"So you "just" stay home..."

Christina - posted on 09/24/2010

this drives me crazy.My husband makes comments like you just stay home, but he is the one that likes for me to stay. I love working, but I love my kids and being a mommy is a full time job no matter what. I would probably respond by being like yes I stay home, but I take care of kids cook clean and change diapers all day every day. I use to think stay at home mommies had it easy UNTIL I became one. I wonder if half the people who ask that question have ever stayed home with an active 3 yr and a 8 month old while being sick and still taking care of housework.

Vanessa - posted on 09/24/2010

I tell them that yes if being an accountant, nurse, housekeeper, cook, shopper, wife and mother is "just" a stay @ home mom then yea that's what I am. It gets them every time and makes them think

Chantelle - posted on 09/24/2010

Some people just have no idea what we do and what we give to our kids by staying home with them. I have heard a lot of people say "how will he know how to relate to kids his age if he's home with you all day?" I think between play groups and nursery school on sunday mornings for a couple hours my boys will be fine. I used to be a preschool teacher and the number of kids to teachers isn't good enough for my standards. I mean it's like 4-4 babies to one teacher, and 6-8 toddlers to one teacher. The other thing is there is a lot of pressure on the toddlers to potty train before some of them are ready. These kind of things matter to me so I choose to stay home they are only this young once. If people don't like it they kiss where the sun don't shine. Its usually the people who haven't even had their first kid. Nicole you and your husband are right it is OUR job as parents to raise our children especially if we want them to have our family values and morals. As for your comment Misty wait til that woman has her first kid boy is she in for a shock I don't think my body has ever gone back completely to what it was before my 3 1/2 year old. I love it though because I got the best gift ever and wouldn't trade him for the size five I used to be.

Amanda - posted on 09/24/2010

Last night I told my husband everything I did during the day....and he couldn't BELIEVE everything I did. Couldn't believe it. Then after I told him, I actually remembered a few more things....gotta love it :)

Not to mention I'm working with my 14 month old to point to her nose, mouth, eyes, ears...ect.....she got the nose down in one day!

Lorna - posted on 09/23/2010

This response was lovely. Well put!

Lorna - posted on 09/23/2010

YES! YES! I agree with you whole heartedly. the one thing that people tend not to like is someone who responds with an attitude to their question. No I don't just stay home. I am actually fortunate to have a position where I can continually sharpen my many talentst and still be with my children. What about you? It gets them to 'shush' everytime.

Christine - posted on 09/23/2010

I used to be a stay at home mom and the same thing always used to bug me too! You'll find that stay at home moms are the ones who understand the job it really is. I think a lot of people think that a stay at home mom means it not a real job because your not making money, your just a homemaker, when really, you have zero time for yourself, you try to keep the kids occupied will trying to keep your sanity, not to mention the things you have to do on a regular basis like getting things done around the house, errands, cooking. For crying out loud if anyones kids are like mine, you dont even get to go to the bathroom by yourself! Set aside all the obvious things a stay at home mom does, people dont realize how much patience, attention and love it takes to be the person not only looking after and caring for children but to be the person teaching them new things everyday.

Jodi - posted on 09/23/2010

Sreeja, while my family is very supportive of my choice to stay home, they do take advantage of the fact that I don't have to ask a boss to leave work! I get asked all the time to watch my sister's children, to pick them up for her, drop them off for her, run to the store for my mom because she doesn't have time etc etc etc. The funny thing is, all of my sisters and my mother who have had children have been stay at home moms so you'd think they would know!!!! I have learned how to put my foot down thankfully, but it has peeved some people off. Oh well, I can't keep messing with my child's daily routine to accomodate everyone else!

Krystina - posted on 09/23/2010

Yes i know what you mean! I personally like the question " so what are going to do now?" Duh stay at home and watch my kids grow up instead of paying someone else to do it!

Amalea - posted on 09/23/2010

I tell em like it is. I work full time, no salary, and I handle many different tasks everyday. My benefits are the best in the world! I hate hearing 'so you just sit at home all day' I tell them yah, ok, I sit at home when Im not running errands, taking my son to taekwando or baseball practice, cleaning, cooking, doing school projects, mending uniforms, taking care of 2 dogs and a rabbit, helping out a grandmother every day, and doing something special for my boys. A stay at home mom's work is never done, we dont get sick vacations, or even lunch breaks!!! I hate the looks and comments I get when I say Im a full time Mom. I tell them they cant handle the job!

