spanking

Angela - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 186 moms have responded )

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wow i just read a "conversation" from another group about spanking or hiding as they called it and was disgusted by how many moms think its ok to hit their children!!! I am a STRONG believer that you NEVER hit your children! you dont smack their hand or swat their butt, and you never hit them or hurt them in any mannor. These moms seem to think its ok because they got hit...I can not believe people are actually still holding on to this midevil method of "dealling" with their kids. They are little people and can be treated as little people and learn just like big people do. If your training at work and you do something wrong, how would you like it if they hit you?? I am in shock that these moms think they are good moms still when they smack/hit their children. They say well it doesnt leave a mark hahaha that means nothing. when you hit them they are NOT thinking about what they did, they are thinking about why their mommy or daddy is hurting them...each time you hit them you leave an emotional mark or scar even if its not aparent on the outside. uhhh

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Jodi - posted on 04/09/2010

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Kristian, total side note that has nothing to do with spanking, just a little bit of information. I have ADD, I went undiagnosed until I was 15 and so depressed from not knowing what was "wrong" with me that I was suicidal. Emerging studies are suggesting that ADD is caused by the body's inability to absorbe iron. Iron creates ferritin, ferritin in turn not only helps to create dopamine, seratonin and epinephrine but also helps the body to release and receive these hormones. To not "believe" in ADD seems silly to me, like not "believing" in depression, autism or downs syndrome. It is based on science. And the "drugs" they give children are not downers, they are actually stimulants because of the way our brains and bodies handle stimulants differently than say, your body does. Take Ritalin for example, it's generic name is methylphenendate, closely related to other drugs in the "speed" family. I nearly always drink a mountain dew, loaded with caffeine before bed to help me sleep because my body does not get amped up. Last but not least, more and more parents are turning to homeopathic remedies and behavioral therapy with outstanding results. Sorry to rant on a total side note, but the misconceptions of ADD I, personally, have received confound me as to how someone can know so little about it but think that they do.

[deleted account]

I was spanked as a child and had no resentment or ill feeling towards my parents. I learned not to do whatever I did again. My husband was spanked as a child and he learned the same thing. We do spank our children, not very often. When they do something wrong first offense we talk to them, second offense they are talked to again then spanked (twice and no markings are left). Our children have no ill feelings towards us. Spaking seen as abuse? You've got to be kidding!! Having no discipline is abuse in itself. Time-Out (Doctor Spock way) - Seriously, his child committed suicide and that's what you do? Wow!!! I do not believe in ADD. It's just an excuse for the child to misbehave and for the parent to give your child drugs (downers to be exact). Every child that I have come across that was not spanked or discipline has been nothing but disrespectful or constantly in trouble of some sort. Every child that I know of that has been in daycare is wild. I have seen way too many children whom are not disciplined (time-out is not discipline) to be absolutely wild, on drugs, run the streets, and are completely disrespectful when not in ear shot or eye sight of their parents. I can tell you for a fact that my children are well behaved and well respected when not in ear shot or eye sight of us. How do I know? I'm told by neighbors they wished more children were like ours, and people who don't know who I am walk up to us and compliment our children. They love being around my kids. My brother whom did not believe in spanking, recently divorced, says he should have administered more punishment on his children because of how disrespectful his children are and how wild they've turned out. My parents used to think we were too hard on our kids, now they compare each of the grandchildren and can really see the difference. Public schools are the way they are due to spanking being taken out. Teachers spend more time dealing with disrectful children than they do teaching. Send them to the office? What a joke!! The kids know nothing will be done and nothing can be done. ISS? Big deal! OSS? Vacation!! I've seen it first hand. Work in a public school, you might think differently towards spanking. You can really see the difference!!

Christine - posted on 04/09/2010

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There is a HUGE difference between hitting and spanking. Spanking is not medieval. Spanking is very effective when done properly! To label a parent who chooses corporal punishment as a “monster” or cruel is simply close-minded.

The problem isn’t with spanking but rather most parents spank when they are angry. The idea is a negative consequence for a child’s behavior to deter them from repeating that behavior. Pioneer psychologists, albeit unethically, performed case studies on very young children (18 months?) and their ability to produce a similar response (aka learn) from certain stimuli when substituted for another. Guess what--it worked. The child was exposed to a white bunny and a loud cymbal crash immediately after he saw the bunny, evoking a startle reflex and crying. Eventually, the child would cry just from seeing the white bunny.

The mom who suggested putting your kid in time out repeatedly until the child conforms to the wanted behavior suggests a similar way of teaching. However, the biggest difference between time-out and spanking is once the spanking has been administered, it's over, done, forgotten and move on! By the time the child finally ‘listens’ and sits in time-out as you’ve instructed, they have no idea why they are there, especially if it’s been drawn out for any length of time.

