So bored and stir crazy!

Donna - posted on 05/30/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My son is 10 months old right now, so I'm on my toes chasing him around the house all day long. It's getting to be soooo boring and blah for me. I take him to the park and the stores just to get us out of the house, and he likes it, but for me that's turning into blahhh-ville too. My husband and I are relatively new to the region, and we hate it here so we're already trying to re-locate. I don't think we'll be here for more than another year. Regardless, I'm trying to find some mothers groups to join, but nothing seems to be working out. MOPS doesn't start up again until September. I joined a group on meetup.com, and they're supposed to contact me to make sure I'm who I say I am (security reasons) but they have yet to do that and I think they're blowing me off. The other group I want to join on there is too full right now so they closed. I joined a church but there's only a handful of people my age there and those relationships just don't seem to be "clicking". I just joined a second church that seems to attract more young adults, so maybe that will turn into something. I found out that there is a mommy and me group in the region, but most of the meetings are over a half hour away, which seems a little far to be lugging a baby (maybe I'm being picky with that one?). Anyway, I haven't exactly had problems making friends in the past...so I think this problem is because of the area too. This place is just NOT working out for us across the board. I'm so miserable here that I ended up in therapy! Even my therapist agree's that leaving is the answer (she said a lot of people hate it here). Anyway, I'm stuck here for now, and I'm so stir crazy. I don't feel like I can sit and watch my son pick dandelions out of the grass for another minute! Oh, I should also mention that it snows 7+ months out of the year here. The roads are often so terrible that I'm afraid to drive on them with my son in the car. That doesn't exactly help matters. I'm finding a little bit of sanity in "staging" the house to get it ready to sell...but I can't easily do that during the 50+ hours a week that I'm chasing my son around all by myself.

Anyway...does anyone have any ideas? Thanks!

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Louise - posted on 05/30/2012

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Buy a large play pen and get on with the decorating! The sooner you get out of there and to somewhere that you can call home the better. We used to decorate when our kids were in bed so that they were not touching wet paint or whatever. Make a plan of what you want to achieve and then get motivated and do it.

It sounds as if your husband is fed up too, so tackle the decorating together or just put the house up for sale in the condition it is in. Either way get things going so your one step closer to your new life.

Catherine - posted on 06/03/2012

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Do you have the option of joining a gym (with a creche)?
As a mother of 4, with just under 6 years between eldest and youngest, this became my sanity saver.
I have had PPD with number 2, been medicated and had extensive counselling. Whilst all of this was necessary and useful at the time, the one ongoing factor in staying off medication and staying sane :) has been my gym time. 1-2 hours, 3-6 times per week (depending on other factors) gave me some important down-time from the kids, whilst knowing they were having a blast in creche; gave me more energy to face the next day; and the research into the effects of regular exercise on the brain is pretty conclusive. Simply getting out of the house is not enough, you need to raise your heart-rate and raise a sweat. This changes the chemical balance in your brain, making it easier to cope with the daily difficulties of being a SAHM with a young baby (they're adorable, but not known for their conversational skills). So, if you can't get to gym because of the snow, perhaps use some of his play-pen time for your exercise time?

It is also possibly worth noting that there is a natural cycle when moving to a new place.
1. The first 3 mths (approx) everything is marvellous and new and great
2. Then the home-sickness kicks in; nothing is like it was 'back home', people here are rude/ unhelpful/ unfriendly; I have no friends here etc. etc.
3. From around 6mths - 8mths things usually start to balance out
4. By about 10-12 mths, you're feeling more comfortable, know where things are, have made some friends and now don't want to leave.

Hope this helps.
:)

Sarah - posted on 05/30/2012

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I second the idea to start a group yourself - you can start something on Meetup.com and you can post a flier with a calendar of activity ideas like park dates at coffee houses, yoga places (especially with prenatal or postpartum classes) or gyms, churches, city hall, and even at the bulletin board in your local library. I met one of my closest mom friends through a mom group posting on a bulletin board at the feed store where we buy grit for our chickens. You can also attend library story-times and talk to the moms there. You can also look on Yahoo! groups or for Meetup.com groups that aren't specifically for moms - but that do family things together, like day-hikes on weekends.