Sreeja N Ganesh - posted on 09/23/2010

I hear all of you and can correlate with the situation. I worked before marriage and put it on hold to join my husband who was working abroad. My son came quickly and me and my hubby did not want him to be brought up somebody else and hence i chose to be at home. My mom worked full time so, i was more of a mom to my brother than his own...hence i dint need to think much before taking my own live's decision. what i have noticed in all these years is that its your own family and extended family that are more offending about my being a stay at home mom than friends or acquaintance. I find being taken for granted for imprompto visits, running errands, or being a hands-on-help as I dont have to take 'off from work' as i am always from home..
my hubby always tells me to put my foot down and say that I am busy and have more important things to do..my children are growing up fine and go off to sleep with a smile on their face..i feel that is the answer i need to hear.

Nicole - posted on 09/22/2010

I get that response sometimes too and it makes me want to scream! I worked for years before I had kids and staying at home and raising children is the hardest ( and most rewarding) job I have ever had! It would be easy to get a job and leave my kids with a babysitter but my husband and I believe it is OUR job to raise our children, not just leave them at some daycare. I feel very blessed to be home with my kids and not miss a single precious moment of their childhood!

Bonnie - posted on 09/22/2010

Misty, that is just crazy about that woman you know who won't breastfeed her baby because she doesn't want to lose shape in her breasts lol. That is the funniest thing. Little does she know, pregnancy does a lot to your body as well.

Misty - posted on 09/22/2010

I had a girl that was talking about having her own company and she asked me what do I do, I told her I was a stay at home mom. I wanted to slap her when she asked me "and how is that going for you?" I couldn't believe how she said it and then she had the nerve to tell me she wouldn't breastfeed her baby(if she had one) because she would still want shape in her breast. Some people don't understand how their comments can make them look like an a**. I hate when people think it's just staying home, it's a full time job taking care of a baby. I can say I love it!!

Amy - posted on 09/22/2010

well yes i'm a stay @ home mom to it's really annoying when u here that u just stay home well yes my husband has a good job and i'de rather teach my child all she needs to know and when people say that "u just stay home" just simply say yes i take care of everything i'm the glue that holds my family togeather and go on about ur buisness smile and have a great day who care what people think as long as u and ur family is happy rock on mommie

Shae - posted on 09/22/2010

Ha ha ha Jodi!!!!!!
I am so with you there sister!!! I went from being a Marine to a full time momma! so when I get told that it really ticks me off!!! So I now refer to myself as "The Home Godess" LOL
Most people just get a laugh out of it and dont ask the annoying question. =D

Deanna - posted on 09/22/2010

you could always say yeah I do stay at home but that's not my only job title....mom's are also...chef's, choufer's, boo-boo kissers, therapists, maid's, launderer, seamstress's, singer's, actors, authors, and artists...at least that's the way I look at it

Rebecca - posted on 09/22/2010

Oh, yeah. That comment and the "are those all yours?" type comments (which happen less and less as the kids get bigger). It's just ignorance, though. Most people aren't trying to be offensive; they're just ignorant. You can try education or you can just smile and shake your head and pray for them. lol

My favorite reply is, "Yeah. I just lay on the couch all day eating bonbons and watching soap operas." :^)

Bonnie - posted on 09/22/2010

Jodi, unfortunately it is true! She has two kids and I believe she went back to work after each one was 6 months old or something like that. So not enough time for her to really know what it is like.

Angela - posted on 09/22/2010

i guess people forget what its like to actually raise your own kids. todays day in age they just pay to have it done. i cant imagine paying someone to raise my child...no way. It doesnt make me mad though, i just try to remember that i will have that forever bond with my children and know how they are being raised:D

Kelly - posted on 09/21/2010

people who say this have obviously never been a parent of any kind. i used to tell them that i wish that was all i did. they have no idea what a mother has to do (or those few dads that do the stay at home job). what i like is when they come into your home and ask "what did u do all day?" like all u do is sit in front of the tv because the house work isn't done. my kids r older now so i do have more free time during the day. i am a stay at home mom but i love that i am here when my girls get home from school. i also babysit some days so my home is never spotless.