It is a parent that is yelling and hitting uncontrollably who teaches a child the wrong message. It appears parents that don't spank their children are afraid of losing control while spanking, leading to the misconception of hitting and hurting as the purpose of the spanking. I also noticed that some of you audaciously believe spanking a child turns them into villains as adults. Children can’t be treated equally to adults across the board. They are relying on their parents to teach them, care for them, support them, feed them, shelter them and on and on. How can they be our equal in every situation? Children should be treated with respect and in turn they will treat you with respect. However, their rights end under their parents authority--as long as no abuse is taking place! To assume a child who has been spanked will be a misfit to society or to compare spankings to brutal ancestral rape is idiotic.

In our home, my husband and I never use our hand to spank our four children. We use a ‘spanking paddle’ my husband made. The kids know they have 'gone too far' if we get the paddle. The 'fear' is in the paddle not the parent. The point of a spanking is to quickly mark the unwanted behavior and move on; NOT drag on for hours. The consequence is privately handled to prevent the child from unnecessary humiliation. The severity of the unwanted behavior will determine what method(s) of discipline we use. Therefore, a combination of methods works best for our family including (in the order we use most frequently): cold showers, activity revocation, spankings and time-out (which is more of a separation from the family for a specified amount of time.) Many times a simple face-to-face discussion also works well.

REGARDLESS of which method a parent uses to discipline their children, ALL discipline must be conducted out of love and not anger.

Kel - posted on 04/09/2010

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I find that topics like this one generally end up as "shouting matches" Those who do not believe in spanking claiming ALL hitting is abuse. (For the record, I am a non-spanker and I do not feel this way. I just do not believe that spanking teaches my child what I want her to learn.) Those who do believe in spanking claiming that those who don't are using permissive theories of child rearing and raising spoiled, selfish brats. (Also untrue in my opinion as I spend a lot of time thinking of alternatives that will teach that the misbehavior she exhibits is unacceptable and why it is so.) No one is going to change anyone else's mind. We do all have the right (to a certain extent) to bring our children up in the way we see fit. It does no good to condem one another on a site designed as place where we are to help and support one another. It is okay to agree to disagree, I think.

Danette - posted on 04/10/2010

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Guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion and belief and what is the right/wrong way to raise your children. And you all don't have to like my opinion but you should respect it - my kids are exactly that - MY kids. I didn't have them so that you, Curly Sue, or Cindy Mae could tell me how I (emphasis on I) should raise them. In my estimation of myself I'm a good person - I'm a wonderful wife, a good friend and an amazing mother and guess what?? I spanked my kids. Doesn't matter if I only did it once/twice or 3-4 times. You know what? They aren't "emotionally scarred" or scared of me. In fact, they love the hell outta me - they love monopoly game nights at home, games of catch in the yard, afternoon fishing with dad and I'm still their best friend. Yes ..... me ...... the "monster". Amazing.



And guess what I find out???? My parents spanked me, too. Oh the horror I must have endured. I can't recall being spanked but ...... surely it must be (since you guys-judging from this post-are just the absolute authorities on child raising) because I am repressing those feelings. Give me a break. A good swift spank on the bottom never hurt anyone. I'm not saying there aren't people who don't abuse their position as a parent - I'm sure there are lots. But to say that people who spank their kids are monsters or unfit parents is just ridiculous.



As someone else pointed out above, we don't all sit around pointing fingers at you non-spanking parents and saying you shouldn't be allowed to raise children or calling you names and/or blaming you b/c your children are monsters b/c you don't do a thing about their discipline. Again, I don't have to agree with you totally in your opinions but I guess my momma raised me right because ...... at least I respect them. And, don't worry, I'm not walking away from these postings with my feelings hurt - lol - how could I when each day I get to watch my children reaffirm that I am doing the right thing - watching them as they are becoming wonderful young men/women.



And Sally - I'm sorry to have made you ill. The time outs didn't work. I did try. Reading a book is a bit hard also when they are kicking and screaming above you having a temper tantrum. One of the occassions that I put my daughter (2) in time out she cried for nearly 30 minutes until she made herself sick and threw up. And afterwards it took a while for the heaving to stop - that made me ill. A swift slap of the bottom upon the infraction works for me. It's immediate, I try to explain what she was doing that she shouldn't and we move on - so far, so good.

