself - Why am I uncomfortable with the idea of being naked in front of MY SON?

[deleted account]

I just love on these posts how everything that you don't do is inappropriate and wrong and you make others feel like a perv. Just maybe being comfortable nude around your child and not being ashamed of your own body is not a bad trait to pass on. Bottom line is if it brings a Dad and daughter or Mom and son closer by sitting on the floor in the shower and playing while saving time so be it and live and let live.

[deleted account]

Personally I think if mothers think showering with their sons is "inappropriate" then it's their problem. How is it inappropriate? A child is innocent, and what do you think they're going to do?

Alice - posted on 11/28/2010

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i dont do it all the time but when i do i think it is fine, i mean if u show ur child that its innapropriate thats what they will no. ur child has to be comfortable and u have to be comfortable around ur child but every one is different :)

Christi - posted on 11/27/2010

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I never have and never will shower with my son. It is inappropriate.

Amanda - posted on 11/27/2010

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If the logic is that we should stop when they start asking questions and they are capable of showering themselves at this point, then my son would have been showering alone at 20-months! Just because they can ask questions doesn't mean you should stop and it definitely doesn't mean they're ready to do it on their own! I would have a stinky little boy (with a very clean belly and knees!) if I counted on him to clean himself! It is all about when it becomes uncomfortale for your family!

Rebecca - posted on 11/27/2010

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I grew up in a house where nakedness is a non issue. My husband grew up the same. My parents gave me privacy when I started to feel uncomfortable, and I was quite old personally. In our house it's normal for my daughter to compare herself to her father and point and ask questions. That's how she learns about the human body. She couldn't care less seeing either of us naked because she is so used to it, just every now and then she might as a question comparing both my body and her fathers body to hers and to us that's a good thing. She's learning. Every one was brought up differently and everyone has their own comforts and fair enough, it feels weird for you then don't do it, but if you don't feel weird, your son doesn't feel weird then who cares. It's just the human body.

Kimberly - posted on 11/27/2010

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I honestly don't remember how old my son was the last time I showered with him. I do know I took a shower with my then 4yo nephew the morning of my wedding day. The shower where we were all staying was tiny, my nephew was terrified of the shower, we were running out of time, and he needed to get clean before the wedding. I'm small and so was my nephew so it made the most sense for me to be the one to share the micro-mini stall.

My own kids are now 14,11, and 8, and I do still bathe with my 8yo daughter sometimes. Not often, because I'm selfish and don't want to share my bath very often, but we are both comfortable with it. All my kids are completely comfortable with nude bodies, both their own and other people's. I've worked very hard to instill in them a sense of the human body being normal and natural. There are times my kids want privacy, and that is always honored, but that has nothing to do with nakedness, and all about wanting to do something, anything, without an audience.

Debbie - posted on 11/27/2010

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My eldest son is 4 1/2 and I still shower with him. He asks questions about my body and I just answer them. I think I will let him decide when he is not wanting to shower with me, rather than the other way around.

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