Marissa - posted on 09/21/2010

all these responses are just what i needed. i too have had this almost insulting comment. i fill out my forms as a domestic goddess

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2010

Lisa and Bonnie, are you kidding me?! I would completely have a melt down if someone said something like to me! Like Chantelle said, just because we don't go to a "formal" job, doesn't mean we don't go out to buy groceries, see doctors have playdates etc etc. Besides from that, we DESERVE to look nice too! We deserve to do what makes us feel good about ourselves without other people's criticisms! WOW, there would have been a scene if my hairdresser ever said anything like that to me! Or anyone else for that matter! Wow.

Chantelle - posted on 09/21/2010

I can relate my fiance has actually asked me why I need to put make up on after all I just sit at home with the boys. Just because we stay home doesn't mean we don't need to do things for ourselves. I put make up on because I can, I straighten my hair because I can, and I need some new clothes because I deserve to look nice in spite of what I do or don't do in other people's eyes. People that aren't stay at home parents don't understand the many sides and jobs to what we do.

Bonnie - posted on 09/21/2010

Lisa...Ha your comment sounds ever so familiar. I have been going to the same hair stylist for about 8 years now and she once said to me, "Oh, you are being a bit more daring this time with your cut and colour." I replied with, "Yeah, perhaps." Then her response was, "Oh well, you are home all the time with the kids, so it's not like you have to worry about people seeing you." First of all, I am not home ALL THE TIME. Yes, I am home often as I am a SAHM. She is lucky I have been going to her for that long and I know her that well or I probably would have let her have it lol.

Tracy - posted on 09/21/2010

ive never really had to many dumb founded people by the idea that I stay home. I do however make sure to let it be known it was my choice to stay home, its not because im under eductated or have no drive to do anything else with my life. Being a mom is something I have always wanted to do, I am blessed to be lucky enough to be able to stay home with all my kids as they have grown up with my well rounding to them. I am happy to have not missed much of anything with my kids. I have 4 girls, my youngest now has started school. So right now I guess I just "stay" home....but I also do massage therapy now. I chose that career, as it is flexable around my kids schedule, and its what works for my girls and I.
When I get asked what I do for work, I always respond with..."im lucky enough to be able to stay home with my kids" Im prouder of being a mother, then I am of saying I have any other kinda job. Besides after having 4 kids, I could nearly be called an advice giver now too, as I have learned many things in my 14 years of being a mom!!
The one I dont get is when I hear this "oh good for you, I couldnt ever stay at home all day with my kids"...what??lol that is one ive never understood.
I always want to ask, why did you have children then, but that would just be rude!lol

Rachel - posted on 09/21/2010

I have been a stay at home mom for about 14 months now, and the comment does bother me; however, I have found the people that say I 'just' stay at home have not stayed at home themselves. I just know I am so--- lucky to be at home with her and I have that all the SAHM have the BEST job in the world (even though it is one of the hardest jobs).

Lisa - posted on 09/21/2010

omg this absolutley drives me crazy!!!!!! I had a hard time enjoying it for along time becuase i felt like i was looked down on for it!! .........for instance i died my hair and it wasnt quite the color i was wanting soooo i was going to do it a little lighter, she suggested i wait, and i responded that i just felt like it looked brassy..........wait for it.........are you ready to hear what she says to me????? She says to me that its not like i work so why does it matter!!! Yep thats what she said....so along those lines why get dressed at all, or wear makeup???? sorry just a little venting LOL

Synquis - posted on 09/20/2010

One person asked me do I work and I said no I take care of my son. So then they say why dose your husband not let you work! lol I was shocked and laughed. I told them no I enjoy being there for my child. If I can take care of my kid why would I pay to have someone else do it for me lol.

Sarah - posted on 09/20/2010

I Understand exactly where you're coming from. I chose to put my career on hold an order to stay home with my son. To me this is the most critical time in a child's life And i want to be the 1 raising him not someone else. I tell people that i am staying home with my son because i want to be he one watching all his milestones, not the babysitter. There is no more important job than raising a child and i am so lucky to be able to actually be home raising him! You chose to have a chcild because you wanted to be a mother and be with your child and that is wonderful!

Amber - posted on 09/20/2010

Lol. Thank you for bringing this to light. I am also a SAHM and absolutely love it! When I get asked this question, I politely inform the person at what I, along with other SAHM's do. If it is meant as a "dig", I give them my best snide smirk and say, "Yep! I just stay at home all day!". That usually stops any further remarks.
I've been very lucky however to not encounter many questions like that. I usually get a lot of praise and compliments about my husband and my decision (although I'm not seeking any sort of compliment or praise).