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186 Comments

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Lori - posted on 04/10/2010

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Note to parents who are so "anti-spanking" and knocking previous generations~I'm going to be as civilized as humanly possible here but~Congradulations on raising America's future generation of thugs!!!! 99% of children who wind up in the Juvenile Court System ended up there as a result of the time out generation BECAUSE there was little to no discipline in the home. Abuse is one thing~Black eyes, bloody nose, broken bones. But discipline is a whole different ball of wax. For example, if you have a 5 or 6 year old who writes on the walls repetively and you have stuck them into "time out" 5 or 6 times for the same infraction and it's been unsuccessful each time you've stuck your child in time out and had them help you clean up the mess 5 or 6 times--Don't you think it's time to try something different? Oh don't tell me--You don't make them help you clean up their mess either? I suppose that's inappropriate as well? Let me explain something to you--YOU are not going to be there to clean up their mess throughout their adulthood. Responsibility for their OWN actions. There are also comes an age when spanking becomes inappropriate and by the time they are too old to get a spanking it's too late to correct A LOT of problems that should've been handled had you decided to spank in highly inappropriate situations that couldn't be corrected with other forms of discipline. Furthermore, I'd LOVE to see you TRY to report a parent who does utilize this form of discipline to child services and have them LAUGH in your face!!!!!

Erica - posted on 04/10/2010

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Angela most of us understand that you are against spanking. We are just stating that you made it personal when you called us monsters! You want to talk about how dawn started making this about her? You are personally attacking other people. You want us to go read a book teaching us to coddle our children when some one tries to show you our side you talk down to them like you are some expert.

I agree with Dawn you are making personal attacks and it's crazy! When you started this conversation you had to know that some one would come across this who disagreed with you and would state their opinnion because that is what this site is supppose to be about!

You have the right to express how you feel and we have the right to express how we feel!!!! Why haven't you locked this conversation? You say you don't like debate but I think you are enjoying being a nasty person to others!!!

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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again you are saying that i spank my kids everytime they misbehave and you do not know me well enough to make that statement or to offer me lnks to various sites that havealready been to .what do think i was born yesterday and that this my first time on the internet LMFAO

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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haha no of coarse not, you will just let them do something wrong and then spank them! your rediculas!

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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again i am not angry and you are just plain dense . and you need a nice cup of knock it off to put in nicely. myou attacked me by stating that i enjoy spanking my kids and not only do i not enjoy it ,but it is not very often that i feel like i need to spank them . they are pretty good kids .you need to get over yourself and stop harassing those who don't believe like you do.

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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angela ,you need a life cuz you obviously have way too much time on your hands since you already spent alot of it attacking me and a couple of others recently .my girls are palying in the yard in my plain view i do not need to hover over them ever two minutes

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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haha nice try dawn i NEVER personally attacked YOU hahaha but report me all you want, they wont do anything! never once was this supposed to be like this, but thank you for ruining our conversation with your negative angry life and words!!

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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and i just reported you for several personal attacks. i guess we're even huh?

Kristina - posted on 04/10/2010

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So i if spanking is phycologicaly (i know i spelled that wrong) damaging then i guess i am damaged or maybe it is just a form of discipline that can be a helpful tool when used properly

Anne marie do you think that the people around you are damaged just because they were spanked because i dont think that is okay to say that people are damaged because of their parents teaching them right and wrong when talking didnt work

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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bye dawn i have blocked you! I dont need negative, angry hostile people in my life on the computer or anywhere! i never once said anything about your family...what are we like 12? I made a simple conversation about being against spanking and you took it into your own hands to make this about you...you could have simply stopped comming to the conversation page and writing things! get a life lady like go do something fun with your kids

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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notice that no where in this post did i ask for your personal opinion of me just the subject .
oh and my pop up blocker on my pc detected and blocked a popup and possible threat on the dr.sears site. just telling you what my pc is telling me

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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i spent 5 minutes on that site . they want you to pay for the info well i'll just go to web md then or other free parenting sites

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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not against learning the new just viligilant about where i get the info.now leave me alone or you will be blocked. thank you :)

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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angela , with all respect are you dense? didn't i just say that i am not an angry person but just like everyone else there are lines you don't cross with a person and you crossed it by claiming you know me and my family when you do not.ask anyone who knows me in my circle there are women in my circle who have been friends with me in elementary school and know my entire immediate family.they will tell you that in fact i am a kind and caring person who loves my family and has a wonderful sense of humor, but they will also tell you that i do not tolerate anyone talking stuff about my family and you did just that so don't be surprise if you get a negative reaction from me when you insult my intelligence and attack my for how i raise my kids.

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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your rediculas dawn, i went on that site and there were NO pop ups and that doesnt mean its not credible...that means there are sponsers of that site because sites arent free...what is with you. you are so against learning something new you have to through everything in everyones face before even opening your eyes...uhhh

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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great dawn...think about what you just said...i was spanked and i turned out fine...you turned out to spank your kids too. you have obveous anger issues since you let a complete stranger get to you and make you SO angry! my Dr for my daughter does not support spanking so does that mean my doctor is wrong and your is right? no that means that every single person has a different oppinion! once again there are other ways and you not being open to other ways just proves my point. i am done arguing with you about this. thank you for the debate, which i do not like doing, but it just made me feel even better about my choices of raising my children! And i dont just read random books...thanks for judging me in that way though;)

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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i just went on that dr.sears site and i got pop ups trying to sell me crap u can tell right away when a site tries to sell you stuff and is loaded with popups that it is not a credible site. they just want you to buy their bull and i don't end of story.