Something that I do to help fill time is have a schedule. One day a week we have a day that we spend hiking and exploring the local outdoors - arboretums, mountain trails, tidepools, nature centers, etc. I look for free workshops that happen on those days at least once a month so that we can meet new people - and I invite people I know to the others. I pick the place and time and honestlty, once people have an objective they're more likely to come. It used to be that I tried to pick a place and time in conjunction with other people, but now that I come up with it on my own, alot more people tag along, and it's alot of fun for both my kiddo and me. I also host an art group one morning a week and this has hands-down been the best way for me to meet other parents. I made up a flier announcing a time and place (i.e. you could pick every Monday at a park near you at 10am) with a list of art activities that might be seen: painting, home-made playdough, etc. I posted the fliers at art studios, etc. At first, only one person came. Then they invited someone else. Then someone else saw a flier. Then they invited someone else. Etc. Now we meet once a week at my house, everyone brings $2 or $3 for materials (at the end of ten weeks, I count up receipts and if we need more money to cover materials they pitch in, but more often we have a few free weeks before we buy more supplies) and the group is about eight families. Parents love that their kids can make a big mess and have alot of fun...and that it isn't at their house. I don't mind the clean-up at all; I hook the hose up to my garage sink, warm the water to lukewarm, hose the kids down, etc. We keep most of the mess contained, so it's not too bad.

Another idea that helps me out is to have a daily rhythm. I sat down and wrote out what I wanted us to do each day - i.e. meals, chores, gardening, reading time, park time, etc. Then I wrote out a checklist. It sounds like a small thing, but it helped me sooooo much when my daughter was 6-24ish months old to have something tangible that told me that I still had things to do. I felt more productive because we were actually accomplishing my goals and having a routine made the time fly by a little quicker. Now that my daughter's older, it's easier to fill the time - we know more parent/kid combos, meals take about 40 minutes each, etc. - which is good because without naps I now have more time to fill than ever, but I still use the daily checklist to help direct my days.

Good luck! I really hope you find something that works for you soon!

Sarah - posted on 05/30/2012

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Not sure if I have any more ideas for you, but can tell you I know how you feel. We moved 4 and 5 hours away from family when my son was 4 months old. I did the same thing you are doing....joining groups, church, anything that was mommy and child that looked like fun. I am a bit more shy so to get those first initial greetings can be hard for me. We also lived out in the country (loved the land, but made it hard to meet neighbors when they lived 1/2 mile or more from you). Maybe if you meet someone nice at the second church you joined ask them if they would like to meet up at the park or come over for lunch sometime that next week. Hang in there, I am sure there are others there that are wanting friendships too and trying to find them.

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Donna - posted on 06/14/2012

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Thanks, I have tried momsclub.org, doesn't look like there's anything around here. We're actually in the process of selling our house. This situation is just TOO unhealthy for us to be in. Hopefully we'll be able to relocate within the next 6 months or so and I can try again in an area that has more hope! Thanks for all the help everyone, I really appreciate it.

Crystal - posted on 06/04/2012

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have you tried momsclub.org? Dont' know where you live, but there might be a group already set up near you..hopefully. Is there a zoo nearby? Or a library?

Donna - posted on 05/31/2012

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Thanks everyone...

Louise, You're right, the sooner I can get out of here the better. I'm trying the play-pen idea and finding that my son is content in it as long as I move it from room to room frequently. I guess I'll just try to work with that and see if it gets me anywhere. My hubby and I are going to work on projects together for an hour a night after the baby goes to bed and on the weekends. I'm trying to get a realtor in here to look at the place, so that should help keep the ball rolling.

I'm making a list of projects that need to be done and things that need to be purchased for staging (cheap stuff), so that should help me find the most baby-friendly projects and try to tackle them. I hate feeling like he's not getting the attention that he needs while I'm doing this though, but I'm fairly certain that things will be better for him if we can get out of here sooner than later too.

Maybe I will try to start a group in the mean time because it seems like most of the "mom activities" are happening on the north side of the city (we live in the outskirts of the south side, more or less in the country). There's gotta be people who are having the same problem as I am on this side of the city.

Thanks for the advice everyone, it's really helpful. Even just having some emotional support is helpful!

Karessa - posted on 05/30/2012

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my kids love to cook (my son is 21 months and daughter is 9 months) they love to get messy and think they are making stuff. baking is really great thing to let them hep like letting them mix the stuff or using a cookie cutter (my son loves that one)

Niamh - posted on 05/30/2012

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Could you try to start a group? If there's a starbucks or something you can do a mommy and toddler group and put posts in the shop to get it going.

It really sucks being unhappy where you are. The other thing is you are connected to the world online! Try to find an online group that you can at least find moms to chat to. I know it's not exactly what you want, but when I get lonely it reeeeeally helps!

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