Janina Nyna - posted on 09/20/2010

i would like to comment about being a full time mom....all i can say is it is the most difficult,complicated job in the whole world...:D raising our precious children... though is quite tough....lol..is so amazing!..seeing him grew up and learned things will make us so proud!

Susanne - posted on 09/20/2010

I think being able to stay at home and care for my kids is an honor and a privelige and im never ashamed to say im a housewife and mother

CANDY - posted on 09/19/2010

All you have to remember being a stay at home mom is great!! Even though i only have my first born and he is 2 1/2 months i am looking forward to being a stay at home mom. I feel it is going to benefit him tremendously in the long run and i would not care what anybody would say or how judgemental they would be of my occupation. Only you know it is a full time job taking care of your little ones, cleaning the house, cooking etc..because not only is it a job but you are the stronghold of your marriage and family :) my hubby actually wanted me to finish the army so i could stay home and he appreciates me soo much..so all would say is when someone asks you again "what your a stay at home mom??" just smile and say yup!! and i love it :)

Michelle - posted on 09/19/2010

I know how you feel. It drives me crazy. Better yet when your filling our paperwork and the option they have for us stay at home moms in unemployed (like I'm just raising my kids until I find a real job or something). I had a friend ask me if I was going to find a work at home job so I could "contribute" to my family. That was really frustrating like I sit around and watch tv all day or something. Most of the time I let it go when it's people who don't really mean anything by it. But honestly I worked full time for 10 years and went to school full time before I had kids and what I do now is a lot harder. It's not like you get breaks or can clock out for the day (or get a day off). I don't have a polite solution as of yet. I have casually mentioned to people that the cost of childcare etc for me to work outside of the home would eat up all of my old pay check (which is true for many people besides myself) and leave it at that (haven't gotten many people to comprehend how wonderful and enjoyable it is to be able to stay at home with my kids).

Marisa - posted on 09/19/2010

I got offended as well when people made comments like that to me. Before baby, I worked a full time job, did 2-3 internships and attended classes for my masters degree ...all at once! Every day I was working from 7am until at least 10pm every night. Let me tell you, being a stay at home mom is more work! You should be proud of the fact that you are a stay at home mom. It is a 24 hour a day job...with no breaks! I would not give up being a stay at home mom for anything in the world. Don't let those people make you feel like what you do is not work. Maybe they are jealous because they have to work or maybe they don't understand the importance of raising your own kids! Cheers to you for raising your own kids!

Tiffany - posted on 09/19/2010

I've been asked the same thing and I usually tell them that while it seems that I just home I am busy taking care of the family and household. If that doesn't get people off my back about it then I tell them that they can think what they like, but I do more than just "stay" home.

Donna - posted on 09/19/2010

why dont u just tell ppl yur currently unemploied, or a house wife its all the same.

Tiffany - posted on 09/19/2010

When I'm asked this I just answer honestly..."yes, I am blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter and I do cakes on the side". What bugs me is that people think it is the easiest, nicest thing to do...but it's a job! It's a job I LOVE and I am grateful to have, but I wish others would just realize how much work it is to be a stay at home Mommy.

Heather - posted on 09/19/2010

Are you kidding???



I used to get, "Are you (or when will you be) returning to work?"



I say I don't have the time and sometimes wish I could take that kind of break... and that I understand (at least almost understand) why some people do go back to work. For me, there is just not enough hours in the day to put my baby in daycare for 32 hours a week to bring home $200 a month (at most) after daycare.



It also helps that the hubby has amazing benefits at his job. That can really make some people defensive when THEY have go back to work and they see you staying home.

Chantelle - posted on 09/19/2010

When people ask what I do I tell them I work a few jobs-- chef, child care provider, maid, personal assistant, sanitation expert, and part time student. Then its usually followed by wow where do you work? Thats when I respond I have one of those amazing jobs where you work from home. Depending on how in depth they go I eventually ask what they do and typically they can't hold a candle to that magnitude of skill level or career experience. It's at that point I reveal my most commonly used title "Stay at home Mom/Army Fiance" and they are pretty much speachless. Give it a try and let me know how it works out.