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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Anne Marie, do not believe everything you read and see on the internet .a lot of it is bull from what i have seen

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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as i have said before i was spanked and i did not turn into some criminal , i did not turn into some animal killer either (what a rediculous comment that was to say that kids who are spanked turn into abusers of other people and animals)and i know my girls well enough to know that they are kind human being and would never harm an animal or another human (although they do get into it with eachother but that is because they are siblings and are complete opposites of eachother so this is normal and their doctor agrees that the sibling rivalry is normal) to try to say something like that means that you think that you know everything about discipline. as if you ar ea specialist in childhood development . listen, just because you read the books does not mean that those books are the most reliable references. a nobody could write a book nowdays. my kids doctor believe that how i'm raising and disciplining my girls is perfectly fine so what any one else says doesn't matter

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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AnneMarie, thank you so much for that post!! Maybe it will help the spankers out there see why they shouldnt spank their children.

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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well once again, not wanting to repeat my self, but this conversation was ALL about how we did not support spanking and how it made us discusted at people who do...so you CHOSE to join in and get offended by my oppinions! bullheaded and stubborn i am not, strong oppinionated about not harming children i am! you are absolutly free to voice your oppinion on here...as am i and you feel so strong that spanking your children is right and i am firmly against it...nothing will change! and as for the parenting classes, its not for "robots" its so that people can discover different ways of disapline so they dont have to resort in hitting/spanking their children!! and if you say you dont need that then you obveously enjoy hitting your kids other wise you would be open to suggestions on how to avoid it:D

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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angela , no one here is trying to change your mind (you most certainly proved how bull headded and stubborn you are ),but i and everyone else here has a right to voice our opinion without you harassing and attacking them

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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i am not a hostile person. you can ask my girls ,but iwill not tolerate anyone talking bad about my family or how we discipline our family in OUR home . we do not abuse our kids,and as i said in other posts spanking is only for real bad situations where other methods are not effective or can not be done because the situation calls for swift action like when a child goes out into the road.i'm done repeating myself

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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The group is supposed to help and support each other...as i said before, this specific conversation was against spanking children! im not sure why you thought joining this conversation would change our oppinions or stop me from judging spanking children...please stop yelling at me and getting so angry! I DO NOT support spanking. you do, so leave it at that and go about your day! your children will grow up spanked and mine wont! i wish the best for you and your kids reguardless!

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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no angela i'm not a loose cannon you are the only one pissin me off today,but i refuse to acknowledge you any further because you are just plain ignorant

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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haha thanks dawn, you just proved to everyone that you are a loose cannon! hostile people use hostile methods of punnishment as i said before and you just proved that:D

Destiney - posted on 04/10/2010

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no matter what people will always be on one side of this fence or another there are the monster moms who beat there children then there are the moms who dont know when a good swat is needed and they end up wwith those kids who yell scream and defy athority because they dont know how to be punished in my opinion and this is just me i use time out 99% of the time but if a kid does something seriously wrong and is way out of hand there is nothin agenst a swat on the bumm it was how i was raised and i tured out normal and my kids are well ajusted happy loving people you dont want to hit ur kid fine but in this day in age i dont htink a parent should be scared of swatting a bumm when its needed just beacuse there terified child protective services will show up. and all u moms chasing down us for this small matter need to put ur energy into somthing else. thats my opinion.

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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this WAS supposed to be a group where we help & support eachother . instead we have this know it all thinking she's DR.Phil and thinks that she can judge everyone here and tell them how to live and raise their kids when this is not what this discussion board is about . i am sooo sick of this garbage hipocrites need to get lost

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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April, Spanking to save a life is VERY different then using it as an every day method of punishment!! Doing ANYTHING to save a life is very well supported by me! that is a VERY different sercumstance and i was in no way shape or form saying let your child die just because...in dangerous situations you do what you need to do to stop your children from getting severly hurt!

As for the other mom up there who said "in my opinion life isn’t completely free of pain and trouble- and childhood shouldn’t set you up for life to coddle you. spanking or not timeouts or not -either way our job as parents is to raise our children in the best way we can to set them up FOR THE REAL WORLD as we see it" ---- yes i agree the world is not the happiest place and isnt the safest place and they will get hurt and what not but i do not believe that we as the parents should be the ones hurting them!! Do you tell your children all about rape and murder?? no you spair them the details and get the point accross that strangers can be dangerous! so why would you hit them just to prove in the world there is pain?? thats messed up and very sad

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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WE DO NOT NEED PARENTING CLASSES FOR WE ARE NOT ROBOTS YOU NEED TO QUIT IT WITH THE JUDGING OF EVERYBODY

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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angela, you DO NOT know my girls they are very kind kids and do not nor would ever hrm someone else or harm animals . to be truthful u are insulting me when u tell me how my kids are going to turn out when u do not know a thing about me or my girls and just becauseyou disagree with my way of raising my girls it does not give you the right to attack me, but since you still feel like you are entitled to attack whoever you want allow me togive u atast of your own medicine in away that most moms here have probably wanted to do to you BLOW OFF LADY YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS ATTACKING ANYONE HERE GOT IT??? YOU ARE A FANATIC AND A DISGRACE FOR JUDGING THOSE WHO YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT AND I AM NOT A DISGRACE BECAUSE I DO NOT SPEND MY DAYS SPANKING MY KIDS. IT IS ONLY USED AS A LAST RESORT METHOD IN MY HOME AND IF YOU STILL DON'T LIKE THAT WELL THEN STICK IT!!!!

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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Tara, relax please! Like i said above, READ THE FIRT PART OF THIS CONVERSATION!! its all about us who DO NOT believe in spankign our children and how we are disgusted at people who do! so us moms who feel the same way were supporting each other until anger spankers came into the conversation feeling attacked and hurt...you new what kind of conversation you were getting into in the first place so if you want me to support you hitting your kids...you better find somewhere else to get that support because i will NEVER support you hitting your kids! and yes i do believe spanking comes from monsters and creates more little monsters! I completely understand that every child is different and every punnishment method needs to be different and i fully support that but hitting your kid, come on lady! we are not in the 1920s anymore! again, if i was starting a conversation about supporting you people spanking your children i would have started it by saying "i totally support moms who spank their kids" but i didnt put that did i?? nope, i put how i thought it was wrong and nasty and how i cant believe anyone does it! so yes i am judgemental and always will be! I do not hit my kids and i do not think that is fair to hit anyone or anything! I support lots of other things and am in no way shape or form close minded, just very against physical punishment!! I believe your children should respect you not fear you and those of you who think your kids respect you because you spanked them you are so wrong, they fear the spanking again so they do what you say...thats not respect!! I believe EVERY parent needs to go through parenting classes or disapline classes to avoid children being hit!!

Angela - posted on 04/10/2010

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DAWN if you look at the original post or the beginning of the conversation here...it is by me and it is all about how appauled i am at people spanking their children. so if you do not want to be judged then join another conversation please! i have a VERY strong oppinion about this topic and I do judge people for hitting their children and their husbands or wives or animals!! I will never stop judging people who are physical!! These woman are monsters who can not control their anger so they hit their kids when they make them mad, bottom line! ITS WRONG!!!!! and for all you moms who spank and then try to say us who dont are creating criminols are nuts too!! OF COARSE WE DISAPLINE OUR KIDS TOO...WE KNOW BETTER THAN TO NOT SHOW THEM RIGHT FROM WRONG!!! So if you feel I am attacking anyone, then more than likely i am attacking them for hitting their children!! and if you feel attacked at these simple words then how do you think your children feel when you are spanking them??? ATTACKED!!!! but no, now your children will go and attack other children and other animals and think its all ok because mommy does it!! this was a conversation about how strong we feel about not spanking our children and how disgusted we are with people who do so like i said before, if you do not want to feel attacked or do not want to read how people think you are a disgrace for hitting your children then move on to a conversation that better suits you please!

Tara - posted on 04/10/2010

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Doesn't anyone think that maybe all these people who are imprisoned, all these people who drop out of school, and everything else have other factors in life influences them to do the things they do? Everyone is trying to find something to blame all these bad things on and it always come back to spanking. How about all the people who have made huge contributing factors to the world and technology, and life in general? They were spanked as well! I guarentee each every president that has been in office has been spanked. I'm so sick of people trying to blame spanking for the people who make bad decisions in life. I was spanked as a child, and yet I've never been arrested, I didn't drop out of school, I'm in college and getting a degree and will have a great career. People have been and will continue to try to find one thing to blame all these bad things for. So many things contribute to reasons people do the things they do and it's not just because they were spanked as a child! Wake up people! Just because you were spanked as a child doesn't mean you are going to start killing people, and you're going to drop out of school, and you're just a terrible person. Why do people have to try to make other parents feel like bad parents? Just because certain methods work for you and your child, doesn't mean it works for everyone! I know so many people who were spanked as children, and yet none of them are in prison, they didn't drop out of school, so what's your excuse for them?