Christina - posted on 09/18/2010

If someone asked me that, I am pretty sure I would respond with something rather smart like, "Nope. I tend to run around like a chicken with my head cut off." OR "I am attempting to mold our future into something a little less scary than where we are currently headed." =)

Jaton - posted on 09/18/2010

Often, I say something like, yes!!! I stay at home and raise my kiddos! And, I LOVE IT!!! Or, "I'm fortunate enough to be able to raise my own child" or "I'd rather raise my child than let someone else, so yeah... I stay home with him."

It does sort of get under my skin, but clarification is easy. I have also said "JUST?!" when it is coming from friends or family... And, then I remind them of what it all entails. More times than not people tell me that they don't know how I do it all day... I tell them that I stay very busy, and I let 'em know that I love being able to stay home with the kiddos.

I think there are polite ways to let people know how you feel, but I also sometimes think it is unnecessary to say something. I never let it bother me when it is for offices or info... Just when someone is speaking with me about what they do vs what I might do, if that makes sense....

GL to you!!! And, good for you for raising your babies. =)

Chatty - posted on 09/18/2010

Na, na, nah POO POO! I stay home and you don't!

April - posted on 09/18/2010

People ask me that, and I say, "Yes, I stay at home. I play with my child. I do household chores. I even take a nap when the urge strikes me. I love my life and if you have an issue with it, then why don't you go take a flying leap out of a rolling donut?"

Yes, I have actually said this to someone before, lol. She was this nasty older woman who looked at me like I was some mutant thing with two heads, so I figured I could be a tad bit rude.

Jodi - posted on 09/18/2010

I really like the Domestic Engineer title! BUT, I feel like I have the most important job in the world as a mommy! I guess I just wish people would treat it as an important job in and of itself, I don't want to have to use a "made up" title (although it covers what we do!) when my title as a mommy SHOULD be good enough! I guess I am just asking too much from today's society though! lol such is the life...

Sandra - posted on 09/18/2010

yes i HATE when people say "so you just stay home all day" I will sometimes smile and nod, and other times I will say "yes, I just stay at home, but unlike you, I don't get sick days, I don't get vacation, I don't get a lunch break, but I know I am giving my daughter the best foundation for her future" then I generally get the evil eye from whoever is asking, but that is kinda the point ;)

Shannon - posted on 09/18/2010

It did for years, UNTIL i changed my title to Domestic Engineer, It kinda disarms people, and lets you sound important too. If they ask what it is.. well..,. it includes accounting, organizing, property management ect, good luck!

Holly - posted on 09/18/2010

Oh this discussion has made my day!

I get this ALL the time. I was a SAHM for the first year of both of my children's lives (I have a beautiful 6 year old girl and a handsome 17 month old boy), and not only did I hear that from friends and family, but I heard it from my fiancee (he is the biggest culprit). It absolutely INFURIATED me when he would come home, and the living room would have toys on the floor and there were still some dishes in the sink, and he would say "What did you do today? Just sit on your butt?"

And to this, I have answered "Yes, I sat on my butt, while the baby changed his own diapers, the food grew legs and prepared 3 fulls meals for everyone, I had a little fairy that went and ran all the errands, grocery shopped with 2 tired and cranky kids, then I had an imaginary maid that came in, put the baby down for a nap, cleaned up the food that your son decided to throw ALL over the kitchen floor, and dealt with 4 massive child meltdowns. Oh and that chauffer we have drove your daughter to and from gymnastics AND sat through her soccer game with a cranky 17 month old boy. Oh and my bad, we also have a magical laundry service built into our basement where they did 4 loads of laundry today and you'll never believe it, but they folding and hung up all the clothes...."

Needless to say, after I replied this way to many of these people who think we JUST stay at home, they quickly changed their thinking. I now work 2 part time jobs as a receptionist and a bookkeeper as well as online courses for accounting. You'd think my hubby would help out a bit more, nope, I still do ALL the stay at home mom stuff while juggling everything else. I'm 26 and my head is already half grey, I wonder why lol......

Chatty - posted on 09/18/2010

I just want to add....

YES! I think being a SAHM is one of the most demanding jobs ever and like you, I'm extremely grateful and I love my job BUT I can see where the confusion comes in. When someone who doesn't have children or even does have children but works outside the home, they're mindset is somewhere else.