Melanie - posted on 04/10/2010

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I'll start with saying I have 5 children. My oldest is a girl and she is almost 15. Timeouts worked well for her and that was all the punishment she needed. Now her sister who is 16 months younger than her, well, she is a different story. Timeouts, talking to, taking things away from her, well, those types of punishments did nothing. Had no effect on her whatsoever. What worked for her was a good ol fashion spankin on her bottom. She is a teenager now and respects me and her father very much, just as her older sister respects us. Did she like it? Heck no she didn't like it. Kids are supposed to like their punishments. I honestly believe I would have a sassy teenager who disrespects us and others if we didn't punish her. Anyway, my point is this. Children are all so very different. It is our job as their parent to find a punishment that works for that individual. And above all ladies, Please be consistant with your little ones. That was the best piece of advice that was given to me when I first became a mother nearly 15yrs ago.

[deleted account]

I admit, I have not been able to keep up with all the post, but I found this study and found it very interesting. You guys might like it (or might no if you spank), but here is what the study found:



(Physical punishment was defined as blows to the legs or hands which do not bruise or lacerate--the usual definition of a spanking)

D E G R E E O F P H Y S I C A L P U N I S H M E N T



Never Rare Moderate Severe Extreme

Violent inmates

at San Quentin 0 0 0 0 100%



Juvenile

Delinquents 0 2% 3% 31% 64%



High School

drop-outs 0 7% 23% 69% 0



College

freshmen 2% 23% 40% 33% 0



Professionals 5% 40% 36% 17% 0



Taking part in this survey were: 200 psychologists who filled out anonymous questionnaires, 372 college students at the University of California, Davis and California State University at Fresno, 52 slow track underachievers at Richmond High School. Delinquents were interviewed by Dr. Ralph Welsh in Bridgeport, Connecticut and by Dr. Alan Button in Fresno, California. Prisoner information was by courtesy of Hobart Banks, M.S.W., counselor of difficult prisoners at San Quentin Penitentiary, San Quentin, California.

Tara - posted on 04/10/2010

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Karen, it's not that times out just simply don't work, but for some children it doesn't work. My children for example, are not phased my time out and will continue to do whatever it was that got them put in time out! Talking doesn't work for my children, they simply shrugg off what I said and go back to doing whatever it was that was wrong. Some children respond to time out, but there are a lot of children that don't respond to time out.

Tara - posted on 04/10/2010

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I believe that we should respect each others opinions, but I will not have someone calling me a monster because I choose to spank my children. I will not have someone judging me and saying I'm a bad parent because time out and talking does NOT work for my children. It may work for some children, but it does NOT work for mine. And I should have to give anyone a reason for why I spank my children. They are MY children and I will raise them the way I see fit. I didn't call anyone a monster or bad parent because they've chosen a different method for punishment. It's rude and unneccasary. If you're so against child abuse, find someone who is actually abusing their child! Spanking is not abusing. Spanking is used to let the child know they did something wrong and not to do it again. I've tried so many methods of punishment and nothing but spanking works. And honestly, I don't care what any study or doctor says, simply because they do NOT know my child. They don't know my child's personality, behavior, or anything. Every child is different, and mine happens to be very stubborn and doesn't listen. If no method of punishment works for my child am I supposed to just give up and not punish him, simply because a bunch of close minded people believe it's "abuse"? If your method works for your child, then fine, continue to use that method, and I'm going to continue to use mine. I'm from a monster, and I thought this was a site for mothers looking for help and support, not a site for mothers to judge other mothers simply because we raise our children differently! I love my children, and they know I love them. I've never spanked my children to hurt them, I've never spanked them just because, they know when they are going to be punished because they know they did something wrong. The thing that is sick, is that parents like a lot of you in here are so judgemental and close minded that you can sit here and call those of us that choose spanking as a punish as sick and call us monsters! Who are you? No one! You are not the parent of my children, you don't know how they act, you don't know what does and doesn't work for my child! So if anyone is sick, it's you! You have no right to tell me how to raise my children! So keep your judgments to yourself! Pam, I couldn't agree with you more! My children respect me and I respect them. I respect them enough to show them they did something wrong, and bad actions will not go unpunished, not while they are children, not while they are adolescents, not while they are adults! If all you ever do is "talk" to your child, then that's what they are going to think punishment is, and they are going to do what they want and then when real punishment comes along, they are going to be in complete disbelief because mommy and daddy always just "talked" to me for punishment! Grow up people! I don't care if you respect me and my decisions, this is my life and my children, and I will punish them the way that works for us. I don't care what you think about me and my choice of punishment. You people are ridiculous talking about respect and everything after you've already called us moms that us spanking as punishment because it WORKS, monsters and saying we make you sick! How can we respect you after things like this have been said? And just so you know! I'm not a lazy parent, I play and teach my children ALL day EVERY day! So how dare you say I'm lazy because I spank my children! I'm not going to sit here and watch my child do something wrong or dangerous and just say over and over that it's bad and he shouldn't do that, IT DOESN'T WORK! I'm not going to let my children get away with everything and get hurt simply because parents like YOU want me to just talk to him! If it doesn't work what am I supposed to then? Just let him get hurt? I am a responsible, great mother, and I spank my children, and I'm proud to say it! If I have to spank my children to let them know that they are doing something wrong then so be it! I've tried every method there is, and it doesn't work. The only time they realize they did something wrong is when I spank them. Some of the "examples" that have been used to show whatever kind of similarity between spanking, is absolutely unbelieveable! Spanking your child is NOTHING like breaking into someone's house, car jacking, stealing, or any of that bull! You people are so ridiculous! How can you compare me to a thief? I've never committed any crime, I've never been arrested, I've never had any trouble with anyone. Some of the things that are being said are just incredible, beyond belief! And yes this is a thread on spanking and not for other moms to call us "monsters" "sick" and "lazy"! Books can't tell you how to raise your child. There aren't books made for each child, each child is an individual, and will act so. Dani, I love your post! I was spanked as a child, and with a lot more than a hand, but I respect my parents for punishing me and teaching me right from wrong, so I don't do things I know are wrong. As a child, time outs didn't work for me, talking didn't work for me, and it's the same story with my children. I love my children more than anything in this world, and they know that, even at a young age, they know I would never hurt them. I'm trying to raise my children right, and I'm trying to instill in them some of the things my parents instilled in me as a child. I don't get along with my parents, I don't even speak to my parents, but I respect them as parents, and I agree with the decisions they made as punishment. I'm a great mother, and my children assure me of this day after day. So don't try to tell me a bad parent because I spank my children. I will continue to spank my children, because it works for them. I'm still trying to get over some mothers being so close minded, I thought mothers were supposed to ban together and work together, but instead some are so judgemental, and so quick to tell me I'm wrong, and I'm abusing my children, because I give them a swift smack on the butt. I'm just as good as a mother, if not better, than those mothers who decide to not spank their children. I've never judged another mother because she decided to spank or not spank her children. Who I am to judge her? The children are HERS, I can't tell her or anyone else how to raise their children, and I don't plan to, and I'd appreciate it if other people didn't try to tell me how to raise my children!

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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Kellilyn, most of us here are not teachers...we are parents and i have seen kids in school be rude and disrepectful to teachers even little pre schoolers and just because a child will comply to you the teacher in school does not mean that t6hat kid will behave like that at home. as you SHOULD know since you say you're a dance teacher and a mom, kids behave one way at school and another way at home. also alot of parents have other jobs to do beside parenting like those who work and cannot provide the same amount of attention a teacher can durring the day and one other thing. a pre school teacher usually has one or more assistants in the room . even a first or second grade teacher has at least one other assistant. us moms especially us sahm's have just ourselves most of the day.

Karen - posted on 04/10/2010

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Ok, to those who believe time-outs/grounding are not discipline and do not work, are wrong. I'm against spanking/hitting. As a child, I was spanked twice, once when I was in Elem. for calling my friend a bad name and the other I was 17 and was very upset that she did that and she also regrets it because her then boyfriend was trying to convince her to spank her children because he spanked his daughter (this man was also a very disgusting man as we found out, he would sit in a hot tub with his daughter and they would both be naked... she dumped him right after she found out). I was put in time-out until I was old enough to be grounded and I am almost 21 now and I have always been behaved. Yes, there were times when I didn't listen to my mom or I'd talk back but that was it. I was good in school, I cleaned my room, did my own laundry, etc. Just because I'm against hitting/spanking doesn't mean I believe it's wrong, it just means that I don't want to use it as an easy way out which is how most people use it. A child does something wrong, parent gets mad and hits child... I don't want to risk hitting my son while angry because I would be sending the wrong message to him. I do believe in some cases it may be needed and I also believe that for a parent to spank/hit their child, they should have patience and make sure to do it with a clear mind, not in anger. And to those who don't believe that spanking/hitting is abuse... it IS a form of abuse BUT it depends on HOW you do it and your child's attitude and no I don't mean if they throw temper tantrums, what I mean is that if your child is easily frightened, you shouldn't spank them. It will cause emotional scaring because you're now something they fear. Also I've been told that a helpful trick for time-outs is to set a timer and tell them that when the timer goes off, that they can go back and play. I think parents should try other forms of discipline before spanking. Do what is best for YOUR child, not what was best for someone else's or even what was best for you at their age.

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2010

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Sally ......spanking is not the same as domestic violence,spanking is a means of enforcing rules and teaching proper behavior WHEN ALL OTHER TECHNIQUES FAIL TO BE EFFECTIVE .i don't know where the heck you get off thinking that it is the same as a husband beating the heck out of his wife ,but it is not and i would appreciate it if you would either A:respect everyone here on this board both who agree and disagree on spanking or B:get the heck off this discussion board. you clearly said "why should i respect anyone who is physical to a child?" well although spanking is a physical punnishment it is not the same as beating and IS NOT abuse so you should respect mine and everyone else's opinions just like we should respect yours. there is no need to act like snotty here.respect or leave the discussion

Kellilyn - posted on 04/10/2010

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@ Sally--I agree with you 100 %-and would have said it all myself if I weren't too tired last night,and you didn't say it was lazy-I did,but thanks for agreeing.
@ Dani-you're not supposed to read the books when your child is in the middle of a temper tantrum-you're supposed to start when you"re pregnant. I started reading then and I haven't stopped. I will have a middle schooler in a year,so now I read the books on tweens. When you buy a car,you read the manual. Parents always complain that children don't come with manuals,but there are a lot of books out there written by child experts,and over 90% of them agree that spanking is wrong-for several resaons-most of which Sally listed in her last post. A teacher can control a class of 20 kids-from preschool and up-no spanking. A dance teacher (which I am) can control 20 preschoolers at a time-without spanking. Becausr those children are getting attention,and clear instruction. Have you ever started a new job that you didn't understand right away? did they spank you to help you learn faster? Or did they explain it to you in a patient manner over & over? Children are here to be taught,not trained. There is a huge difference-one is for dogs.

April - posted on 04/10/2010

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Kellean..I have never had a tough time with my son. Where did I state that? My son has been great! Both of them and I enjoy them very much!

April - posted on 04/10/2010

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Sally. You have made a perfect point as to why spanking can actually be important sometimes.

Quoting you...

"One is our dock. We live on a lake and water is her favorite thing. She cannot go on the dock without us or life jacket or now a floatie suit. Does she head for it every chance she gets? The summer she was 18 months, yes. If I had spanked would she have stopped? Probably, but would she know why? Nope. Would she still go on it if she thought I was not looking? Yep."


What if she had made it to the water and drowned just for the sake of knowing why she wasn't allowed? You people may think it's wrong to spank our kids when danger is around them but that's our way of keeping them safe and if you want to judge then I could say that you are not as caring and cautious as myself when it comes to the safety of my children. I would rather spank my child to save their life then to be so ignorant to let them repeatedly do something dangerous just so they learn why. They will in time learn why, it's not really important that a child know why at such a young age if it serves the purpose of keeping them from harm. I care enough to do what it takes even if it means I have to spank them to scare them away from doing it. In other words you are insinuating that knowing why something is dangerous is more important than their life. I'm usually not so rude but I just don't get why people think it's so wrong to give a spanking if it's for the sake of your child’s safety and why they are willing to risk it. I have never spanked my child out of anger, I have always felt bad in doing it and I don't ever look forward to doing it but it's my responsibility as a mother to keep my kids safe!

Nicole - posted on 04/10/2010

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I smack my little boy gently on the hand for only a couple of reasons but at the same time he gets a loud NO to go with it. The first reason is to stay away from the taps in the bath because if he is out somewhere else and people running the bath accidently turn the hot water off last and he touches it then he is going to be hurt. But now he has learnt that in the bath he doesn't touch the taps at all....I mean i can't reason with a 10month old now

Keka - posted on 04/10/2010

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I agress and disagree with alot that has been said about spanking, Spanking is away for some mothers to teach their child right from wrong i've never known a child gets spanking to be a child who throws himself on the ground because his mother said he could get a candy at the store. Me personaly i tell my kids no no and the get tapped on the hand to teach them what not to do such a put their hands in sockets on the walls and things like that! If a mother is just taking her frustration out on her child then yes that is wrong u never hurt a child because when they grow up they will do the same to other kids! For me i was raised from the bible it has nothing to do with midevil anything it simply says " Spare the rod spoil the child" if u think by giving a child in and everything everytime he or she cries guess what u are going to raise a spoiled child, for me i dont have that problem when i take my kids out in public they know how to act its simple as that!!!

Kellean - posted on 04/10/2010

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April I was just sympathizing with you in that you have had a tough time with your son. I also agreed with you in that there is all sorts of form of abuse out there. I wish you the best of luck in all you do!

Kellean - posted on 04/10/2010

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I agree with are all trying our best. My children have run out in the street and no you don't want them to repeat that. I just pulled them aside and told a story of what happens to children who do that (not in scary or gory details).. I am big on giving examples and reading books with stories about being safe and the the importance. My posts weren't meant to put anyone down. Honestly. I was hoping to give another point of view, maybe one that parents haven't considered. I am always open to what others have to say I hope you will be open to what I might say. Having been spanked I might offer a different opinion.May we all learn from each other! That is my hope!

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